Chapter 2
"Yeah she is, I'm all for Jeanne paying. The woman who could do this, she's not the Jeanne I know. Damn it, I wanted her dead, I wanted to be able to say without a doubt that this kid wouldn't have to worry about her. She could still come after him, for custody." That scared the hell out of Tony, losing Jax to the woman who killed his mother. "We need to make sure everything is air tight. Can't let them get split up."
Jethro huffed out a breath in relief. He didn’t need a resistant DiNozzo on his case as well. “She won’t come within a mile of that kid. I’ll doctor whatever records I have to, have Abby falsify any forensics. Fornell will back me, even if Vance won’t. Far as I’m concerned, he’s Jenny’s kid and Jenny’s kid alone. All rules are out the window on this one, DiNozzo. Going to do what we have to do for Jenny. She would have moved mountains for those kids; she did by keeping them off the radar. We owe her the same courtesy. And if Sasha’s father won’t play nice, he’ll deal with me. You’re not going to fight me on this, Tony?” Jethro had to be sure, given DiNozzo’s complex relationship with Jeanne.
"Jax said that Sasha's dad doesn't know she's his. We might not have any problem with him if we don't throw her out to the wolves. I've got your six on this, Boss. I loved Jeanne"that's past tense. Even if I still loved her, she killed our boss. She killed a woman I respected and would have done anything for. If keeping her kids safe is the one thing I can do for her now, I will do it." Tony clenched and unclenched his fists.
Jethro nodded. “Good work, DiNozzo.” It wasn’t work, per se, but what else could he say? “Jenny chose well when she chose you. I know it was a hell of an assignment and you got hurt. Jenny felt awful about that. Me too, DiNozzo. Would never let it have gone so far. Would never let you get involved.”
Like he could have stopped it. Tony was a grown man and an incredibly talented agent.
“I really don’t want to talk about it, Boss. I’m not ready to wrap my head around how badly this all went. Never was supposed to happen like this.” Tony shifted from foot to foot. He never thought Jeanne would do such a thing, not after he let her down the night she accused him of murder. “Should have been quicker, maybe I could have saved her. She had kids, never even knew it. She should be here with them, not me.”
“None of us knew, DiNozzo. I was close to her and I didn’t know. Guess I understand why she ran now.” Jethro didn’t know how to reach out to the guy but he knew Tony needed something.
He squeezed Tony’s shoulder. “Jenny set all of this into motion, Tony. Don’t wear this. Not your responsibility to shoulder. Help out with those kids, DiNozzo. Focus on that.”
Tony leaned in to the touch. “But it is. I’ll figure it out, don’t worry, Boss. I’m just not quite with it yet. Still need to process that Jenny isn’t here to stop all of this from happening.” Tony wanted to help with the kids, he promised Jax he’d be there for him. He wasn’t going to back out of that now. “I’m in, Boss, anything the kids need, I’m there to make it happen. I can’t bring their mom back, but I can make sure they have semi-normal lives. If no one else comes forward, I’ll take them myself.”
Jethro took Tony by both shoulders gently. “DINozzo, it is not your responsibility. You did not set the plan in motion, you were not the one with the vendetta against The Frog, and you didn’t kill him. Jenny would not want you to blame yourself. Listen to me.” Jethro gentled his tone. “What would you do with a couple of kids, Tony? That’d put a cramp in your lifestyle. I’m sure Jen has everything worked out and as soon as we get her lawyer involved, we’ll know.”
“It’s not my responsibility.” Tony repeated the words, but didn’t quite believe them. “I can say it, I might even mean it some day. As for what I’d do with a couple of kids? Raise them, probably even love them once we got used to one another. I can put aside my dating for a while. They need someone stable in their life, not women prancing in and out. I could do it, Boss.”
Jethro couldn’t help being impressed, even if DiNozzo wasn’t being practical. “You could, Tony. But you won’t have to. If the father isn’t involved, we’ll all be a part of their lives. It wasn’t a lack of faith in you.” He knew Tony had been maturing, or had been letting his maturity show and his guard down. But even so, this level of responsibility surprised him.
“Just wait it out, DiNozzo. Get to know them both. We’ll work together.”
"I'm not a patient person, but I'll try. I just don't want them to end up without a parent. They need someone to watch out for them, and I know how it sucks to have to live with someone who doesn't care if you live or die." Tony wouldn't let that happen to Jen's kids, they wouldn't become part of the system if he had anything to say about it. "And that isn't guilt or regret talking. They deserve more than that."
“Learn to be patient, DiNozzo. We’re the adults; they’re the kids. We have to go at their pace. I know you’re worried and I know you’re emotionally involved, but right now, we can do more damage with the best of intentions.” Jethro reached up to lightly cuff DiNozzo. “You trust me? I’m gonna do right by ‘em, Tony.”
“I trust you, Boss. And I’ll do whatever I can to help. Including giving up my private life and my apartment if need be.”
“You’re a damn good agent, DiNozzo. And a good man.”
~*~
As Gibbs went over to talk with the headmaster and Eliza, Jax drifted back over to Tony. “Jeanne…you said you love her?”
“I loved her, or thought I did. But I’d trade her life for your mom’s in a heart beat.” Tony wasn’t sure he could handle too much more of this. He already felt horribly guilty, but to have Jen’s son telling him that he hoped the woman who killed his mother lived, it was more then he could take. “You are your mother’s son, you aren’t anything more or less than that. You aren’t like Jeanne or her father. You are very much like your mother, and that is a great thing in my book.”
Jax was crying again and part of it was the pain in this guy’s eyes. He’d never been this emotional, but then again, he’d never lost his mother before. “And I see why Mom kept saying how complex and what a great guy you are.” He hesitated for a moment, and then hugged the guy real tight.
Jax looked at the ceiling, trying to regain his composure. “In another world, we could have been brothers in law. That makes you family in my book. I’m sorry if all this is dredging up crap you don’t want to deal with. We’re in the same boat there. I didn’t want to….I just had to when they identified him… But if I have to, at least there’s someone here who might understand.”
“Anytime you need to talk or just need to get away, you’ve got me to make it happen, Jax. In another world, you’re right. You could have been my brother in law, and we would have had a great time tormenting daddy. He really didn’t like me that much; of course, I was trying to bring him to justice. But even so, I’m not sure he would have liked me. You, he would have liked. Would have made turning you to the dark side that much more fun.”
Tony was an only child, didn’t know what to do with a little brother, but he’d figure it out. Jax needed someone in his life who didn’t expect anything from him but to hang out and have fun. That much, he knew he could do. Would be good for the both of them, and it would be a great way for him to honor Jenny.
“I’m a firm believer that family is who you select, because genetics doesn’t always give you the best bunch of people. McGee , Ziva, Abby, Ducky, and Gibbs… they are my family. Guess that makes them your family too. We all watch out for one another and if you need anything, you just let me know. Understand?”
“Understand, Tony. Ditto. I’m not the oldest guy you know, but I’m pretty mature and I like to think I have an okay head on my shoulders.” He released the other man and stepped back. “I just don’t know where to go or where to turn.”
Jeanne as a murderer was so foreign to Tony. She healed people, not killed them. "If NCIS isn’t able to support their director’s kids, rest assured you will still have us to help you. I’ve heard your mother has a large estate and plenty of money to make sure that you are both raised to her standards. You don't need to run away, and I'd advise you didn't. We'd like you a lot more if you didn't try to lose us."
This was all so damn real. “If I’m a target, I’ll do what I have to for Sash to be safe. She didn’t ask for this. It’s not his blood running through her veins. She’s got the heroic genes instead. If I have to go to keep her safe, I will, Tony. That family gets no more Shepard blood. I hope you’ll like me in spite of that but if not, she’s my sister and she is the most important.”
Jax broke away from the conversation and walked into the hallway where Sasha sat with a dark haired woman. He got down on one knee, bringing himself in eye-to-eye contact with his sister. “We have to talk, Sash. About Mom. Something really bad happened, kiddo.”
He was crying again, a few tears escaping, and he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. He knew this was the hardest thing he’d ever have to do, and the emotion overwhelmed him. “Sash, she’s gone, she’s in heaven now with Grandpa. But it happened real fast.” At least he hoped it had. “Mom isn’t hurting. And Mom’s people are going to watch over us for a little bit. Even Gibbs is here, and maybe we can check out his boat.”
"I know. When Gibbs came and sat with me, I knew something bad happened." Sasha wrapped her arms around herself, knowing but not wanting to hear what happened. "I want to see the boat, but I want Mommy back here with us."
“Me too, Sash. Me too. But I’m going to see her. I can’t let you come but, if you want me to give Mom something, I will.” He looked into those intense blue eyes of his sister’s and wondered if Gibbs had figured it out yet. “I’m going to give her Mr. Dog.” Mr. Dog was the stuffed animal that had come everywhere with him. Even now it was in the bottom of his book bag.
"Here, I want her to have this." Sasha took off the star necklace that her mom had given her when she started first grade. She always wore it, but it seemed right that her mom take it with her to Heaven. That way it would remind her that she had someone who loved her. "I want her to have that. Tell her I love her okay? And that I miss her bunches."
Jax took the star necklace. “You sure? This is your first necklace, kiddo.” She set her jaw stubbornly and nodded. “Okay, Sash. I can do that. I’ll do it for you. They’re going to let me say goodbye for both of us.”
She was trying to be so damn brave and he didn’t want to be crying. Jax leaned in and held his sister tight. “Mommy loves you so much, Sasha. Mommy’s always going to be right here with us, we just won’t be able to see her any more. But remember how she always told us if anything happened, she’d be our angel. I want to believe that but I don’t want to do that alone, Sash. Can you help me?”
"I like that, I don't want to say goodbye, that makes me too sad. You're not going to leave me too, are you? Can I stay with you always? I know you'll take good care of me, and you won't get mad at me because I'm little."
“I’m your big brother. There isn’t any other place for me to be, Sash.” He couldn’t make promises he didn’t know if he could keep. “Remember, you’re stuck with me forever.” He kissed the top of her head.
"Guess it's a good thing I like you. I want to be stuck with you. I've got the best big brother in the whole world. You take care of me, and you can tell my daddy that he's my daddy. I don't think he's ready yet though. He'll take care of us. Mommy always said that he'd love us and would make sure we were safe. He just doesn't know it yet."
“Guess it’s good I like you even more, Sasha. Your dad is pretty cool. I like him, and I bet he’s gonna be a great dad to you. And I think Mom was being funny when she said he was a grizzly bear. He doesn’t have near enough teeth, does he?”
“You too Jaxy, bet he likes you as much as he likes me.” Sasha wanted to try and make her brother happier than he was. She loved to see him smile, and it always made her feel better. “We can go live with him and his boat, and see if he’s a big bear. I think he might be more of a teddy bear then a grizzly bear.”
“Bet he likes you more,” Jax teased softly. “I was thinking maybe polar bear, with all that white hair. Bet he loves to eat fish.” Jax rubbed his sister’s back. “Even if he’s not ready yet, I’m going to tell him, Sash. He needs to know.”
Chapter End Notes:
Special thanks to Anna for the incredible beta!