Gibbs wasn’t sure what sort of reaction to expect from Tony when he told him that Shepard would never be charged with the murder of Rene Benoit, that she would never be accused of anything at all. Her embezzlement of funds would be swept under the rug. Her part in arranging for Kort’s death would never going to be brought to light. The injuries Tony and his teammates suffered would be written off as nothing more than the byproduct of an illegal drug deal gone bad. Hell, even Shepard’s death would be officially labeled an accident to save face for the agency. Gibbs and his team had been in the airport when the news of Shepard ‘dying’ in her home during a fire was made public knowledge.
He didn’t know if Tony and his team in Houston were aware of that cover up or not. If he were lucky, Gibbs would get to break that bit of news too. Although, he wasn’t sure if getting the privilege to share that bit of bullshit would be good luck or bad.
Not entirely certain of what to expect, Gibbs opted to brace himself for what he believed would be the most normal reaction. He thought there would be a display of anger, and he expected it to be vented with as much force and volume as Tony’s damaged lung and broken ribs would allow. He was prepared to deal with being maligned, ridiculed, insulted; Gibbs felt he deserved it. He’d told Tony that he would take care of things, make it right, that justice would be served and he hadn’t been able to do that. Circumstances were beyond his control, but Gibbs didn’t see that as necessarily absolving him from blame. It was his duty, regardless of how events played themselves out, and he’d failed to do it.
He was prepared for Tony to act out, to punch him or the wall, to throw things, to kick and scream out his rage and frustration. Gibbs didn’t plan to fight back. He only planned to do his best to make sure Tony didn’t hurt himself along the way.
He’d practiced in his head for most of the flight to Houston how to apologize. Gibbs hadn’t had much experience admitting to failure, and he didn’t want to fuck it up with Tony. The younger man could have died because of what Shepard did, he deserved better than a half assed apology.
When they arrived at the hospital, Gibbs was pleased to find that Tony had healed enough he was being allowed to walk short distances. Dr. Kline actually prescribed several short walks a day which usually entailed Tony going from his room to the visitor’s lounge and back again. At his current rate of progress he’d be allowed to leave the hospital in another day or two provided someone was around to look after him.
While all that was definitely good news, to Gibbs what mattered the most was it meant he could tell Tony what he had to say without having an audience. He’d gotten Ziva and McGee, Ducky and Abby to stay behind without saying a word. Lundy and LaFiamma must have readily grasped the meaning in his expression as well since neither objected to his walking solo with Tony. LaFiamma had given him a warning look; he let Gibbs know to tread lightly or suffer the consequences. Gibbs responded with a two-finger salute, signaling he understood.
He was sure his team could fill LaFiamma and Lundy in on what had transpired. And he tried not to feel like he was deserting them. It wasn’t like Ziva and McGee couldn’t hold their own; Abby and Ducky weren’t incapable either, but from what he’d seen of LaFiamma’s temper, the man could easily do real damage if he wanted. It felt wrong to leave his team to face that alone, but he also felt duty bound to be the one to explain what had gone on in DC to Tony, and make sure he could react how ever he wanted without worrying what anyone else might think, say or do.
When they made it to the lounge, Tony sat in one of the chairs. His breathing was a little rough, and he was a little pale but seemed otherwise fine. Tony’s his expression was painfully neutral as he regarded Gibbs. “Okay, Boss, lay it on me.”
Gibbs faced him, squaring his shoulders, unconsciously standing at attention. He gave Tony the facts and details, leaving out nothing, pleased that Tony was willing to let him get it out without interruption. He wasn’t sure he’d have been able to start again if Tony hadn’t let him get it out in one go.
Gibbs waited for Tony’s reaction sure he was ready, confident he had considered all the possible options. But Tony didn’t yell. He didn’t lash out. He didn’t look angry or disappointed. He didn’t do any of the things Gibbs had prepared himself for. He just sat silently, green eyes staring at Gibbs steadily for long enough to make him feel uncomfortable. He wasn’t prone to fidgeting, but Gibbs found himself wanting to, anything to break the moment.
Finally Tony spoke. “You shouldn’t apologize.”
“Sign of weakness, I know.” Gibbs resisted rolling his eyes. It was his rule; he didn’t need to be reminded. “Tony, it isn’t--“
“No, it isn’t about weakness.” Tony’s lips curled upward in a small smile. “You don’t need to apologize because you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Gibbs grimaced. “Doesn’t mean I did everything right.”
“You want to tell me what you’d have done differently?” Tony asked quietly, eyebrows climbing upward. “You said it yourself, Shepard is dead and everyone but those directly involved have been lead to think it was an accident. There aren’t any more leads to follow. And even if taking on the SecNav wasn’t career suicide, what is there to be gained from airing all this dirty laundry without someone to prosecute?”
“It’s not right.” Gibbs’ jaw clenched, unable to not mentally compare himself to McGee who’d made the same observation. He hated the resignation he could hear in Tony’s voice and wondered if he’d sounded like that to McGee.
“No, it isn’t right.” Tony agreed. He sighed heavily. “But I’m fresh out of ideas on how to make it right.”
Gibbs could relate to that feeling all too well. No one else knew what to do either. They were at an impasse and he hated it. Gibbs took a deep breath and finally sat down. He waited to see what else Tony might have to say.
“We were still working the case before all this shit happened. Even if it wasn’t full time, we were still working it, Gibbs. And we weren’t exactly making a lot of headway toward proving she killed Benoit.”
Gibbs nodded. They’d never totally let go of it. It just hadn’t been their main focus. Maybe if it had been, Gibbs thought, things would have been different. But there were other cases, active and pressing with lives on the line. Rene Benoit was dead and the case was technically solved. They couldn’t drop everything to work it without raising suspicions. And no one knew Shepard was still obsessed with it. There hadn’t been any obvious signs of her working with the CIA to clue them in. There hadn’t been an active trail to follow.
Tony sighed again. He shook his head. “Given how sick Shepard was, it’s not like she’d have made it to trial anyway. And even if she was in good health, we knew bringing her down was going to be one hell of a long shot.”
“She still should have been punished.” Gibbs clenched his hands into fists. “She got away with murder, damn it.”
“The time to take her down was when Jeanne brought it up, but we let it go then to protect the team.” Tony bit is lower lip, his eyes mirroring the guilt Gibbs knew was in his own.
“We had to look out for the team,” Gibbs said. Protecting them was necessary. Letting Shepard get away with killing Benoit had been the only way to do that.
Tony nodded. “That’s always been my own rule number one, you know? Look out for your partner, take care of your team.”
Gibbs nodded. He knew that was why Tony hadn’t taken the job in Rota. He was looking out for Gibbs, taking care of the team. He knew the fact that they didn’t look out for him was a big part of why Tony had left. Trust was a two way street. That they were able to rebuild a measure of that trust was not something Gibbs took for granted.
“It’s a good rule,” Gibbs told him with a smile.
Tony smiled back, looking less troubled. “Thanks.” His expression shifted, turning pensive again. “Taking on the SecNav will put everyone else in danger again.”
“There was never a guarantee any of us are safe,” Gibbs murmured.
“No, there isn’t, but that’s no reason to step into the line of fire if we don’t have to either.” Tony rubbed tiredly at his eyes. Gibbs didn’t like the small tremors he could see in the younger man’s hands but decided not to comment on them.
“I don’t know Vance well, at least not well enough to predict how he’d respond to things, but I can’t see him wanting to rock the boat.” There was a lot of cynicism in his tone as Tony continued speaking. “He wouldn’t want to make waves when he’s taking over for Shepard.”
“Agreed.” Gibbs didn’t know Leon Vance well either, but he knew enough to be certain that if it had been about bringing her down while Shepard was alive, making a name for himself to show he deserved her position, Vance would have been all for it. With it looking like Vance would be taking her place, he wouldn’t want anything that might discredit the agency to come to light in any way.
“As much as it bothers me, we can’t do much without support from higher up the ladder.”
“I know.” Gibbs hated that too. They could go public; it was always an option to make what had happened headline news. But all that would do was throw mud. He wasn’t interested in a smear campaign that would damage everyone associated with the agency. And he wasn’t interested in calling down more oversight from hypocritical politians likely more corrupt and self-serving than Shepard had been. That wouldn’t help him or any other NCIS agent do their jobs better nor would it keep future Directors from abusing their authority.
Letting it go was really their only option at this point. Coming to terms with that fact was what Gibbs was having trouble with. He appreciated Tony’s effort to make it easier for him…and knew he was making it easier for himself too. Working through his thoughts out loud was something else Gibbs had missed about Tony. Discussing details, evidence and theories had always been easier with him than with anyone else on his team.
“The death toll on this has already been too damn high.” Tony grimaced. “No point in adding your career or the team to the tally. Not when it won’t change anything.”
“Not sure I’d mind killing my career all that much,” Gibbs admitted quietly.
Tony frowned. “Boss?”
Gibbs rubbed a hand over his face. He hadn’t had more than a few hours of sleep at a time since getting LaFiamma’s call about Tony being hurt and he knew his exhaustion had to be showing. There was no shame in admitting the obvious, Gibbs told himself.
“I’m tired, Tony.” Gibbs sighed. It wasn’t that long ago Tony had told him the reason he quit NCIS was because he was tired. Gibbs now better understood exactly what he meant.
“I’m tired of politics.” When he’d started with the agency things seemed so much clearer, cleaner. There didn’t seem to be much interference from the Hill or anyone outside the agency back then.
“I’m tired of lies.” He understood the need for secrets. Could see the value in keeping them, but lately all the lies he’d encountered weren’t really justifiable. They didn’t serve a greater good; those lies didn’t keep anyone safe or secure the country, they were just a means to an end.
“I’m tired of not being able to trust the people above me.” He’d trusted Franks, probably for far longer than he should have. He’d been able to trust Morrow. But Jenny wasn’t cut of the same cloth. And the SecNav and Vance definitely weren’t trustworthy.
“Hell, I’m tired of always seeing the worst people have to offer.”
“You thinking of making another run for Mexico?”
There was no censure in the question, but it made Gibbs flinch just the same. He shook his head. “Nothing in Mexico for me.”
“Just your goddaughter.”
Gibbs blinked, startled. He’d never mentioned that. “How do you know about--“
“Never ask how the trick was done.” Tony grinned impishly at him. “It ruins the magic.”
Gibbs chuckled. “Yeah, it does.” He sobered, and made eye contact with Tony, giving him the ‘don’t lie to me’ expression the younger man had never been able to counter. “Are you okay with this?”
“Not really.” Tony shrugged one shoulder. “But it’s not exactly a big surprise. You did teach me to anticipate after all, and it’s not like this wasn’t an option. I knew going into this that it would be a struggle, even more so after Shepard got herself killed. Only saving grace there was that she did try to protect you in the end.”
Gibbs wasn’t so sure he’d consider her sacrifice a saving grace. She may have been trying to protect him, but she was also hell bent on going out on her own terms. He wouldn’t have needed protecting if she hadn’t been so obsessed with her father and his reputation. It was her efforts to get Kort and dealing with the CIA that brought a ten year old operation back to light. Never mind her initial failure to do her job that kept Svetlana in the game long after she should have been pushing up daisies. But Gibbs didn’t think it worth arguing about. Not now.
Tony took a breath and released it slowly. “So while I’m not okay with it at the moment, I’ll be okay with it eventually.”
Tony cocked his head, green eyes searching blue. “What about you? You okay with this?”
“Getting there,” Gibbs admitted. “I am thinking a long vacation might be in order, though. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was tired.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” Tony smiled. “Levon would say you look like nine miles of bad road.”
“And what would you say?”
“I’d say you look like hell.”
“Shut up.” Gibbs lightly cuffed the back of his head.
Tony chuckled. He stood up. “C’mon, we better go check on the others.”
“You think LaFiamma will have blown up?” Gibbs asked as he moved to offer support if Tony needed it.
“Oh we’d have heard that if he had.” Tony laughed softly, making his way carefully down the hall. He was steady on his feet, Gibbs noted, just not moving as quickly as he usually did. H
“Joey can be quiet when he’s pissed, but usually he’s pretty damn loud about it.”
I know, Gibbs thought. He’d witnessed LaFiamma’s quiet anger over Ziva’s involvement. And he’s seen him a lot less quiet in expressing his anger over Gibbs’ treatment of Tony.
Tony rapped his knuckles against the door before entering his room. Gibbs ducked his head, hiding a bemused smile over Tony’s polite request for entry. Clearly the fact that it was also his room didn’t negate the need for announcing himself.
Gibbs was quick to note that none of his team was sporting any bruises and there was no blood on the floor. At least no one had sustained any physical injuries. Although, they did look a bit shell shocked.
“Where’s Joey?” Tony asked.
“He went to beat the hell out of something.” Lundy said. “He’ll be back when he gets it out of his system.”
Tony nodded. He gave his former teammates a speculative glance as he moved to sit on his bed. “Joe vent before he left?”
Lundy gave him a rueful smile. “A bit.”
“A bit?” Abby gaped. “It was like he was speaking in tongues.”
“Given the number of languages he was cursing in, tongues is a most apt description, my dear,” Ducky offered sounding equal parts appalled and impressed. “I recognized Italian, Spanish and French.”
“There was also Thai and Mandarin,” Ziva offered.
“Is that what that was?” McGee asked. “I wasn’t sure.”
“There were some ugly words in Russian and Polish too.” Lundy grinned at Tony. “That boy has got real talent when it comes to creative cussing.”’
“He going to be okay?” Tony looked ready to get up and chase after his cousin.
“Will take a little time, Slick, but he’ll get there.” Lundy assured him, looking pointedly at Tony’s bed clearly suggesting he should be lying down. “You know how he hates to lose.”
Tony snorted softly as he settled in on his bed. “No one likes to lose.”
“It’s the whole reason we keep score in the first place.” A look of understanding passed between them.
“I don’t get it.” McGee said, frowning as he looked from Tony to Lundy.
“Hell, McGee, if we was all good sports there would be no need to keep score.”
“But since we’re not,” Tony interjected, “we do.”
“Still got us more wins than losses,” Lundy observed. For a moment he looked as unsettled and dissatisfied as Gibbs felt. Lundy muttered quietly, clearly more to himself than to the room at large. “I keep hoping that counts for something.”
“It does, my boy, it does,” Ducky reassured him with a smile. “Fighting the good fight is always a worthy endeavor regardless of the outcome.”
Had they fought a good fight, Gibbs asked himself. He’d like to think so. But it was getting harder and harder to believe it.
“I think a little down time is in order,” Ducky offered quietly. “We’re all a bit done in at the moment. The last few days have been rather taxing. Things will look better after some rest and a good meal or two.”
“Always liked that about my mother’s side of the family,” Tony said, giving Ducky a fond look, “everything from a skinned knee to Armageddon was handled with aplomb and a cup of tea.”
“Sensible people the British,” Ducky told him, blue eyes twinkling.
“Not like the Italians,” Lundy quipped. “They tend to be more on the high strung side.”
“Not all of us,” Tony told him with a laugh.
“Right.” Lundy rolled his eyes. “You keep telling yourself that, Slick.”
Whatever Tony was going to say was cut off when he yawned widely. Walking down the hall had taken more out of him than Gibbs realized, or maybe it was just dealing with everything else. He belatedly spotted the breathing exercise devise on the nightstand and realized Tony had probably gone a few rounds with it before they’d arrived. Combined with the walk and the news he’d shared, it was no wonder Tony was tired.
Seeing Tony yawn again, Ducky spoke up. “Right then, say your good-byes and it’ll be off we go,” Ducky started shooing the team toward the door after each one said a quick good bye to Tony. When it looked like Abby might linger, he told her firmly, “We can come back later after everyone has had a chance to rest and recover a bit. Even you have to be a bit tired, Abigail.”
“Okay, Ducky.” She gave Tony a quick kiss on the cheek, and pulled his blankets up higher. “I’ll see you later.”
“I’ll be here,” Tony said.
Gibbs was the only one left in the room when Lundy spoke up. “Got rooms at the hotel for you,” he said. “Same place you stayed before. Got you four this time so you won’t have to share, ‘less of course you want to. Reservation is good through the end of the week.”
Gibbs stared at him. They hadn’t called to say they were coming, much less how long they might be staying. There was no way Lundy could have known. “How did yo--“
“Don’t be asking how the trick is done, it ruins the magic.” Lundy grinned at him. Gibbs knew he couldn’t possibly have overheard him and Tony talking. The expression must have been something Tony picked up from Lundy or Lundy picked up from Tony.
“Just say thank you like the polite boy I’m sure your momma raised you to be and get the hell out of here. You look like--“
“Nine miles of bad road.” Gibbs finished for him. “Yeah, I’ve already been told.”
“Pretty accurate assessment then.”
Gibbs flipped him off.
“Hah. Joe would kick your ass if you tried.”
Gibbs’ answering grin was wild and feral. “Like to see him try.”
“Not today you wouldn’t.” Lundy shook his head. “Not unless you got a death wish.”
“He really that mad?”
“More like not in complete control. Not a good idea to take him on when he’s like that.”
“And you would know,” Tony mumbled, eyes closed more asleep than awake. “You guys nearly killed each other the day you met.”
“We worked it out.” Lundy shrugged dismissively. “Eventually.”
Gibbs said a quick good bye to Tony, running his fingers through his hair in a gentle caress before leaving. He was sorely tempted to stay, but the adrenaline of the last few days was wearing thin, and he knew laying down would be far better for him than trying to sleep in a chair. Once he was down, he’d probably be down for hours.
“Bring something good for dinner when you come back.”
Gibbs nodded. He’d have to see if he could get decent pizza somewhere. Houston was bound to have at least one place that made a deep dish with extra cheese, sausage and pepperoni. He was sure Tony would appreciate it.
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