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Author's Chapter Notes:
Kate and Gibbs have a bad break up and it's sort of a drabble of small pieces of what happened after they broke up. Do they meet again or will Gibbs never be able to follow his heart? What surprises will he discover?
Kate remembers the last day she saw him. She remembers the last time she looked into his deep blue eyes and she remembered the last kiss they shared. She remembers the last time they made love. Most importantly, she remembers the first night she lay on the floor crying and shaking until her body gave up and sent her to sleep.

She gave her resignation to the Director and left without making her way into the bullpen.

Abby cleared her desk for her, and for a week, gave Gibbs the silent treatment and many evil glares.

That was a year ago.

I don’t know your face no more
Or feel the touch that I adore.
I don’t know your face no more.
It’s just the place I’m looking for.

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well, we might as well
We might as well…

She remembers the first night she went to a bar to drink away her pain. Shot after shot of the strongest she could get her hands on. She didn’t flinch at the taste, she was used to Gibbs’ bourbon, and the vodka in her hands was nothing compared to the paint thinner he drank.

She remembers being completely plastered as she let the stranger fuck her against the wall in the back of the bar. She remembers him breathing hard against her neck and not caring when his first thrust made her wince. She remembers silently crying, thinking of the blue eyes that would usually be looking down at her as time melted away as they made each other feel and melt into a love stupor oblivion, but instead had this stranger use her to feel, so she could use him not to.

I don’t know your thoughts these days
We’re strangers in an empty space
I don’t understand your heart
It’s easier to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well, we might as well
We might as well be strangers, be strangers…

She remembers crying when said stranger left her in the alley when he was finished. Slumped against the dirty, cold wall. She remembers driving home and crying herself to sleep again, a bottle of tequila at her side as she lay on the cold linoleum floor.

For all I know of you now
For all I know

She remembers Abby calling 911 when she walked in to find Kate passed out on her kitchen floor, the two new bottles of tequila empty, and more importantly, remembers her stomach being pumped. She remembers being told by Abby the next day in her recovery room that Tony had pushed Gibbs into a wall yelling at him, but he still never came to check on her.



He remembers telling her it was over, shutting her out of his life completely. He remembers her breaking past his defenses and making him feel again, which scared him to death. He remembers watching her cry as she slapped him and stormed out of his house, out of his life, most certainly not out of his heart.

He remembers how his heart screamed after her begging to have her in his arms, but his mind was scared and let the greatest thing that ever happened to him walk out. He remembers Ducky just shaking his head, not able to look him in the eye. He remembers when she was taken to the emergency room, and was blamed by Tony after being thrown into a wall.

Now that I can’t feel again
I realize I’m not so strong
I let you go and now I know
I’m so completely wrong

He remembers lying alone under his boat, wishing to see her walk down those stairs. He remembers trying to hide his tears and the sun came up and she wasn’t in his arms. He remembers staring at his front door, wishing he could take back time, and wishing somehow he could admit he was wrong.

I’m just scared baby, to let you in
To open up myself once again
I know it’s selfish; I’m beyond fucked up
And I’m losing quickly, what it takes to love

He remembers how warm his heart felt when he began to open up to her, and he remembers when he realized what he was doing. He remembers how her eyes were so hurt and turned so cold when he literally pushed her away. He remembers how shocked she was when he told her to leave.

I wish I had what it takes to apologize
what it takes to look you in those eyes and say
How sorry I am and how stupid I can be
To let you in and understand that someone can love me

He remembers when he entered her hospital room to see Kate and Abby asleep. He kissed her lips one last time because he was too scared to do the right thing. He remembers when he first started hating himself for not being able to tell her he was wrong.

But now I sit here, Alone and cold
Beaten and bitter, Losin’ my soul
My eyes are cryin’, by fist are clenched
I want you back, but my mind is glitched
I’m a poor fuckin’ excuse for a human being
I don’t deserve you, this precious thing
But my heart keeps screaming, inside of me
To fight for you, you’re worth everything
My heart is screamin’, my heart is screamin’
Please forgive me, ‘cause your love is my healin’.

He remembers when he drank too much and pulled his service weapon to his head and pulled the trigger, only to find an empty clip. And when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a picture of Kate on the wall by his boat. He remembers just screaming inside…

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry….

He now stands in front of her apartment door, it’s been a year since he’s seen her face and stared into her eyes. A whole year since he’s held her and kissed her. Hesitantly, he knocks and hopes he can make the words come out.

I wish I had what it takes to apologize
what it takes to look you in those eyes and say
How sorry I am and how stupid I can be
To let you in and understand that someone can love me

She opened the door with a smile on her face, which quickly left once she saw him. He handed her the flowers he held and looked down at the floor.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
Can you please forgive me?

–What are you doing here, Jethro?”

His voice began to betray him as he looked into her eyes. His throat suddenly dry and closed shut.

–I…” Her eyes became wide and glossed with the beginnings of fresh tears. –I’m an idiot.”

He released the breath he didn’t know he was holding when she began to laugh.

–I already know that.”

–Katie, I…I don’t know why I…”

–Could you just shut up and kiss me already?” Her voice was shaky as tears went down her face.

In seconds, his hands were cupping her face and her hands cupping his. Their lips fought passionately to never leave the warm skin of the other and their tongues sought out every inch that they already knew so well. When all the oxygen had left their bodies, and their lungs began to burn, they reluctantly pulled away.

–I’m sorry Katie. I love you so much, but I was just scared to let you in. But now I know I’m an idiot and that you’re all I could ever want and need, more that I really deserve.”

Smiling, she took his hand and showed him inside.

In the middle of her living room was Abby asleep with a baby lying sprawled out against her chest.

–Jethro, she’s 14 months old.” Gibbs did the math and couldn’t breathe. –I was going to tell you that night. I should have told you after, but I thought you would want nothing to do with either of us. That’s why I was in the emergency room for so long after my alcohol poisoning. Luckily, thank God, she wasn’t affected. The doctors don’t know how, but she is perfectly healthy.”

Gibbs moved closer to the sleeping figures.

–What’s her name?”

–Her name is Elizabeth. Abby gave her the name Lizzy, which is what we all really call her now.”

–Elizabeth.” He smiled as the baby drooled on the blanket, the only protection Abby had from baby slobber. –It’s a beautiful name.”

–Jethro.” Kate’s hand laced in his and her other came to his chest. –Her name is Elizabeth Kelly Todd.”

–No.” He said without blinking. Kate thought he was about to leave again, angry at naming her daughter after Gibbs’ dead daughter.

–Listen, I just…I wanted her to have a piece of you.”

–Her name is not Elizabeth Kelly Todd,” He turned to her and squeezed her hand, –It’s Elizabeth Kelly Gibbs.”
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