He hated the dark. His tormentors must have figured that out because ever since his capture, he had been forced to live in a black void. He was bound so tightly that the binds were cutting into his skin; he was blindfolded and gagged so that he couldn’t hear or speak. The only sound that he heard was the scurrying of what he figured to be rats, searching for their next meal. God, he hated rats.
He wasn’t sure when his intense dislike of the pests first occurred, but at the moment, it didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that he needed to get free before his captors returned. They were relentless in their efforts to break him and he wasn’t sure how much more he could withstand their ruthless means of extracting information.
His body tensed as the door opened. He tried to swallow but the gag made it nearly impossible to do so. A strangled cry escaped from his throat as his head was jerked backwards; he shuddered as he felt the kidnapper’s rancid breath on his neck. He was going to be sick, but he was forced to tamp down the nausea; he didn’t cherish the thought of choking to death on his own vomit.
Todd easily recognized his visitor; he called himself Steve, although he doubted it was his real name. This man was heartless and cruel and Todd hated him. Steve had been the one to drug him and beat him; he had also been the one to…No! He would not allow that painful memory to resurface.
“No one is looking for you, you bastard,” Steve hissed as he tightened his grip on Todd’s hair. “Your friends, your boss; they’ve all abandoned you because they know you betrayed them. You sold out. You failed them. Do you hear me? No one cares what happens to you, Agent DiNozzo. You see, we discovered your real name; you’ve been lying to us.”
He tried to shake his head, but that action was met with resistance. Todd gasped for breath as a hand tightened around his throat. “You have something to say?” his captor taunted.
The blindfold was removed and the gag was roughly pulled from his mouth, causing him to clamp down on his tongue. The taste of his own blood only exacerbated his urge to throw up. “Gonna be…sick.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Todd began to retch, a mixture of blood and bile staining his shirt and pants, as well as those of his tormentor. A sharp blow to his face made him cry out in anguish. “Damn bastard! Look what you did!”
Todd began to laugh. He knew that his seemingly indifferent attitude would only bring more pain and suffering, but he no longer cared. The agony no longer mattered; he deserved what happened to him. He had tried to resist as long as he could, hoping that he would be found; but no one ever came. No one had his six. A man can only be subjected to so much before he loses his sense of reality and Todd knew that he had surpassed that limit.
“What are you laughing at?” the dark figure demanded to know. “Do you think this is funny?”
“No,” he finally managed to rasp. “Not…funny.”
“You’re right, Agent DiNozzo. It’s not funny.”
“Name is Todd...Gibbs.”
“No it’s not,” Steve countered. “My partner saw your mug on TV when the feds decided to call off the search for you. They know. They know that you told us everything. I’m sure that NCIS is hoping that you’re dead.”
“I don’t…know…what you’re talking about.”
“You’ve said that before, but we don’t believe you, Agent DiNozzo.”
“Todd Gibbs…name is Todd Gibbs!”
“Liar!” Steve shouted.
Todd inhaled sharply when he felt the tip of a knife blade resting precariously against his throat. “I want to hear you say it. Tell me that your name is Anthony DiNozzo.”
He felt a rivulet of blood trick down his neck. “I’m Todd…”
“Tell me or you’ll be sorry. We already have extracted all the information that we need from you. I just want to hear you say your name is Anthony DiNozzo. Maybe if you cooperate, I’ll let you go.”
“Now…who’s lying?” Todd challenged.
“You still have too much fight left in you. I really thought that we had broken you this last time. I guess I was wrong..”
Todd felt a prick in his arm and the familiar feeling of being burned alive began to emerge. He fell to the floor and began to struggle as Steve began to drag him across the room. A sense of panic began to overwhelm Todd as he realized that he was going to be locked in what he had once jokingly referred to as the dungeon, but was really a small closet with barely enough room to sit.
It was pitch black and it reeked of urine and vomit, mostly his. He was usually forced to stay in the tiny room for several days at a time and Todd would have no choice but to relieve himself. Of course, he wasn’t drinking much anymore, so maybe this time he would be able to hold it. Todd hated this room; the thoughts of being alone in complete darkness frightened him to no end. “Please don’t,” he begged.
“It’s too late. You had your chance,” his tormentor growled. “Putting you in here always seems to bring you down a notch or two.”
“Don’t do this! Please!”
“That’s it, Agent DiNozzo; I like it when you beg. Of course, my partner likes it when you cry. So, if I put you in here, I guess we’ll both get what we want.”
“Name is…Todd.”
He could no longer offer any resistance as the drug continued to rage through him, forcing him to scream out in anguish. Todd knew that it wouldn’t be much longer before he could no longer distinguish between what was real and what was a figment of his imagination.
“I’ll be back to check on you in a day or so, Agent DiNozzo,” Steve taunted.
Todd heard the door shut and lock, trapping him inside the closet. He lay on his side, staring into the void. The ailing man no longer had the strength to move as his tortured body succumbed to the drugs.
“Someone…help…me!” he sobbed. But once again, his pleas were met with silence; no one was going to help him. He forced himself to sit up as he felt something move across his feet. “God, no,” he whispered. “Please no!”
He kicked at the door. “Rats! Let me out! Please!” he yelled, ignoring the dull pain in his throat. “I’ll do anything! My name is…Anthony Di…Nozzo! I said it! My name is Anthony…DiNozzo! Now let me out! Steve! Let me out!”
Again, no one came. He began pulling himself into the farthest corner of the closet to get away from the dreaded creatures. Excruciating pain wracked every fiber of his body, but he forced himself to move. When would this nightmare be over? Was he doomed to a life of pain and darkness? Todd welcomed death, knowing that the outcome would be much better than the existence that was now his reality.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Gibbs watched as Tony continued to thrash about, his legs becoming entangled in the sheets. It was obvious that the younger man was once again being haunted by nightmares and the team leader wanted nothing more than to be able to keep Tony’s demons at bay. Placing his hands on DiNozzo’s shoulders, he gently shook the agent, hoping to awaken him without startling him. “Todd, I need you to wake up.”
Tony continued to pull at his restraints in his sleep. Gibbs could see where the straps were cutting into DiNozzo’s flesh prompting him to make a mental note to have those removed. “Todd, listen to me. It’s Jethro Gibbs.”
The senior agent’s eyes snapped open. “My name is Anthony DiNozzo!” Tony blurted out. “I said it! My name is Anthony DiNozzo! Now let me out! Steve! Let me out!”
Gibbs could see the fear in Tony’s eyes. Something was terrifying him and the former Marine could not even begin to fathom what it could be. Tony had never admitted to being afraid of anything, except rats and the plague, but truthfully, Gibbs didn’t blame him.
Ducky had once told Gibbs that Tony’s greatest fear was failing him. DiNozzo had worked hard to earn the team leader’s respect and trust; something that Leroy Jethro Gibbs did not give freely. Once Tony had accomplished that, the young agent had seemingly made it his life’s purpose to please him.
He wasn’t sure of why he had earned DiNozzo’s loyalty, but he quickly discovered that it was a good thing to have. Gibbs owed Tony his life and the only way he could repay him was to help his senior field agent reclaim what had so savagely been taken from him.
“I’ve got you,” Gibbs stated, hoping that Tony could hear him. “You’re safe now.”
It took a few seconds before Tony was able to focus on the team leader. Gibbs could see the pain and confusion in his eyes as DiNozzo glanced around the room, his gaze finally coming to rest on the ex-Marine.
“Can you hear me?” he asked.
Tony nodded, prompting Gibbs to slowly release his grasp on the younger man’s shoulders. “Sorry,” DiNozzo muttered.
“It’s all right,” Gibbs assured him. “Must have been some hell of a dream.”
“Not a dream,” Tony whispered. “Really happened.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“It might help,” Gibbs pointed out.
“Talking’s not going to change it.”
“No, but it might help you deal with it.”
Tony’s eyes narrowed. “Been dealing with it fine.”
“Yeah, I can see that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” DiNozzo angrily challenged.
“Nothing. I was just making an observation.”
“You don’t know anything about it!”
“I know enough to figure out that you turned to alcohol as a way to dull the pain, and I’m not just talking about the physical pain.”
“You a shrink now?”
Gibbs shook his head, choosing to ignore the hint of sarcasm present in Tony’s voice. “Nope, just going by my gut.”
The two men sat in silence for the next few minutes. Gibbs watched as Tony absently pulled at his restraints as he stared at the ceiling. He was surprised and grateful that DiNozzo hadn’t asked him to leave; it was more than obvious that he was still anxious around the team leader.
“They said no one was coming for me,” Tony recalled, finally shattering the stillness. “They were right. No one came.”
“We never gave up, Tony.” Gibbs winced, realizing his mistake. “I’m sorry. Todd,” he corrected.
“They told me my name was Anthony DiNozzo, but I kept telling them my name was Todd. At least I thought it was. Evidently, they were right.”
“You’re name is Anthony DiNozzo, but I’ll call you anything you want me to until you tell me otherwise.”
Tony shrugged. “I already told Ziva she could call me Tony.”
“So does that mean I can call you Tony?” Gibbs asked.
“Better than Elf Lord.”
Gibbs smiled. “Where did you come up with a name like that?”
“I don’t know,” Tony admitted. “It just popped in my head.”
“I’m sure that it’ll come to you eventually.”
Tony closed his eyes and blew out a breath. “I’m so tired.”
“You’ve been through a lot,” the former Marine reminded him. “It’s going to take a while for your body to catch up.”
“I guess so,” Tony mumbled. “Just feel like crap.”
“Things will get better.”
“When?”
“Soon. You’re through the worst part of the withdrawal, now we just got to work on keeping you sober,” Gibbs stated.
“What makes you so certain that I’m not going to leave here and start drinking again?”
“Because Tony,” Gibbs paused and grinned; it felt good not having to call him Todd. “Tony, you’re going to give me your word.”
Tony’s eyes narrowed. “My word?”
“You’re going to give me your word that you’re not going to take another drink.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to break a promise again.”
Gibbs wasn’t sure what to say. Tony had never gone back on his word; had his life on the streets changed that aspect of the senior agent’s character? He didn’t think so. “Tony, I’ve never lied to you and I’m not about to start now, so I want you to believe me when I tell you that you’ve never gone back on your word to me.”
“There’s a first time for everything.”
“Tony, I want your word,” he urged.
“I can’t.”
The ex-Marine couldn’t begin to fathom the damage that had to have been inflicted upon Tony to have destroyed the agent’s sense of integrity. Gibbs figured that whatever had happed had forced DiNozzo to retreat to the far recesses of his mind, allowing the persona of Todd Gibbs to emerge. Now, Tony DiNozzo was struggling to break out of his self imposed prison and the team leader was determined to help him find his way back.
“Yes, you can,” Gibbs said. “Yes, you can.”
“The word of a drunk doesn’t mean anything.”
“Tony, I…”
Gibbs saw Tony clench his eyes shut. He wasn’t sure if the younger man was trying to block out the unwanted images that seemed to plague him or if he was purposefully ignoring Gibbs’ attempts to reason with him. Acting on pure instinct, he loosed the restraints around Tony’s wrists, hoping that the simple action would begin to rebuild the trust that had been shattered by the cruel acts of twisted individuals who had taken great pleasure in torturing his son.
“I don’t think you need those any longer,” he explained.
“Thanks,” Tony mumbled. “Hate those things.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“I don’t…like…being tied down.”
“I wouldn’t either, Tony. The people who hurt you, did they tie you down?” Gibbs knew the answer but he wanted to give DiNozzo an opportunity to talk if he so desired. It was difficult keeping the anger out of his voice, but he had to; he didn’t want Tony to believe that the rage he felt was directed at him.
“Yeah,” Tony admitted, his own voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah, they did.”
“What else did they do to you?” he pressed.
“They would give me shots of some kind. Made me feel…like I was on fire.”
Gibbs winced, trying to imagine Tony’s pain. “How often would they give you these shots?”
Tony shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He watched as DiNozzo pulled his arms under the sheet and curled up on his side. Gibbs reached up to brush a stray piece of hair out of Tony’s eyes, his movements cautious so that he wouldn’t startle the still ailing man. He was aware that his agent was closing himself off, physically and emotionally, but Gibbs couldn’t blame him. Tony was scared and he knew that he couldn’t push the agent; he had to take things slowly or else he would lose DiNozzo forever.
“We’ll talk some more later,” Gibbs said.
“Okay,” DiNozzo softly replied.
“By the way, we got the guy that murdered Lt. Matthews. You’re in the clear.”
Gibbs wasn’t sure that Tony had heard him. DiNozzo remained motionless, his eyes fixed on the team leader. A trembling hand snaked out from under the sheet searching for a lifeline, for something tangible that he could cling to. Gibbs took Tony’s hand in his own and squeezed it. “I’m not going anywhere,” he vowed. “You have my word.”
His hopes soared as Tony silently acknowledged him with a slight nod. “Maybe someday,” DiNozzo quietly replied. “I can give you mine.”
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for the kind reviews! Hope you enjoy this next post!