Jason Miller was very pleased with himself. His plan was brilliant, flawless, sheer perfection; he was destroying Anthony DiNozzo bit by bit and by the time he was done, there would be nothing left of the man who had ruined his life. DiNozzo had taken everything from him and now he was only to happy to reciprocate. It was clear that his nemesis had managed to move on with his life, building a new one away from the memories of the past.
It was those memories that Miller planned on using to tear down Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. He was taking great pleasure in forcing Tony to relive the horrors of that night when he had been forced to kill Sydney. DiNozzo had obviously turned her against him, something that he could not accept. She had loved him at one time; surely she could have loved him again.
His anger had quickly developed into rage when he learned that DiNozzo had placed a restraining order on him; he had also made sure that Sydney was never alone, preventing Jason from seeing his true love. From that moment on, he had vowed to kill his enemy and reclaim Sydney’s heart.
An evil grin escaped his lips as he picked up another picture of DiNozzo. “You couldn’t stop me, could you? I knew if I waited patiently, that I would be reunited with Sydney. It took a couple of weeks, but you finally got careless and left her alone. I went to talk to her and to wait for you; I wanted her to tell you that it was over between the two of you and then I was going to put you out of your misery. You were the one that was supposed to die, but she refused my love. She actually said that she loved you! Can you believe that? We fought and then one thing led to another and…”
Jason’s maniacal laughter echoed throughout the small motel room. “I wish you could have seen your face when you busted through that door. I’ll never forget the look in your eyes.” Disbelief, sadness, anger, and hatred, had been etched in DiNozzo’s features. “You wanted to kill me and you probably would have if she hadn’t still been alive and calling your name.
“Do you know what that felt like to have the woman you loved, call out another man’s name? It’s something that you don’t ever want to hear. But you know something, Tony? By the time I finish with you, you’ll be calling my name, begging me for mercy; just like she was.”
He took a sip of his third beer as he sat back against the headboard of his bed, DiNozzo’s picture still in hand. “You should have had gotten my latest surprise by now. How did you like it? I bet it brought back a lot of memories, didn’t it?
“This is just the beginning, DiNozzo,” he slurred. “This is just the beginning.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
McGee and Kate were aware that what they were about to do was an invasion of Tony’s privacy, but they could no longer deny their curiosity. The arrival of a mysterious package had evoked such an unexpected range of emotions from DiNozzo that they knew they had to find a reason for his unusual behavior.
The junior agent had pulled up Tony’s college records and was quickly discovering that he didn’t know Tony as well as he thought he did. “Wow!” he exclaimed.
“What?” Kate inquired, her gaze never leaving the monitor.
“Tony actually graduated with honors. I always thought that he got through college because he was a jock,” Tim assumed.
“Guess you were wrong,” Kate replied.
McGee rolled his eyes. “You can’t tell me that you’re not surprised. I mean, this is Tony we’re talking about.”
“I’m not surprised, McGee. I mean if you look beneath the surface, Tony is an intelligent person who just chooses to hide behind his frat boy persona.”
“Gibbs told you,” he deduced.
“No. Tony told me and Gibbs confirmed it,” she admitted. “Not too long after I started, Tony and I were bickering about what made a person smart and that’s when he told me that he graduated with honors. I didn’t believe him and I guess I must have hurt his feelings. He walked away and I turned to go back to my desk and there was Gibbs. He told me that Tony did graduate with honors and that I better learn not to judge people so quickly.”
Not sure what to say, McGee nodded and turned his attention back to the computer screen. “It looks like Tony had three different addresses during his college career. The first one looks to be a campus address that he lived at during his freshman year.”
“And the second?”
“It looks like it’s off campus, maybe a more rural area; he was there until the spring of his sophomore year.”
“The third?”
“Closer to campus,” McGee stated. “A fraternity house; he stayed there until graduation.”
“I wonder why he lived off campus during his sophomore year.”
“I don’t know, but here’s something interesting. He took an incomplete in his classes his spring semester and didn’t finish them until the second session of summer school.”
“Why?” Kate asked.
“The reason was just listed as extenuating circumstances.”
“That’s not very helpful.”
“No, it’s not,” McGee agreed.
He saw Kate’s face brighten as it did when she was struck by inspiration. “Why didn’t I think of this before?”
“What?” he nervously inquired.
“Steve.”
“Who?”
“Remember Steve Adler? He was Tony’s frat brother that I dated for a while. Maybe he can fill in some of the blanks.”
“Do you think he’ll tell you anything? McGee knew that the bond between Tony and a few of his fraternity brothers was rather strong, often spending their vacations together trying to recapture the lost days of their youth.
“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot.”
“Let me know what you find out. In the meantime, I’m going to…”
McGee stopped in mid-sentence and stared at his computer screen, quickly scanning the information that he had just pulled up. “Oh, boy,” he muttered.
“What’s wrong?” Kate wanted to know.
“Oh boy,” McGee repeated.
Tim looked up at Kate. He saw the uncertainty in her eyes as she waited impatiently for him to answer her question. “Um, I think I found out why Tony lived off campus his sophomore year.”
“Why?”
McGee swallowed as he motioned for her to pull up a chair. “I think you better sit down for this…”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jethro Gibbs refused to release his grasp on the younger man, hoping that Tony would be able to draw from his strength. It was obvious that the events of the last twenty-four hours had taken their toll on his senior agent, both physically and emotionally. He was waiting for Tony to decide between confronting his demons or burying them once again so they could haunt him forever. It was a decision that had to be made and both he and Tony were fully aware of the ramifications.
“Are you going to let this bastard win?” Gibbs asked once again, his tone softer but yet firm enough that Tony would not dare ignore him.
DiNozzo shook his head. “No,” he finally managed to whisper. “No, I won’t let him win.”
Gibbs nodded in satisfaction as he sat down in his chair and pulled it closer to Tony. “Good for you, DiNozzo. Good for you.”
“I hope so,” Tony whispered.
“Tell me what happened,” the team leader quietly urged.
He watched as Tony clasped his hands together in an effort to stop them from trembling. The agent was trying to pull himself together and Gibbs was prepared to give him all the time he needed. The former Marine understood how difficult it was to resurrect memories that were buried under a lifetime of guilt. He knew what DiNozzo was going through; he was familiar with the pain and anguish of losing a family and that feeling was something he wouldn’t wish on anyone.
“Take your time, Tony. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Unless you uh…get a case,” Tony pointed out.
“McGee and Kate can handle it.”
A tiny smile formed on the senior agent’s lips. “Come on, Boss. McGee and Kate?”
“They’ve got to learn sometime,” Gibbs retorted. “Now quit changing the subject, DiNozzo.”
Tony nodded, his eyes fixed on the floor. Gibbs took a sip of his coffee and then placed it in Tony’s hands. “Drink,” he ordered.
“Boss, I don’t really like…”
Gibbs stood up and went over the counter and retrieved several packs of sugar. “Now drink it,” he insisted. “You need this more than I do.”
“Thanks, Boss,” Tony mumbled as he began to tear open the packs of sugar and dump them in the coffee.
“You’re welcome.”
“Sydney could never make coffee,” Tony recalled. “I never had the heart to tell her that her coffee, well…sucked. She would get up every morning and make me a thermos before I went to classes and after I got to school, I’d dump it and then go one of the dining halls and get some of the good stuff.”
Gibbs had to smile as he wondered if Tony could even tell bad coffee from good coffee considering the amount of sugar he had to put in a cup. “It’s amazing what we’ll do for those we love.”
Tony shrugged. “I guess. I’m surprised I even still want to drink the stuff.”
“Why’s that?”
“The night she was killed, she had asked me to stop on my way home and get some coffee because we were out. I tried to tell her that I didn’t need it, but it’s pretty useless arguing with a pregnant woman.”
The team leader vividly remembered trying to argue with Shannon while she had been pregnant with Kelly. Her usual determination and grit and had seemed to increase ten fold while she had been expecting, and he had uncharacteristically given in to her, just like Tony had given in to Sydney.
“It was the one day that I had left her alone,” Tony continued. “My buddy that was supposed to stay with her came down with the flu, so I was going to skip class and call in sick at work. But, Sydney wouldn’t hear of it. She knew I had a test that day and we really couldn’t afford for me to miss work. We were still paying on her last emergency room visit and so she managed to convince me that she could manage. We hadn’t seen or heard anything from Jason Miller since I had the restraining order placed on him, so against my better judgment, I agreed.” Tony rubbed a hand over his face. “I should have listened to my gut.”
“Hindsight’s a wonderful gift,” Gibbs said, “Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the past.”
DiNozzo shook his head and sighed. “No, it doesn’t. Anyway, I checked on her between school and work and everything was fine. The last thing she said to me was not to forget the coffee and she told me she loved me.”
He could only imagine how difficult this was for him; the former Marine wasn’t sure how he would handle being forced to recount his family’s tragic death. He had kept Shannon and Kelly’s existence and their death a secret, hidden from those he was closest to. Gibbs knew exactly how Tony felt, but how could he get that point across without being forced to revisit his own painful past.
His heart was aching for the younger man, the man that had become like a son to him. Tony was hurting and there was nothing he could do to alleviate his anguish; nothing except listen and try to figure out the identity of the person who was tormenting his agent.
“I…uh…came home and I heard her screaming.” Tony voice was barely above a whisper. “I ran in and found Miller trying to rape Sydney. I pulled him off of her and saw that she was covered in blood.”
Gibbs saw the tears forming and falling unbidden down Tony’s cheeks, but the agent pressed on with his tale of heartbreak. “Blood was everywhere,” DiNozzo continued to recall. “He had stabbed her repeatedly and she had must have tried to get away from him. She was bleeding from so many different places…”
The team leader could sense the struggle taking place in Tony’s mind. He could hear DiNozzo’s breathing hitch and Gibbs knew that he was trying to keep a grasp on his waning emotions. Tony had tried been attempting to detach himself from the memory while he was sharing it with the ex-Marine, but it was obviously becoming increasingly difficult for him to do so.
“It’s all right, Tony,” Gibbs assured him. “Take your time.”
Tony met Gibbs’ concerned gaze. “I was trying to stop the bleeding, begging her to hang on. All she could think about was the baby; she kept telling me to save Sean, but she had been stabbed so many times.”
Gibbs fought to keep his own mask firmly in place. He needed to be strong for Tony, but his own feelings of sadness and guilt were precariously close to the surface. The former Marine tamped down the urge to vomit as DiNozzo continued.
“I was so busy trying to help Sydney, I forgot about Miller. I thought he was knocked out, but he must have just been dazed. He attacked me. He kept telling me that she loved him and that it was my fault he had to hurt her. I could hear her gasping for air as she begged me to save the baby. I couldn’t get away from Miller. He got in a few hits with his knife and before I knew it, everything went black and when I woke up, the house was in flames. I found Sydney’s body and got her out, but it was too late.
“I sat there on the ground and held her body. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital two days later, a couple of my frat buddies and my coach were sitting by my side. They told me that she was gone, but I already knew that. I later identified Jason Miller and the local PD picked him up.”
“What happened to Miller?” Gibbs finally managed to ask.
“Short version or long version?”
“Whichever one you want to tell me.”
“He was released on bail, got a fancy lawyer and got off on a technicality; he fled the country, never to be heard from again. The detective that worked the case tried to keep tabs on him for a while, eventually lost him.”
“Tony, I…”
“Don’t say it, please,” Tony pleaded. “Don’t try and tell me that I didn’t let Sydney and Sean down. They’re dead because of me, because I…”
Gibbs pulled Tony into a hug, stroking the back of his head like a father comforting a hurting child. DiNozzo was not one to show his true feelings and the fact that he was crying unnerved the former Marine. Very few people ever got to see the real Anthony DiNozzo; now, he was catching a glimpse of a broken man who had been forced to try and put the shattered pieces of his life back together again only to have them scattered like ashes in the wind.
“You didn’t fail them, Tony. I know it seems like it, but you didn’t,” he insisted. “It’s going to be all right. We’ll get through this together; do you hear me?”
“I hear you, Boss.”
He silently cursed as Tony pulled back. Gibbs watched in silence as DiNozzo wiped away any evidence of tears. How could he convince the young man that it was all right to cry? His father had ingrained into Tony at a young age that crying was a sign of weakness and Gibbs could tell that even after all these years, the elder DiNozzo still had an unhealthy influence on his son.
“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” Gibbs suggested, finally breaking the silence.
“I’m fine,” Tony tersely replied.
“No, you’re not. You’re tired exhausted. If we’re going to catch this guy, I need you well rested.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
“Then go to my place,” Gibbs offered.
“I can’t do that.”
Puzzled, Gibbs asked, “Why not?”
“I don’t want you involved in this,” Tony answered.
“I’m already involved, Tony,” he reasoned.
“Gibbs, if this bastard turns out to be Jason Miller, I’m not going to stop looking for him until I kill him.”
He couldn’t reprimand Tony for his comment; Gibbs knew exactly how he felt. The former Marine had been able to execute his own form of justice on the man who had murdered Shannon and Kelly; he would not deny DiNozzo the opportunity to do the same. “I won’t stop you,” he vowed.
Tony swallowed hard. “Thanks, Boss,” he mumbled.
Another few moments of silence passed between them, the quietness allowing the two men to gather their thoughts and consider their next step. Gibbs picked up the box that had been placed on the table and studied it. He would have never believed that the arrival of this package would have resulted in Tony revealing such an incredibly painful secret. “Are you going to open it?”
The agent shook his head. “Not sure I want to.”
“Do you want me to?”
DiNozzo shrugged. “Go ahead.”
Gibbs pulled out his knife and then slipped on a pair of gloves. He cut through the brown paper it was wrapped in to reveal a white box that had been taped shut. Cutting the tape, he peered inside.
“What is it?” Tony inquired.
“It looks like a piece of clothing. Has OSU on the front.”
He handed the box to Tony and watched as DiNozzo pulled out a small, long sleeve T shirt bearing the letters of his alma mater on it, with a pair of matching pants. The agent dropped the clothing back in the box and gave it back to Gibbs. “It’s the outfit that Sean was going to wear home from the hospital,” he rasped. “My frat brothers chipped in and bought it for him. I...figured that it had been lost in the fire.”
How much more was Tony supposed to endure? Gibbs sat back in his chair, his eyes fixed on DiNozzo as the agent sat in his own chair, unmoving except for the slight quiver of his lip. He wanted to help him but the older man was at a loss what to do.
“Tony,” he softly called out to the heartbroken agent. “You need to get out of here. I’m going to have someone drive you to my place and stay with you until I get there.”
“No!” DiNozzo cried out. “There’ll be too many questions and I can’t do this again. Not right now.”
“All right,” the team leader conceded. “But you do realize that everything is going to have to come out in the open, sooner or later, the others are going to eventually find out.”
“I know and I guess they deserve to know why I was acting like an ass this morning, but I just can’t do it right now.”
“Go down to Abby’s lab and rest. I’ll come and get you when I’m ready to leave.”
“Abby will know something is wrong.”
“She’s already seen the picture of Sydney,” Gibbs reminded him.
“I know,” Tony sighed.
“I’ll order her not to ask too many questions.”
“Think she’ll listen?”
“Nope,” he grinned.
“Can’t I just stay here?” DiNozzo asked. “I won’t go anywhere. I just need to be alone for awhile.”
Gibbs couldn’t recall a time when Tony had sounded so desperate. He had the right to nurse his wounds, but the ex-Gunny didn’t want DiNozzo to rebury those memories that had been released. There was a certain freedom in sharing a burden and Gibbs didn’t want to see Tony held captive by his past any longer.
“You better be here when I get back, DiNozzo,” Gibbs warned.
“I will,” he promised.
The team leader rose and headed for the door. He glanced back over his shoulder and immediately regretted doing so. Tony was now clutching the tiny OSU outfit against his cheek, softly mumbling to himself. Gibbs strained to hear what DiNozzo was saying, but all he could make out were the words ‘I’m sorry.’
He shut the door behind him and leaned against the door frame as images of his own past began to assault him. The faces of Shannon and Kelly were becoming intertwined with those of Sydney and Tony’s unborn son. Gibbs cursed as he hit the wall with his fist. Ignoring the pain now shooting up his arm, he wondered how he was going to be able to help Tony if he had to battle the memories of his past.
Chapter End Notes:
Lots of angst...be warned, the last part may be a little more graphic in nature. It involves detail of the murders of Tony's family.