The drive to Gibbs’ house had been uneventful. Few words were exchanged as Tony seemed to be more interested in staring out the window at the passing scenery. The silence was unnerving. Gibbs had to admit that he missed Tony’s incessant rambling about anything and everything, as well as his infamous movie comparisons. It had been a long time since he had heard DiNozzo utter the words, “This reminds me of a movie.”
The few questions that Gibbs had asked and Tony had responded to had only required a monosyllabic response from the younger man. He was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea after all. Tony’s memory was coming back in what he could only describe as short bursts, but then sometimes he couldn’t remember something that the team leader had told him five minutes ago. DiNozzo had been told two different times that Gibbs was building a boat in his basement and it wasn’t until this last time, that the fact had seemed to sink in.
To say that he was worried about Tony would be an understatement. He wanted his senior agent back, more than that, he wanted his son back, but Gibbs knew that whenever Tony did emerge from the protective cocoon he was hiding in, that he would always carry the physical and emotional scars of what happened to him.
He pulled in his driveway and cut off the engine. McGee had pulled in directly behind him and was at Tony’s door before he managed to get out of the car. “This is it,” Gibbs announced.
“It’s nice,” Tony sullenly replied.
“Why don’t we go on in and get you settled?”
“Fine.”
Glancing at McGee, who merely shrugged, the two men stood on either side of Tony as they slowly made his way up the steps of his porch. He opened his front door and the trio entered the living room where the first they noticed a banner that proclaimed in brightly colored letters, ‘Welcome home, Tony!’
He could feel the muscles in Tony’s back tense as he read the sign. Before Gibbs could ask if the younger man was all right, Abby came bursting into the living room from the kitchen, followed by Ducky, Palmer, and Ziva, who was carrying a large cake that was decorated in a manner that seemed to cover every major holiday.
“Surprise!” the quartet yelled in unison.
Unsure of what Tony’s reaction would be, Gibbs remained planted by his side. He should have expected something like this, but he had so much on his mind recently that he forgot to tell Abby that DiNozzo wasn’t ready for one of her surprise parties. He watched as Tony eyed each of the team suspiciously, uncertain of what to make of the situation.
“So, what do you think?” Abby asked, her voice reflecting her obvious excitement.
Tony merely nodded. “Thanks.”
Gibbs and McGee maneuvered Tony over to the couch and helped him sit down. He was surprised that DiNozzo didn’t resist his offer of assistance; Tony was fiercely independent and did not like to rely on others for help, but as he often had to remind himself, the man before him wasn’t the same Tony DiNozzo.
Ziva sat the cake down on the table as Abby sat down beside Tony. “I figured since you missed your birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and every other holiday last year, that we would just combine it all on one cake,” the Goth explained.
“I hate Halloween,” Tony muttered.
Abby grinned. “I know, but I thought I’d just throw it in there for good measure.”
Gibbs took Abby by the arm and pulled her up off the couch. “Abs, I need a word.”
“What is it, Bossman?”
He escorted her back into the kitchen where he discovered Megan and Olivia Carter sitting at his kitchen table.
Gesturing to the mother and daughter, Abby informed him that they were Tony’s present.
Releasing a pent up breath, Gibbs asked, “What are you thinking?”
“Gibbs, we were just throwing a little welcome home party for Tony to help cheer him up.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little bit too soon?”
“It’s never too soon for a party. We’re only going to stay for a few minutes. Please Gibbs; we just want to let him know that we love him and that we’re here for him.”
“Abby…”
“Just a few minutes,” she pleaded. “Please! Besides, I haven’t given him his present.”
One of these days, he was going to learn to say no to Abby. “10 minutes, not a minute longer.”
“15 minutes,” she attempted to bargain.
“Don’t push it.”
Abby whirled around and motioned for Olivia and Megan to follow her. Gibbs had to admit that Tony might actually enjoy seeing the mother and daughter who had come to mean a great deal to him this past year; maybe they could break through the wall that DiNozzo seemed determined to keep in place.
He followed the two women and the young girl back out into the living room. Gibbs had to smile as Olivia pushed her way past everyone and ran towards Tony. The little girl squealed with delight as she threw her arms around DiNozzo’s neck and buried her face against his shoulder.
“I’ve missed you!” Olivia cried.
To Gibbs surprise, Tony returned the hug, clinging to the child as if she were his lifeline. “I’ve missed you too, Doodlebug!” DiNozzo replied as he stroked Olivia’s long silken hair.
“Are you better now?”
“I’m getting there.”
Olivia sat on Tony’s lap and began to play trace the letters on his sweatshirt. “Guess what?”
Tony tiredly smiled as he leaned back, resting his head on the cushion. “What?”
“We have a new place to live now!”
“That’s great. Where is it?”
“Abby helped us get an apartment in her building! It’s smaller than hers, but it’s big enough for me and mama. It’s got new furniture, well kind of new furniture, but it’s new to us. I even get my own room!” she declared, the genuine thrill in the young girl’s voice warmed Gibbs’ heart.
“Your own room?”
“Yeah, and Abby bought me a princess bed set with pillows and everything! You’ll have to come see it!”
“I will,” Tony promised.
“And Abby said that Agent Gibbs is going to help mama get a job in the cafeteria at NCIS! So maybe when you go back to work, I’ll get to come and see you sometime!”
Gibbs glared at Abby, who immediately took a step closer to McGee. He had no qualms about helping Megan and Olivia, but he hated being informed that he was going to do something without being consulted. The last time Abby had volunteered him for something, he ended up playing Santa Claus for the nun’s Christmas party for the orphans. At least this time he didn’t have to dress up in a red suit and a white beard and say, “Ho, ho, ho!”
“Agent Gibbs,” Megan said. “Please don’t feel obligated to…”
“It’s all right,” he assured her. “I’m sure it’s already taken care of.”
“Yep,” Abby eagerly confirmed. “All you have to do is sign the letter of recommendation that you wrote. I think it’s on your desk, but I’ll be happy to bring it by tomorrow so you can sign it since you’re not coming in for a while.”
“That would be fine.”
“You know what, Agent Gibbs?” Olivia interjected. “Abby was right. You really are a nice man.”
Abby wasn’t the only one Gibbs couldn’t refuse. He could never say no to little girls who seemed to be able to see through his gruff exterior and within seconds, have him wrapped around her little finger. Kelly had always managed to get whatever she wanted from him by simply giving him ‘the look.’ It was the same look that Olivia had just bestowed upon him"the look that said, “I’ve got you right where I want you.”
He smiled at the girl and nodded his thanks as she turned her attention back to DiNozzo. “Don’t you think he’s a nice man?” she asked Tony.
Tony didn’t look at him, but Gibbs didn’t expect him to; things were awkward enough between them before Olivia had unintentionally put Tony on the spot. He was truly surprised when DiNozzo agreed with her.
“Yeah, he is,” Tony whispered.
“Abby says that he’ll take good care of you.”
“I’m sure he will.”
“And I’ll come over and help out whenever I can.”
“I know you will.”
“Someone has to be sure that Agent Gibbs is doing his job.”
Gibbs suppressed another grin, but he didn’t miss the snickers and muted laughter coming from his team. He glared at Ziva and McGee who suddenly found his floor very interesting.
Megan motioned for Olivia to join her. “Come on, Olivia. We need to let Tony rest.”
Gibbs saw Tony stare at Megan. He wasn’t sure how to describe the expression on DiNozzo’s face; the young man almost looked defeated, as if he had lost all hope.
“You just called me Tony,” DiNozzo quietly stated, the look of disappointment and pain in his eyes mirroring what he was obviously feeling on the inside.
The team leader realized that Tony had been hoping that Megan and Olivia would provide that link to his past that he so desperately wanted to hold on to. When Megan had called him Tony instead of Todd, his expectations had been shattered. The only people that had known Tony during his time on the streets had just confirmed that Todd Gibbs didn’t really exist.
Abby was the one to finally cut the tension in the room when she suggested cutting the cake. “We shouldn’t let this incredible cake go to waste,” she chimed. “I’ll get the plates and forks.”
“We’ll help you,” Megan said, obviously grateful for something to do. “Come on Olivia, let’s go and help Abby.”
Gibbs took the opportunity to make sure that Tony was all right. He sat down next to his senior agent, trying to ignore the fact that DiNozzo would still flinch whenever the former Marine did something without forewarning him. “You okay, Tony?’
Tony shrugged. “Guess so.”
“I didn’t know that Abby was planning a welcome home party.”
“It’s okay. She was just being nice.”
“Yeah. Abby’s got a big heart, especially where you’re concerned.”
“Not just where I’m concerned. That was nice of her to get Megan and Olivia a place to live; they deserve the best.”
“What about you?”
Confused, Tony asked, “What about me?”
“Don’t you deserve the best?”
“Depends on who you ask.”
“I’m asking you.”
Tony clenched his fists so tightly that he began to shake. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo was struggling against those inner demons that had convinced him that the only thing he deserved was pain and suffering. He placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder and quietly called his name. “Tony, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Gibbs breathed a sigh relief when he felt Tony visibly relax. “Sorry,” he muttered.
“It’s all right. You’re safe here.”
“If you say so.”
Abby appeared in front of them, carrying two pieces of cake. “I made sure that you got a corner piece since it has the most icing,” she stated. “I know how you love icing!”
“Thanks, Abs,” Tony said, taking his piece of cake.
“You’re welcome.”
Gibbs nodded his thanks and took his plate, watching as Tony took a couple of bites and then set the plate down. “Something wrong with the cake?” the team leader inquired.
“No. Just not hungry.”
“You can save it for later.”
The ex-Marine rose from the couch and walked over to Abby. He quietly suggested that it was time for everyone to leave and within five minutes, everyone had said their goodbyes and delivered their well wishes to Tony. Abby had been the last to leave, whispering something in DiNozzo’s ear that actually made him smile.
As the last of the visitors left, Ducky had reminded Gibbs that he would be by first thing in the morning to check on Tony. The team leader had merely nodded, knowing that even though DiNozzo was still under Dr. Cole’s care, the ME would not sit idly by when it came to Tony’s health.
Gibbs shut the door and walked back over to the couch. “So, can I get you anything?”
“I’m fine.”
Typical DiNozzo answer. “I’ll show you the spare room and then I’ll bring some of your stuff up from the basement.”
“Okay.”
He waited patiently as Tony shakily got to his feet. Gibbs was ready to offer his help but only if DiNozzo asked. Once he was sure that Tony was ready, he led him to the spare room. “It’s not much, but you should be comfortable here. There’s a TV and a DVD player.”
“Thought you said the only TV you had was in the basement.”
“They’re yours. I put it them in here after you…I had to clean out your place, so I just…”
“I get the picture.”
“Why don’t you get some rest?” he suggested. “I’m going to put on some coffee and grab a shower. Can I get you anything?”
Tony sat down on the edge of the bed. “No. Thanks.”
Gibbs nodded and closed the door behind him. He leaned against the door, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. Did he truly believe that once he got Tony to his house that everything would be back to normal? Surely he had not been that naïve. But if he were honest with himself, that was exactly what he had hoped would happen. He wanted everything to be like it had been before Tony had disappeared, but unfortunately, what he wanted and the reality he had to face were two different things.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tony wasn’t certain how long he had simply been sitting on the bed, but it was the sound of the shower being turned on that finally inspired him to get up. He had considered running away, returning to the only life that he could remember, but he had given his word that he would stay and despite what anyone else believed, his word was important to him; it was all he had.
Opening the door, he peered out down the hallway towards the kitchen. He still wasn’t very hungry, but he was thirsty. He still craved a drink of liquor, but he figured that if Gibbs had any alcohol in the house, that the older man would have dumped it. Tony knew he would have to settle for a glass or water or that swill that Gibbs referred to as coffee, but as he learned on the streets, beggars couldn’t be too choosy.
A door off to the side caught his attention. Tony opened it to discover a set of stairs going down to what he presumed to be the basement. Cutting on the light, he carefully made his way down the steps to discover the frame of a boat sitting in the middle of the floor. He walked around the boat as he studied the fine craftsmanship, wondering how many hours Gibbs had spent down here working on what would soon be a masterpiece.
Images began to flash through his mind as memories fought their way to the surface. He covered his ears with his hands so he wouldn’t have to listen to the voices inside his head, but his efforts proved to be futile. He couldn’t stop the words of his tormentors from echoing inside his head.
***flashback***
“He’s not coming for you! He knows what you’ve done and he doesn’t want anything to do with you! Your team leader is working on his damn boat. He’d rather work on that boat than search for your sorry worthless ass!
“That boat means more to him that you do! He could be spending his time looking for you, but he doesn’t want someone so weak on his team! That’s right, Tony; you’re the weak link on the team and he wants to be rid of you! He doesn’t want to find you!”
He could taste blood from where he had been biting the inside of his jaw, not wanting to give Steve the pleasure of hearing him cry out in pain. Gibbs wouldn’t want him to show his captor how much agony he was experiencing, so Tony was determined to suffer in silence. Steve stuck a picture in front of his face, but with one eye swollen shut, it was difficult to make out the image.
“This was taken last night,” Steve informed him. “Agent Gibbs is in his basement, building his boat while you’re sitting here in your own filth and blood, waiting for him to come and rescue you. You’re going to be waiting a long time, Agent DiNozzo. This is what you get for trusting people; a lifetime of pain and suffering. You can’t trust your Boss, can you? You can’t trust anybody.”
Tony didn’t want to believe him, but he could no longer put the doubts out of his mind. The fact that there was no one he could trust had been beaten into him until he had no choice but to believe it. His anger began to build; everything that he had known was a lie.
“Trust no one,” Steve whispered in his ear. “Not even me.”
With a guttural cry, Tony lunged for Steve. Laughter echoed through the darkened chamber as he fell on his already bruised face. “Bastard!” Tony spat.
“Who are you talking about? Me or Agent Gibbs?”
“Both of you!”
Steve tossed the photo on the floor in front of him. “Take your frustrations out on him; I’ve got somewhere to be.”
He heard the door lock and Tony lay on the cold ground, staring at the picture of Gibbs with his one good eye. With every ounce of strength he could spare, Tony raised his fist and then brought it down on Gibbs’ face. “Why?” he cried. “Why?”
***end flashback***
Tony stared at the boat, ignoring the tears that were now streaming down his face. The anger that he had felt that day came rushing back to him like a river that had just burst through a dam. All rational thought ceased to exist as he picked up a sledgehammer that was lying nearby. His arms trembled as he slowly brought it up over his head.
At the first sound of the wood splintering, Tony felt empowered for the first time in a long time. He swung again and watched in satisfaction as another piece of Gibbs’ precious boat lay in ruins. Tony continued to swing, the rage that burned within him controlling his every movement. Finally, he was spent. Tony collapsed in the middle of the ruined boat and curled upon his side.
What had he just done? Why was he letting these memories control him? Gibbs had done nothing but try and help him and he had repaid him by destroying the one thing that obviously meant so much to him.
He heard Gibbs coming down the stairs, but Tony refused to move, knowing he couldn’t bear to look the man in the eyes. Every muscle in his body tensed when the agent reached the bottom of the stairs. When Gibbs finally spoke, there was no mistaking the venomous anger in his voice.
“What the hell did you do?”
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.