Tony DiNozzo’s slumber had been interrupted by the uneasy feeling that he was being watched. He kept his eyes closed as he listened to his surroundings; the ability to feign sleep had saved his life on several occasions when he had been living on the streets. After a few seconds, he quickly realized that he wasn’t in danger and that he was listening to the voices of people who actually seemed to care about him. Tony easily recognized the hushed voices of Abby and Palmer and now, the distinctive melodic tone of the one called Ziva, had joined in the nearly inaudible conversation.
They were talking about him. Tony was convinced that they could have found a better topic of conversation. He was tired of being the center of attention and would be more than content to disappear under the blanket that was neatly tucked around his tall frame. Didn’t they realize that he was tired of being the object of everyone’s pity and worry? Why couldn’t his life be normal again? He wanted to figure out who he was supposed to be but having to constantly live up to his past was exhausting; Tony DiNozzo had changed and no one, with the possible exception of Gibbs, seemed to able to accept the difference.
He rolled over to face the back of the couch in an effort to escape the present cacophony of voices that hummed in his head. The voices faded and temporarily ceased until they were clearly satisfied that he was still asleep. Within seconds of the confirmation, a soft buzz emitted from the trio as they lowered their volume until he could no longer hear what they were saying.
Tony had stopped caring about what people said about him a long time ago. He had been called a lot of names, each one worse that the last, but it no longer mattered; people were entitled to their opinions and he couldn’t fault them for expressing them. The only person whose opinion that he had placed any value in was that of Gibbs, who had managed to earn both his respect and gratitude. Tony silently wished that the team leader had not left him under the watchful eye of Abby, Palmer, and Ziva. He felt trapped and he had to fight the instinct to flee.
Didn’t they realize what they were doing to him? No longer able to stand the scrutiny, Tony flung off the blanket , shot up off the couch and headed towards the basement.
As he reached for the doorknob, Ziva steeped in front of him and placed herself between him and the door. “Tony? Are you all right?” she inquired.
“I’m fine,” Tony curtly replied. His nerves were on edge and he was too tired to disguise his annoyance with his designated baby sitters.
“Are you sure?”
“I said I was fine,” he repeated, the irritation in his voice reflective of the frustration he was experiencing at the moment.
“Why don’t you come over here and join us?” Ziva suggested.
“No thanks. I just want to be by myself for a while.”
Tony flinched when Ziva placed her hand on top of his. “Maybe you should eat something first.”
He jerked his hand free, uncomfortable with the unexpected physical contact. Although he knew this woman was someone he knew and should trust, Tony still was unsure of where she fit into the puzzle that had become his life. “Maybe you should just leave me alone,” he sharply countered.
His blunt retort had rendered the Mossad officer speechless and had rallied Jimmy and Abby to join her. Ziva met his hardened gaze, her own eyes possessing a gentleness that caught him off guard. “Tony,” she began, “I didn’t mean…”
“Forget it,” he sighed. “I’m just a little on edge.”
“That’s understandable,” Abby empathized as she gently squeezed his shoulder. “But do you really think you should be alone? Why don’t we go raid Gibbs’ kitchen and see what we can find to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“But…”
“Please, Abs; I just need you guys to back off,” he pleaded. The desperation that was beginning to overwhelm him was evident in his voice. “Go back to the living room and you guys can resume your discussion about me without worrying about waking me up.”
The three colleagues looked as if they had all been caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar. “We were just…”
He waved off Abby’s explanation. “It doesn’t matter, Abby.” Tony opened the door that would lead to the basement and began his descent down the stairs. “Tell Gibbs where I’m at when he gets back,” he called back over his shoulder.
Tony realized that he had forgotten to shut the door but figured that Abby or Ziva would probably just insist that the door stay open so they could get to him quickly should he do something irrational. Little did they realize that he had considered ending his life every day since his captivity; he would often dream of ways to die but his desires stayed in the shadows of his nightmares. Perhaps that was why he started drinking. Tony knew that drinking would eventually kill him and if it hadn’t been for a twist of fate and a dead sailor, he would probably be dead by now.
He sat down on the bottom step and raked his hands through his tousled hair. Tony found himself wondering if he had always been confused about the direction of his life or if he was just confused because of the blanks in his memory. Although, he had remembered the details of his captivity, there was still a lot of time that had been unaccounted for that he had more than likely spent in a drunken stupor.
Disgusted, he pushed himself up off the steps and grabbed the broom from the corner and began to sweep; he still had a huge mess to clean up from his previous fit of rage that had resulted in the destruction of Gibbs’ boat. He wasn’t sure how long he had been working when he heard the front door open and close which hopefully indicated the arrival of Gibbs. Tony hadn’t been thrilled at the aspect of the team leader meeting with Kort but he had been unable to deter the man from meeting with the operative.
The muffled sound of voices drifted down the stairs; he could only begin to imagine Gibbs’ reaction to Ziva’s explanation as to why he was in the basement. Tony knew that the former Marine would understand his need for peace and would not condemn him for wanting to be away from prying eyes. It was just another minute before he heard the door open and close once again, followed by the unmistakable footsteps of Gibbs as he quickly made his way down the stairs.
“You okay?” Gibbs asked as he leaned against his workbench.
Tony shrugged as he continued to sweeping. “I’m fine.”
“Ziva and Abby are pretty worried about you.”
“They shouldn’t be. I just got tired of being the topic of their conversation so I came down here.”
“I can’t blame you. They can be pretty overbearing.”
“That’s an understatement.”
He sensed that something seemed amiss with Gibbs; a tension radiated off the older man that had not been present before his meeting with Kort. Tony couldn’t shake the feeling that once again, his semi stable world was about to crashing down.
Setting his broom against the wall, Tony shoved his hands in his pockets to stop the slight tremble that still plagued him at times. “Are we through with the small talk yet?”
Gibbs tiredly smiled at him. “Yeah, I guess we are.”
“So, what’s up?”
“I talked to Kort.”
“And?” Tony quietly pressed.
“He admitted to being involved in your kidnapping as well as having knowledge of your torture.”
Tony closed his eyes tightly in an effort to keep his memories at bay. He was tired of having to relieve the pain and humiliation that he had been forced to endure at the hands of Kort and his friend. “So, did you arrest him?”
“No, not yet.”
His eyes shot open, his emotive orbs narrowing into daggers. “What do you mean you didn’t arrest him? He admitted to being involved in kidnapping a federal agent and you let him go?”
“I didn’t say that either.”
“I’m not in the mood for games, Gibbs,” Tony warned.
“That’s good, because you know that I don’t play them.”
“I’m beginning to wonder.”
He regretted the words as soon as they escaped his lips. The last thing that Tony wanted to do was to hurt Gibbs; the team leader had put everything on the line for him and now he was repaying him with his doubt and anger. “I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized. “I was out of line.”
“It’s all right,” Gibbs assured him. “I probably deserved that. You probably feel that you’re being pulled in a hundred different directions and I’m not helping matters any.”
Tony shrugged and cast his eyes to the floor. He really didn’t want to meet the compassionate gaze of the one man who had literally saved his life. It was still difficult for him to accept that people wanted to be nice to him. “So, what else did Kort have to say?”
“He wants to talk to you.”
He felt the life drain from his soul; the last person that Tony wanted to see was Trent Kort. “I don’t have anything to say to him.”
“Tony, I…”
“No!” he roared. “I don’t have anything to say to him! Why would you think that I would want to hear anything that Trent Kort has to say?
“Because you need to know why,” Gibbs answered. “You need that closure.”
He slid down the wall, taking time to contemplate what Gibbs was saying. Yes, he did want to know why he had been put through such hell, but he wasn’t sure that he was strong enough to face his tormentor one more time. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them and buried his head against his jeans. “I’m not sure it matters anymore,” Tony whispered.
“I know that I’m asking a lot, but your safety could depend on it. I think you need to talk to him.”
“My safety?” Tony questioned. He considered Gibbs’ words for a moment before shaking his head. “I can’t.”
“Tony, I’ll be right there with you; I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I swear it.”
Tony leaned his head back against the wall. “What happens when you’re not around?”
“I’ve got your back,” Gibbs vowed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You keep saying that.”
“And I’ll say it for as long as it takes for you to believe me.”
Guilt washed over him as he realized that he had yet to allow himself to fully trust Gibbs. There were days that he didn’t even trust himself; how could he open himself up and taking the chance on being hurt again without exhibiting a little bit of resistance? He knew that the old Tony trusted Gibbs with his life, but the new and not so improved Tony was reluctant to give up what little control he seemed to actually possess.
“Just keep saying it,” Tony quietly insisted.
“I will.”
Tony pushed himself up off the floor and brushed off the seat of his pants. “Let’s get this over with. The sooner I do this, the soon I can move on with my life.”
Gibbs gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and followed him up the stairs. He glanced back over his shoulder at the former Marine. “Don’t you think this warrants a drink?” he teased.
“Nope, but I’ll treat you to a cup of coffee when you’re done.”
“That’s what I figured,” Tony sighed.
He topped the stairs and opened the door, peering out into the open space of his living room. His stomach churned at the sight of the man who was responsible for the misery that he had been subjected to. Steve had been the one to actually carry out the torture, but Kort had been the one to provide the means. Making sure that Gibbs was directly behind him, Tony headed into the living room.
His eyes subtlety took in his surroundings, looking for items that he could possibly use as a weapon if the circumstances warranted necessary force. Tony had killed Kort many times over in his dreams and now, his dreams could literally become a reality. As if sensing his moral dilemma, Gibbs took a step closer to him, firmly planting himself by Tony’s right shoulder.
“It’s good to see you again, Agent DiNozzo,” Kort greeted. “Or should I still address you as Todd Gibbs?”
Tony clenched his fists as he visibly bristled at the sound of Kort’s voice. “What do you want?” he demanded to know.
“I was concerned about you; I just wanted to make sure that you’re recovering from your ordeal.”
“Cut the crap or we’re done here,” Tony coolly stated.
“Fine,” Kort snorted. “I have a few questions to ask you and then depending on your answer, I may be able to cut you a deal.”
“I find it hard to believe that I’m going to be interested in any deal that you have to offer. I’ve been on the receiving end of your ‘good nature’ too many times.”
“You were never a gracious guest,” Kort taunted. “You never appreciated my hospitality; you definitely proved that fact when you viciously murdered my colleague.”
“He deserved to die.”
“That’s funny; he said the same thing about you.”
Tony closed his eyes against the images that began to play in his battered mind. He couldn’t let his memories have power over him; to do so would admit defeat and he was not going to let Kort claim the victory. Not this time.
“What do you want?” Tony forcibly repeated, his words punctuated by the tightness of his voice.
“Can we talk in private?” Kort inquired.
“Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Gibbs.”
“Ever still the loyal one, aren’t you DiNozzo? When he says jump, do you say how high?”
“You’re wasting my time.”
Tony was grateful that so far, Gibbs had allowed him to handle everything that Trent had thrown his way; he had to fight his own battles or else he would never be able to stand on his own two feet. The past few months, he had used alcohol as his crutch but now he had nothing but a little bit of pride and a whole lot of determination.
“Very well,” Trent sighed. “You look tired; do you want to sit down?”
“What I want is for you to quit stalling!”
“I would have thought that your patience would be substantially greater after everything that you’ve been through.”
Frustrated, Tony turned on his heels and headed towards the basement door. “Call me when you’re done playing games,” he growled.
“I’m not playing games,” Kort angrily countered.
“Oh, I forgot,” seethed Tony as he whirled around to face Kort, “that was Steve’s cup of tea, wasn’t it?”
He pulled away when Kort reached out for him to guide him back to the living room. “Don’t you ever touch me again or I will rip your arm off and feed it to you.”
Tony didn’t miss Gibbs’ startled reaction to the unusual aggressiveness that he was being directed towards Trent. He wondered if the team leader had already forgotten that he had murdered a man with his own two hands. His temper, at best, was under a tenuous rein and the volcano that housed his rage could erupt without warning.
“I apologize, Agent DiNozzo. If you’ll join me, I will begin to explain what it is that I want.”
“It’s about freakin’ time,” he mumbled.
“I have a couple of questions to ask you,” Kort began. “And like I said, depending on your answers, we will see what your future holds.”
He flopped on the couch and massaged his temples, silently willing his headache to abate. “Go ahead.”
Trent cleared his throat and took the seat opposite Tony. “If you hadn’t been so resistant during your captivity, this wouldn’t even be necessary. Do you remember your undercover mission to flush out La Grenouille?”
Visions of a beautiful woman consumed his thoughts as snapshots of the two of them etched themselves in his memory. “Jeanne,” he whispered.
“Jeanne is his daughter.”
“We were seeing each other?”
“Yes, you were supposed to use her to find her father, but you ended up falling in love with her and…”
“She found out who I was.”
“As did her father.”
Tony’s eyes narrowed. “Thanks to you.”
A smile escaped Kort’s lips. “So you do remember?”
“Tell me what you want to know and I’ll let you know exactly how much I remember.”
“Fair enough.”
He instinctively leaned back when Kort stood up; Tony still harbored the underlying fear that the other man was going to hurt him. The conflicting emotions that he seemed to harbor disturbed him. One minute, he was prepared to kill Kort and the next minute, he was scared of his own shadow. Would there ever be a day that he didn’t feel like he was on an emotional rollercoaster. He was beginning to have his doubts.
Tony’s eyes followed Kort as he began to pace. “Do you remember meeting Benoit?”
He nodded.
“Do you remember your car exploding?”
Wincing at the recollection of the explosion, Tony had to force his breathing to remain even. “Someone else was driving my car,” he rasped.
“Yes and you, Jeanne, and the Frog sped off in the limousine. I need to know what you two talked about.”
“He gave his statement to the Director,” Gibbs interjected. “I’m sure that you have enough influence that you can get your hands on that.”
Neither Tony nor Gibbs missed the fact that Kort’s body tensed at the mention of Jenny’s name. “There was nothing in his official statement that was of any use to me. I knew the Frog. He liked you Agent DiNozzo and I think that he confided in you more than you admitted to your former Director.”
Tony scrubbed his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! If he told me anything, I don’t remember!”
“Did he say anything about me?”
“I don’t know!”
“Yes, you do! What are you hiding, DiNozzo?’ He must have told you something or I would have already been able to move up in the ranks…”
Tony began to laugh. “Are you serious? You’re supposed to be on our side!”
“Obviously you don’t understand the ramifications of what it means to control…”
“Control? You really want to talk about control to me? I haven’t had control of my life for a long time; in fact I can’t remember the last time I actually felt in control!”
Kort turned to Gibbs. “Your boy has some issues, Gibbs. You better consider getting him some help before he become even more of a menace to society that he already is.”
Tony didn’t even give Gibbs a chance to respond. The young man’s dark rage consumed him and in one swift motion, he was off the couch and straddling Kort on the floor. He could no longer hold back the demons that had been unleashed as his fists repeatedly made contact with Kort’s face. He ignored the pleas from Kort as blood began to pour down his enemy’s face. Kort had to pay for the screwed up mess that his life had become and with the deaths of Jenny and Steve, he was the only one left on which he could exact his retribution.
He was tired of Kort’s mind games and he was determined to make sure that the operative received that message. Every time Tony drew his fist back to deliver yet another punch, he felt a feeling of power surge through him as Kort’s blood covered his knuckles. His crimson covered hands encircled Kort’s throat and Tony began to squeeze.
Tony could hear Gibbs’ literally shouting at him, but he wasn’t listening to what the team leader had to say. His gaze was focused on Trent as the man struggled to breathe; the sound of Kort gasping for air only inspired him to tighten his grasp. For the first time in a long time, Tony truly felt in control of his destiny.
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