I slam my hand on my desk, it’s been a long day. I am back at the office after seeing Micheal at the bar to give him the phone number for Devon. The last few days have been painful, and I want to cry, but I can’t. Crying is for the weak. I had to kill that crazy serial killer, it’s just like every other killing. But this one affects me more, I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I was close to him, I kissed him. I got attached, I’m not supposed to do that. And the crap that Tony gave me didn’t make me feel any better. Why is he such a... a... ugh! There aren’t words to discribe him in, none are mean enough or powerful enough. He’s just such a... a... donkey’s butt. No that’s wrong, horse’s ass. And Micheal, what happened with him, and then the crap Tony gave me about that. He thought Micheal was a killer for Pete’s sake! The pressure of everything... a tear just fell down my cheek. It landed on the paper in front of me, but I still feel it as a burn on my face. I furiously wipe the burning away, feeling weak, I’m too strong to cry.
“Ziva?” I hear someone ask. I look up and see Gibbs standing in front of me. “You okay?”
“Yeah Gibbs.” I answer. “I’m fine.” even as I say it, I hear my voice crack from the tears I’m supressing.
“No you’re not.” Gibbs replies. He walks behind my desk, turns my chair around so that I face him, and kneel down in front of me so that we’re at eye level.
“You’re right, I’m not.” I answer again. “But I should be, shouldn’t I?” I ask him, he doesn’t answer. “Why is this one affecting me so much?” I ask him, seeing if he has a better answer for me than I do.
“I don’t know Ziva.” He answers, “But if I were to guess, it’s because you’ve changed. You’re not just a cold blooded killer anymore. You feel guilt for what you did, you’re affected by taking someone’s life.”
“But I shouldn’t be.” I say, and lose it. I can feel the tears running down my face. I am ashamed, but before I have a chance to wipe them away, Gibbs wraps me in his arms and holds me there, comforting me. I remember the day he remember everything after the bomb blast. He held me as I cried after I addmitted to him that I was the one who killed Ari. He and I were the only ones who knew the truth. That was the last time I had cried this hard, two years have passed since then. I come out of my thoughts and hear Gibbs’ comforting words, telling me everythings okay. I’m glad he was there then, I’m glad he’s here now. My tears begin to slow, and slowly Gibbs pulls back. He take out a hankerchif and wipes away the few tears that are left on my face. “Thank you Gibbs, but I feel so weak now.” I told him.
“Don’t. Never be ashamed of tears.” Gibbs replied. I smiled weakly, and he smiled a little too. “Now go home, get some rest.” He ordered.
I began to stand, but the realized something. “Um... Gibbs...”
“You need a ride, Ziva?” GIbbs asked.
“Yes, please.” I answered quietly. My car was at home. The last time I drove was when I was with... him... and I was driving the car provided for me. I followed Gibbs out to his car, and he drove me home in silince. When we were at my appartment, I thanked him for the ride and stepped out of the car.
“Ziva,” Gibbs called through the open window, “Take tommarrow off, you need it.” I nodd in agreement. Then he drove off, leaving me alone at my apartment, feeling better than I had in years.
Story Notes:
I was really bored and just finished watching Recoil, so this story was born. I also couldn't think of a good ending, so if anyone has a better one, please tell me and if I like it, I'll add that one instead.
Author's Chapter Notes:
After the events of Recoil, Ziva is sitting in the office, thinking.
Chapter End Notes:
I was really bored and just finished watching Recoil, so this story was born. I also couldn't think of a good ending, so if anyone has a better one, please tell me and if I like it, I'll add that one instead.