Hard To Forget
Cause if it wasn’t for all that you tried to do
I wouldn’t know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you cause it
Makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser so thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a fighter
When he stepped off the elevator, Gibbs wasn’t surprised to see another huddle around a desk; they were there for her. He walked slowly over to the group, knowing that she wanted him, but waited and watched as Agent William Baer from the Secret Service gave her a comforting pat on the knee. She looked up at him and nodded her head in compliance with what he was saying, before lowering her head to her chest again. Baer stood back from her, faithful she’d be okay in time.
He’d always put a great deal of faith in Kate, from the moment he met her back in 2001, when she was only twenty seven. She hadn’t nearly half the experience he had, but despite this and the troubles she faced being a female in a largely male dominated environment, she had become the youngest agent to be assigned to POTUS Protection Detail. This caused a great deal of jealousy throughout the agency, but they, like everyone who met her, all quickly came to realise she deserved her clearance aboard AFO and had definite potential.
Baer seen that since she’d joined NCIS seven months previous, she’d grown in a way she possibly wouldn’t have with him, and had taken to her current predicament in the way he hoped and knew she would. He took the time to speak to Tom Morrow, before he headed in Gibbs’ direction and nodded his head accordingly at him as he walked towards the elevators.
Gibbs waited once again, long enough he felt for her to sense his presence through the torrent of emotions she was feeling and hiding well. Everyone except the person he most wanted to notice him did and they began to back away from her desk, allowing her the space she needed and room for him to pass through.
It was the first time since she’d been recovered that he got to take a look at her. Her once perfect clothes were wrinkled and hanging from her body. Her hair was dishevelled from constantly pushing it from her eyes and her makeup was smudged. She depicted a woman at rock bottom and he hoped to god she could recover from this event.
He see’s the crimson crescent moon shaped cut on her lip that wasn’t there that morning, nor was the bruising and slight swelling that surrounded the area. It cut him deeply to see her so withdrawn and shutdown the way she was.
He crouched down before her, hands resting lightly on her knees and she finally looked up at him. When her mind finally registered the fact it was him, her eyes began to water with tears and her lower lip trembled. Gibbs knew instantly that she had been affected more than she dared to let on to anyone else, because it took a hell of a lot to make Kate a wreck the way she was.
He locked eyes with her as he stood, his knees stiffened from kneeling and Kate felt more saddened from the loss of contact than she had all day. She was able to keep her emotions in check long enough to continue her charade of the unaffected agent, but lost her fight when she felt his hand wrap around hers and pull her gently up from the chair.
“I’m taking you home.”
Unable to speak, she simply nodded her head numbly and tightened her grip in his hand. Neither were very big on public displays of affection, especially in front of their colleagues and agency director, but when they dared to break eye contact, they noticed the entire room was empty; their friends and colleagues giving them some privacy.
“I’m sorry.”
He was stunned, to say the least, at Kate’s hushed apology which there was really no need for. Gibbs knew she needed to take the blame, she felt it was her fault. Everyone, including Kate, knew it wasn’t but still there was a need inside her to apologise for her actions. Looking at her hand in his, Gibbs wanted to do more. Seeing her so small and helpless beside him prompted Gibbs to pull her into his arms, regardless of anyone around them, oblivious to whoever was there.
She didn’t quite cry as he held her, though she badly wanted to. Kate’s emotional stability was slowly crumbling, however, as she grabbed at his shirt and jacket for something, anything to steady herself with. She didn’t want to rely too heavily, or at all, on him to see her through this. She hadn’t needed to the first time she encountered Ari and was pretty certain she didn’t need to now. But knowing he was there for her, to see her through it and cry it out made her condition deteriorate faster, and suddenly Gibbs had the pressing need to take her away from their work environment to the safe confines of home.
“Let’s go home.”
“Please.”
Gibbs shifted his hands slightly, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders. He didn’t want to let her go for a second, but Kate moved so she was standing by his side with his arm around her waist. She leaned into his shoulder and ran a hand smoothly down his chest as he picked up her jacket and bag and led her away.
The shaking woman he held in his arms as they rode down in the elevator, passed the security guard in the hall and walked to the car unequivocally and undeniably scared him. He wasn’t used to seeing her like this, and he was terrified.
*~*~*~*~*~*
When Gibbs pulled into the driveway, he looked over and noticed that Kate had fallen asleep, the blanket pulled up to her chin. Her face was turned towards him and the cut on her lip bothered him. Someone had hurt her, again, and he was making it his mission to once again find that person. He knew that several people had been taken by the FBI, and he hoped to god that one of them was the person who hurt Kate.
He got out the car as quietly and gently as possible, going round to Kate’s side. He slid her easily from the car into his arms, closing the door with his hip and moving toward the house. She woke slightly with the movement, but settled again once she had found a more comfortable position in his arms. He wondered if perhaps Ducky had given her something to allow her a peaceful sleep that night, and would like to thank the man if he had taken it upon himself to do so.
When he got her into the house, Gibbs took a moment to consider his options. He could take Kate upstairs and lay her on the bed while he pottered about in his basement or he could take her into the living room and sit with her asleep in his arms, possibly joining her in the sleep.
His worry at losing Kate had really taken it out of him and he decided he’d stay with her in the living room and allow his guard to be dropped if only for a short time. Kate was with him and she was safe, that’s all that mattered.
He sat down smoothly, holding her tight as he adjusted himself more comfortably and smiled to himself as she unconsciously kicked her shoes off, her legs stretching out the full length of the couch and turning her body more against his. The day was slowly catching up to him, and Leroy Jethro Gibbs could not be happier at having safely recovered his Kate and holding her in his arms than he was now. Never before in his life had he relished the feel of her body against his, her breath softly hitting his neck, her small hand wound tightly in his shirt front and her chest slowly rising and falling.
Gibbs was worried deep in his bones that Kate’s second encounter with Ari had affected her more than she was willing to admit to herself and he was fairly adamant that the next time, if ever, he encountered that bastard again, he would protect Kate within an inch of his own life. He looked down on her as she slept, wondering how she could be so still and calm like this, knowing when she woke up she’d once again be a nervous wreck. He let his head fall back against the couch, and solemnly promised whoever was listening that he would never let any harm befall this woman again, no matter what the cost.
Kate stirring in his arms pulled him from his thoughts and he returned his gaze to her, noting that her brow had creased, guessing that something or someone had intruded in her peace. She started struggling in his arms, desperate to break free and Gibbs suddenly realised who had intruded in her peace when the silence in the room was broken by her scared mutterings.
“Get Gibbs…Want Gibbs…Save him…”
“Baby, I’m here.”
“Stop…don’t…Jethro…”
He watches the steady tears roll down her cheeks and he swiftly brushed them away with his thumb; his movement startled her from her sleep and she jumped in his arms, her eyes snapping open to meet concerned ice blue staring back at her. She stared up at him for a moment, not sure whether she was dreaming or if he were really with her before letting out the breath neither knew she was holding; Gibbs had a sneaking suspicion that her subtly shaking body was due to oxygen deprivation on her part and he moved her so she was instead sitting in his lap instead of lying.
Pulling her knees up to her chest, effectively collapsing on herself, Kate wrapped her arms around Gibbs’ neck and held on for dear life, her feet coming up to firmly plant on his right thigh. She was so compacted on herself that Gibbs was able to wrap both arms around her and still be able to have one hand running through her hair and the other to come around her knees and securely land on her back, stroking smoothly down the centre of her spine. It wasn’t long before he felt soft tears roll down the side of his neck, under the collar of his shirt and continue down his back and chest; Kate had realized what had happened today.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Kate was numb. She never felt the emotions she should have after an incident like this. She didn’t feel the pain associated with the cut on her lip, she didn’t feel the worry or fear of having nearly lost her life due to her attitude and insolence towards her captors. She didn’t feel grateful toward the man who had taken the gun and saved her. And she didn’t feel guilt for the blonde having lost her life. What she did feel was emptiness. It flowed through her body with the blood in her veins and it touched every part of her; it didn’t escape her attention that her heart remained untouched.
She didn’t quite register Gibbs moving her left hand and undoing her watch, or unclipping her badge and phone from her waist. She could still feel Ari’s lingering gaze on her body, as well as his touch and as much as she wanted to move and take a shower, Kate was far too comfortable sitting with Gibbs, not moving, not talking.
“Don’t make me move, please.”
“Wasn’t gonna. I was gonna carry you and dump you in the shower…fully clothed.”
With a semi-audible grumble, Kate placed a chaste kiss to Gibbs neck and pushed herself off his lap, sinking into the cushions beside him. He watched her for a full minute, silently analysing her state of mind and feeling her toes flex against his thigh. He took her right leg in his hands and slowly began massaging the tension from her foot and calf, feeling the heaviness of her muscles lighten tremendously. He lowered her leg and applied the same treatment to the other before leaning over her slightly and softly brushing his thumb over her battered lip.
He sat back when she extended an arm, a sign to help her up, and he took her hand in his and pulled her up as she swung her legs from his and down to the floor. Resting her elbows on her knees, she ran her hands through her hair and held her head between her palms for a moment before standing with steady steps and moving to the downstairs bathroom. He watched her leave and waited until he heard the water running before he moved into the kitchen to pour two large bourbons and heading into the laundry room, which Kate adored because it was small and, to her, intimate, and retrieved a set of clean clothes he knew she’d washed the evening before and were ready to be put away. At the last minute, he returned to the laundry room to retrieve a set of clothes for himself, fully intent on joining her as she showered and also grabbed her red towelling robe as an afterthought.
When Gibbs entered the bathroom, clothes thrown over one arm and a glass of each bourbon in each hand, he fully expected to find Kate already in the shower. Instead he found her leaning against the counter inspecting her lip in the mirror with sad eyes. She lowered her gaze, giving a self-deprecating smirk and turned to face the man who joined her silently.
“I’m fine. Really.”
“I know.”
“I just…I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.”
Gibbs sighed heavily. Walking towards her he placed the glasses and clothes on the counter behind her and took Kate into his arms. Neither one knew what to do and so they hit a brick wall with no where to turn.
“It’s my fault, Jethro. If I had called for backup…maybe I wouldn’t have been taken. He pissed me off and I just wanted to get him.”
He understood Kate’s need to get revenge, not only for herself for being violated the way she had, but for Gibbs and for Gerald. That man had hurt his team to a point where they no longer knew what they were doing when it involved him, and Gibbs wanted to make sure Kate got her revenge.
“We will get him, Kate. I’ll make sure of it.”
“When, Jethro? Who has to die in order for him to get what he deserves? Me? You? Both of us? Hell, why not just do it now, it’s what he wants.”
Gibbs had seen Kate in this condition some months ago when they first encountered Ari, but back then she was determined to get him and exact her revenge, now she was giving up. She would rather be dead than have to face Ari again and it scared the hell out of him.
“Don’t you ever let me hear you say that again, Caitlin! I am not going to let you die because of him, you got it? No one, I repeat no one, is going to die because of him. He will die because of us. What you did today, was what you were supposed to do. And we both know you‘re extremely lucky to come away with only a split lip.”
“I know. I just…”
Kate growled before she pushed herself from Gibbs arms and began undressing in order to step in the shower. If she were crazy enough she would’ve stepped in fully clothed, but she happened to like the outfit she was wearing and didn’t want it completely wrecked. Gibbs followed her in a few minutes later and stood with her under the hot stream of water, washing away the days problems, insecurities and memories.
*~*~*~*~*~*
She wrapped herself in the large white fluffy towel and began giving her hair the most cursory of rub downs. She just wanted to forget everything and after spotting the glass of bourbon, Kate sought the comfort of drowning her sorrows. He stood behind her with a similar towel around his waist and watched her reflection in the mirror as she knocked the glass back, draining it in one go. He’d never seen Kate even attempt to try hard liquor, this was giving him a clear insight to her mind right now. Exchanging the empty glass for the full one, she handed it back to him before turning to face him.
He replaced the glass on the counter, watching Kate as she ran her hands through the mass of steadily drying dark locks which was beginning to curl softly. When she didn’t take the hairdryer, paddle brush and straighteners to her hair immediately, it would fall the way of naturally full and bouncy curls, the same way she had in Gitmo that first morning. Smiling slightly, he took her wrists and brought her arms down to her sides and wrapped his arms fully round her waist.
Gibbs discovered early into their relationship that Kate required touch to hold her together, she needed people. Whether she wrapped her arms around herself or whether she went to someone, being held in strong arms was all she needed to keep a level head and maintain a clear perspective. It was never easy to do within the walls of the office, both still trying to maintain their professionalism, but the second they got behind closed doors their guards were dropped, he held her like there was no tomorrow. This was something she needed now, she needed to know she wasn’t alone in the world and that if she ever fell, someone was there to catch her.
A chaste kiss to the others throat and the disentanglement of limbs, Gibbs pulled back and propped her up on the counter top and tilted her head into the light, delicately inspecting her war wound. In the shower he had noticed the beginning of bruises on both her arms, and he assumed that was where she’d been grabbed and thrown about by Ari and his assistants.
“What did he do to you, baby girl?”
“He didn’t do anything.”
“That explains the bruises and battered lip, Kate.”
Gibbs was slightly distracted as he rooted about in the medicine cabinet behind Kate’s head, looking for the first aid kit he knew he owned. There wasn’t much he could actually do, but antiseptic and Arnica creams were better than nothing. Kate fidgeted beside him trying to get a better look at the bruises on the back of both her arms.
“The bruises are from when I was taken from the car. The lip is because I told them who you were.”
“Told who? Sit still.”
“The driver of the car. When you called, they asked who you were and I told the truth. Well, I twisted it a little and now you work in Iraq. Apparently, they didn’t seem to believe me.”
Gibbs chuckled a little and moved to spread a little antiseptic cream on Kate’s lip, causing her to squirm and hiss under his touch. He laughed again, having only thought DiNozzo behaved like a child when his wounds were being treated but apparently that was not the case. Kate it seemed didn’t find anything about the situation funny, and chose to display this by slapping him over the back of the head when he went to return his medical box.
“What was that for?”
“Laughing. What is so funny about this?”
“Nothing. I just…I had to laugh. If I didn’t I think I might have cried.”
The thought of seeing a former Marine, this former Marine crying sent Kate into a downspin as she leant into his shoulder, trying to muffle her own laughter. They’d both been in this position before the first time they encountered Ari Haswari. They’d both felt equally useless and both been absolutely terrified. One small gesture had saved them from they potential harm they could do to themselves, but neither had any idea how to pick themselves up from the ground now. There was every possibility that right now if they didn’t laugh, there was every likelihood that they would cry.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Gibbs was as comfortable as he could be with his girlfriend laying the full length of him. Her head was tucked under his chin and if he breathed right he smelt her peach shampoo and jasmine body lotion. Her Escada perfume had worn off throughout the day and all that was left on her was the combined scents of her soaps and lotions.
Kate remained silent where she was, her stomach full of good food which Gibbs had ordered in and her eyes were slowly drooping. Gibbs discovered that Ducky had indeed told Kate that if she were to get any sleep that night, then one sleeping tablet should prove helpful, in failing that another should be taken before bed. The remains of the first tablet were still in her system and she had decided that it was a very bad idea to continue drinking alcohol while under the influence of a heavy dose of medication.
She herself was happy where she was with Gibbs arms wrapped fully around her waist and didn‘t intend on moving anywhere in the next few minutes; there was no where for her to go besides that bathroom and bed. Neither of which appealed to Kate currently.
“Jethro?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry. And I’m only going to say this one more time, and then I’ll shut up; it was a probie mistake. I should’ve known better and I shouldn’t have chased him the way I did. I know protocol, I should have stuck to it.”
“Hey, I’ve told you before; you did everything you could. Think about it, if you hadn’t gone after him, we wouldn’t have the information we do now. You, Katie, are responsible for a handful of terrorists being sent to Gitmo. You are responsible for having saved the lives of Bush and Sharon. And you are not responsible for any fallout of Ari’s actions.”
“I know all that. But that woman died, and I could have died.”
“But you didn’t and you won’t. I promise you that. I‘ll keep you safe.”
“That’s good to know. I’ve got your back too, Jethro.”
“Well, I for one feel a lot safer knowing that my girlfriend, who knows extensive protection detail, has got my back. We’ve got each other, baby girl, and nothing is ever going to change that.”
“You called me your girlfriend.”
“So? That’s what you are.”
Kate couldn’t see the frown adorning Gibbs face, but she could tell he was thinking hard about what he’d called her. She was used to calling him her ‘boyfriend’ and he was used to hearing it, but Gibbs had never fully associated Kate with that word.
Men could be really obtuse sometimes.
Rolling her eyes at the ceiling, Kate manoeuvred herself so she was lying chest to chest with Gibbs, her hands planted firmly either side of his head. When she looked down into his eyes, she realised then he’d named her his girlfriend deliberately, just so she knew she was a firm fixture in his life.
“I thought it was only DiNozzo who screwed with me.”
“Nuh-uh. Only I screw with you.”
His words caught her off-guard and Kate merely rolled her eyes again, smirking knowingly and leaning down for a quick kiss before scooting down his body, her head coming to rest under his chin again. The tie on the red robe had come undone and Kate made no move to fix it nor had she any desire to go to bed. Sensing neither of them were going to make it upstairs any time soon, Gibbs pulled the throw from the back of the couch over them before slipping his hands underneath and around Kate, holding her tighter to him.
*~*~*~*~*~*
It was the aroma of extra strong coffee followed by the harsh sunlight filtering through the bay window that initially woke Kate up the next morning. Kate groaned and rolled onto her stomach, wrapping her arms over her head; she hated bright mornings and they reminded her too much of the Beach Boys; too happy and sunny for her liking. Rolling onto her back again, she shifted her hips feeling the lump underneath her back and reached down to pull out the robe that had been discarded somewhere throughout the night. She could hear Gibbs shuffling about the kitchen and decided to make a move when he came through and placed a mug on the coffee table.
“Hi. I thought you might need a morning pick me up.”
Kate smirked slightly and turned her eyes towards the ceiling. Pushing herself into a sitting position, Kate fell against the back rest and squinted at Gibbs through half shut eyes. Gibbs silently chuckled as he watched her attempt to wake up without resorting to the proffered beverage. Her brow furrowed and her nose wrinkled, a sign of a fast approaching headache. And judging by her reaction it was going to be a strong one.
She was still feeling guilty and bitter about the way things turned out yesterday, that much was clear in her body language, but Gibbs didn’t know how to take that guilt away. He knew she’d eventually believe what he told her about it not being her fault, and that it was her who got the handful of terrorists sent to Gitmo and that she saved the lives of the President Bush and Prime Minister Sharon.
“What are we doing today?”
“That, Kate, is entirely up to you. Although, I did have a little something planned.”
Kate finally opened her eyes properly, intrigued by what Gibbs was saying and wanting a hit of caffeine at the same time. She leant forward and took the mug off the table, and studying Gibbs with a critical eye as she tried to determine any changes to him or if she could guess what he was up to. When she could gather no conclusive evidence of anything, she smiled and relaxed back into the cushions.
“So what do you have planned?”
Gibbs usual smirk appeared as he moved from his seat on the coffee table to beside Kate, leaning in to whisper conspiringly as if he held all the secrets of the world; knowing Gibbs he probably did.
“Well, I was gonna make you breakfast, then take you shopping-”
“Shopping?”
“Yeah, don’t you want to?”
“No, no. We’ll go shopping.”
“Good, cause you would ruin my plan otherwise. So once we got back, I’d make you lunch and we’d…relax… have dinner and then maybe…I’d propose.”
Kate, seemingly oblivious to what had just been said, nodded her head tiredly in agreement and took a sip of coffee before leaning into Gibbs’ shoulder; coffee mug coming to rest on her knee. Gibbs looked down at the head resting on his shoulder, smiling, waiting for everything to make sense, waiting for it to hit home. The second it did, it was priceless.
The liquid in the mug slowly began vibrating and the mug gently slipped from Kate’s knee to the floor, coffee spilling everywhere. She sat quietly for a few minutes, her jaw practically hitting the floor before she turned her head towards Gibbs, her eyes questioning.
“Yes, Katie, I really did say that.”
“You’re proposing marriage?”
“Yes. Yesterday it hit me what life would be like without you. Even if it was just for a few hours, I couldn’t take it. I need you, you keep me grounded and you understand me without even trying. I promised myself I wouldn’t make you number four, swore down dead it would never happen; but here I am and here you are and I am asking, in my crazy way, for you to be my wife. The only promise I can make now is never to make you the fourth ex Mrs. Gibbs.”
Kate took everything he was saying in, processing it all slowly and coming to one conclusion. There was no way she could say no. She liked being there for him when he needed her, she liked keeping him grounded and she liked spending hour upon hour with him. Strike that; she loved it. She loved him. They may have only been dating for two months, maybe less, but there was only one direction for them.
“Don’t know why I’m shaking like this, it’s not my first proposal.”
“It’s not?”
Kate lowered her eyes and shook her head, inadvertently conjuring up old painful memories of her first fiancé. He’d been a charmer, totally adoring, and also for lack of better word, a man whore. By the beginning of their second week of engagement, he’d already slept with half the law students in her class and showed no sign of stopping just because he was supposedly getting married.
What Kate didn’t want to believe was that he was capable of doing it, not listening to the locker room gossip at the swimming pool, not questioning it when she found the appointment cards in his name for the STD clinic on top of her dresser. She was young and in love, her heart was naturally up for attack in her innocence, and it certainly took a severe blow that year. It wasn’t until she actually witnessed it with her own eyes did she believe what everyone had been trying to tell her for months; since the day she started seeing him in fact. She booked an emergency appointment at the clinic for herself immediately after leaving the room.
“No. I was engaged for two months in law school; he cheated, I caught him. So clichéd it’s unbelievable. He’s one of the reasons I left.”
“Is that why you weirded out when that woman asked if you were married a few weeks ago?”
“Yeah. It just made me think that a long time ago that would’ve been me; it was me to a certain point. But you know what, that’s in the past and I am done with it. In reference to your thinly veiled question, you already know my answer.”
Kate’s affection predictability meant that Gibbs knew when she was going to throw her arms around his neck, and when she was going to make a move to straddle his lap and when she would eventually plant her mouth squarely over his. Soon she was kissing his forehead, his nose, his cheeks and chin, occasionally telling him in between that she would definitely marry him and nothing in the world would stop her.
When the kissing eventually drew to a minimum, Gibbs leant back and watched Kate just for the simple fact he could. Kate moved with him, keeping body contact to a maximum and watched him for the same reasons.
“So how do you like being tied to this grumpy old bastard for the rest of your life?”
“Don’t know any grumpy old bastards, but I’ll have you any day.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Brenda-Leigh Todd couldn’t have been more thrilled when on the eve of May 30th, her youngest baby phoned and told her she was getting married. With the help of her son, Christian, she was able to open her emails and view the newest image to add to her collection: her baby girl Caitlin wrapped up in the arms of her new fiancé, Jethro Gibbs. She admitted, Jethro wasn’t typically the type her daughter went for, he was clearly far older than Caitlin but was assured not ‘considerably older‘ than 37, and according to some of her daughters earlier emails, had a gruff disposition and wasn‘t the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. It seemed the Todd perseverance and determination had paid off for young Caitlin and she was settling down at long last. All this aside, her daughter was happy and that’s all that mattered. She was still worried, however, as the last time Caitlin got this serious in a relationship it ended badly. Sean Davies broke her heart two months after proposing; she’d walked in on him and her best friend and only stopped in the room long enough to throw the ring in his face.
Her four other children; Christian, Richard, Sean and Lorraine were at first shocked at the news that their baby sister was marrying a fifty odd year old man, a man twenty-two years her senior, but that soon disintegrated into happiness for their younger sibling. None of the Todd family could wait to finally meet the man who had stolen Kate’s heart, and were certainly thrilled to be told they all welcome to come and stay a week before the wedding date.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Abby reacted predictably and several bear hugs later, Kate was able to escape the lab to find Tony and McGee and receive more hugs and congratulations as it seemed Gibbs had beaten her to the punch. She found Gibbs moments later when she entered autopsy and was able to tell Ducky, alongside Gibbs, of their good news. The doctor couldn’t have been more thrilled than the other two at the fact their surly bastard of a boss was finally happy, making another attempt at marriage and knowing this one would last a lifetime.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Having been saved from the clutches of Ari, Gibbs takes Kate home