**Chapter Fourteen -- We Are Broken**
**June 28, 2009 -- Abby's Apartment**
"No way." Tony said, glancing over his shoulder at Abby as he cooked dinner. "He would never grow his hair out."
Abby laughed, kneeling over the back of her couch, watching as her friend moved around the kitchen. "He let it grow when he went to Mexico." She pointed out.
He wiped his hands on the dish towel he had draped over his shoulder. "That's only because there wasn't a barber at the Cantina." He walked over to the Goth, pushing her back into a sitting position. "You're not supposed to be peeking."
"I can't help it!" Abby groaned, looking up at him as she dropped her head back against the couch cushion. "You're making me nervous being in there alone!"
"I can't believe you don't trust me to cook!" Tony scoffed, leaning over the couch and tickling her. "I am Italian, you know!"
Abby giggled as he tickled her, gasping for air after only a few seconds when he didn't let up. "T...Tony! Burning! Food!" She choked out, laughing too hard to form complete sentences.
"Shit!" He said, running into the kitchen and opening the oven door, releasing a cloud of smoke. "Damn it. Okay, so you were right, maybe I shouldn't cook."
Abby laughed again, joining him in the kitchen as he fanned the smoke into the fan above the stove.
Tony pouted. "You enjoying yourself?" He asked, turning to face her. "I try to do something nice for you, and you repay me by laughing?"
"Aww...poor Tony!" Abby said, taking his face in her hands and kissing his nose.
"That's right, it's not my..." Tony started, cut off by a knock on the door. Abby placed another kiss on his nose before pulling away and answering the door.
"Good thing I'm prepared!" Abby said, closing the door and turning back toward the kitchen, 2 large pizza boxes in her hands.
"Prepared?" He asked, turning to face her and seeing the pizzas. "You had such little faith in my cooking that you called ahead for pizza?"
"I've known you for a long time, Tony." She noted, setting the boxes on the coffee table. "Now are we gonna watch the movie and enjoy our pizza, or are you gonna mope about your failed cooking experiment?"
"You know, I should make you eat this monstrosity for making fun of me."
"You wouldn't." The Goth smirked, pushing him onto the couch. "You love me too much."
They sat next to each other with the pizza box between them as the movie started when Abby looked over at him, grinning.
"So," She asked, taking a bite of her pizza as the opening credits rolled. "What were you making anyway?"
Tony grinned sheepishly, swallowing the food in his mouth before answering. "Pizza."
**2 Years Earlier -- April 4, 2007 -- Tony's Apartment**
Abby pulled up outside of Tony's apartment, debating whether or not she should go upstairs and talk to him. McGee had come to her lab after everything had been taken care of at the bomb site, voicing his concern about his teammate. He told her about what happened to Paula Cassidy, and she knew immediately that he was going to need someone to lean on.
They hadn't been on the best of terms over the last few months, their friendship growing weaker with every broken dinner date or forgotten movie night. But regardless of all that, Abby knew he needed a friend, and she was determined to be there for him.
Climbing from her car, she headed into his building. She took the stairs, her heavy footsteps echoing in the stairwell as she made her way up to his floor.
The hallway was empty, though she didn't mind. She wasn't in the mood for forced smiles and made up explanations of why his neighbors hadn't seen her around for awhile. She came to a stop outside his door, hesitating slightly before she raised her hand to knock. She listened carefully, frowning when she heard no movement inside.
He wasn't home.
She debated using her key and going inside to wait, but she decided against it after a moment. It was difficult to see where their relationship stood, and she didn't want to cross any lines. Leaning back against the wall, she sighed as she sank down to the floor. Crossing her long legs in front of her, she leaned her head back against the wall and sighed as she settled in for what was sure to be a long night.
Tony stepped off the elevator a few hours later, stumbling down the hallway toward his apartment. After leaving the crime scene on Gibbs' orders, he had gone by Jeanne's to explain his new found feelings for her, but not before stopping at his favorite bar to drink the memories of Paula away.
Turning the corner a few feet away from his door he stopped, seeing Abby slumped against the wall, fast asleep. He sighed, knowing he shouldn't have been so surprised to see her there. She was bound to find out about what had happened, and she was the only other person he had told about the relationship he had with Agent Cassidy. If he was being honest with himself, he was happy she was there waiting for him. He needed someone to talk to, and the Goth was the only person that knew almost all of his secrets.
He dragged his feet, forcing himself to walk the remaining steps to his door. Sliding down against the wall to sit next to the Forensic Scientist, he leaned over to press a gentle kiss to her temple as she slept, coaxing her head onto his shoulder. "Abby..." He whispered, not wanting to startle her. "I'm home.
"Mmf..." She groaned, snuggling closer to his warm body as they sat on the hardwood floor of the hallway. "Sleepy."
"I can see that." He said, tensing slightly at the contact when she wrapped herself around him. "You shoulda let yourself in. You still have the key."
She felt him tense and immediately sat up, looking him over worriedly. "I heard about Paula."
He didn't respond, the nodding of his head being the only confirmation he had even heard her, his eyes vacant as he stared at the wall in front of him. She took in his posture, his legs pulled up to his chest, shoulders slumped slightly. He looked like a scared child, not like the confident Special Agent she knew.
Abby frowned, resting her head back against his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him, letting him know that she was there. She nearly sobbed a moment later when he sniffled and reciprocated her embrace, pulling her into his lap and holding her impossibly close to him as he buried his nose in her hair, taking in her scent.
"I'm so sorry, Abby." Tony mumbled against her neck, trying to hide the tears that were flowing down his face. She could feel the collar of her shirt becoming damp, but she ignored it, enjoying the closeness she had been craving from him.
"Don't be." She whispered, running her fingers through the soft brown hair at the nape of his neck as he cried silently. "You don't have to apologize to me, T."
They held each other in silence for a while longer, with Abby pulling out of the embrace first. Pushing herself to her feet, she held her hand out to Tony, helping him up off the hallway floor.
They walked inside his apartment quietly, closing the door behind them. Abby pulled her boots off as Tony dropped his keys and service weapon in the drawer by the door.
He walked into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of Vodka, setting it on the counter and unscrewing the cap. Walking up behind him silently, she wrapped her hand around the neck of the bottle, pulling it away as she moved across the kitchen.
She pulled out two shot glasses from his cupboard without a word, filling them both with the strong, clear liquid before twisting the lid back on and setting it aside.
"Promise me something, Tony." She asked, picking up both of the shot glasses.
"Yeah?"
She handed him one of the small glasses. "This is it. We shouldn't be drinking right now and you know it."
He didn't respond as he lifted the glass, his hand trembling slightly as he brought it to his mouth.
"To Paula," Abby said solemnly.
Not trusting his voice, Tony merely nodded as he threw his head back, downing the shot. He winced slightly as the liquid burned his throat before he slammed the glass back onto the counter.
Setting her empty glass beside his, Abby reached for his hand. "Come on, T," she said softly.
Tony took her hand and followed her toward the couch. He sat down and leaned against the arm, pulling Abby down into his lap and holding her close to him once again. He began sobbing softly, his hands shaking as he gripped at the raven-haired woman's back.
Reaching up, she pulled his head down against her chest and shushed him, stroking his hair gently. "I'm here, baby. Right here."
"I'm sorry," he managed, his breath catching slightly. "I'm so sorry."
"Tony..."
"It could have been us. It almost was. And I didn't..if she hadn't..." His grip on her tightened as he trembled against her. "I'm so...I'm so sorry. For everything."
Pulling away from him, Abby cupped his face gently in her hands, using the pads of her thumbs to swipe at the tears on his cheeks. "I'm sorry too, honey."
"We were supposed to be on tip line duty this weekend."
Abby wrapped his hands up in hers and kissed his knuckles. "I know."
"Abs..." Tony looked at her, his eyes still wet from his tears. "It should've been us. Not Rick and Jim. Not Paula. Us." He paused. "Me."
"Anthony DiNozzo!" Abby exclaimed, placing one of her hands back on his face. "I don't ever want to hear you talking like that again. This was not your fault." She wrapped her arms around him in a fierce hug, her own eyes stinging with unshed tears.
"I love you Abby," he mumbled against her as her fingers traced soothing circles on his back. "I never meant to hurt you."
"I know you didn't, T." Closing her eyes, she felt him shift back against the arm of the couch, pulling her down with him as he settled against the pillows. It had been months since they'd been this close.
Shifting slightly against his chest, she sighed quietly. "I've missed you Tony-boy."
"I've missed you too," he said as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
**The Next Morning**
Abby woke up facing the back of the couch, Tony's arm wrapped around her waist, holding her to him tightly as they slept. She relaxed against him, getting comfortable when she heard him sigh heavily.
"You know what Gibbs told me?"
His husky voice broke the silence in the room, and she could tell that he had been awake for awhile. Probably crying, if the wetness on her shoulder was any indication. His grip on her waist loosened slightly, his large hand flexing as he spread it out wide against the fabric of the shirt covering her stomach.
She leaned her head back a little bit, resting it comfortably in the crook of his elbow as he propped up his head. "What's that?"
Tony sighed, dropping his forehead against hers and nuzzling her cheek with his nose. "I asked him if we were scheduled to be on tip line duty...how we managed to get out of it."
The Goth turned in his arms, rolling over to face him. "What did he say?" She asked, looking up at him with a gentle look in her eye.
He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. "It could be us every single day of the week, sometimes it has been. You wanna worry about something? Worry about tomorrow."
Abby smiled sadly at her friend. "That's good advice, Tony. He's right, you know. You guys have caught your fair share of bad breaks. We all have."
Tony pulled her impossibly close to him, dropping a kiss to the top of her head before resting his chin against the same spot. "I...I'm..."
She stopped him. "Shh. I don't want any more apologies. No more tears, no more pity. I just want to be here, in the moment. That's all we have for sure, T."
He nodded solemnly, cradling her close to him. They started to drift back to sleep, grateful for the 72-hour leave they had been given. Abby groaned a second later, feeling Tony's phone vibrating in his pants pocket. He reached down and pulled the phone out, seeing that Jeanne's caller ID was on the screen.
"I'll go." Abby stated, climbing off the couch when she saw who the call was from.
Tony put the phone down on the table, having directed the call to voicemail. "Wait."
"For what?" Abby her quiet voice laced with bitterness despite her attempts to hide it. "You have a...girlfriend, Tony. You shouldn't be spending the night curled up with another woman on your couch."
"You're more than just 'another woman', Abby." he reminded her quietly. "You were here first. Jeanne...she's important to me, but so are you."
Abby could feel the tears stinging her eyes as he brought her back down against his chest. She closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of his fingers brushing through her hair slowly as she relaxed against him. They'd been through a lot together, but nothing had pulled them apart quite like Tony's new woman had. However, as she laid against him, she couldn't help but think that they might just get through this too.
Chapter End Notes:
"We Are Broken" by Paramore