As Ziva made her way down the corridor to the Intensive Care Unit, she found herself wondering if volunteering to stay with DiNozzo was a good idea. McGee had told her that Gibbs had wanted one of them to stay with Tony while he interrogated Captain Wells and she had volunteered, much to McGee’s obvious relief. Now, she wasn’t sure that she was ready to see Tony after all, but she knew that she had to face him sometime.
Ziva would never admit it to either Gibbs or McGee, but she was nervous. The fact that Tony had no memory of her or any of the team concerned her, but what bothered her the most were the scars created by his time on the streets that he would be forced to live with the rest of life. It was hard to accept the fact that if Tony didn’t regain the memories of his past life, then he would be forced to live with the ones that were created during the past year.
She took a deep breath and lightly rapped on the door frame, quietly announcing her presence. The team leader looked up at her and motioned her to enter. She immediately noticed the fine lines of exhaustion around Gibbs’ eyes indicative of the constant stress that he had subjected his body to the past couple of days. Her attention then turned to Tony. His eyes were closed as if he was asleep, but she could tell that his slumber was restless. DiNozzo was in constant motion, pulling against the restraints that were in place for his safety.
“How is he doing?” she softly inquired.
“He’s restless, but at least he’s quiet,” Gibbs informed her. “You should have been a here about an hour ago; it wasn’t a pretty sight.”
“I can only imagine what he must be going through.” She slowly reached up and brushed a strand of sweat soaked hair from Tony’s forehead. “He must be terrified.”
“Yeah.”
“Has he said anything to indicate that he has remembered something from his past?”
Gibbs shrugged. “I don’t know. He could be remembering something from his childhood, but his words are slurred and jumbled, so I can’t be sure. I’m hoping that once he’s through the withdrawal, he’ll be a little more coherent.”
“How long will that take?” she asked.
“I’m not sure. Ducky is supposed to consult with Dr. Cole and then hopefully, we’ll have a better idea of what to expect.”
Ziva could sense the hesitancy in Gibbs’ voice. He was evidently keeping something from her, but she decided that she would not push him for the information just yet. “I am prepared to stay with Tony while you go talk with Captain Wells,” she said.
“Thanks. Just keep him as quiet as you can and see if you can get some water in him when he wakes up,” the ex-Marine instructed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Take your time. Get some rest; you look like you need it.”
“I’ll get some rest when I know Tony’s doing better,” he stated. “If anything happens, call me.”
“We will be fine,” she assured him.
She took Gibbs’ seat as he stood up and walked towards the door. Ziva saw the team leader glance back over his shoulder at her. “I know you’ll be fine,” he sighed. “Hell, you helped me get my memory back; maybe you can jar DiNozzo’s memory as well.”
“Maybe, but I would not hold my breasts.”
Ziva noticed the smile that crept over the ex-Marine’s face. “Is something wrong?” she wanted to know.
“I think you meant breath,” he explained. “I wouldn’t hold my breath.”
The Mossad officer could feel her cheeks flush. She was grateful that this latest faux pas had happened in front of Gibbs; Tony would not have let her live that one down for a long time. “Of course,” she mumbled.
“Call me if you need me,” he reminded her once again.
“I will,” Ziva promised.
She watched Gibbs as he walked out the door and stopped at the nurse’s station. Ziva guessed that he was making sure that the nurses knew where to reach him in case something happened. Once Gibbs was out of sight, she sat back in the chair and studied the man lying before her. She could not believe how much Tony had changed in a year.
Ziva was astounded how much weight Tony had lost. The gown he was wearing now hung off his frame; his face was pale and gaunt, a testament of how difficult his life had been this past year. There were scars on his arms that told of his daily struggle just to survive, forcing Ziva to consider the horrors that he was forced to face.
Taking a wash cloth, she gently took it over his face in an effort to cool him down. The withdrawal was taking its toll both physically and emotionally on Tony and Ziva was unsure of what to do to help her friend. She felt powerless to stop his pain and that was a feeling that she did not cherish.
“How are you feeling?” she tenderly inquired.
“Like…crap,” Tony rasped.
“I am sure that you do.”
She hoped that Tony couldn’t sense her nervousness. She had never been anxious around Tony and Ziva knew that although Tony had been missing for a year, she believed that it really shouldn’t make a difference in how comfortable she was around him. After all, she was a Mossad officer trained to deal with unexpected change, but this was her partner, her friend, the man that she trusted with her life.
“Can I get you anything?”
Tony glared at her. “A drink.”
“You can have some water.”
“Better than nothing…throats…dry.”
Ziva picked up the glass and placed her hand under his head for support as he sipped the water. “Not too much,” she said. “You do not want to make yourself sick.”
Tony winced as he swallowed and then he shook his head, indicating that he didn’t want anymore. “Hurts…to…swallow.”
“I am sure it does, but you need to try and drink and eat something to keep your strength up.”
“Too tired.”
“I know you are, but you can beat this.”
“Don’t have much worth fighting for,” he whispered. “Just an old box…in an alley.”
“Is that where you live?” she gently pressed.
Tony shrugged. “Sometimes,” he answered. “Sometimes I go to the shelter.”
“The shelter? Tell me about this shelter. Where is it at?”
She placed a calming hand on his arm as he tried to pull against the restraints again. “It is all right. You are safe.”
“No, I’m not,” he growled.
“Yes, you are. I want you to listen to me.”
Ziva cupped his face and forced him to look at her. “You are very sick, but you have plenty of people who want to help you get through this. No one or nothing is going to harm you, you have my word.”
“Untie me,” he begged. “Please untie me. I can’t handle…this.”
“You are in restraints to keep you from hurting yourself,” Ziva attempted to explain. “When you are feeling better, the doctor will take them off.”
“I want them off now! Please just for a little…while. I’ll be good,” Tony tried to bargain. “I won’t…do anything.”
“I can not take them off. I wish I could.”
Tears began to stream down Tony’s face. With every tear drop that he shed, she could feel her heart breaking. She had never known Tony to cry; even when he had just cause, he had always managed to hold his emotions in check. Now, the floodgates were open. She could barely understand his pleas through the choked sobs.
“Please…please…help me,” he cried.
She cradled his head against her chest as she listened to him cry out in pain and confusion. He had no idea what was happening to him and truthfully, neither did she. “It is all right,” she consoled. “I promise you that everything will be all right.”
“God, it hurts!” he groaned.
She kissed the top of his head and began running her fingers through his sweat soaked hair. “It is all right,” she repeated over and over. “It is going to be all right.”
Ziva wiped his tears away as he looked up at her. She could tell that he was searching in his mind for a memory, but was obviously coming up blank. “Do you know who I am?” she asked.
A smile escaped her lips as Tony shook his head in response to her question. Did he really know her name? “What is my name?” she urged, silently hoping to hear him speak her name.
“Kate…you’re Kate.”
Disappointed, she shook her head. “No. No, I am not Kate.”
“She’s my…angel…”
“Your angel? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“My angel,” he whispered. “My…angel. She helps me…do…right.”
“What do you mean she helps you do right?”
Tony closed his eyes and started drifting back to sleep. Ziva laid his head back down on his pillow and sat back down in her chair. He had called her Kate. That was something that he had never done before, even when she had been new to the team. Was he actually thinking of Kate Todd, his partner of two years or was he talking about someone else entirely? Maybe the next time he came around, she could ask him again who Kate was and maybe he would remember a little bit more of his past. Then maybe, there would be a beginning to the ending of this nightmare.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Leroy Jethro Gibbs entered the interrogation room to find Captain Joseph Wells sitting in the customary chair, appearing to be waiting patiently, but Gibbs could easily sense the man’s uneasiness. The team leader sat down and opened the folder and pulled out pictures of Lt. Matthews and of Tony.
“Do you recognize either of these two men?” Gibbs began.
“No, I don’t,” the Captain replied.
“Maybe you should look at the pictures this time, Captain.”
Matthews glanced down at the pictures and studied them for a few seconds. “He pointed to Tony’s picture. “This guy looks a little familiar. I may have seen him hanging around the ship yard, bumming money from sailors.”
“Really?” Gibbs sat back in his chair. “And what about the other one?”
“I…uh…saw him talking to the bum, it looked like the two of them were arguing.”
“What were they arguing about?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t close enough to hear. Look, I only have three days of leave left and I’d like to spend it with my family. I don’t have time to be questioned about some sailor being shot, so I’d appreciate it if you would speed things along,” the Captain challenged.
“How did you know Lt. Matthews had been shot?” the team leader wanted to know.
“I…guess….I overhead one of your officers talking about it when they drug me away from my family.”
Gibbs shook his head. “Now, why don’t I believe you?” He produced the evidence bag containing the torn rank insignia. “Recognize this? It belongs to you and it was discovered at the crime scene. Care to explain how it got there?”
“How do you know it’s mine?”
“Your fingerprints are all over it. In fact, I had one of my people check the local dry cleaners and you know what they discovered?” Gibbs didn’t wait for the Captain to answer. “There was a Navy uniform dropped off with a blood stain on it and a missing rank insignia. The owner identified you as the one who brought it in. Now, do you want to rethink your story?”
The Captain sat back and folded his hands in his lap. “I think I want a lawyer.”
“I’m sure you do and I’d be happy to oblige.”
“What’s the catch?”
“No catch.”
“For some reason, I don’t believe you.”
Gibbs picked up Tony’s picture. “Did this man shoot Lt. Matthews?”
“No.”
“Did you shoot Lt. Matthews?”
“I want my lawyer,” Wells demanded.
Gibbs looked behind him at the mirror and motioned McGee to join him in the interrogation room. In just a few seconds, the door swung open and the junior agent rushed in.
“Yes, Boss?”
“McGee, Captain Wells needs to make a phone call.”
“Right,” McGee said.
Gibbs watched as McGee escorted the Captain out of the room. Hopefully when Wells returned with his lawyer, then he would be interested in cutting some kind of deal. As long as he could prove Tony innocence, he really didn’t care what happened to Captain Wells. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he was well within Jenny’s time frame and as soon as he finished extracting a confession, he could head back to the hospital and concentrate his attention on helping DiNozzo put his life back together.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ducky decided to look in on Tony before he went to meet with Dr. Cole. Jethro had insisted that he consult with Dr. Cole regarding the best treatment for the ailing man. He had tried to explain to Gibbs that treating alcoholism was not his area of expertise, but the team leader had been insistent stating that he wanted an opinion that he could trust.
He introduced himself to the nurses and inquired as to which room Anthony DiNozzo was in. Ducky nodded his thanks and in two strides was standing outside Tony’s room peering in at the thrashing form of the young agent. He softly knocked on the door and then entered the room. His gaze remained fixed on the young agent as he slowly approached Tony’s bed.
The ME nodded towards the Mossad officer. “Hello, my dear. How’s our boy doing?”
“He is having a difficult time,” Ziva quietly replied. “Tony drifts off for a few minutes and then he starts fighting the restraints. Most of the time he mumbles incoherently, but sometimes he will wake up screaming. It is very exhausting to watch him; I can not imagine what it must be like to…” Ziva paused as if trying to organize her thoughts. Ducky waited patiently for her to continue.
“I heard the nurses talking,” she said. “They are very worried about Tony’s vital signs. They expect me to keep him calm, but when he wakes up, it is like he has forgotten everything from the last time he was awake and he begins to panic.”
“That’s not unexpected. Amnesia can be very tricky; hopefully once the alcohol has been flushed out of his system, he’ll become more coherent.”
“I hope so.”
“Well, if you’ll excuse me, my dear, I have to…”
“He called me Kate,” Ziva blurted out. “I asked him if he knew who I was and he called me Kate.”
“Do you believe that he was talking about Caitlyn Todd?”
“I do not know, but it certainly was a dreary feeling.”
“Eerie.”
Ducky and Ziva looked down to see Tony open his eyes again. DiNozzo had no idea that he had automatically corrected another one of Ziva’s grammatical mistakes just like he always did. The ME smiled at Tony. “What did you say?”
“Eerie…feeling…not dreary.”
“You’re quite right, my boy. Quite right!” the doctor praised. “It’s good to see you awake.”
“Can’t sleep…skin’s crawling.”
“I can see if the nurses can get you something.”
“No! Only thing I need is out of here!” Tony growled.
“You have to get better before you go,” Ducky tried to rationalize. Unfortunately, Tony was not listening to the voice of reason.
“I can’t do this…again…I can’t stay…here!”
“Why not?”
“Hurt me,” Tony cried.
“Who’s going to hurt you?”
Tony jerked against the restraints, screaming in agony. “God, please!” the young man begged.
“What’s wrong, Tony?” Ducky pressed.
“Name is Todd…not Tony…I don’t know…Tony. Not exist…not exist…danger…make it stop! I’ll be good…give me a drink…won’t ask…for anything…else. Kate!”
“Where’s Kate, Anthony?” The ME continued to attempt to make sense out of Tony’s sporadic ramblings. He realized that it was a long shot but something in his gut told him had to try. “Anthony, where’s Kate?”
Ducky watched as Tony closed his eyes against the tears that wanted to fall. He put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Where’s Kate?”
“She’s dead…She’s dead, but she’s my…angel.”
“How did she die?” Ducky asked, knowing Tony’s answer would hopefully clear up the confusion about which Kate he was referring to. “Can you tell me how she died?”
Tony shook his head. “She’s dead,” he repeated.
“I know that, but how did she die?”
Ducky watched as Tony’s eyes glazed over as if he were struggling to process the ME’s question. Could his memories be trying to resurface? He didn’t want to overwhelm Tony. Considering that that he was still having to withstand the effects of the withdrawal, Ducky wasn’t sure that the young man could handle trying to straighten out the conflicting images in his mind.
“Shot…Kate…was shot…but…I can…hear her…I tried to go…to her…but I can’t,” Tony sobbed.
“That’s because it’s not your time, my boy,” Ducky assured him. “It’s not your time.”
“That’s what…she…says…”
“Kate was always very smart.”
Ducky saw Tony’s body visibly tense. “You knew Kate?” the agent asked, his voice hoarse from screaming.
“Yes, I did.”
Tony nodded and closed his eyes again. The ME smiled as he watched Ziva take the wash cloth over DiNozzo’s face and arms. He walked over and patted Ziva on the shoulder. “I’ll be back to check on him before I leave. I have to meet with Dr. Cole right now.”
“We will be here,” Ziva answered.
“I know and I know that you’re going to take excellent care of him.”
Ducky walked out of the room without a backward glance. He thought that he was prepared to support Dr. Cole’s decision, despite Jethro’s wishes, but now he wasn’t so sure. There was a desperation in DiNozzo’s eyes that he had not seen in a long time and it scared the physician. He knew that he had to do what was best for Tony and that was what he had to base his decision upon. Ducky just prayed that once the decision was made, that Jethro Gibbs would understand.
Chapter End Notes:
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