Chapter 3.
Friday evening. 8pm.
One week after his come back, Tony was still avoiding Gibbs. He was doing his job but nothing more. No more jokes, no more smiles. Gibbs was getting more and more worried. Tony was visibly very tired and still in pain. He was moving carefully and avoiding contacts.
Gibbs had tried to talk about it with Ducky but Tony had not come to see the ME to talk about any injury.
Tony was still at his desk, working on some files. Gibbs didn’t want to leave before him. He knew they needed to talk even if it was just to clear some things. Gibbs could feel Tony was angry at him even if the young man was good at hiding his feelings.
-I’m going back home, Boss.
Gibbs looked up to see Tony in front of his desk.
-Ok. I’m leaving too.
They walked together to the elevator and let the doors closed on them. Gibbs switched the “stop” button. He had always liked talking in the elevator; no cameras, no witnesses.
-What are you doing Boss?
-I need to talk with you.
-You could have done that somewhere else. Please, let’s go somewhere more…somewhere less..
Gibbs could hear the panic in Tony’s voice and it was not only due to the talk they needed to have. Gibbs realized that Tony could not stand being in such a small, closed space with him.
-I just need to talk to you.
Tony looked at him. Gibbs realized it had taken a lot out of him to make the effort to look at his boos in the eyes like that.
-Please, Jethro. Not here.
-Why?
-I can’t stay here.
-I will need more than that, Tony.
Tony tried to reach the button to restart the elevator but Gibbs stopped him before he could touch it. They were now face to face and Gibbs could feel Tony was breathing hard. Gibbs placed his hands on Tony’s arms. The younger man tried to flee from Gibbs’ hold but he could not move fast enough. Gibbs was holding him. They were close, too close for Tony.
It was getting hard for him to breath.
-Let me go out of here. I won’t let you hurt me.
Gibbs let Tony go and the younger man found refuge on the other side of the elevator; as far away from Gibbs as he could go.
-I will never hurt you, Tony.
Tony sat on the floor, placing his arms around his knees. Gibbs knelt at his side, not touching him.
-I will never hurt you, Tony. You’re too precious to me.
-You let them hurt me.
Those words had been said in a whisper but Gibbs had heard them well. He didn’t know what had happened on this submarine but the Tony who had come back was not the same who had left.
-What did they do to you? Please, Tony, talk to me.
-I can’t. It’s my fault. I was alone.
-You’re not alone now. Let’s get out of this elevator.
Gibbs helped Tony get up and they both walk to Gibbs’ car.
-My car is parked on the other side.
-I know but I’m not leaving you alone tonight. You’re coming with me, to my house.
Gibbs felt Tony tensed at his side. He stopped walking and faced the younger man.
-Do you trust me, Tony?
-Yes Boss.
-Ok. Good. So I’m going to say it one more time. I will never hurt you, Tony.
Tony was looking in Gibbs’ eyes, trying to determine if he could trust those words. Deep inside he knew Gibbs would never do anything that could hurt him but he could not help feeling that Gibbs had betrayed him. He had let him go and he had not been here to protect him when he needed him.
He was aware it was stupid. Gibbs had no idea of what had happened but Tony had never felt so alone and abandoned in his life…or maybe once.
-I trust you, Jethro.
-Good, so let’s go back home. You need a good shower and rest.
Tony smiled at those words. He didn’t think a shower would help him. He had tried to shower but the feeling of being dirty had not left him. Gibbs drove in silence. He knew Tony didn’t want to talk about what had happened and Gibbs would not force him.
For now he just wanted to help the man he loved to feel safe. Gibbs was aware that Tony had probably not slept during the previous nights and before being able to talk about the nightmare he had obviously lived, he needed to rest.
When they arrived in front of Gibbs house; they both got out of the car. Gibbs noticed the wince of pain on Tony’s face when he tried to get up.
Tony was surprised to see Gibbs search for his keys and open the front door.
-I’m not completely stupid. Sometimes I lock my door.
Tony smiled at him.
-I’ve never thought you were stupid, Boss. Just a little weird…Sometimes.
If they had been at the office, Gibbs would have slapped him behind the head. But, this time, the slap turned into a tender caress behind the head. Gibbs had missed being able to touch Tony.
-You’re softening, Boss. You’re going to make me think you’ve changed into a mother hen.
-Would it be so bad, Tony?
They were now inside the house. Tony didn’t know what to think of Gibbs change of mood. He had never seen him like that. He was obviously worried about him and Tony could help feeling warm inside at the thought that Gibbs cared about him.
-You didn’t answer my question. Is it so bad that I want to take care of you?
-I don’t know, Boss. It depends on what you will ask in return.
Gibbs was speechless after Tony’s last remark. Tony seemed serious and was really wondering that Gibbs would ask for something from him.
-You really think I’m doing that because I want something in return?
-I don’t know, Boss. You tell me.
Gibbs walked to the young man. They were now face to face. This time Tony didn’t flee. He stayed there waiting for Gibbs to say something.
-And what do you think I want, Tony?
Tony closed the space between them. Gibbs could feel the warmth of Tony’s breath on his face. He could have kissed him right now and it was hard to resist.
-I know what you want, Boss. You know I can give you what you want.
Tony’s hand was on Gibbs’ face, caressing his cheek. Gibbs could see that Tony was scared of what he was doing. He was scared that Gibbs could accept his offer and oblige him to do something he was not ready for. Gibbs placed his hand on Tony’s hand and pushed it away from his face.
-You really think I would do that to you? I’m not man this kind of man.
-And what kind of man are you, Boss?
-The kind of man who needs feelings to make love to someone.
Tony walked away from Gibbs, wandering in the living room.
-I see. Can I take a shower?
-The bathroom is upstairs. Second door on your left.
Tony walked upstairs, ashamed of what he had just done. He had offered himself to his boss. He would have done it if Gibbs had said yes. Tony could not decide if he was happy or upset that Gibbs had refused.
He opened the bathroom door and smiled. The room was exactly as he had imagined it: tidy, clean but functional. Tony closed the door behind him and started undress. The bruises on his back , chest and legs were healing but they were still painful.
Tony was concentrated on his actions, moving slowly to avoid awakening the pain. He didn’t hear Gibbs open the door. The older man stay still for a long moment, not daring disturbing Tony. He was so shocked to see Tony's body.
Tony had been badly beaten. His back was almost entirely blue, black. The back of his legs were the same color. Gibbs felt the anger grow inside him. He wanted to know who had done that to Tony. He wanted to find them and make them understand what it cost to put an hand on the man he loved.
Tony turned, surprised to see Gibbs behind him. Gibbs tried to find something to say.
-Sorry. I knocked but you didn’t answer. I wanted to give you towels.
-Thanks, Boss.
Tony was acting as if everything was normal. He took the towels from Gibbs’ hands. Gibbs had not moved. He had dozen of questions in mind but didn’t dare to ask one.
-I don’t really need your help to shower, Boss.
Gibbs was still unresponsive and Tony didn’t know what to do to make him leave. He didn’t want to answer Gibbs’ questions.
-Boss, could you leave me alone?
-Who did that to you?
-No one. I fell in the stairs. You know those submarine are not very comfortable…
Tony didn’t have the time to finish his sentence. Gibbs closed the space between them, facing Tony.
-Don’t try to lie to me, Dinozzo. You’ve been beaten and more than once.
Tony’s heart was beating too fast. He wanted one thing and the contrary at the same time. His mind was telling him to go away from Gibbs but his heart was telling him to hide in the older man’s arms and feel safe again.
-Tony, please, tell me the truth.
Tony could not speak. His heart won the battle that was raging inside him and he rested his head on Gibbs shoulder. Gibbs put an arm around Tony’s shoulder and held the younger man close to him, trying not to hurt him too much.
The questions would have to wait. For now, Tony needed him and he would not let him alone tonight.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony begins to open up