Tony stared at the bottle in front of him as Cat sat on his lap and playfully nipped at his ear. He had yet to take his first drink but he wasn’t sure how much longer his resolve would last; every time Cat kissed him and he tasted the stale liquor on her lips, his determination slipped a little more. Why had he come in here? Was he truly that weak? How could he expect to start living again when he kept running back to his past?
He watched Cat fix him a drink as he continued to contemplate his situation; his mind was rampant with confusion and uncertainty, preventing him from discovering the answer that he was looking for. Tony shifted uncomfortably as the already inebriated woman straddled him and placed the glass against his lips.
“Come on, Todd,” she coerced, her seductive voice fanning the flame of desire that was burning within him. “You know you want it; almost as much as you want me.” With her other hand, she raked her hands through his already disheveled hair. “You do want me, don’t you, Todd? I’ve missed you so much.”
“I don’t know what I want anymore,” he admitted.
“Until you make up your mind, you can have me. Surely you didn’t forget all the great times we had. We’d spend our days hitting every bar between here and Baltimore and then the nights, well I guess you know what we did at night.” She caressed his face with her nicotine stained fingers. “You’re the best I’ve ever had.”
The scent of the cheap liquor was forcing him down a path that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go down again but he felt powerless to stop his descent. As Cat tilted the glass, he felt the warm liquid trickle from his lips and down his chin; he licked his lips savoring the flavor of the tepid liquid. Tony wanted that drink now more than ever but he wasn’t sure that it was worth risking everything that he had managed to accomplish in the past few weeks.
“No!” he suddenly cried out. “No more! Leave me alone!” Knocking the glass out of her hand, he roughly shoved Cat aside and stood up. Grabbing the bottle of liquor, he hurled it at the nearest wall and watched smugly as the glass shattered into a thousand different shards.
“Have you lost your mind?” Cat screamed at him in disbelief.
He stared at her, her eyes a reflection of what he had once been. Although he truly had no idea of who he wanted to be, Tony knew for certain that he didn’t want to be a drunkard willing to whore himself out for a drink.
“I’ve got to get out of here,” he mumbled to no one in particular. Tony wanted to escape before he landed in temptation’s lair again; he doubted he had the strength to resist her bewitching ways again.
“What happened to you? You’ve changed.”
Tony averted his eyes as the scantily woman fiddled with her low cut blouse in an effort to entice him. “Change isn’t always bad,” he pointed out.
“It is when it takes away who you are,” she spat.
“When’d you have time to get your psychology degree?” he shot back.
“Hey!” the bartender bellowed as he made his way over to where Nick was still standing over Cat. “What’s going on here?”
“He’s lost frickin’ mind!” Cat blurted out. “Shoved me in the floor and ruined a perfectly good bottle of whiskey. He’s gone all do-gooder on me. I swear John, he’s crazy!”
Trying to ignore Cat’s rant, Tony turned to leave. He had no intention of standing around and listening to the woman question his mental stability; if he were honest with himself, he would more than likely probably agree with her assessment.
Turning to leave, his departure was met with resistance as John roughly grabbed his arm. “Not so fast,” the bartender growled. “You owe Cat an apology; not to mention, I’m going to have to be reimbursed for the bottle you so conveniently smashed against the wall.”
His eyes narrowed; Tony’s frazzled nerves were quickly reaching their breaking point. “I don’t owe you anything,” he countered as he jerked his arm free. “I suggest you get out of my way.”
“Or what?” John challenged. “You too good to hang with us now?”
What little control Tony had managed to maintain came crashing down like an avalanche; his anger energized the wrath behind the punches that landed the bartender on his backside. He had intended on walking out the door but the other patrons seemed to be aching for a fight and rose to John’s defense. He wasn’t sure who threw the first punch but he had suddenly become the favored punching bag of several men in a drunken rage.
He tried to fend off his attackers but a well-placed kick to the groin forced him to curl in upon himself and collapse to the ground. He struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to fall as he attempted to breathe through the pain; the odds were not in his favor and Tony knew that he had to get out of the bar before he ended up dead...or worse.
One of these days you’re going to end up in the gutter.
Where had that thought come from? He muttered a curse; this was not the ideal time for his brain to decide that it was going to bless him with yet another supposed memory of his past. Tony could hear the man’s voice in his head but it was one that he didn’t recognize; maybe he would ask Gibbs if he ever got out of his current predicament.
He felt himself being jerked up off the floor and found himself face to face with the bartender; two other men had his arms pinned behind him. Tony swallowed back the bitter tasting bile as he closed his eyes against the spinning room.
“You started this and now you’re going to have to pay for it,” John bellowed. “I always said you were nothing but trouble; I guess Cat’ll see what I’m talking about now.”
“Let go of me,” he slurred. Tony winced at the sound of his thick voice, but it was somewhat of a relief to know that his jumbled words weren’t an aftereffect of alcohol; instead it was the constant agony and the blood trickling from his mouth that was making it difficult to speak.
“She should have left you in the gutter where she found you,” the bartender continued his tirade. “She was desperate to get laid and you were desperate for a drink; I tried to tell her that you weren’t worth it.”
One of these days you’re going to end up in the gutter.
It was that voice again. He pulled free of the two men’s grasp and covered his ears as he tried in vain to stop the myriad of voices in his head. Tony stumbled towards the door, his desire to escape overwhelming his ability to think rationally. Why had he been so stupid as to run away from the safety of Gibbs’ home? Had his need to rid himself of Kort abolished all aspects of common sense?
Three gunshots in the air brought the bar to a standstill. “Police!
Everybody freeze!” came the command.
Tony covered his head and dove for the ground, his battered body ignoring the sharp piercing jolts of pain that plagued him. He kept his eyes closed, refusing to look at the officers as they began to question the others in the bar. Tony had learned from experience that sometimes feigning ignorance meant survival.
“All right,” the second officer began. “Who started it?”
There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that every one in the bar would point their finger at him and he would soon discover that he wouldn’t be disappointed in his assumptions.
“Todd started it,” John declared. “He was giving Cat a hard time and I tried to step in; needless to say that one thing led to another and now my bar is destroyed.”
Tony sensed someone standing over him and slowly opened his eyes. “My name’s Officer Jenkins,” the officer introduced himself. “Is what John said true?”
The injured man sat up and buried his face in his hands. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Why do you say that?”
“’Cause it’s my word against all these other people.”
“Yeah, but all these other people don’t look like they’ve gone three rounds with Muhammad Ali,” Jenkins observed.
“I just wanted to leave.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I tried.” Tony knew that his defensive tone would likely tick off the police officer but he was beyond caring about the consequences of his actions.
The policeman reached out his hand towards him. “Come on and get up off the floor.”
Taking Jenkins’ hand, Tony shakily stood to his feet. “Are you going to take me to jail?”
“Yes!” John shoved his way in between Tony and the officer. “I’m pressing charges!”
“Are you sure you want to do that?” Jenkins asked.
“I know my rights.”
“I’m sure you do, but it’s probably in your best interest not to press charges. A reputable establishment such as yours really can’t afford the bad publicity.”
“Bad publicity?”
“Yeah, the bad publicity you’ll receive when this gentleman sues you for assault and battery.”
“It was self defense!”
“I’m sure it was.”
“He hit Cat!” John argued.
Tony swallowed back a wave of nausea as he met the officer’s determined gaze. “Is that true?”
“I…shoved her. I just had to get out and she kept…” Tony leaned against the wall as he blew out a frustrated sigh. “Just forget it.”
He heard another officer talking to Jenkins and Tony knew that he was more than likely going to be hauled into jail. Gibbs was probably going to kill him and he wouldn’t blame the team leader at all for doing so, but he also knew that the former Marine was more than likely his only hope for getting out of this mess. He silently hoped that the police still allowed prisoners to make phone call.
A hand squeezed his shoulder causing him to inhale sharply. Tony was beginning to wonder if there was any part of his body that didn’t hurt. “Are you all right, Agent DiNozzo?” Officer Jenkins wanted to know.
Tony was confused by the mention of his supposed name. “What?”
“My partner recognized you; he’s going to try and get in contact with your boss.”
“Just shoot me now,” Tony groaned.
“Sorry. But apparently he’s more afraid of Gibbs than he is of you. Let’s get you out of here.”
The two officers helped him out of the bar and over to the squad car. Tony managed to crawl into the back seat, nodding his thanks when Jenkins handed him a handkerchief to wipe the blood off his face. “So are we heading downtown to wait for Gibbs?”
“Nope. Just waiting on your ride to the hospital.”
Tony tried to get out of the car but the officer blocked his exit. “I’m not going back to a hospital.”
“Take it easy,” Jenkins urged. “The paramedics are just going to check you out.”
“And they’ll send me to the hospital,” Tony scowled.
“If they think you need to go, I suggest that you go.”
“I’m kind of tired of people telling me what to do.”
He laid his head against the back of the seat, encouraging the beckoning darkness to envelop him; maybe when he woke up, all this would have been another bad dream and not a reflection of his stupidity.
“My partner went back in there and between him and the other officers, they’ll smooth things over,” Jenkins informed him.
“I don’t need any more favors; I’m indebted to too many people as it is.”
“You don’t understand; we’re the one’s paying back the debt. Gibbs really helped out my partner a couple of years ago and he wants to return the favor. I was only a rookie at the time so I never had the pleasure of meeting you or Gibbs, but according to Parker, your Boss credited you with finding the evidence to clear my partner’s name.”
“Sorry,” Tony sighed. “I don’t remember.”
“Yeah, we heard that your memory was still spotty after what happened during your last assignment. It’ll come back in time.”
“Who told you what happened?”
“Our chief heard it from Director Shepherd.”
Tony started laughing. “Even dead, she’s still screwing up my life.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing; it’s not important.”
Tony closed his eyes once again, knowing that despite his earlier need for rest that sleep would not befriend him any time soon. First he would have to satisfy the paramedics and then he would have to wait for Gibbs to come and read him the riot act. Maybe he should just beg Jenkins to take him to jail; maybe someone there would recognize him and put him out of his misery.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jethro Gibbs had never been so relieved in his life when he received the call that Tony had been found. Officer Mike Parker and his partner, Phil Jenkins had been summoned to bar fight and upon recognizing Tony, had called him immediately. Sometimes it was beneficial to have friends in the police department, especially ones that felt indebted to you for doing your job. He just hoped the other favor he had called in reached a quick resolution as well.
The fact that DiNozzo had been found in a bar was disturbing but he hated to admit that he wasn’t surprised. Tony was seeking solace and he turned to the only thing that he knew would bring him the comfort he sought. Alcohol had been the one constant in his life for most of the last year; the one thing that he could always count on despite the adverse effects it had on his health.
He had expected too much, too soon. Parker had told him that Tony hadn’t been drinking but that he had been roughed up; DiNozzo had managed to resist the temptation to take a drink but he hadn’t been able to avoid the trouble that seemed to plague him everywhere he went. He hoped that Tony would still talk to him and allow him to make things right. If only he could turn back time, he would have simply taken care of Kort himself instead of subjecting Tony to the operative’s purposeful torment that prompted this latest setback; he wasn’t sure how many more of these setbacks DiNozzo could take.
He turned into the parking lot of the Last Chance Bar and pulled up beside the police cruiser. Gibbs had no idea what he was going to say to Tony but he was going to have come up with something that would convince the other man that everything was going to be all right and that he could still be trusted. Of course it was going to be difficult to persuade DiNozzo of this when Tony still faced so many obstacles in reclaiming his life. The team leader got out of his car and nodded a silent greeting towards Officer Jenkins.
“You must be Gibbs,” Jenkins greeted. “You beat the paramedics here; Parker said that you would.”
Ignoring the officer’s attempt at meaningless banter, Gibbs worriedly inquired, “How’s he doing?”
“He’s pretty quiet; I think he’s hurting pretty badly. He’s trying to avoid the paramedics.”
“That sounds about right,” he mumbled to himself. “What happened?”
“We’re still trying to piece it together but don’t worry; we’ll look out for your boy.” Jenkins gestured to John and Cat who was talking to his partner. “We’ve had a lot of trouble out of these two for a while now.”
Gibbs opened the back door of the police car and slid in beside Tony. DiNozzo’s head was laid back against the headrest, his face marred with various cuts and bruises mingling in with the pronounced lines of fatigue that seemed to have permanently etched themselves in Tony’s features.
“You look like hell, DiNozzo,” Gibbs observed. He knew that his remark may have been a bit callous, but he was also aware of the fact that the young man, despite his sketchy memory, wouldn’t want the former Marine to pull any punches.
“I guess that means that I look about as good as I feel,” Tony slurred.
“The paramedics are on their way. You should let them check you out.”
Tony shook his head. “I’m fine.”
“Want to try again?”
“Nope; I said I was fine.”
“You need to get checked out.”
“Nope.”
“Tony…”
DiNozzo met Gibbs’ concerned gaze. “I’m fine,” he insisted as he slowly sat up, wincing at the pain that the movement caused him.
“Yeah, you look fine,” the team leader countered.
“I’m not going back to the hospital. I’ve had enough of them to last a life time.”
He really didn’t want to get into another war of wills with Tony but Gibbs knew that Tony needed to have his injuries looked at; it was time to suggest a compromise.
“Then let Ducky take a look at you,” he suggested.
Gibbs could see Tony mentally weighing the lesser of two evils; he knew that Tony realized that having the kind hearted ME examine him was preferable than the alternative. “Fine,” Tony acquiesced.
“I’ll call him so that he’s expecting you.”
“Tell him to turn up the heat; last time I was there I about froze my butt off.”
The older man smiled. “I’ll be sure to pass the message along.”
Tony sat motionless, his eyes cast to the floor. Gibbs wished that he could take the burdens that seemed intent on crushing the younger man and help bear them but convincing DiNozzo that he could handle them was a constant process. Even after all they had been through together the past few weeks, Tony still couldn’t completely trust him.
“I didn’t take a drink,” Tony finally blurted out.
“I know.”
“I wanted to; I could taste it on her lips.”
“But you didn’t and that’s what’s important.”
“What about next time?”
“It’s going to be an ongoing battle, Tony; but you don’t have to fight it alone.”
Tony shook his head. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew what all I’ve done. Do you know that I used to whore myself out for a drink?”
Gibbs wasn’t sure how to answer Tony’s revelation. He had always had his suspicions but to hear DiNozzo confirm those fears was something that he wasn’t sure he was ready to accept. He silently admonished himself for his thoughts; Tony was a survivor and he did what he had to do to survive and no one had the right to judge him for that, including him.
“It’s in the past; you did what you had to do in order to live from day to day,” Gibbs pointed out.
“I almost did it again tonight; who’s to say that the next time I won’t slip?”
“That’s why you have friends,” he answered. “We’ll catch you if you start to fall.”
DiNozzo pinched the bridge of his nose. The team leader could tell that Tony’s was starting to consume him. “This is starting to feel like a Hallmark moment, Boss.”
Gibbs grinned at the familiar moniker. “Well maybe we should just get you out here before we need to break out the tissues. Let’s go and see Duck.”
"And after we see Ducky?” Tony wanted to know.
“We’re going back to my house and we’re going to have a long talk, DiNozzo.”
Gibbs opened the door and got out of the back seat, extending his hand to Tony in case he needed any help. Under his own volition, DiNozzo finally joined him and the two men slowly made their way towards his vehicle. He noticed that Tony’s movements were slow and painful, hidden bruises making it difficult for him to walk.
The team leader vowed to make sure that Ducky’s examination was thorough; too many times this past year, Tony’s well being had fallen through the cracks because of lack of medical care. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ducky would take good care of Tony; the physician always had DiNozzo’s best interests at heart.
As he opened the door and patiently waited for Tony to get in the car, his phone buzzed indicating that he had received a text. He pulled out his phone and glanced as five words danced on the screen.
THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.
Gibbs immediately knew that Tony would no longer have to worry about the likes of Trent Kort ever again.
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