“This is not a good idea.”
Gibbs watched as Dr. Cole paced behind his desk, Tony’s chart firmly clutched in his hand as he reviewed the young man’s latest lab results. The team leader had come to the doctor in hopes of being able to check DiNozzo out of the hospital, with intentions of taking Tony back to his house as he continued to recover. Gibbs had already requested the time off that he would need to ensure Tony was never alone. Jenny had not been happy about his sudden leave of absence, but he really didn’t care what she thought. He was going to do what was best for Tony; Gibbs was determined to prove to DiNozzo that he did indeed have his six.
“If you don’t release him, he’ll walk out of here and end up right back on the streets,” Gibbs reasoned. “I don’t want to see that happen.”
“I don’t want to see that happen either, Agent Gibbs,” the doctor countered. “However, I must object to checking him out of the hospital so soon. Although he is no longer experiencing the physical symptoms of withdrawal, Tony still has a long way to go before he’s well. There are the psychological aspects of alcoholism that we haven’t even begun to deal with yet; not to mention that he’s still malnourished and his lab work is nowhere near normal.”
“Can’t he be monitored through an outpatient program?” the former Marine asked.
“Yes,” Cole admitted. “We have an excellent outpatient program, but I still think he needs to stay at least until the end of the week. He has been through a horrible ordeal, not just physically but mentally; I’m not just talking about the effects of the withdrawal. Tony’s memories of his past life are very sporadic right now,” the doctor pointed out. “What are you going to do if they all come rushing back at one time? How will you handle it? What if it’s too much for him and he tries to run away or hurt himself? Have you even considered these possibilities?”
“I’ll be there for him and so will the others,” Gibbs vowed.
“What if that’s not enough?”
“It will be.”
“How can you be sure?”
As he met the piercing gaze of Dr. Cole, Gibbs felt his confidence waver slightly. Maybe the doctor was speaking from experience, but Tony was not this man’s son. Tony was strong and a fighter and that tenacity had overcome many obstacles throughout the young man’s life. “I know Tony,” was all the reply he gave.
“I can see I’m not going to be able to talk you out of this,” the doctor stated.
“No.”
“All right, here’s the deal. I’ll enter him in the outpatient program. He will have both private and group sessions with the counselors. I’m also going to suggest that he see Dr. Walters, who is a psychiatrist that deals with PTSD; I think that he can help Tony uncover some of those memories that are buried.”
He knew Tony would balk at the thought of seeing a psychiatrist, but Gibbs would get him to agree; once DiNozzo gave his word on something, it was as good as done.
“I also need to see him every day for the first week to make sure that he’s tolerating his supplements and to monitor any physical issues that may arise,” Dr. Cole instructed. “If everything is going well, we can cut back to twice a week. I’ll give you the prescriptions that he needs to have filled and you have to make sure that he takes them as prescribed.”
“I understand,” Gibbs assured him.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” the physician said.
“I do.”
“I can’t tell you how important it is that he follows through with this program. If he doesn’t, then he’ll eventually end up back where he started or worse.”
Gibbs didn’t miss the flash of pain and regret that crossed the doctor’s face. He realized that once again, Cole was thinking of his son. If there was one thing that Gibbs understood, it was the anguish of being forced to live with nothing more than a memory.
“I’ll start his paperwork. He should be ready to leave once the sedative wears off. One of the nurses will come up with his scheduled appointments and the release papers.”
The team leader rose from his seat. “Thank you.”
“Good luck and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Gibbs left Dr. Cole’s office and headed towards Tony’s room. He knew that Tony would still be asleep, so he had time enough to make a couple of phone calls. Pulling out his cell, he punched the button that would automatically call Ducky. The ME was probably not going to approve of the fact that Gibbs was checking Tony out of the hospital, but once the former Marine explained the situation, surely Ducky would understand and would be willing to help him in any way possible. At least, he hoped that his old friend would see it his way. After two rings, the elderly physician answered.
“Duck?” Gibbs began, quickly deciding that there was no need for him to mince words. “I’m taking Tony home…”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
McGee had promised that he would be at the hospital bright and early. Gibbs had insisted that he stay with Tony, knowing that he had been the only one who had yet to see DiNozzo. He wasn’t trying to avoid his friend, or maybe he was. Why didn’t he want to see Tony? There really wasn’t a good explanation except for the fact that he was scared.
“Face it, McGee, you’re a chicken,” he mumbled to himself. As an afterthought, he glanced around to make sure that no one had heard him.
As the elevator neared the floor that Tony’s room was on, a knot began to form in the pit of his stomach. When the doors opened, the knot was pulled tighter making him wonder if throwing up would make him feel better, but the sight of Gibbs talking on the phone quickly tamped down the urge to as Tony would say, ‘make street pizza.’
Apparently, Gibbs was too engrossed in his current conversation to notice his discomfort. He walked towards Tony’s room and stood in the doorframe. DiNozzo appeared to be asleep, forcing McGee to breathe a sigh of relief; at least he wouldn’t have to say anything for a while. Maybe by the time Tony woke up, he would have thought of something to say that didn’t make him sound like bumbling idiot.
Ziva had told him just to be himself; if he acted normally, Tony would be more at ease. The only problem with that theory was that it was easier said than done. He quietly entered the room and sat down in the chair beside the bed. Tony’s arms were folded across his stomach, the bruises on his wrists a reminder of the fact that his friend had been restrained so he wouldn’t hurt himself or someone else. He supposed that it was a good sign that Tony no longer needed them, but McGee had a feeling that it was simply a small victory.
“Man, Tony,” he whispered. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“Not your fault,” Tony rasped.
McGee sat forward on the edge of the chair to discover that although Tony had answered him, his eyes were still closed. He had always been amazed how DiNozzo could sleep and still be aware of everything that was going on around him; a skill that had probably saved his life more than once when Tony was living on the streets.
“Are you awake?”
“Yeah, just a little drowsy. I got a shot of something a while ago; guess it’s still in my system. Feels like someone superglued my eyelids shut.”
Tim’s head shot up. “Superglue?” he muttered. Was there a chance that Tony was remembering something or was he just having random thoughts? He had lost count of the times that DiNozzo had put superglue on his keyboard; Gibbs still kept a bottle of acetone in his desk, even though he hadn’t needed it for a while. Actually he hadn’t needed it since before Tony had disappeared.
Tony finally managed to open his eyes, but McGee could tell that he was still fighting the effects of the sedative he had been given. “Yeah, superglue. Good stuff,” DiNozzo slurred.
“So I hear,” McGee said, unsure of what to say. “Can I get you anything?”
“Out of here.”
McGee smiled at his ailing colleague. “Sorry, I can’t do that.”
“Gibbs said he would.”
“Must be what he’s doing now. I saw him out in the hallway talking to someone.”
“Hope so. Can’t stay here.”
“Why not?”
“Don’t like hospitals. Don’t like doctors; I especially don’t like doctors; well, except for Ducky, but he doesn’t count since he mainly works on dead people.”
McGee smiled. That answer was so typical DiNozzo. “They’re just trying to help you,” he pointed out to his friend.
“Most of them,” Tony mumbled.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing. By the way, didn’t catch the name.”
He silently chastised himself for assuming that Tony knew who he was. They had been talking just like nothing had happened and Tim had not even considered the possibility that DiNozzo still considered him to be a total stranger.
“Sorry. I’m Tim. Tim McGee.”
“I guess I’m supposed to know you.”
“Well yeah, but it’s okay if you don’t remember me,” Tim quickly added. “You will in time.”
“How long have I known you?”
“A few years.”
“We work together,” Tony deduced. “You, me, and Ziva?”
McGee nodded. “And Gibbs.”
“And Gibbs,” Tony softly repeated..
Tony clenched his eyes shut, forcing McGee to wonder if DiNozzo was remembering something or if he was in pain. DiNozzo began pounding his fist on the bed, frustration and anger clearly evident on Tony’s face.
“Tony?” McGee nervously called out. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t…I can’t…do this,” Tony gasped.
“Do what?” McGee rose from his seat, knowing that he was going to have to do something before Tony ended up hurting himself. “Tony? You can’t do what?”
Tony’s eyes snapped open. “I can’t do this, Tim. I can’t pretend like I know who you all are! I don’t! All I know is what you’ve told me. I’m trying to act like this Tony DiNozzo, but I don’t know who he is!”
“Tony, it’s all right.”
“No, it’s not!” Tony roared. “It’s not all right!”
“Please Tony, just take it easy,” McGee pleaded. “If Gibbs and the doctor see you acting like this, they won’t let you out of here.”
He hated playing that trump card, but it was the only way he knew to get Tony to calm down. In a few seconds, DiNozzo’s breathing evened out as he visibly began to relax.
“That’s better,” Tim encouraged. “Just relax.”
Tony inhaled deeply and slowly blew out the pent up breath. “Easy for you to say, McGoo.”
McGee stared at DiNozzo. A sense of relief and excitement washed over him at the sound of that once familiar moniker. It had been a long time since anyone had called him anything other than McGee and he hadn’t realized until this very moment, how much he had missed Tony and his sharp wit.
“Did I say something wrong?” Tony asked.
“Uh, no. I just haven’t heard that name in a long time.”
“What name?”
“McGoo.”
DiNozzo shrugged. “I didn’t realize that I had called you that; I meant to say McGee. Guess my brain got ahead of my mouth again. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I’ve kind of missed it.”
“Huh?”
“You used to have a slew of nicknames for me. McGeek, McGoogle, McTardy, McBarfbag; you had a unique way of taking the first part of my name and attaching another word to it, depending on the circumstances,” McGee explained.
McGee was confused when his friend’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” Tony apologized. “I shouldn’t have called you all those names.”
“God, Tony. I’m not mad. That was just part of your personality; you always kept me on my toes and I’ve missed having you around to do that.”
“Sounds to me like I’m a complete jerk,” Tony mused. “Maybe that’s why no one came.”
“Huh?”
Tony shook his head. “Nothing,” he quickly replied. “So, you didn’t mind me calling you these names?”
He didn’t know how to answer this question. McGee admitted that it had been rather annoying, but at the moment, if it helped Tony to remember, he could call him anything that he wanted.
“I used to, but I think for now, I wouldn’t mind at all. Just don’t call me…”
“Elf Lord?”
The two men turned to see Gibbs enter Tony’s room. The last time that Gibbs had called McGee Elf Lord had been just after Tony had been disappeared. When the team leader realized what he had said, he had literally crushed his cup of coffee in his hand and stormed off to the bathroom. Gibbs’ inadvertent slip of the tongue had only fueled his desire to find the senior agent.
“Elf Lord?” Tony inquired. “Guess that’s where I heard that name before. So, how did you get that name?”
“Long story,” McGee said, hoping that Gibbs wouldn’t make him explain the origins of that nickname.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Tony reasoned.
“So, you want to stay here now?” Gibbs asked. “I thought you were ready to get out of here.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious.”
“What’s the catch?”
“Dr. Cole is enrolling you in the hospital’s outpatient program. You will have to attend all your scheduled sessions as well as any other medical appointments that he deems necessary.”
“Is that all?”
“Pretty much.”
“How am I going to get to these sessions?”
“I’ll be bringing you.”
McGee could sense the tension returning in Tony that had all but disappeared while they had been talking. For some reason, Gibbs made DiNozzo nervous and he knew that if it was obvious to him, that the team leader was also aware of how his presence was affecting Tony.
“You’ll be bringing me?” Tony reiterated.
“Yeah. You’ll be staying with me until you get back on your feet,” Gibbs informed him.
“Oh.”
The junior agent didn’t miss the uncertainty that now clouded DiNozzo’s gaunt features. Something was not right between Gibbs and Tony and he couldn’t figure out what it could be.
“McGee, go to my house and in my basement are some boxes with Tony’s clothes; go and bring him something to wear home,” Gibbs instructed. “I’m sure that he doesn’t want to walk out of here sporting a gown that’s split up the back.”
“Uh, sure Boss. If you’re sure that…”
“Now, McGee.”
“Right.”
Tim slowly made his way to the door. He knew that Gibbs had sensed Tony’s reluctance and wanted to talk to him without an audience. McGee found himself disturbed by DiNozzo’s sudden vulnerability; Tony was obviously scared of something. Was it Gibbs? Was it his memories? If only he could stay, maybe he could figure it out and somehow help his friend overcome his fears.
He angrily punched the button to summon the elevator. What was he thinking? If Gibbs couldn’t help DiNozzo, what did he expect to be able to do? All he could do was to be Tony’s friend. Leaning against the wall, he made a vow to be a better friend, even if that meant going against Gibbs. McGee decided that if Tony still seemed afraid when he returned with his clothes, that he would speak up and suggest that Tony stay with someone else. He knew that he would be taking a chance on incurring Gibbs’ wrath, but it didn’t matter; Timothy McGee would do what he thought was right.
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