Chapter 3: Realization
There was a moment of silence when the car stopped, neither man sure if he should talk or move. Gibbs turned and watched as Tony struggled to open the door and begin to stand. "Tony," Gibbs began, concerned for his young agent, "Let me help you." Any other time, Tony would relish the few moments Gibbs' body came in contact with his but, now that Gibbs knew his past and had seen... what he had seen, Tony was unsure and afraid. "No!" He replies quickly, "I can do it."
Gibbs got frustrated, he knew Tony couldn't do it. Did he think Gibbs was thinking he was weak because he wasn't. He got out of the car and grabbed the duffle bag from the backseat and threw it over his shoulder. "Well, you're gonna let me help you because you can't do it, not yet." Gibbs walked over to Tony's side of the car and slip his arm under Tony, hoisting him to his feet. As they began to walk tword the house Tony became increasingly nervous. How was he gonna survive a night in Gibbs' house? How was he gonna be able to face the man he had fallen in love with after this had happened? His dreams were finally coming true but right now, he didn't want them too.
They reached the front door and Gibbs pulled his keys out of his pocket. Tony panicked. "Maybe this isn't a good idea, Boss. I can stay at my house. I'll be fine." Gibbs snarled a little under his breath and moved Tony into the house and set him and his bag down on the couch. He glared at Tony, he could see so much nervousness in his eyes but Tony was really starting to push his buttons. "Why won't you let me just take care of you Tony? What is your big problem with me?!"
Tony felt ashamed, Gibbs was just trying to help and this is the thanks he had given him. "I'm sorry Boss, I just..." But he was cut off by Gibbs' angry tone, "No, don't apologize it's a sign of weakness and don't try to give me any excuses. You won't look at me and I can feel you tense whenever I come near you. Are you afraid of me Dinozzo?! Do you think I'm going to hurt you because I'm not! I'm the one trying to protect you remember?!" Gibbs' softened his tone after he let his anger vent and sat next to Tony on the couch. "I know that you have been through a lot tonight, but Dinozzo you need me know and whether you like it or not I'm gonna be there for you."
Tony sat motionless, quiet, stunned. He should tell Gibbs. He should just tell him now. What else could he lose tonight? It was now or never. Tears began to fall from Tony's eyes, what if he did lose Gibbs, there would be nothing left for him. Gibbs was all he had and he didn't even know it.
Gibbs grasped the younger man tighty and rubbed the back of his neck when he began to cry. He thought it was his fault. "Great," he thought "Now look what I've done to him. You certainly are a stubborn bastard Jethro." He felt Tony hold onto his arm and lay his head on his shoulder. Tony was shuddering and crying but he had relaxed into Gibbs' arms. "Tony," he began, "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just worried about you and I thought I was going to lose you tonight and that scared me.
Tony let these words sink in and he knew now was the time. It had to be now. "Boss, Gibbs, I have to tell you something, I..." They were interupted by Gibbs' cell phone. Gibbs reached into his pocket, pulled out the phone and flipped it open. "Gibbs.... I'm on my way." Tony knew where he was going, NCIS. "Tony I have to go, what were you going to say?" Tony no longer had the strength, "It can wait, I was just going to thank you. For this, all this." Gibbs knew that this was a bold face lie but he didn't have the time. "You know where everything is, I'll be home as soon as I can. Help yourself to anything you need." With that he was out the door.
Tony watched as the headlights illuminated the window and then faded as the car drove away. When he was sure it was gone he made a decision. He had to get out of here and he had to go now. He thought of his options, home or NCIS. Home was out of the question, he could not be there now. NCIS it was but he was gonna have to sneak around and avoid Gibbs. He knew exactly who to call. He grabbed his cell phone out of his duffle bag and hit a number. "Ducky, I'm gonna need your help."
Mostly for the fact that he never payed any attention to the rules of the road, but also because he was on edge tonight, Gibbs arrived at NCIS in record time. He exited his car and strode over to the elevator. There was a ding and then the doors open, he stepped inside and took a deep breath. Now would be a great time for a cup of coffee.
When the doors opened again he was in his squad room. McGee and Ziva noticed that he had entered the room and began feeding him information. "His name was Doug Howards, age 53 and he was a little league coach for most of his life," McGee started, "I have his home address." Gibbs sat down at his desk and reached for where his cup of coffee would normally be. Ziva watched, "Abby wants to see you, and I will get you a cup of coffee."
Tony left just minutes after Gibbs. The cab got him to NCIS pretty fast and for that Tony tipped him well. He snuck around the back entrance of the morgue and crept inside. He was grateful that he ran into Ducky first.
"Tony," Ducky began, motioning for him to come and have a seat on one of the exam tables. Tony couldn't waste any time, he knew Gibbs was somewhere in this building and he had to know where, "Where's Gibbs?"
"I have not seen him yet, my boy. Now, is everything alright? You sounded distressed on the phone."
"Ducky, I need you to keep a secret for me. Promise me that you won't tell anyone, not even Gibbs. Especially not Gibbs."
"Whatcha got Abbs?" Gibbs asked striding into her lab.
"Good to see you too Gibbs. Well here's the thing, I was going over some of the evidence and something doesn't make sense to me. The camera recovered from the Tony's apartment appears to have no tape inside. Sorry Gibbs."
"I have to talk to Ducky!" He wanted to keep that tape from the team. Ducky was the only one who had to see it. To determine if there could be any injuries he missed earlier. Gibbs turned to walk, quickly, out of the room when Abby stopped him.
"We can get Ducky on the screen Gibbs."
"Do it."
When the image came up and Abby and Gibbs saw Tony sitting on one of Ducky's exam tables, Ducky standing in front of him, it was gibbs could do not to scream through the com at them both. Gibbs' hand immediately shot up to cover Abby's mouth before she could utter a word. Gibbs started to listen, maybe Tony was in pain? But still, what the hell was he thinking leaving without calling first!
"--secret for me. Promise me that you won't tell anyone, not even Gibbs. Especially not Gibbs."
"My dear boy, of course I will."
Tony turned his gaze to the floor, then back to Ducky's eyes, then back at the floor. "Ducky, I..." Tears started to fall again and Tony fought to keep them at bay, he had to get this out. "I didn't want Gibbs to see me this way, I didn't want him to see everything that he did. I don't want to think that I'm weak. I... Ducky I'm in love with him and I'm so afraid to tell him but I need him so bad right now. I need him and being so close to him without being able to say what I want to say, I... I just can't Ducky I just can't! I love him, I love him Ducky..."
"O, my dear boy," Ducky began, pulling his head up and brushing away some stray tears, "It is nothing to be ashamed of. I know that he cares very much for you. I know that Tony, he does care, maybe not the way you want him to but he does. It will be alright Tony, I promise."
Gibbs watched Tony's face contort in pain as he cried his confession to Ducky. Tony was in love with him, very in love with him. Gibbs wasn't exactly sure how to react for a second. He cared deeply for his agent, no his friend, but did he love him? Then he thought about it, he spent more time thinking about Tony's safety and starring at him just a second to long on occasion. The epiphany hit him. He was in love with Tony Dinozzo. He had to get down there. He had to tell him.
When Gibbs removed his hand from her mouth and practically sprinted out of the room she gasped. Slightly in shock from what she had heard, although she was totally happy that they finally realized what they were doing, what everyone had seen months ago. Then she decided to warn Tony.
"Ducky, Tony. Gibbs just saw that whole conversation on the cam and he is on his way there right now."
"Oh my God," Tony thought, "He is going to fire me, he is going to scream at me. I have to get out of here."
Ducky watched the horror spread over Tony's face and tried to calm him down. He was in no condition to go running off. "Tony, it will be alright," he tried, "I'm sure he just wants to talk." But Tony wasn't taking any chances, he got up and started for the back door. The ding that came from the elevator, followed by the sound of the morgue doors opening stopped his heart. There was no getting away now. Maybe if he were healthy. He just crumpled into a ball on the floor and tried to disappear.
Gibbs walked over and knelt down in front of Tony, whos head was firmly stuffed into his knees, arms guarding him. "Tony, look at me."
"I'm sorry," Tony started to yell and sob, "I didn't mean for it to happen Boss, it just did. Please don't hate me. I couldn't live if you hated me."
"Tony look at me." Gibbs restated. Tony finally looked up and met Gibbs' beautiful blue eyes. He didn't see anger, he didn't see hate.
"Do you love me?" Gibbs asked with a level tone.
"Boss, I..."
"No," Gibbs cut him off, "Do you love me or not, nothing else. Answer the question."
"Yeah."
"Me too."
Tony's face showed the blatant amazment that he was feeling. Was this actually happening? Gibbs was in love with him. The man he had been in love with for years was in love with him too. He threw himself into Gibbs arms. "Really?"
"No Dinozzo, I'm kidding. Of course really." He pulled Tony's face up and kissed him lightly on the cheek then again on the lips.
"Oh my," Ducky said with a smile before excusing himself. Gibbs and Tony laughed and stood.
"Now Dinozzo, let's get you home. You should be resting."
Both men rose to go to Gibbs' house. To go home.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs finds out why Tony won't look him the eyes.