Revenge Is a Seven Lettered Phrase: Kill Ari
I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit tonight
The adrenaline rush had quickly wore off. The thrill of the fight had been lost. The harsh reality was shining through like a beacon light. She nearly died tonight and nothing would ever be the same again. Everything in the future would all be changed thanks to Tony yelling at Gibbs and helping him to pull her to the ground seconds for the bullet would’ve impacted.
Seconds turned into minutes and the length of time she lay on the ground, her husband weighing down on her and partner by her side, became an insignificant detail in the grander scheme of things. For all the millions of bullets that had Ari’s name on them, the ones she and her team had loaded into their weapons, one had her name neatly printed on the side.
It didn’t escape her knowledge at the time when she was still able to think sensibly, she owed Tony her life.
By the time Gibbs had lifted himself off her to scan the surrounding buildings, she’d already began the journey into shock. She barely noticed Tony helping her to sit up and pull her into his side. She let out the smallest cry of pain when his arm brushed against hers and her knee had locked into place but other than that she had said nothing. Not protesting when he wrapped his arms around her.
He’d been talking to her, random things like how they were going to track him down and kill him. She’d heard all that for the past year since she’d first encountered their olive skinned, brown eyed adversary and this was where it had led them. This mission was no longer of national security, it was personal. It had suddenly shifted it’s priorities to become one of the biggest showdowns in NCIS history; Jethro Gibbs versus Ari Haswari, terrorist at large.
The sun had long disappeared by the time Tony had finally left her side to join her man who was still brandishing his gun at an unseen presence. The haunting dusty orange glow that was cast over the rooftops in the horizon had made everything seem surreal, before it finally went down and gave way to rain.
When the first drop fell, she was already laying back down on the unforgiving terrain of the rooftop and staring up, unseeing, at the dark clouds. In hindsight it was probably a really bad idea to get into a position where she’d struggle to get back up without the aid of at least two men, but she had that there so there was no real worry. The ache in her ribs had slowly started to subside, just as long as she kept breathing shallow enough to not allow her lungs to expand to their full capacity. Her left arm and right knee were a different matter.
She was so out of it she didn’t realise Gibbs had finally approached her and asked if she was okay. She answered only yes or no, cried out when he touched her arm, and hit out with her good arm when he moved her and caused her more pain.
She registered being set in the back seat of a car and driven away from the warehouse, presumably to the hospital. The blinding white lights attacked her eyes, which she hadn’t really closed properly in fear of never waking up, and took note of the fact was at hospital. Things got a little fuzzy from there.
The last thing she really remembers after being taken through the emergency room doors is that the doctor had kind eyes and a gentle touch. She was probably doped to the eyeballs she thinks.
She finally came out of it when Gibbs was driving her home. She didn’t want to be at home, alone, where he’d probably find her and kill her in cold blood. She pulled a stunt Tony would’ve been proud of and turned the car in the direction of NCIS Headquarters.
She didn’t fail to notice the smirk plastered across Gibbs lips at her move.
*~*~*~*~*~*
They’d been in the building for an hour before Kate finally confronted Gibbs, who’d gone into his own little world. He’d helped her change out of her clothes. Her jacket had been discarded long ago, the sleeve of her t-shirt had been cut off at the hospital as had the leg of her white pants. She’d perched herself on the edge of Tony’s desk, left arm in a sling, single crutch beside her wearing his t-shirt and NCIS issue jumper and pair of jogging bottoms. She felt pathetic and knew she probably looked it, but right now she didn’t really give a damn and there was nothing she could do about it.
It was only his desk lamp that illuminated the room, the main lights having been shut off about three hours earlier, and she could see every frown, every thought and every realisation in the shadows on his face. He wasn’t meaning to ignore her, but his thoughts had taken him far away from the place where good and evil collided; he was imagining what life would be like without her.
The silence was slowly becoming unbearable, Gibbs was beginning to look sad - a sight she hated to even imagine - and things would be a hell of a lot easier if she had Tony there to take what little tension there was in the room and put it somewhere where it could do no one any harm. It was creeping up her spine, eating away at her until she could take no more and she finally erupted.
“Why me, Gibbs? Why is that bastard coming after me? Why did he choose me?”
Gibbs eyes darted back and forth between two of his six computer monitors, searching for hidden answers in useless technology. He hated when Kate confronted him like this, when she expected him to pull answers out of thin air to make her happy. He couldn’t do it and he wasn’t about to pretend he could tell her she’d have the world bowing at her feet at the end of the day. It was impossible.
“I-I don’t know.”
It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but it was all either could come up with, she knew that. It still didn’t stop her grabbing the crutch, hobbling over to stand in front of his desk and getting up in his face.
She was going through stages. First there had been shock, now it was anger. She was taking it out on him when he was low and weak. She’d never seen him weak or low, and for some reason she was working this to her advantage.
When she reached his desk her crutch was thrown away and she leant heavily on the desk with her good arm, getting in close enough to be able to count the individual hairs that made up his eyebrows. She wanted to have him look her in the eye and tell her he didn’t know the reasons why she had suddenly become a victim.
“You don’t know? Come on, Gibbs. What’s that famous gut tell you? Why am I the target? Why is he coming after me and no one else?”
She didn’t receive the answer she was looking for, why should she have expected one. What she received instead was the uncertain gaze of a man who was at a loss for what to do, whose eyes were empty. It was one thing to look at her and tell her he didn’t know, it was another to not feel anything.
“You know what? I’m am not going to put up with this shit. I nearly died today and you expect me to believe you don’t know why?”
On the other side of the room, the elevator doors opened announcing Tony and McGee’s arrival. Kate didn’t want to deal with them right now, not with the mood she was in and she was glad to see that they waited at the elevator while she continued her rant at the man in front of her.
“When you decide, Jethro, that you want to talk to me, come and find me. Until then, leave me alone.”
Fumbling to get the fallen crutch and grimacing when her ribs ground together, Kate moved away from Gibbs’ desk with a final glare and headed towards the rear elevator, muttering under her breath about going to see Ducky.
Gibbs watched her go, his heart aching to hold her and find it in himself to be able to tell her everything would be okay. Knowing he couldn’t talk to her when she was like this, he turned his attention to the two men who were striding from the elevator with an air of serious business about them and the fact they were soaked to the skin having spent the best part of two hours searching a rooftop.
“Found Ari’s sniper’s nest, Boss.”
“Roof of the abandoned office building to the east.”
Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out an evidence bag filled with three individual containers which held three spent rounds. Gibbs rounded his desk and took the baggie from Tony, who was watching him carefully. He’d never seen his boss like this before, not even when Kate had been kidnapped the year before. It was disconcerting to say the least. Seeing their boss was struggling to see the brand of bullet, McGee tried to be helpful by telling him they were Lapua, leading to Tony giving him ‘the look’.
“I-I didn’t mean that you couldn’t see that, Boss.”
“I can’t, without my glasses.”
McGee and Tony shared another look behind his back, more worried than they were before at the fact he wasn’t yelling or reprimanding or being Gibbs. Instead, they let him take charge, looking over the evidence and letting him think it out privately. Silent Gibbs was one persona Tony had never dealt with, and he was scared. He either needed to shake Gibbs to get him back or get the hell away from him. It was with a heavy sigh he decided on the latter.
“McGee and I’ll go back to the roof, Boss.”
Gibbs turned quickly and Tony flinched back expected to be hit on the head, wanting to be hit on the head, and was surprised when he done nothing. He was told to put on dry clothes and then he received a pat on the back as Gibbs wandered over to the window which was streaked with rain.
Gibbs was blocking out the entire conversation happening behind him, instead worrying about the young woman who was down visiting Ducky. He was scared for her because she was reacting badly to this whole thing, he was reacting badly. He tuned back in when McGee eventually spoke up again.
“Ari had or has a thing for Kate.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She told me that he was always coming on to her. In autopsy, when he kidnapped her and let her go.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
A month or two after she’d been kidnapped, Kate locked herself away in an empty interrogation room, reading over various cold cases trying to find anything to break them. McGee came in a few minutes later with a fresh cup of coffee a sandwich and offered to help her.
“Thanks. You’re a good agent, you know that, Tim?”
“Sometimes I feel lacking. I mean, you guys always have the answers and sometimes I just feel a little clueless.”
“I was like that in the beginning, still feel that way now. Especially after the whole Ari thing.”
“Yeah. How are you handling that?”
Kate looked down, silently debating with herself whether or not to talk to a guy she barely knew about this. He was a trust worthy guy, she knew this, and he wasn’t the type who would run off and tell DiNozzo what she said behind her back.
“I still have nightmares sometimes. But it’s getting better.”
“That’s to be expected, Kate. You went through a lot.”
“Yeah. You know, when I first met him, and I tried to stab him, I faltered. When he pulled me against him, it was like he was enjoying it, he was enjoying everything about it.”
“What do you mean?”
“He…he’s attracted to me. The whole reason he kidnapped me wasn’t so he could get information, it was just so he could stare at me. Have you ever known a kidnapper to offer their hostage wine? Or to put themselves between someone who tried to hit them? I don’t even want to think about what it means that he let me go relatively unscathed. But I know he likes me. And he wants me.”
“Have you told Gibbs?”
“He’s vaguely aware that in the beginning I was attracted to him, but that wasn’t entirely my fault. DiNozzo had already suggested Stockholm Syndrome, but…He doesn‘t know about Ari‘s attraction and for now I‘d like to keep it that way until it‘s absolutely necessary to tell him.”
“And that day won’t be for a very long time. You wanna know what I think?“
“Go for it.“
“I think you intimidate him. He’s scared of you because he knows what you can do, and he doesn’t want to come across as weak in front of you. Maybe he’s trying to make you prove your worth and see what your capable of. If I was him, I’d be absolutely terrified of you.“
“Yeah?”
“Definitely. Kate, what do you see when you look in the mirror?”
“Just an average person. Nothing all that special.”
“That’s not what I see when I look at you. I see so much more than a run of the mill person. You’re smart and brave, you can stand up to Gibbs and you know how to handle Tony. Even that takes some skill. I know you can handle whatever life throws at you and come out the other side a stronger person. I admire that, and don’t forget that. You’re not alone, Kate, and you can trust me with this.”
“I know. Thank you, Tim, this really helped.”
“Any time.”
McGee reached across the table and placed his hand over Kate’s before he stood and headed towards the door.
*~*~*~*~*~*
“She never told me that.”
“Gee, what a surprise.”
Tony raised a hand and smacked McGee on the back of the head, and was told off by Gibbs who sounded more like a father who was tired of his children arguing and just wanted them to stop.
Gibbs changed his focus to the damaged controller that was on McGee’s table and began inspecting it and asking questions. McGee was all set to find the bullet that went into it and likely ricocheted into the car.
“Abby should be here by now. Tony, see what you can pull off that brass.”
“Sure, boss. How’s Kate doing?”
“She’s fine. I can’t talk to her when she’s in one of her moods, but she’s fine. I think, I don’t really know. Uh, she went down to Ducky, and she’s probably seeing Abby now. Uh, I’m going for coffee. Can I get you boys some?”
“No.”
“Thanks.”
Gibbs nodded and left the squadroom leaving behind him two very disturbed agents. The watched him walk out, debating whether or not to go after him and offer him some form of support that he may or may not accept, but then decided against it knowing that Kate would be able to reach him later.
“That’s a first.”
“He called me ‘Tim’.”
“He patted my back.”
“It’s kind of nice.”
“Nice? I don’t want nice. It’s not Gibbs if he’s nice.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
While Gibbs had been freaking out her colleagues, Kate had wandered into autopsy to find Ducky in his chair, chewing on the tip of his thumb thoughtfully. She’d never seen him look so out of sorts before and she worried that this would end up giving the man a heart attack or stroke.
“Ducky?”
The older gent turned in his chair and smiled at her paternally. Seeing Kate’s current stance, barely supporting herself on the metal crutch, Ducky stood from his chair and rolled it in front of him, beckoning for Kate to sit down.
“Thanks, Ducky.”
“Nonsense, my dear. Now I trust, that you have enough sense in that pretty head of yours, that you will never do this to an old man again? I don‘t think my heart could take it.”
“You’re not old, Ducky. But I promise; never again in a million years.”
Kate offered a smile, which didn’t quite reach her eyes and prompted Ducky to raise his hand to her cheek. The warmth of his touch propelled Kate into the next stage of her emotional journey. Admittance. Or acceptance. She wasn’t sure which, she just knew she was crying. Everything had finally caught up with her and with her recent fight with Gibbs, she felt worse.
The tears fell slowly and Ducky brushed each one away as they came. He’d never liked to see a woman as beautiful as Kate have tears stain her face, and said as much. She allowed another small smile and her good hand came up to capture Ducky’s, which was still resting lightly on her cheek.
“I had a bit of a fight with Gibbs. Well, I yelled and he sat there taking it all.”
“Believe me when I say, Caitlin, you’re not the first woman in Jethro’s life to yell at him. Also believe, he knows you don’t blame him. He understands your anger and this will all be resolved quickly. Neither of you can stay mad at each other long, Kate.”
Ducky was always a good person to come to for advice and when in need of a serious talk down. Whenever Kate had felt the urge to quite literally kill Gibbs for even the most stupid things he done, Ducky always seemed to calm her down. She didn’t know if was because he listened patiently while she ranted on or if it was the way he spoke to her, it always done the trick.
“Come now, let’s see your war wounds.”
Kate groaned through a smile as Ducky helped her out the chair and up onto a table with her legs in front to keep her knee straight. He carefully removed the sweatshirt that was hiding the sling and her plastered arm, and laid it on the side, neatly folded. The same tenderness was used to remove her oversized t-shirt, leaving Kate shivering in her vest top and sweatpants.
“That is quite a bruise, Kate.”
Kate looked down at where Ducky was looking and spotted the rather large bruise that adorned the top of her left breast. She was able to conclude from this that that was one of the reasons her ribs ached. The other of course was hitting hard ground with force twice in the one day.
“Single shot. Point blank range.”
“Small mercy for bullet proof vests, then.”
Kate remained silent as Ducky went on to check her wrist which had been carefully plastered. She remembered being told it was broken in one place and should heal cleanly, and was able to relay this information to Ducky who had gone to get a pen and returned in short order. He insisted on being the first to sign her cast. He moved to her right side and moved her arm so her hand was palm up and signed his message with a flair. ‘Rester sûr, mon cher’.
“‘Stay safe, my dear.’ Somehow, I always do, Ducky.”
“And you always will. Especially with one Jethro Gibbs around.”
Kate smirked but thought it wise to remain silent on the fact, she wasn’t quite up to forgiving the man just yet. Redressing, with Ducky’s assistance, Kate lay back on the cold steel allowing him to check her final injury. Her ribs and arm weren’t bothering her as much as they should, Kate was far more concerned about her knee.
She felt it rather ironic that she was lying on an autopsy table, talking to Ducky and getting a secondary medical opinion from a trusted professional when really she should’ve been one of his many patients who didn’t answer him back. She listened contently as Ducky told her of a case he encountered in medical school, allowed herself to be put to sleep by the calming, cultured voice that was Ducky.
Her eyes opened a second later once she visualized what was meant to be. She could see herself lying on that very same table, naked under a sheet with a Y incision across and down her chest, a red and black mark on her forehead where the bullet entered.
Not a hell of a lot more left at the back of her head where the bullet exited.
She could see Ducky standing over her body as it first arrived in the dark room in an even darker body bag. Standing there looking older than he was, glasses in hand and wiping his tears before whispering a sorrowful ‘Oh, Caitlin. I am so sorry’ into the air.
The tightening she felt in her chest when she sat up had more to do with fear and shock than anything else. Ducky was down by her legs, rewrapping her right knee and he looked up to see her eyes wide and scared. He approached her cautiously not wanting to scare her anymore and gently touched her shoulder.
“Kate?”
“I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be dead. I’m alive, Ducky, and I shouldn’t be. It’s not supposed to be like this; I could’ve killed Ari right here, in autopsy.”
She was beginning to get hysterical, and it would do neither of them any good for her to have a nervous breakdown now when the man she needed the most wasn’t around to support her when he should be. Ducky done the only thing he could think of her to calm her, and that was to ask why she hesitated in stabbing Ari when she first met him.
Kate looked at the man and tried to regulate her breathing after the vividness of her imagination and told him the same thing she told Gibbs; his eyes. She doesn’t know to this day what is was in his eyes that made her not want to kill him, at first she thought they were kind but that theory was swiftly blown out of the water. There was something else lurking beneath the layers and apparently she hadn’t honed her skills well enough to work out what it was in the full two minutes she was held against his chest.
“His eyes were ice to me.”
Ducky spoke with no emotion in his voice that it left Kate feeling cold; she’d never heard him sound like that before and he went back to taping the bandage in place and moving away to get her some Tylenol. Just as she was about to apologise for not having been quicker, images of that night and her kidnapping and of the rooftop came to her and again she see’s herself lying motionless on the steel table she was currently occupying.
Kate swung her legs off the table with a touch of difficulty and slipped forward to the very edge, preparing to slide herself down to the floor. The hiss of the automatic doors announced someone’s arrival and she heard him calling for Ducky before she seen him.
Gibbs strode into autopsy looking for Ducky, because he’d just left Abby’s where he’d been told that Kate hadn’t made an appearance. It worried him enough that he ran through to the ballistic lab and down the basement stairs, not wanting to wait on the elevator.
He stopped mid stride when Kate turned to face him and seeing him standing there was her complete undoing and before she knew what was happening, his arms were tight around her. He was worried he was hurting her and when he tried to loosen himself, she moved her legs, working through the pain in her knee and wrapped them round his hips. Ducky motioned to Gibbs behind Kate’s back that he was going upstairs and Gibbs waved him off, keeping everything focused on his wife.
When they were eventually alone, he told her he was sorry and she told him repeatedly that she was sorry and that she didn’t blame him and that none of it was his fault. She told him at least five times in the one sentence that she loved him, that she was sorry and that she thought she was going to be sick. Thankfully, the last comment never amounted to anything, so when Kate pulled back to ask him why he was soaking, he took the opportunity to kiss her. Hard.
When Kate pulled back after a few minutes of uninterrupted attention from her husband, she smiled slightly and went back to resting her head on his shoulder, not caring why he was wet or that it was slowly soaking through her sweatshirt.
“You tired?”
“Lil’ bit. Don’t wan’ go home.”
“Stay awake a little longer and I’ll take you to Abby’s. She’s been worrying.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Abby had been in her lab for ten minutes when Gibbs burst in looking for Kate. He’d turned just as quickly and headed for autopsy, calling over his shoulder that Tony had some evidence and that he’d be back with Kate when he found her. Abby simply nodded at his retreating form, knowing it all could have gone down differently.
She moved about her lab, switching on various lights and powering up specific machines, not knowing what Tony was bringing her. There was nothing much for her to do except wait for Tony and Kate to arrive.
She’d already cried. Just hearing that Kate had almost been taken from them sent her over the edge. She hadn’t realised just how dangerous being in the field could be; of course she knew the dangers associated with being a special agent, but this had hit them way too close and it almost cost them one of their own.
It was Kate who, in her way, held them together. She kept Tony in line when it was needed, had already began to calm the beast that was Gibbs. She provided great backrubs when Abby had worked herself too hard and was a supporting shoulder for McGee when he felt weakened by something. She provided an ear for Ducky when he began telling one of his long winded tales, and she never failed to be impressed by what both Ducky and Abby told her.
Abby just had to face up to the truth and admit that each and every one of them needed Caitlin Jane Todd Gibbs in their lives, whether they knew it now or not.
It wasn’t just that she was a great agent, but she was a great friend and a great person and Abby couldn’t imagine life without her. She had no real idea how she’d ever worked at NCIS before Kate Todd came along, because somehow, she’d made everything seem better. Even when they were dealing with the nastiest of cases, it was Kate who seemed to make everything all seem good.
There was no music blasting from the speakers and there was no Caf-Pow to perk her up, all Abby had was the thought that Kate was alive and well and would be in her lab relatively soon. That was just enough to make her smile. Her smile increased slightly when the approaching sound of three of her favourite people could be heard in the hall. Nothing had changed yet everything had changed, all because Kate had dodged a bullet.
“How’s Hop-a-long Cassidy doing?”
“I’m fine, Tony. Speaking of Cassidy, how is Paula?”
“She’s fine. She called a little while ago and wanted to thank you personally. Told her I’d pass on the message.”
“Yeah, and what message would that be, DiNozzo?”
“Well, Kate, she said thank you very much and offered her services in kicking some terrorist ass.”
Abby never heard Kate’s response as she was too busy laughing at her friends relaxed manner, despite everything that was going on. The three stopped just inside the door and watched Abby as she leant on her desk, no pigtails in her hair and just laughed. It made for a refreshing change with current affairs.
“Abby?”
Abby jumped and turned slowly in her chair to face them. The smile was quickly wiped off her face when she seen Kate’s tear streaked face, how she was being held up by Gibbs and falling asleep on his shoulder.
“Hey, guys.”
“You okay?”
“I will be, as soon as I tie up my pigtails. How‘s Kate?”
“I’m falling asleep.”
Taking the hint, Tony carefully wrapped his arm round Kate’s waist and helped Gibbs hold her up as Abby quickly put her pigtails in and stood up, rolling the chair over for Kate. As she was lowered in, Kate bit back a groan, the pain meds having not quite kicked in yet and looked up at Tony thoughtfully yet her thoughts were interrupted by Gibbs who had swivelled her around and looked at her as he spoke to the rest of the room.
“I’m going for coffee, can I get you guys anything?”
“No, I’m fine Gibbs.”
“No, Bossman.”
Tony was once again disturbed by Gibbs willingness to buy them all coffee and shared a look with Abby across the room. She was trying to maintain her cover that everything with her was just ‘peachy’ and watched Gibbs’ protective nature show in their presence. She liked this side to Gibbs, it was only herself and Kate who ever got to see it, so for him showing he wasn’t a bastard all the time in front of someone else was rather shocking.
Kate had also been watching Gibbs, wondering why he was being nice to everyone all of a sudden. It’s not that she was complaining about it, she’d been trying to soften him up for a while now, and it seemed it had happened all by itself. It wasn’t the man she knew, and it was rather disconcerting to see him so concerned with the well being of their team, not that he didn’t care about them, he just didn’t show it openly. It was enough for her to block out the conversation around her and simply stare at Gibbs in slight shock, unable to believe what she was seeing, and not hearing him talk to her.
“Kate?”
“What?”
“You want anything?”
“No, thanks honey.”
“Okay. Try and get some rest.”
Kate smiled slightly as Gibbs bent down and kissed her forehead. He looked up at Abby and Tony, who were still staring at him, and turned back towards the elevator.
*~*~*~*~*~*
The lab was eerily quiet after Gibbs had turned and walked out. Abby had sat in her chair, facing Tony, silently battling with him in a staring competition and was steadily winning. He was trying to work out whether she was truly okay, or if she was putting on a front because Kate was there with them.
Kate had been sitting quietly in the chair next to one of the printers watching her friends with great consternation. Either they had fallen out, which she knew not to be the case, or they were trying to work out how to discuss the case without freaking her out. Kate had no idea that Tony had recovered the bullet casings from the rooftop and that he was down here to give them to Abby to process.
She had officially been taken off the case, and personally, she wanted nothing to do with it really. She would be quite happy to help Abby as much as she could in the lab, as long as it had nothing to do with her near death.
The profiler in her could tell Abby was struggling to deal with everything that was happening, as were the rest of them, but she couldn’t figure out how to break down the staring that was going on between her and Tony. She couldn’t tell whether they were silently communicating or if they were just messing around. Making herself more comfortable in her chair by reclining it back, she stared across at Abby and finally broke the silence.
“You’re a mess, girl. Red eyes, no makeup.”
Abby broke eye contact with Tony and looked over to Kate and smiled. Wiping away the remains of black mascara from her cheeks, she smiled some more and picked up the tube of black lipstick that was sitting next to the computer monitor.
Seeing her friend was on her way to gaining some level of normality, for Abby anyway, Kate smiled gently and closed her eyes, ready for a long overdue sleep. She doubted she’d have a peaceful rest any time soon and was grateful for the rustling of clothes and the silent whirring of machines she was near. The gentle sound of the rain falling outside added to the contentment she felt, and knew she’d be safe for a while longer.
The conversation between Abby and Tony had picked up again and Kate let the sound of their voices wash over her, not bothering with what they were saying or even caring if they were talking about her. There was a brief moment where Kate’s ears picked up her husband name, in regards to him being weird and she simply told them to watch what they were saying about him, especially since she was sitting right there and not as asleep as she appeared to be. Apparently the fact that Gibbs had yet to slap Tony on the head had left him feeling unwanted; Kate was glad that Tony found Gibbs’ violent tendencies towards him as a sign that he was liked, possibly loved, and that it wasn’t because he was being a jackass.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Kate had completely zoned out once Abby had turned the topic to the evidence Tony had brought her. She knew in her gut it was to do with her, and that she shouldn’t really be there to hear it, but there wasn’t any way she could possibly leave. When her best friend started screaming the building down, yelling for no real reason, she intervened with Tony’s help.
They calmed her down slightly and both gave her a hug which quickly transformed into a group hug with Kate sandwiched between them. Kate doesn’t know how they managed to get her out the chair, standing and holding onto her without causing any pain; she settled on the fact that the pain killers had finally kicked in.
With Tony against her front and Abby behind her, there was only really one possible landing for her when Tony pushed them down at the sound of breaking glass. She also knew there was only one possible shooter and the fact that yet another bullet had her name etched on the side.
With both the girls groaning at the same time, Tony was unsure of whether either of them had been hit, or if Abby was groaning under the weight of both of them on top of her and Kate had jostled her ribs and knee again. To be sure, he stayed where he was just in case he was stopping a heavy flow of blood from a gun shot wound.
“You hit?”
Abby’s voice was strained when she told him they were heavy and Kate cried out yet again when Tony eventually moved off her and pulled them against the wall. With his senses on high alert and gun primed to fire, he crouched below the window and looked out the pane of broken glass for any signs of their shooter but knowing it was useless. If they were dealing with Ari, which he knew they were, he’d probably have used a scope from a long distance like on the rooftop.
Abby seemed to be on some sort of shock and adrenaline rush, causing her to feel Tony up while he was trying to protect them. Kate sat in an awkward position on Abby’s right, an arm across her ribs to try and stop the throbbing the fresh fall had caused. She wouldn’t even attempt to do anything with her leg because the pain she felt when Abby moved ever so slightly next to her was enough that she knew there was possibly more damage.
There was only a few minutes between Tony taking guard under the window and Gibbs running into the lab in a crouched position, turning off all the lights and fridges as he entered.
“Boss, down! Taking fire.”
Gibbs ducked down lower and made his way over to where his team were. He could see in the darkness that Kate was hurting again, and that Abby simply didn’t know what to do with herself. This wasn’t what she signed on for when she filled out the application; forensic scientists do not get shot at in their own labs.
There was enough space between the two women for Gibbs to sit down with an arm around each of them, but that wasn’t good enough for him. He gently manoeuvred Kate into his lap and pulled Abby into his left side.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
Abby’s reply was quiet and not like her at all. It was clear she was being affected by this far more than she was letting on to them. Kate said nothing, only burrowing her head deeper into Gibbs’ shoulder. Tightening his grip on them both, pulling shards of glass out of Abby’s hair, he promised them he’d keep them safe and gave Tony his orders. Once Tony was out of the way and talking to the local leo’s, Gibbs let his emotions get the better of him.
Kate was his wife and mother of his future children, Abby was his surrogate daughter; it was his job as boss, husband and surrogate father to keep them safe of any dangers and to protect them from the few dangers that slipped through the net. He was working it all out in his mind, and in there it seemed simple enough.
First, he’d assign protection detail for Abby; she wouldn’t understand the full impact of being shot at until later and he wanted someone they both trusted there when the fall out finally came. McGee seemed like an ideal candidate for the job; send him down under the pretence of working with the computer crap.
Kate was different, Kate was acting different. Whether it was due to her previous injuries, or because she was well and truly terrified, he’d have to do something different for her. Naturally, she’d deny being scared and be willing to help out, but looking at her now Gibbs could tell he’d have to do more than put her under protective custody.
It was best he work on Abby first.
“I will get you bullet proof glass.”
“There’s no such thing, Gibbs.”
“Okay. Bullet resistant glass.”
He was still pulling glass from her hair when she shuffled closer and put a hand on Kate’s back. She’d almost lost her again, her best friend, and she just had to feel her heartbeat to know she was relatively unscathed physically. It was that addition contact that pulled Kate from her daze and voice what she’d been thinking.
“Ari didn’t shoot to kill me on the rooftop, did he Jethro? Now he’s coming after Abby.”
“Hey, I was walking by that window when he fired.”
“You’re just saying that to make us feel better.”
Kate pulled back and looked up at him with teary eyes, as if her whole world was depending on him right now and it probably was. When he looked at Abby, he seen the same expression in her and knew there was nothing he could actually do to prove to them he was the intended target.
Kate moved her good arm around Abby, pulling her in closer to them and they both rested their heads against Gibbs’ right arm and shoulder. He kissed their foreheads and promised to keep them safe, all the while hoping to a God he’d long since given up on that he could.
*~*~*~*~*~*
There hadn’t been much for Ducky to do since arriving. There were no bodies, thankfully, other than that of the terrorist scum who had been taken to another location. If it had been up to him to perform an autopsy today he felt he may botch it up out of sheer spite in regards to the FBI for keeping information from them and for almost killing his team. That wasn’t something Ducky wanted to do.
Jimmy wouldn’t be in; something about a head cold and not trusting himself enough to not sneeze or cough over a body, possibly contaminating any evidence. In a way, Ducky was glad his assistant wouldn’t be around, because he wasn’t anywhere near ready to deal with this type of event. He’d barely been able to cope with the meat puzzle they’d had delivered a few months ago.
Changing into the customary green scrubs, and equipped with his sterile gloves, the old doctor began a scrub down of each table, removing any lingering bodily fluid before moving the do the same with the empty drawers. There was no reason for the room not to be in pristine condition, it was more than that, but Donald Mallard needed to keep busy so he didn’t think of how things could have been. His hands needed to move to maintain a level of composure he’d need to help the team several floors above him.
He felt his age today when he’d heard of the shootout and injured agent who may or may not have been one of their own. Never before, after having already seen so many things in his lifetime that were enough to shock a lesser person, had Ducky had to sit down before collapsing when it became clear the injured agent did indeed belong to them and bowed his head in thanks that she‘d be returning in one piece.
*~*~*~*~*~*
The cleaning proved to be a valid distraction; the sweeping motions of the cloth against the steel and the smell of cleaning fluid creating a calming sensation that Ducky hadn’t felt for a while. To say he was startled wouldn’t be enough when the sound of the glass doors hissing open caused him to drop the cloth and bottle on the table in front of him. He didn’t have to look to know that Gibbs had just walked in for the second time that evening. And judging by the sudden change in atmosphere, things weren’t going good.
“Ari fired into Abby’s lab.”
“Good Lord.”
“It had to come from across the river, from Anacostia Park.”
Taking small steps towards him, Ducky leant against the table next to Gibbs and looked up to him. His eyes were glowing with fear and anger but revenge overpowered both the other emotions. Not sure how to approach the situation, or any further conversations, Ducky jumped in the deep end, with the chance that perhaps his services were needed.
“Was anyone hurt?”
“No. They’re a little shook up. Tony’s with them.”
“In the lab?”
“In the squad room, writing up incident reports.”
Ducky pushed away from the table and headed down to his desk at the far end. In his bottom right drawer he kept two glasses and a bottle which he usually only opened on special occasions or to calm the nerves. He liked to think of it as ‘medicinal’ because even Ducky had hard days sometimes. It seemed the right time for it to be brought out.
Heading back to Gibbs, he watched him focus his attention on the table where Kate had been sitting an hour before. He’d seen it, Kate had seen it and now it was Gibbs turn to see it; Kate’s deceased body hidden by a white sheet on that very table opposite them.
“I should’ve put her on another team, Duck.”
“You couldn’t do that. Not to Caitlin.”
With the drink poured, Gibbs continued to talk about the way it could have gone down; if Tony hadn’t noticed the sun hitting the scope. If he’d listened to his gut and replaced Kate in the first place she wouldn’t have been injured.
“I could’ve lost her, Duck. I’ve lost men in combat. You hope you won’t, know you will and now, I can‘t help the feeling that I have lost her.”
“You’re wrong, Jethro.”
“Am I? Sure, I haven’t lost her physically, but this will change her and not for the good.”
“That loss is different to one of death.”
“But she wasn’t supposed to be there! She didn’t have to be. Tom Morrow offered her the chance to get out, go to a different team and she knocked him back. Kate’s an agent and she knows she has to lay her life on the line and she did that instead of saving herself. If Tony hadn’t…”
“You say you’ve lost men, Jethro, have you ever lost a woman? Let’s face it; you and I are a couple of old chauvinists. Women will never be equal in our eyes, until they’re equal in death.”
“Kate is my equal. But you’re right, Ducky. This is different.”
“Because she’s you’re wife.”
For a second Gibbs cursed himself for abolishing rule twelve because this was one of the reasons; he was letting his personal involvement with Kate cloud his judgement and his emotions were getting the better of him. He was trying to split his time between being there to comfort Katie, his wife, and see to it that Kate, the agent, was still able to do her job. But then realised he wouldn’t be as happy as he was.
If he’d never gone to Kate’s apartment that night, he would still be that misanthropic, cursed old man. He’d be standing here mourning her loss instead of feeling the relief of knowing she was sitting upstairs. As hard as he tried not to, sometimes all the ‘what if’s’ crept up on him.
“Why Ducky? Why’d he aim at Kate? Why not me?”
“Well, maybe he meant to hit you.”
“No. His sight was on par with her; he was aiming for Kate. She raised a valid point; he wasn’t aiming to kill her. If he wanted her dead he could’ve done it at the farm, or down here when he held you hostage.”
“Then he’s torturing you. One has to wonder: what made him such a sadist?
“I don’t give I damn! I just want to kill the bastard.”
The empty glass was set down on the table, and Gibbs left with a determined stride. Ducky knew he’d go to his Katie first, then check that the agent she was still there in her. What Gibbs didn’t hear as he left the man to the remainder of his drink, was Ducky telling him he wasn’t the only one.
*~*~*~*~*~*
After the shooting, McGee had arrived in the lab and seen a sight that would forever be embedded in his mind; both Kate and Abby crying. He guessed that everything that was happening would put Abby in a tailspin but he’d never have figured that it would take Kate down as well.
There was no hesitation as he ran towards them, telling Gibbs that Tony had sent out a few top level agents to meet the police at Anacostia to get the evidence and do a thorough search of the area. The hesitation came when he didn’t know who to help first; both his friends were in an equal state of distress, but Kate was the injured one. It stood to reason that she be the one to help up first.
The second she and Abby were standing, Gibbs got up and took Kate back into his arms as Abby put on a brave face and told McGee they were okay. He agreed with her for the sake of argument, gave her a hug and escorted her out to the elevator, Gibbs and Kate following behind.
Tony met them at the rear elevator, waiting until McGee and Abby were at McGee’s desk, and told Gibbs what he already knew as he passed Kate over to him. She went a little too willingly to Tony, shocking both he and Gibbs but neither said anything. Everything that needed to be said was conveyed in the glare which Tony took to mean if anything else happened to her, he’d have no need to look for another job as he’d be dead. With a serious nod, Tony started walking back to his desk with Kate who was hobbling beside him.
*~*~*~*~*~*
The stony silence in the room was broken only by the sound of pen on paper and the filing cabinet opening and closing. Kate and Tony’s reports, with them having previous experience, were written up quickly, and McGee was helping Abby with hers.
Tony watched Kate from his desk; her head was down and she was doodling something or other on the paper in front of her. If he wasn’t looking as close as he was, he wouldn’t have seen the subtle shaking, or the tear silently making it’s way down her face before she wiped it away. He could see she was aching, more than just physically, and Tony wanted to do nothing more than take it all away from her. But this was Kate Todd he was looking at. The same Kate Todd who, just a little under two years ago, made Gibbs look twice at her before he attempted, and failed, to get rid of her. The Kate Todd who verbally sparred with him on a daily basis and always seemed to get the last word. The Kate Todd who charmed their boss enough that he married for the fourth time. The Kate Todd who risked her life to stay in isolation with him two weeks ago.
It had become apparent to Tony, in the time he’d known her, that Kate’s motto in situations like these was ‘deny, deny, deny’. Deny anything was wrong. Deny the situation got to her. Deny she wanted to curl up and cry. It worked for her sometimes, but right now there was no way she would deny anything when asked. If she were in the right condition, he’d have taken her down to the gym to vent her obvious frustration at the way things were going. Engage her in a tiring sparring match until she collapsed with exhaustion and was able to forget her problems and at the same time get a good night’s sleep. If he thought it would do her any good, he’d walk over to her and tell her ‘everything will be alright’. But that would be a lie, a breakable promise and it would only earn him a slap to the head or an elbow to the gut.
Movement off to his right caught Tony’s attention and he looked over to find Abby dragging McGee away by his tie towards the elevator, muttering something about the correct procedure for bullet extraction. As the got in the elevator, he heard McGee telling Abby he was pretty capable at retrieving evidence, but he’d accept any help she offered.
Kate had lifted her head at the sudden commotion, and smiled slightly at Abby’s antics. She knew they wouldn’t ask if she was all right because they knew that she probably wasn’t. As she was about to distract herself again by random doodling, she looked over at Tony and realised she hadn’t thanked him yet. He too had been watching Abby and the second she had vanished from sight, Tony turned his gaze back towards Kate, only to find her watching him.
The decision of whether or not to go over to her was made for him, when the smile she gave faltered slightly and became more of a sad smirk before she lowered her head and went back to drawing. If he was the type of person who believed in ‘letting people work through their own crap’ he’d have smiled back and lowered his head back to down the pretend to work. That wasn’t Tony.
*~*~*~*~*~*
“Kate.”
Kate had been so distracted by what she was drawing that she jumped in her seat when she heard him, never realising he‘d perched himself on the edge of Gibbs desk. She’d been focusing too hard on blocking the world out, on forgetting what had happened and that couldn’t have been a good thing. It was too dangerous right now for her to be so unfocused, unguarded.
Eventually there would come a point where she’d have to face him, look him in the eye and try not to let her emotions go. Looking at him now with her shields down would be her complete undoing. Turning her chair so at least her body faced him and she wasn‘t being too rude, she kept he eyes focused on the drawing.
“What, Tony?”
“I’m not gonna ask the age old question, because you don’t have an answer other than ‘I’m fine’, but I’m just checking in.”
“You’re right, I can‘t say anything other than fine. And right now, I can’t look at you because I’m scared if I do, I’ll cry. I‘m not afraid to admit I‘m breaking.”
“Kate…”
Slamming the pencil down on the desk, Kate brought her hand up to her forehead, trying in vain to rub away the headache that was building and disguise the shaking that had just started. She could tell by Tony’s tone of voice that he was going to tell her it was okay to cry, and that he wouldn’t tell anyone if she did. Slowly throughout the night, she’d been becoming a person she didn’t like. A person she didn’t want to be. She was weakening and that was one of the things that scared her the most. If Ari had intended to kill her, knowing there’d be chance she’d be thrown out of the way, was his backup plan to have her slowly disintegrate into a weakened woman? To lose all the fight she had in her? She wanted answers, and she wanted them now.
“Why didn’t he kill me when he had a chance last year? Why did he wait until now?”
“I don’t think it was a case of wanting to kill you, or even wanting you harmed. Him sniping at you and Abby means he’s after the people Gibbs loves the most; you’re both at the top of that list.”
“Yeah? So that means his ex-wives are at the bottom. Why the hell couldn’t he start there?”
There was enough bitterness in the comment to prompt Tony to laugh a little, despite the situation, causing Kate to look at him. She wasn’t wrong; she was breaking. The seams to her control were about to burst and any moment now he’d be witness to the fall down of Caitlin Jane Todd.
In the end, it all came down to Kate knowing she had a support system around her, and that they’d go to all lengths to make sure she would be okay. Even if it meant sacrificing their image for the sake of a hug. Sacrificing their lives for revenge. With that in mind, Tony stood from the desk, moving to Kate and helping her out her chair. She looked at him as if he were going crazy; their relationship was filled with sharp elbows and one-upmanship, not friendly hugs and affection.
“Tony, what are you doing?”
“Something I should’ve done when Ari first appeared on the scene. I’m giving you a hug.”
Nodding her affirmation, Kate gently stepped up to Tony, who in turn wrapped his arms carefully around her waist. He had seen how she reacted on the roof when her ribs had been touched, and didn’t want to cause her any more pain than she was already in.
Resting her head on his shoulder, Kate felt everything come to a head and resisted the urge to breakdown. She wouldn’t cry in front of him, or anyone else, other than Gibbs, because she didn’t want to appear weak to them. But right now, Tony had her covered and the way his hands were running in random patterns over her back seemed to draw out some of the tension she‘d been feeling.
It wasn’t awkward, despite them never having shown this kind of affection for each other before, it was everything Kate knew a hug to be. There was no urgency to move apart, both quite content in the warmth and strength they got from each other. Not able to find the words to thank him just yet, Kate stood in the silence, her arm around Tony’s waist, hoping her message would get through loud and clear.
It was only when Kate could tell what Tony was thinking, in the way he pulled her closer and held her firmer, did she bring their trademark bantering in to disperse with the seriousness.
“Hey, Tony.”
“Yeah?”
“Your hands go any lower…”
The threat being left unsaid, as they both knew what she meant, Tony laughed into Kate’s hair, trying not to think of how it would be never to hear her voice or her laughter again. He’d see to it that that would never happen as long as he was around.
*~*~*~*~*~*
When Gibbs had left Ducky, he’d headed into the squad room briefly to raid the filing cabinet for dry clothes before disappearing again. He’d gotten changed, left his wet clothes in Abby’s office to pick up later and gone to the break room.
Sitting at the same table he’d sat at with Kate earlier, he couldn’t help but replay events on the rooftop differently. If Tony hadn’t yelled when he did, Kate wouldn’t be upstairs, she’d be with Ducky. The nightmare he’d had on the morning Ari had kidnapped Kate last year had almost come true, and he didn’t have to close his eyes to see that image.
It was one that had stayed with him for the past twelve months. It came to him when he slept, it was there when he couldn’t see his Kate in the flesh and blood. It was in front of him right now; nightmare Kate. She was different to the one he’d seen in his dream, because this Kate talked back. This Kate accused. This Kate blamed him.
When they’d first arrived in the squad room, after their detour to the hospital, the Kate in front of him that was yelling and arguing with him wasn’t the relatively uninjured Kate. It was dead Kate. It was why he couldn’t look at her, why he couldn’t talk or give a definitive answer. The words real Kate was saying to him, were distorted by the words dead Kate was saying.
*~*~*~*~*~*
“Why me, Gibbs?”
Kate was standing by Tony’s desk, dressed as she had been on the rooftop. Her Kevlar vest was in place, her windbreaker was on. There was a bullet entry hole in the centre of her forehead. She was angry. Angry at him. She was looking at him, trying to provoke some sort of reaction to her being there, but she got nothing.
Pointing to the bullet embedded in her vest, she got angrier. Her voice got louder, her accusations flying. Each and every word went over his head.
“Wasn’t stopping one bullet enough for you? Why did I have to take two?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
She didn’t believe it. He didn’t believe it. Gibbs knew everything, that’s why he was Gibbs. That’s why his team held the record for most crimes solved. That’s why his team were the first called to a scene. That’s why the director favoured them over any other team.
“Come on, Gibbs. What’s that famous gut tell you?”
Her voice was coming back to him now, and he briefly caught a glance of her standing directly in front of his desk, leaning in, still trying to provoke a reaction. He couldn’t take his eyes off that hole in her forehead. The one that caused her blood to pool under her head on the cold concrete roof. The one that liquefied her brains. The mark that meant she was…dead.
“Why did I die instead of you?!”
It had been at this point, real Kate filtered through his guilt ridden thoughts and dead Kate vanished. He’d glanced at her again, and saw no mark on her skin, just anger. By the time he’d come back to his senses, Kate had already left the room, leaving him to talk to his two other very confused agents.
*~*~*~*~*~*
He had to leave. He had to distance himself from his thoughts before they clouded his judgement more than they were. If he focused on his revenge, which he would get, then there would be little time to feel sorry for himself. There would be plenty of time to think once that bastard was in the ground.
*~*~*~*~*~*
He arrived in the garage to find Abby, dressed in a red jumpsuit, with her head buried in the boot of a car. McGee stood behind her, apparently admiring the view and Gibbs couldn’t resist sneaking up behind him. Abby, naturally, knew he was there before McGee but it didn’t stop her from telling McGee to stop staring at her butt. She explained everything they’d found to Gibbs, who was checking the bullet hole in the side of the car where McGee had taken cover. In the kindest way possible for Gibbs, he told the young agent that he did owe the terrorist from the warehouse a thank you as it became apparent, if McGee hadn’t moved when he did, he’d have been paying Ducky a visit himself. Tony arrived down not long after Gibbs, with news that Metro P.D. had found a case in the park next to tyre tracks. There were unasked questions about Kate, which Tony answered as best he could with a silent nod of his head.
“And?”
“Nothing. I was waiting for you to tell me to tell them to bring the evidence here ASAP.”
“What. I have to tell you that DiNozzo?”
“You always do.”
Tony smiled charmingly, he too trying to provoke a reaction from Gibbs other than what they’d been getting from him all evening. He wanted the head slaps and the growling and the glares back. He needed it back.
“Tell Metro P.D. to -”
“Already did, Boss.”
As Gibbs walked away to the elevator, there was a look border lining on being a glare, yet not quite as intense, and Tony felt his spirits rising at the prospect of Gibbs slowly returning to normal. It would take a while longer of harassment and general pissing around, but Tony felt he was the most qualified person for the job.
“Oh, and by the way, the director wants to see you up at MTAC.”
The doors closed, leaving Tony standing with that smug, superior grin on his face and a thumb up. McGee looked confused as normal, while Abby’s mind was ticking over. She knew what he was up to, and she wasn’t exactly against it. Even if she did like how Gibbs was treating them, it wasn’t the man they all knew.
“Why are you baiting Gibbs?”
“Trying to get him to stop being nice.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Author's Chapter Notes:
After the events of the rooftop, Gibbs goes to extremes to protect the ones he loves and a face from the past returns to stir things up.
Chapter End Notes:
We've all seen this, we know how it all goes down. Since this is officially AU, this is my rewrite