It was one o’clock in the morning when Gibbs reached Tony’s apartment. Nevertheless, he hammered on the door and only a minute later it was opened, however he was a little surprised when he found himself looking into the barrel of Tony’s gun.
„Fuck, Gibbs, what the hell are you doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is?“ Tony asked as he lowered his gun and opened the door a little more to let the older man in.
„I need to talk to you.“ Gibbs said and walked into the living room. He thought about sitting on the couch but he was too agitated to sit. „Did you really think I wouldn’t find out, DiNozzo?“ He demanded. Tony opened his mouth and then closed it again. Confusion would be an understatement to his current state of mind.
„What?“ he asked, puzzled.
„Did you really think I wouldn’t be able to connect the dots? Did you think I wouldn’t find out about all the unsolved vigilante cases in Peoria, Philly and Baltimore? I want an answer and I swear, you better not lie to me! Are you the Dark Avenger?“ Gibbs asked angrily.
At first Tony looked shocked but then he sighed and sat on the couch. He rubbed his hands over his face. „I never wanted it to become public...I never meant to do it for so long...“
Now that he had his answer and he saw Tony looking broken, all anger drained from Gibbs. He sat down. „Why are you doing it, then?“
Tony frowned as he picked on some lint on his shirt that wasn’t really there. „Well, I started in Peoria...then I left. I wanted to start over, leave everything behind...but in Philly...so many cases I worked weren't solved though we knew exactly who was the perp...I just couldn’t stand the look in the eyes of all those mothers and fathers and spouses when I had to tell them that we had to put the case away. Every time when I was worried that it might come out, I moved. Until I came here. I feel home here, for the first time since Peoria and I really didn’t wanna run anymore... or be that guy anymore. That guy who works as a cop and then at night becomes a criminal... I know what I do isn’t right. I don’t even want to try to convince you otherwise. I always told myself that if the day comes that they find me, I’ll face my punishment. You can say a lot about me, but I’m not a hypocrite. Anyway, Ducky’s profile was quite right. I never did it for fame or civil duty. I just couldn’t sleep at night when I knew that there was someone who wasn’t brought to justice. I barely killed, though. I really only do if it’s the only way. Usually, I just try to get them in a situation with enough evidence and then I tip off the police.
I’m not saying that they couldn’t solve the case because they’re bad investigators, but sometimes it really is the system that blocks everything.“ Tony fell silent for a moment. He didn’t look at Gibbs.
„If you wanna report me that’s fine. Get the evidence you can, and if you have a solid case, go ahead and charge me. I wouldn’t blame you. If you want me to leave, I will. I’d understand.“
„I won’t report you, nor do I want you to leave.“ Gibbs said and finally Tony looked up. „You’re risking a lot and I know that you’re just trying to do the right thing. Actually, I’m pretty relieved that it’s you.“
Tony frowned. „I didn’t think you’d understand.“
„I understand a lot, Tony.“ Gibbs said and sat up straight. „When you found Jefferson and Maggie. What happened that night?“
Tony looked down again. „I was tailing Jefferson. I knew he had another girl, I just knew. I followed him two car lengths behind, and I lost him because some idiot pulled in front of my car so I didn’t manage a traffic light. I thought I had to wait another night, but I drove around a little anyway, and I found his car. When I checked the abandoned houses in the area, I found him in one of them. I hadn’t planned on killing him. The knife was just a safety measure. When I got in there, when I saw him standing over Maggie, I blanked out. I killed him in cold blood. And I’m not even sorry.“
Gibbs nodded slightly. „Did you even see Maggie?“ Tony looked up at the question. „Did you see Maggie? Or did you see Sarah?“
Tony swallowed hard at the mention of the name. „You know about her?“
„Are you kidding me? Did you think I wouldn’t do a thorough background check on you before I hired you? Yes, Tony, I know that you had a daughter, and I know that she died when she was four...I just couldn’t find out how. But it served well enough as the „personal motivation“ Ducky mentioned. What happened back then?“
Tony bit his lip and Gibbs thought he saw tears in Tony’s eyes.
„I had just started in Peoria. Claudia, her mother, my fiancé and me...we had just bought a house. Sarah was beautiful...She was two weeks in kindergarten when Claudia called me and told me that I had to pick Sarah up. I’d never been to the kindergarten before. As a rookie I had to take a lot of shifts...when I got there the teacher told me that Sarah has already been picked up â€" by me. Someone had showed up there, complete with ID and the teacher said Sarah just told that guy that she wanted to wait for her mommy. The guy told Sarah that her mommy had asked him to pick her up...“
Gibbs looked down to fight back tears of his own. He knew too well what it was like to lose a child, but Tony’s story was just as sad.
„Two months later they found her body...she was barely recognizable...After we’d been to the morgue to identify her, I went to the police station to see if they’d made any progress. When I got home, Claudia had killed herself...with my back-up gun. I never found out who that bastard was...so when I had a case of a child molester that we couldn’t solve because of bureaucracy, I took my hockey mask and became the ‚Avenger’, as they call me now days...“
Gibbs took a deep breath. „Apparently we have a lot more in common than I thought.“
„Yeah, but the difference is that you didn’t turn into a criminal...“ Tony said, sounding resigned. „I really should go to prison....“
„No, Tony. We are much more alike than you think...after I returned...Mike Franks left the file on the desk with the location of the murderer of my family. I went to Mexico, staked him out and shot him in cold blood. If you’re a criminal, I’m no better than you. However, when I woke from that coma two years ago, I realized something. I tried to bury everything inside of me so I wouldn’t have to think of them ever again. I never grieved for them until two years ago. Now, when I think of them, I don’t think of how they were taken away from me. I think of the time I had with them and I can even smile. Can you smile when you think of your daughter, Tony?“
Tony sniffed and shook his head. „I try not to think of her...but I do...all the time.“
„You gotta let yourself grieve, Tony. You’ve gotta accept that they’re gone, and let them rest in peace. I’m not saying you should forget them, I’m saying you gotta live again. They wouldn’t want you to stop living.“
Tony looked at him with tears in his eyes. „How do you know that?“
Gibbs sighed and tried to think of a good way to tell him. „I had an epiphany...When I was nearly drowning, I saw Kelly...she told me to go back. That day, I realized that I still have something to live for.“
„Yeah, what’s that?“ Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.
Gibbs took a deep breath and gained all his courage to say what he wanted to say for such a long time. „You.“
Tony looked at him puzzled. „Me? What do you mean?“
„Tony, I...I think that...together we could return to something that someone could call a life. I think we could help each other heal.“
Tony’s eyes darkened and he stood up in a sudden wave of anger.
„That’s what you invited me here for? Comfort? You think that because I’m broken you can use me to mend yourself?“
„No, Tony, that’s not what I meant, I mean....I want to be with you. Not because of your history or mine.“ Gibbs stood to meet Tony and put his hand on Tony’s shoulder soothingly. „I want to be with you for the man you are. I want to be with you for the man you don’t show anyone, the man I saw tonight and I want to be with you for being that annoying, cheeky, chauvinistic goof-ball and I want to be with you for being the Dark Avenger. I want every bit of you, Tony. Though, I could understand if you don’t...“
Tony grabbed his face and kissed him hard. Gibbs was too surprised to react in any other way but to meet the kiss. As the kiss continued it became calmer, tender but passionate. At some point they had to stop for oxygen and Gibbs started to kiss Tony’s neck and he pulled him into a tight embrace.
„God, I think I totally lost my mind,“ Tony muttered.
„If you think this is a bad idea, I’ll stop,“ Gibbs offered.
„You wanna face the wrath of the Dark Avenger?“ Tony turned the offer down with a chuckle and closed his arms around Gibbs‘ shoulders.
„One more question,“ Gibbs muttered between kisses.
„Yeah? What?“ Tony asked, distracted.
„If you never wanted to be known...why did you leave a message to Fornell?“
Tony chuckled and looked him in the eyes. „Well, I guess I got a little carried away. And it’s just too easy to tease him.“
Gibbs laughed as he took Tony back in his arms.
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