Lovers' Secrets
Chapter #5
“I win, Daddy!” cried Lizzie, throwing her hands up in the air. “You have to do what I say now.” It was the prize they had always agreed on. Whenever Lizzie won a game, she could make one request, and it would be granted. Princess, they called it. “I want you to tell me about Mommy.” Said Lizzie.
Gibbs sighed. Classic five year old move. Lizzie didn’t understand how much it hurt to talk about Kate, but that didn’t make him feel any better when she asked. “She was a wonderful person. Beautiful, smart, funny, and always helping people. She would’ve given everything she had to a total stranger if she thought it would give them a better life.”
“Then why isn’t she here?” asked Lizzie softly.
“Love makes people do crazy things, Liz, and sometimes things happen in just the right way so that you don’t have any choice but to do something you don’t want to. I don’t think your mom ever wanted to leave, but she couldn’t see any other option. She would be very proud of you if she were here.”
“Do you still talk to her, Daddy?”
“No, no one knows where she is.”
Lizzie perked up. “Like witness protection!” she said.
“Like that, yeah.”
“Then she’ll come back someday.”
“Yeah, she’ll come back. Come on. Time for bed.” Lizzie jumped up and ran to her room, curling up under her comforter like a cat. Gibbs gave her a kiss goodnight and went down to the basement. He pulled the chain hanging from the ceiling that turned on the lights and froze. Sitting inside the boat frame was Catherine Harris.
“Hey. Sorry, the door was unlocked.”
“What are you doing here?”
“You know, I had to ask you that twice before I got a straight answer. I wanted to talk to someone objectively I suppose.” She smiled a little. “You really should lock your door, especially with children in the house.”
“That’s what everyone says. What did you want to talk about?”
Kate was quiet for a moment. “Why did you ask me to dinner?”
“You remind me of someone I knew years ago. Lizzie’s mother, actually.”
“I see. Is that a good thing?”
“I think so. Why do you ask?”
“I was wondering if you were truly interested in me or if I was a placeholder for someone else.” Replied Kate.
“Well, I guess that you first got my attention by being like her, but you held it on your own.”
Kate smiled and ducked out from under the boat. “Thank you for that, it’s nice to know.” She gave him a hug and left. Gibbs stared after her, confused. Why did she remind him of Kate? The two women were nothing alike. It would come to him eventually.
Two months later.
Kate had fallen asleep on the couch again. She really needed to start reading in her bedroom instead of her living room. She rubbed her forehead and headed into the bathroom. Her roots were beginning to show brunette again, so she grabbed a box of hair dye and got into the shower. She and Gibbs had been dating since she’d been questioned, and so far things were going beautifully. He hadn’t pegged her as Kate yet, they were a great couple, and she was more in love with him than ever. She let the dye sit for the recommended fifteen minutes, and then stepped under the hot spray, watching the bloody looking water run down the drain. Her mind raced back five years to a morning when she’d seen the same thing, only it had been real blood then. Her daughter, Gibbs’ daughter was a beautiful child. She’d finally gotten to meet Lizzie. The water began to drain clear so Kate got out and wrapped a towel around her body, leaning back into the shower and wringing out her hair. She turned on the fan and went to her room to get dressed. She’d stopped dressing quite so provocatively, but she still kept her style distant from Kate’s. Time to go to work. As she slid behind the wheel of her car, she thought of the look on Gibbs’ face the last time she’d seen him. It hadn’t been an expression she was supposed to see. Pain, confusion, and love. Her stomach twisted, knowing she’d seen his face like that before, on the night she left. She turned the radio’s volume up high and drove to a house in the country. She walked up to the front door and knocked. It was opened by a man who smiled and stood aside for her to come in. Showtime. The door closed behind her, and her workday began.
“The sitter got sick and had to cancel.” Said Gibbs over the phone. “Would you like to hang out with me and Lizzie tonight instead of going out?”
“Of course!” Kate was delighted. A whole evening with her daughter, of course she’d like that. “When do you want me over?”
“Is an hour and a half from now okay?”
“I’ll be there. Bye.” She hung up and sat down with her book, setting the alarm on her phone for an hour later. When it went off, she grabbed her coat and shoes and got into her car. When she reached Gibbs’ house, she got out and knocked, even though she knew the door was unlocked.
“Who is it?” called a little voice.
Kate laughed. “Hey Lizzie, it’s Cat, can you let me in?” The door opened and Lizzie launched herself into Kate’s arms.
“Kitty! You’re gonna be on my team, right?”
“What are we playing?” asked Kate
“Two truths and a lie. It’s really fun, and they taught us at Bridges today!”
“That doesn’t sound like a team game.” Teased Kate
“It isn’t.” Called Gibbs from the living room. “She just wants to make sure she wins, because then she gets to be the Princess.”
Kate nodded, understanding. “Well, I’ll be on your team the next time we play, but maybe this time we should all play separately.”
“Okay.” said Lizzie, disappointed. “If you promise we’ll be a team next time.”
“I promise.” Said Kate solemnly. “Let’s go keep your dad company.” They went into the living room and Lizzie plopped herself down on the floor.
“Okay.” She said seriously, taking on the role of teacher. “We all have to sit in a circle.” Gibbs settled himself on the floor and Kate sat next to him. “I’ll go first. So, I have to tell you three things about me, and you have to guess which one is the lie. I can already do division, I want a guinea pig for a pet, and I got three stars today at Bridges.” She declared.
Kate thought for a minute. “Is it that you want a guinea pig?” she asked.
“No!” Lizzie giggled.
“Then it’s that you can do division.” Said Gibbs.
“No! I didn’t get three stars today, I got four!” she cried proudly.
“That’s great Lizzie.” Gibbs ruffled his daughter’s hair.
“It’s your turn now Kitty.”
“Okay, let’s see. I’m an only child, I’ve been to West Virginia, and I love mushrooms.”
“You don’t like mushrooms!” shrieked Lizzie.
“Right. I always pick them out of stuff.”
“My turn. I’ve traveled outside the country, I work for the government, and I get seasick really easily.”
Kate went first, but deliberately guessed wrong, knowing that Lizzie wanted to win. “You’ve traveled outside the country.”
“Nope. Lizzie?”
“You never get seasick, Daddy.”
“You go it, I think that means you get to be Princess.”
“Do I get a request from both of you?” she asked.
“What do you think Cat? Should she get one from each of us?”
Kate nodded. “Of course. It’s only fair, after all, she did beat us both.”
“Yea! Okay, Daddy. Can you show me how to build a boat?”
“It’s too late tonight, but I can tomorrow.” He replied.
“Good.” She gestured to Kate. “Kitty, come over here. I don’t want Daddy to hear.” Kate scooted over to the little girl and tilted her hear down. Lizzie whispered in her ear. “Can you be my Mommy until my real mommy comes back?”
Kate flushed. “If you want me to, honey.” She whispered back, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. She went back to Gibbs’ side, trying to mask the pain on her face as they started another game.
Kate and Gibbs sat on the couch together. “Are you okay?” he asked. “You’ve been really quiet.”
Kate looked up, and glanced away quickly. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just…just a little surprised I guess. Did Lizzie ever meet her mother?”
“No. The day she was born, her mother sent her to me and then disappeared.”
“That must be hard for her.” Kate replied, softly.
“I don’t think she really understands just yet. Of course, I’m probably wrong and she’s probably figured out what happened better than I did. Why do you ask?”
“She asked me to be her mom until her real mom came back.”
“I’m sorry, that must have felt weird.”
“It was okay. Like I said, just a little surprising.” Gibbs put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head soothingly. Kate tipped her face up to his. The kiss started out long and slow, the way it usually did, but this time, it heated up quickly. Something about tonight was different. Soon, Kate was gasping for breath under him. “Wait.” He pulled back. “I…” she closed her eyes for a moment before continuing. “I think we should probably move. If Lizzie wakes up…” Gibbs nodded, getting up. They went into his room and, as soon as the door closed, they started where they’d left off. Before they went all the way, Gibbs paused.
“Are you sure, Cat?” he asked.
“Absolutely.” She replied. “I’m sure.” Sure was an understatement, she’d been sure five years ago, when she’d first sobered up, she’d been sure months later on the last day of her old life. By now, she was so much more than sure. And clearly so was he.
Kate breathed in deeply, drowning herself in his scent. Gibbs was fast asleep next to her, and she lay curled up against him. She’d missed this so much. Had she really thought through her decision all those years ago? She’d always been so sure there was no other choice, but maybe if she’d stayed…She shook herself. She couldn’t change the past; all she could do was plan her future. She glanced over at Gibbs and slipped out of bed, pulling on her clothes. She grabbed a pen and paper and wrote a hurried note for when he woke up. She set it on the pillow and left quietly. As she got into her car, she knew that she still loved him. She sighed and took off the brake, speeding out of the neighborhood and towards her house. When she got in, she dropped onto the couch. She’d been spending a lot of time there lately. She grabbed her cell out of her purse and dialed a familiar number. “‘Allo?” answered the voice on the other line.
“Hey, Allejandro. Do we have anything scheduled for today?”
“I’ve been trying to reach you, you shouldn’t have been unavailable.” Allejandro’s voice was disapproving.
“The battery must have died.” Replied Kate carelessly. “What have we got?”
“Clear schedule and four pending.”
“And the four?” asked Kate, rubbing her forehead.
“An arms dealer, two drug dealers, and one government agent.”
“Any against policy?”
“Nothing I could find.”
“Good. Names?”
“Alicia Thompson, Alex Fairfax, Mark Lecard, and Timothy McGee.”
Kate froze. “Timothy McGee? Double check that.” She heard the keyboard and mouse clicks as Allejandro went through his notes.
“There’s no mistake, Cat. Special Agent Timothy McGee, or rather Thom E. Gemcity.”
“Sanctioned?” demaded Kate incredulously.
“All the way.”
“Thanks. Accept the first three, get the details on the fourth.”
“Got it.” Allejandro hung up and Kate dialed another number.
“Director Shepard’s office.”
“Hey, Cynthia, I need to speak to Jenny.”
“I’ll put you on. Hold a moment.” She paused as she transferred Kate.
“Hello Cat.”
“Jenny, I’ve gotten an assignment that I don’t particularly want, but I can’t get out of it. It’s sanctioned and doesn’t go against policy.”
“Who is it?”
“One of your agents. Timothy McGee.”
“Do you know why?”
“No, but I’ve sent someone to find out. I can’t protect him, Jen. The man’s got a gun aimed at his head, and if I get the chance, I’ll have to pull the trigger. All I can do is try to find out who ordered the hit and on what terms, but after that it’s up to you.”
“Thanks, Cat. I’ll work on it. Call me if you get anything.”
“I fully intended to, Director.” Replied Kate before clicking off. She sighed, leaning back. Old sins have long shadows, they said. She jumped when her home phone rang. She grabbed it. “Hello?”
“Hey Cat. I dropped Lizzie off at school, do you want to come back over?”
Kate smiled. “Sure. I’ll be right there.” This was how it should have been all those years ago.
Kate was sitting in his basement, watching him work on the boat. “How long have you been working on this?” she asked. The frame looked less finished than it had five years ago.
“About three years.”
Kate was dying to ask what had happened to the one before that, but instead she just smiled. “She looks like she’ll be a good boat.”
“She should be.” He paused for a minute, leaning on the frame. “What made you become an assassin?”
“Great job title, isn’t it? Hi, My name’s Catherine Harris and I’m an assassin.” Kate laughed. “There isn’t really a better one though. I guess I just assessed my skills and my requirements and ended up with this.”
“And what would your skills and requirements be?” asked Gibbs teasingly.
“Stealth, profiling, weapons, patriotism. All things that help me be good at what I do. And I wanted a job that paid my bills, made a name for me, and gave me a new lease on life. After my husband died, god, almost a decade ago, I didn’t want to live that life anymore. I chose a lifestyle that took me far away from anyone I might have known before.” Kate had been speaking without really thinking about what she said. “I have rules though, morals, I suppose you could call them. Ask anyone who’s ever hired me. I’m a killer snob. Literally.”
Gibbs laughed, going back to work. “Have you ever broken a rule? Made an exception?” he asked thoughtfully.
Kate swallowed. “Yeah, once or twice, but not in the assassination business. Before then.”
“Was it worth it?”
“I hope so.” She tried to lighten the air. “Ziva always says that I have too many rules and if I make too many more, no one will hire me.”
“Ever thought about retiring?” Gibbs seemed determined to stay on a serious topic.
“If I ever decided to settle down, I suppose I would.”
“What about if someone asked you to?”
Kate caught her breath. “I would consider it at least.” She replied cautiously.
Gibbs set down the sander he was working with and walked over to her, holding her close. “Please retire.” He whispered in her ear. Kate hid her face in his shirt. Not fair, he didn’t play fair.
She gazed up at him. “What would I do with myself if I retired?”
“Get a normal job, help me take care of Lizzie, anything.”
“I don’t know if I could.” She said honestly. “It’s been so long since I had a normal life, it wouldn’t feel right. And besides, Lizzie wants her mother to come back, not to have someone else take her place.”
“Lizzie’s five. She’ll be fine.”
Kate pulled away and ducked under the boat frame. She rested her head in her hands. “Got anything to drink?” she asked, not looking up. He filled a shot glass and passed it to her. She took a sip and then chuckled a little, swirling the bourbon around the glass. “Give me enough of this, and I’ll agree to anything.” She said sadly.
“Well in that case…” Gibbs passed her the whole bottle. She accepted it, refilling her glass.
“You really want me to take an out?” she asked, amused.
“I really do.” Kate smiled thoughtfully. No more running, a stable home, her family and friends…She grabbed her glass and downed it.
“Ask me again.”
“Cat, will you marry me?”
Kate choked. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. “That is…that’s not the same question.” She choked out, trying to get a hold of her thoughts.
“You said that you’d retire if you settled down.”
“But not that I’d settle down if I retired!” she gasped.
“So no?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what are you saying, Cat?” demanded Gibbs.
“I…I just…I…” Kate was completely lost. She knew she loved him, so why couldn’t she say yes? Because she wasn’t sure if he loved her or Catherine? Because she wasn’t ready? Because she thought he’d be angry when he found out? “Jethro, I don’t know if…” she broke down crying. She felt his arms around her shoulders and felt his hand running up and down her spine. I love you, I love you, I love you! Why couldn’t she say it out loud? She had to. She didn’t want to lose him again. She opened her mouth. Say it. “I…I have to go.” She shoved him away and ran, ran faster than she’d ever run in her life, kept running until she couldn’t run anymore. She collapsed in the shade of the woods, drawing her knees up to her chin and burying her face. She cried out her pain and fear, and then just sat there, hiccupping. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t let herself be happy? It was stupid, ridiculous, and she was terrified.
Gibbs sat stock still in his basement. Was this going to be some kind of pattern? Falling in love with a woman, trying to explain that to her, and having her run crying from his house? Really? This was ridiculous. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice anyway. He would go find Cat and talk some sense into her. With this plan in mind, he headed out the door.
“Patch me through to Director Shepard, please, Cynthia.” Kate said hoarsely.
“Did you get anything new Cat?”
“No, I…I just need a favor.” She sniffed.
Jen went on alert instantly. “Is anything wrong?”
“Just my brain.” She replied, trying to laugh, but only managing to sound hysterical. She took some deep breaths. “I need to talk to you, can you meet me at a café or something?”
“Of course. Moonstruck on Main Street.”
“Thank you, Jenny.” Kate calmed her breathing and made her way to the street. She got in a cab and gave the driver directions. She got out at the café, handing the driver money without looking at it and sitting down at a booth in the corner. A few minutes later, Jenny stepped in and sat across from her. Jenny took in the windblown hair, red eyes, and lack of make-up, knowing the imagery from past break-ups.
“What is it, Cat?”
“God, don’t call me that.” Said Kate, hiding her head. “I hate that name, I’m sick of it!”
“Why? What happened?”
Kate sniffed. “I don’t know! That’s just it. I have no idea why I did it! Any of it!” she was hysterical now.
“Hey, just talk to me.” Said Jen soothingly. “I’m sure we can figure something out.”
“I was so stupid. I should have stayed. God, I should’ve just stayed!”
“Stayed where?”
Kate lifted her eyes to look at Jen. “Here. I should never have left DC. He said the same thing you know. ‘I’m sure we can work it out.’ And we could’ve, if I’d just stayed. And then I get a second chance, another chance to stay, to have that life, and I do the same goddamn thing!”
Jenny was startled by the outburst. “What are you talking about, Cat?”
Kate closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “My name is not Catherine Harris, it’s Katelyn Todd.”
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.