Chapter Six
Tony waited endless moments, body tensing and relaxing as he waited for Gibbs to do somethingâ€"anything. His agitation growing, he wanted to twist his head, to try to read Gibbs’ eyesâ€"though Gibbs wasn’t someone Tony could ever read well. He was as enigmatic as they came. Tony’s hands flexed and relaxed around the wood he was gripping in both hands and his cock throbbed urgently. His legs were spread too wide and his thighs were burning and aching, but he didn’t move. Gibbs was far too unpredictable to anticipate right now and Tony didn’t want to push the man into someplace neither of them were prepared for this to go. Yet anyway. Tony had a feeling they’d be going pretty far before this was all over.
“You want this?” Gibbs asked in a voice that was so rough it was almost unrecognizable.
“I need this,” Tony whispered hanging his head and staring at the thick carpet. Gibbs had laid him bare and opened him up, that had been happening all night. He was ready for the next step, was ready to be looked after, even if that meant breaking him down to basics and just making him feel again. That would be a victory in and of itself. Tony wasn’t afraid of the pain, even though the emotional depth had him wanting to run. He wouldn’t, though; he would face this head on, for Gibbs, for himself.
“Think you really do need this,” Gibbs replied. He was silent for a few more minutes and Tony tried to stay calm. Anticipation had heightened every sense and Tony was aware of even the movement of the air as Gibbs breathed evenly and deeply. That slight disturbance in the air currents started to lull Tony into a deep relaxation despite the anticipation and tension between them.
Tony was completely at ease when the flogger was plonked suddenly onto the dresser, each little weighted end thunking down individually and making its own sound. Every one of those little thuds made Tony’s heart clench a little harder as doubt rushed through him, along with all those lingering self doubts. Was Gibbs rejecting him? Was he calling an end to things before they’d really even begun?
“ You need this and you’ll have this, Tony. But not tonight,” Gibbs continued in that rough emotion clogged voice.
He wasn’t having this? Tonight? After everything he and Gibbs had been doing was building up to this? Why? Was he not good enough? Not good looking enough? Did Gibbs just not like him enough to do it? After all he’d done for Gibbs, it still wasn’t enough and Gibbs was rejecting him? Of all people, Gibbs was rejecting him?
Tony had never felt this open and vulnerable before and the fact that Gibbs was shifting the rules now rocked him to his very core. He wanted to protest, to beg, but he didn’t want to push Gibbs away further, maybe even for good. Even so, Tony couldn’t just slap the mask back on and pretend that this development didn’t crush him. Gibbs was in too deep and Tony instinctively knew that would make an even bigger disaster of the night.
“You hear me?” Gibbs asked right into Tony’s ear. His body shook but he didn’t dare shift his weight or get his body into a more comfortable position.
“Yes…” After a moment, Tony found the courage to continue. “Why not?”
“Because,” Gibbs said with a heavy sigh and a long pause. “Sit down, Tony. On the bed. You have full permission to speak.”
Tony sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at Gibbs. With him being absolutely nude and Gibbs being completely clothed, his boss had all the advantages. The aura of power emanating off Gibbs was a powerful aphrodisiac. Almost as soul weakening was the look in Gibbs’ eyes. They’d never been a deeper blue before and Tony could see so much emotion swirling in them. Even though Gibbs wasn’t much of a talker and his eyes weren’t easily read, Tony had the idea Gibbs was telling him volumes.
“Not doing this tonight, DiNozzo. Doing it the right way, not in desperation.”
“You don’t want to…”
“I want to. I will,” Gibbs assured, his hand barely brushing over Tony’s hair. “Gonna. But as a part of this, not…” He stopped, seeming to search for a word or sentiment, his mouth moving a few times as he struggled to find words. “Not what defines us.”
Us? Tony’s heart soared at that. Gibbs wasn’t going to force him away. He wasn’t going to send Tony packing just as Vance had. Tony blinked rapidly as emotion tore through him, the need and sense of someone wanting him.
“Been a hell of a day, DiNozzo. Not the time to put this in motion. Jenny’s funeral… the team’s reassignment. You resigning.” Gibbs’ voice got so sad when he said that. “Be an act of desperation, not healing. Overkill. You’re already breaking.”
So are you, Tony added silently. “So now what?” Tony asked, his voice shaking a little. He swallowed and cleared his throat, repeating his question as he stared at Gibbs.
“Now you get between the sheets. You close your eyes. You try not to think of anything but us.”
“Us?” Tony couldn’t help asking that question and tensed up, waiting for the headslap or something harder, something along the lines of what Gibbs had given him in the basement earlier. When Gibbs just rested a hand on his shoulder, Tony jumped, not prepared for the continuing gentle touch. Gibbs was such a contrast, the commanding way he’d flicked and cracked the flogger warring with the gentle way he was stroking Tony’s hair and resting that hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.
“Yeah, us. You’re gonna tell me what your experience in the scene is. What you need. We’re gonna talk it through so that I don’t break you in the wrong way, Tony. Don’t want to do that.”
Tony swallowed hard, nodding. He knew what Gibbs said was wise, but he wanted to lose himself in the feel of it all, in the comfort that he knew he might achieve with this. He’d dealt with more than a few subs in his day and he understood their mindset. He couldn’t see him subbing to just anyone, but Gibbs was…well, Gibbs. He was unique.
“You’re staying too?”
“I’m staying,” Gibbs confirmed. “Remember, you’re mine for tonight.”
Maybe not only tonight, Tony added silently, knowing the look he was shooting Gibbs was full of hope. In answer to his unspoken question, Gibbs tipped Tony’s chin up, staring into his eyes. “Not throwing you away tomorrow either. We’ll figure it out then, what you do. What I do. What we do. We’re still a team, DiNozzo. Leon fucking Vance can’t take that away.”
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