Slipping, chapter three
”You.”
Somehow it had always been a nagging fear it might end this way. Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Second ‘b’ for bastard. His inability to communicate his true feelings had even earned him a golf club to the head once, and now it seemed he’d ruined another relationship. If he lost Tony from his team, his life…just to finish that train of thought caused more pain than he would have imagined possible.
And why wouldn’t Tony leave? He’d personally given him more than enough reasons to jump ship. Yet, somehow, between the head slaps, the put-downs and his complete disregard of what mattered to Tony, he’d always assumed his senior agent knew he appreciated him, but how should he? Mentally slapping himself on the head he chastised himself for being such a bastard.
******
Tony watched as Gibbs eyes widened in surprise. Grabbing the remote, Gibbs turned around and killed the radio. The ensuing silence thundered in Tony’s ears. At least Gibbs wasn’t headed for the door, although he probably hadn’t realised exactly what he meant. Gibbs seemed to digest what he’d just learned; he had that look about him. The one when nothing made much sense and he was trying to make head and tail of things.
“What do you mean ‘me’, Tony? Am I pushing you too hard?” Gibbs sat down beside the younger agent, a strong hand resting at the small of his back.
“I’m so tired, Gibbs…so fucking tired.,” he trailed off.
“You need time off, is that it?”
Tony snorted. “No, not that kind of tired, Gibbs, I’m tired of me. Of having to keep up this pretence. Sometimes I feel like I’m working undercover all the time.”
The hand on his back was moving in slow, soothing circles. Gibbs’ other hand was resting on his shoulder. Tony fought hard not to lean into the embrace. He took a deep breath. Having already come this far, there was no point in turning back now. He found he didn’t have the energy to lie anymore.
“You know, Gibbs, this is the only job where I’ve wanted to stay for more than a couple of years. And you’re a big part of that. You’ve basically made me into who I am today. But the rest? My personal life sucks, Gibbs. I go through women like...I don’t know. And then we have days like today. That man killed his own child, Gibbs. His little girl. He had something I’ll probably never get to experience, and he just threw it away. It’s such a fucking waste.”
He shuddered, thinking about the scene in that fairy bedroom that morning.
“Every time we get cases like this I’m reminded of the fact that no one has found me worthy of more than a quick fuck. Hell, not even my parents find me worthy of love. Yeah…well… whatever, you’ve heard the tales, I’m sure you’ve connected the dots by now.”
“Don’t let that son of a bitch of a father define who you are, Tony. He doesn’t know you. I do. I know what your worth. I’m just sorry I’m not better at letting you know that.
******
He squeezed the younger man's shoulder. He ached to take him into his arms, but he didn't dare to. He was happy to have him so close and was afraid to scare him away.
“Why can’t this happen for you, Tony? I don’t understand.” Gibbs could feel Tony tremble under his hands.
”I’m already in love, Gibbs. But there’s no chance in hell of that ever going somewhere.”
Tony got up and walked over to the window overlooking the garden.
It was like being punched in the stomach. He pulled himself together. "Have you told her you love her?”
“No,” Tony snorted, “that’s so not gonna happen.”
Gibbs walked over to Tony by the window, he needed to be close again, not knowing when he’d have the opportunity to talk to him like this, if ever. He braced himself, not wanting to ask, but needing to do so just the same, craving more knowledge about the woman who’d captured Tony’s heart.
“How long have you known her?”
“Years,” was the brief reply.
“And you’ve been in love with her all this time?”
“Yeah…almost from the time we met.” Looking in the window at Tony’s reflection, Gibbs could see a smile playing around Tony’s lips.
He raked his brain for something to say, “So…what kind of person is this?”
“The kind that has the most amazing blue eyes and a smile that makes my knees weak.” A warm and caring one, driven. The kind I can rely on. Intelligent, stubborn as hell, “ he smiled more broadly now.
“She sounds like a special woman,” was all Gibbs could manage. He cleared his throat, “So why can’t this work?”
“It would never work,” Tony sighed, “this one would never see me as a potential partner.”
“I still don’t see why..” Gibbs was interrupted as Tony turned his head to look at him.
“You just won’t let go, will you?” Tony sounded weary, a sad smile not quite reaching his eyes.
Gibbs raised his arm and gently rubbed Tony’s back again. “Easy…it’s gonna be okay, Tony,” he said, offering reassurances he didn’t quite feel. He did not want Tony to be in love, couldn’t face the possibility of loosing him in his life. “Why can’t you tell her, what are you afraid will happen if you let her know?”
“This person that I’m in love with can be such a bastard, Jethro. Second ‘b’ for bastard, remember?“
Tony let out a shaky breath, and turned to look Gibbs squarely in the eyes, green eyes holding blue easily, apprehension and determination both apparent in his gaze.
.
“That’s just it, Jethro. I told you, it’s you. I’m in love with you.”
Realisation surged through Gibbs like wildfire.
“You’re in love with me?” he couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face.
Tony looked stricken. “Please, don’t,” he whispered, “don’t laugh at me, not tonight, Gibbs.”
He winced slightly as Gibbs slapped him across the head.
“I’m not laughing at you, you idiot, I’m smiling to you,” Gibbs declared, sounding a bit exasperated.
“C’mere.” Leaning forward, he cupped Tony’s face in his warm hands, resting his forehead against Tony’s.
“A bastard, huhn?” he chuckled, kissing Tony lightly on the lips, before drawing him into a warm embrace.
“Uhm…you’re…ah…okay with this?”
“Yeah, I’m more than okay, Tony. But right now, you’re pretty wrung out. We’ll deal with this when I’m sure you know what you’re saying. Come on, we need to get some shuteye. Get upstairs, Tony, I’ll just grab a shower first.” He guided Tony towards the bedroom and turned on the bedside lamp.
“Just to sleep, Tony, okay?”
“Sleep, sounds just about right,” Tony yawned as he climbed into bed, pulling the dark purple comforter around him.
Ten minutes later, Gibbs entered the dimly lit bedroom, bare feet moving quietly across the hardwood floor. Tony was already half asleep, one arm flung across Gibbs’ side of the bed. He slipped under the covers, immediately drawn to the warm body lying next to him. He tugged at the semi-conscious Italian, not stopping until he was lying on top of him. He held him tight, revelling in the sense of utter peace that enveloped him. Before long, they were both fast asleep.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony and Gibbs have a heart to heart.
Chapter End Notes:
Still don't own them, still wouldn't mind a visit ;)