**Chapter Eighteen -- Home**
**September 18, 2009 -- NCIS Headquarters**
Tony didn't even bother going up to the bullpen to drop his backpack at his desk before he headed down to the lab. He knew based on the reaction he had received from her that morning that she was too upset to go home.
He stopped the elevator midway between the ground floor and Abby's lab, sighing heavily as he leaned against the wall. He was torn and he knew he shouldn't be. He'd been waiting for Ziva since the minute they'd boarded the plane in Israel without her and while they still had a lot to sort out, she was here. With him.
The choice should have been clear but for some reason, it wasn't.
Abby had been his best friend for years and yet after last night, he wasn't sure that was enough for him. Her reaction to finding Ziva at his apartment had been an eye opener for sure. After years of looking for something that he wasn't sure was there, she had finally showed him that maybe being 'just friends' wasn't enough for her either.
Torn didn't even begin to describe the way he was feeling, he decided as he flipped the switch to set the elevator into motion again. Maybe he had misread her reaction. Maybe she had been...overwhelmed by the sight of the woman she had been convinced she'd never see again. But either way, he had to find out.
"Abby?" He called, readjusting the bag on his shoulder as he walked into the lab. "You here?"
"Oh! Hey Tony-boy!" She greeted, walking out of her office carrying a file. He could tell by the pair of black ballet flats that she was wearing that she had been there since she left his apartment. "What brings you here so early?"
He scoffed incredulously, looking her over for any sign of the emotion he had witnessed earlier. "Are you kidding?"
Abby cocked an eyebrow at him but maintained her happy demeanor. "I'm fine, Tony. I overreacted earlier."
"Overreacted?" He sat his backpack down and unzipped it, pulling out her boots. "You bolted so fast you forgot your boots. Talk to me Abs."
"Thanks for bringing them back." He saw the mask slip slightly, even though the smile was still on her lips. She picked the boots up and walked into her office, dropping them next to her desk before turning back to him. "Okay, so I ran off. Sorry."
Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Abby...it wasn't what it looked like, with Ziva. She showed up..."
"It doesn't matter, T." The Goth struggled to keep her emotions in check, despite the aching in her chest. "You don't have to explain to me. It's unfair of me to ask that of you."
"It does matter, Abby. It matters to me."
She turned away from him as the facade slipped more, a single tear sliding down her cheek.
"Abs...look at me." He reached out to her and turned her around gently, tipping her chin up. "We need to talk about this. We...owe it to each other to figure it out. Together."
"There's nothing to talk about, Tony. Ziva's back. My feelings don't matter. They...they've never mattered."
The Italian dropped his hand from her shoulder, shocked by her statement. "Of course your feelings matter, Abby. What would make you think..."
"Then tell me when it changed, T. They never mattered before. Not when you were with Jeanne. Never when it came to Ziva. I was always second best to them."
He saw the pain that she was trying so hard to hide and he couldn't form the words to make her feel better. He stepped forward and cupped her face in his hands gently, leaning down and pressing a deep kiss to her lips. He felt her tense against him before she reciprocated, then pulled away, placing her hands on his chest for distance.
"You...we..." Abby stumbled over her words, the feel of his lips on hers still clouding her mind. "No."
"No?" Tony asked, taking her hand in his. "Abby...don't do this. Come on. We've been playing too long."
"I...I can't. You aren't all in, and you know it. So go and figure this thing with Ziva out. Because...until you do, it's not fair for either of us."
She turned and walked away, leaving him standing in the middle of her lab alone. He watched her leave, wanting to go after her but knowing that she wasn't going to back down.
**1 Year Earlier -- September 23, 2008**
OoOoOoOoO
Tony stepped into the Sick Bay, preparing to say goodbye to his boss. "COD's launching in 10, Boss."
"Well, then grab your gear." Gibbs said, watching their suspect get his head wound cleaned up.
"My gear?"
"Yeah. Your collar. You ride him home."
"Home?" Tony's eyes widened slightly with surprise.
"Home, DiNozzo."
OoOoOoOoO
Home. It was the single word he had been wanting to hear more than anything else in the 4 months since he had been gone, and he was finally getting his wish, even if it was only for a few days. He kept telling himself that it was better than nothing, that getting there was half the battle. Convincing the Director to let him come back to Gibbs' team couldn't possibly be that hard if he was already in DC.
"Hey, Boss?" He spoke up, looking across the plane at the older man. "Does Abs know that I'm heading back for a few days?"
Gibbs looked up at the tanned man, clearly darker than when he had left due to the tropical climates he had been living in for 4 months. He shook his head, content to leave it at that. They were getting him back, he didn't want to ruin that by jumping down his throat 30 minutes from landing.
"Think she'll be happy to see me?"
"Yeah, but after the crap you pulled with that note, I don't know why." Gibbs responded coldly, not looking up from the file he was reading.
Tony frowned. "You know why I left it, Gibbs. We both know I wouldn't be here right now if I had woken her up to say goodbye."
The silver-haired man fell silent, knowing that his soon-to-be reinstated Senior Agent had a point. Gibbs he wasn't about to agree with what Tony had done, though he could understand why.
Neither man spoke during the remainder of the flight, and only Ziva's chatter as she filled Tony in on the last four months kept the car ride from being uncomfortable and awkward. When they pulled up outside of the NCIS building, Tony was the first one out of the car, enjoying the feeling of walking on solid ground for the first time in nearly 4 months.
The three agents walked into the building and took the elevator up to the third floor, stepping off when the doors slid open.
"McGoo!" Tony called, dropping his backpack behind his desk. "Wow. It wasn't just the camera."
McGee smirked. "Good to see you too, Tony." He said, shaking the older man's hand and patting him on the back.
Tony smiled back at the younger agent. "It's good to be back. Hopefully it won't be just a temporary thing."
"Speaking of, Vance wants to see you ASAP." McGee relayed, returning to his desk.
"Oh, well, I was gonna go see Abby..." He stopped himself, seeing the slight glare Gibbs shut him. "Or I could go see Vance first."
Gibbs nodded, watching as Tony trudged up the stairs to the Director's office. "What are you doing?" He asked, noticing Ziva making a phone call.
"I was calling..." She started, smirking slightly when Abby picked up the call. "Abby, you should come upstairs. We have just arrived back and we have a surprise for you."
The Goth hung up the phone quickly and walked out to the elevator, heading up to the squad room. When the doors finally opened on the third floor, she stepped off and automatically headed for Gibbs' desk.
"So? What'd he get me?" She asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Always wanting something. And here I thought I'd be enough."
Abby spun around and saw Tony walking toward the desks, having just come back from the Director's office. "Oh my...Tony!" She cried, running toward him and crushing him with a tight hug. "I missed you so much!"
He held her against his chest and buried his nose in her hair, smiling to himself. "I missed you too, Abs."
They held each other for another few minutes before they separated. "I told you Gibbs would get you back." She grinned.
Tony glanced over at his boss, who was preparing to leave for the evening. "Yeah. I know you did."
"So...you're back, right?" She asked, pulling back from him.
He chuckled. "I am."
"Pinky promise permanent reals?" She stuck out her pinky finger, grinning ear to ear.
He grinned back at her, hooking his pinky around hers. "Reassigned to DC, effective immediately. Vance just told me."
She jumped on him again, wrapping him up in her arms. "You're back, you're back, you're back!"
"This calls for a celebration. Come on, pizza and beer?" McGee suggested, standing up and grabbing his jacket.
Tony nodded. "Sounds good to me. Your treat, McMoneyBags." He placed his hand at the small of Abby's back and grinned. "You're comin', right, Abs?"
"Of course! What kind of welcome home party would it be if I wasn't there?" She smiled, leaning back against his hand slightly.
The younger agent rolled his eyes and smiled at the friends. "Yes, Tony. My treat. Come on, Ziva. Let's go celebrate."
The four friends gathered their belongings and headed out of the building, piling into McGee's car and heading for their favorite pizza bar. Once they arrived, Ziva, Abby, and Tony all walked to their usual booth while McGee ordered the pizza and beers.
"...So, he goes to Sick Bay, and they end up pulling this bag out of him, right?" Tony laughed, standing up to help McGee with the pizza as he approached the table. "Where was I?" He asked, sitting back down and taking a drink of his beer.
"The drugs were up the Petty Officer's ass." Abby grinned, taking a bite of her pizza.
He smiled. "Oh yeah. Anyway, the baggie was covered in shit, mind you. So I put like five pairs of gloves on so I could bag it for evidence, but I *still* managed to get it on my arm!"
"Still didn't have your sea legs, Tony?" McGee chuckled, finishing his first piece of pizza.
Tony pointed at him and smiled. "It was not my fault that there was a storm that day. But that wasn't the reason I got it on me. The stupid PA in the Sick Bay kept bumping into me. I think he had a thing for my shirt that day." He thought about it for a minute before speaking again. "Probably wears it. I did leave it in there after I got the poo on it. Creepy."
He reached over and grabbed the last piece of pizza, bumping hands with McGee in the process.
"Hah!"
"Tony, I bought the pizza, therefore I should get the last slice." McGee argued, looking to Ziva and Abby for support. "That's the way it's always worked."
"It is the way we usually do it when we buy pizza, Tony." Ziva argued, watching as the older man contemplated the slice.
He took a bite of the piece in his hand, watching as the younger man frowned. "I haven't had pizza in 4 months! You really wanna deny me this simple pleasure?"
"I haven't eaten all day. Just split the rest of it with me."
Tony shoved the remainder of the slice in his mouth, smiling at him. "Oops." He mumbled, his mouth full.
McGee frowned. "I hope you choke on that."
**2 Hours Later -- Abby's Apartment**
Tony stepped out of the bathroom wearing a pair of boxers, flopping down onto the bed next to his friend. "It's so nice to take a hot shower!" He said, smiling when Abby curled up next to him.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You've been quiet tonight. What's the matter?"
"Nothing." She smiled, looking up at him. "I just missed you, that's all. Happy to have you back. Everyone missed you. Even Gibbs. Not that he'd admit it, but he totally did."
"Yeah, I bet." He chuckled. "I'll be out of your hair tomorrow, Abs. I'll go talk to my landlord, I'm pretty sure she's been holding my apartment for me."
Abby shook her head, snuggling closer to him. "No rush. I know it's gonna take me a few days to realize that you're not leaving again anyway."
Turning onto his side, Tony draped an arm over her waist, pulling her closer before he dropped his lips to her cheek, lingering for a moment. "Its good to be back." He said quietly, his warm breath tickling her face. "I've missed this...missed you."
Abby blushed slightly, enjoying the closeness of their bodies. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax as his finger ran circles over her hip lightly.
"I know I'm not very good at showing my emotions, Abs. But I'd like to think that I've gotten better over the past year or so, you know, since..."
She reached up and pressed a finger to his lips gently. "You don't have to explain, Tony. I understand." Her voice was beginning to deepen, a sure sign she was getting sleepy.
He kissed her fingertip and slipped his arm under her head, pulling their bodies flush with one another. "I know, but I want to. Really, we should've talked about this a long time ago."
"T..." She started, looking into his hazel eyes with her green ones.
"Just...lemme say this, please? Before I lose my nerve." He took a deep breath, looking into her eyes again. "You deserve better from me. I mean..." He sighed. "We'll talk about it later."
"No no no...talk! Please. I'm...awake."
"You're dead tired, baby girl." He pressed his lips to her jaw lightly before rubbing his nose against hers. "Sleep now. We'll talk..." Smiling, he realized she had already fallen asleep. "Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow."
Laying back against the pillows, Tony stared up at the ceiling, his own eyelids growing heavy despite the thoughts currently racing through his mind. It had been a long 4 months and trapped in the confines of the ship, he'd had nothing to keep him occupied at times other than his thoughts.
More often than not, he found himself thinking about the woman at his side. Turning back to face her, he dropped his arm over her waist again and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I love you, Abby." he whispered quietly. "One day, I'll grow a pair and actually tell you. I promise."
He closed his eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers, falling into a dreamless sleep almost immediately, comforted with the knowledge that she was there with him.
**0240 Hours -- Abby's Apartment**
Abby sat up with a start, catching her breath as she looked around the dark room. "Tony?" She whispered, feeling him stir.
"Mmm?" He asked, sitting up next to her. "What's the matter, sweetheart?"
"Sorry."
"Don' be." He whispered, laying back down against the pillows. "Bad dream?"
She shook her head, allowing him to draw her toward him, resting against his chest. "Not so much. Just...thought you'd be gone again."
Tony frowned, pulling her impossibly closer to him. He hadn't realized the impact his leaving had on her until that moment, when he heard the pain in her voice.
"'M so sorry, Abs. I didn't mean to hurt you when I left." He apologized, smoothing her hair as he held her.
"I know. I...was hurt, at first. I'm alright now. I know you were only following orders."
"That's not an excuse, baby. I should've said goodbye."
She smiled, pressing a kiss to his bare collarbone before closing her eyes again. "I forgive you." She whispered sleepily.
"Thanks." He said, rubbing her lower back gently. *Now I just have to forgive myself.*
Chapter End Notes:
"Home" by Daughtry