It felt good to laugh again; something that Tony had been unable to do since this nightmare had reared its ugly head. He and his frat brother, Steve Adler, had been recounting some of their wilder tales from days gone by, allowing him a respite from thinking about Jason Miller. The two friends’ laughter echoed through out the tiny room, gaining the attention of everyone that passed by, including one Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
“We better cool it or I’m going to end up getting kicked out of here,” Steve said. “Your nurse and your boss have walked by your door at least three times.”
“Maybe they’ll kick me out too,” Tony mused.
“I think Agent Gibbs would have something to say about that.”
“You’re probably right.”
Steve nodded towards the door. “He seems like an okay guy, Tony.”
“He is,” Tony agreed. “Gibbs definitely has my back.”
“I’m glad. Someone’s got to look after your sorry ass,” Steve teased.
He grinned at his friend. “You’ll get no argument from me. He keeps me on the straight and narrow.”
“That’s damn near impossible. I’m just glad he’s watching out for you, which is pretty much a full time job.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed.
Tony leaned his head back against his pillow and closed his eyes momentarily, silently cursing the dull throbbing in his head that still plagued him despite the mild pain reliever that he had been given earlier.
“You okay, Tony?” Steve asked.
“I’m fine,” he lied.
“I don’t buy it and I bet Gibbs doesn’t buy that line either.”
He ran his hand through his disheveled hair, still damp from the sponge bath that the nurses’ had given him earlier and seemingly enjoyed. He wished that he could take a scalding hot shower and wash his hair with his own preferred shampoo. Sometimes he wondered where these sporadic thoughts came from; no wonder Gibbs whacked him on back of the head so often. “No, he doesn’t,” Tony admitted. “I’ve learned not to give him that answer when he asks how I’m doing.”
“You know, the more I hear about your Boss, the more I like him.”
Tony tiredly smiled as he took a sip of water. As much as he had enjoyed the trip down memory lane, he knew that the real reason that Steve was here had nothing to do with revisiting their college days. He was surprised that it had had taken his friend this long to approach the subject they he had so desperately tried to avoid.
“So, do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Steve wanted to know. “Why does Kate want to talk to me about our college days? I get the feeling that she didn’t want to know about how many touchdowns you made your senior year.”
Tony nervously licked his lips. Now was the moment of truth; he didn’t want to drag Steve into the middle of the disaster that his life had become, but now he didn’t have a choice. “She found out that I’d been married; I guess she figured that you could fill in the blanks.”
“How did she find out? I didn’t think that you had told anyone about Sydney and Sean.”
“I wasn’t planning on it, but something happened that…” Tony paused to gather his thoughts. He couldn’t believe how agonizingly painful it was to talk about his wife and child after all these years. That pain was a familiar one that he had not wanted to experience again, but thanks to Jason Miller, the sorrow and rage that had consumed him back then, was resurfacing once again.
He blew out a pent up breath. “Jason Miller’s back.” He knew that Steve would understand the ramifications of those three words.
Steve stood up, disbelief and shock evident in his voice and facial expression. “What? How long has he been here?”
“I don’t know. Things started happening last night and…”
“Things? What kind of things?” Steve inquired.
His mind went on automatic pilot, forcing himself to separate his thoughts from his emotions. He proceeded to tell his fraternity brother everything that had happened within the last twenty-four hours. Tony painstakingly recalled every detail from finding the picture of Sydney on his windshield outside the restaurant to the fire in his apartment which resulted in his current hospitalization.
By the time that he had finished, Tony was emotionally spent despite his attempt to remain detached. The two friends sat in silence, each struggling with their own demons. Tony was glad that Steve finally shattered the stillness between them.
“Does Gibbs know everything?”
“He knows most of it,” Tony informed him. “I didn’t go into a lot of detail about the hearing or about the funeral.”
“Seems to me that you left out some important parts.”
Tony shrugged. He lowered his voice in case Gibbs was nearby; the man’s eyesight may not be what it used to be, but there was nothing wrong with the team leader’s hearing. “I guess I didn’t want to talk about the fiasco of a trial that Miller was given and I definitely didn’t want to tell him how Sydney’s family had the funeral from her and Sean while I was in the hospital.”
“Maybe you should come clean with him,” Steve suggested.
“Steve, if I had my way, he wouldn’t know anything,” he pointed out.
“I know that, but still…”
“Knowing Gibbs, he’ll find out soon enough. He’s got Kate and McGee pulling records on Miller.”
“I’m sure he’d rather hear it from you.”
“I can’t. Not right now.”
“Don’t wait too long,” Steve warned. “Don’t let McGee and Kate be the ones to tell him.”
“I won’t,” Tony promised.
“As for Kate, I’m not telling her anything. You’re my friend and I’m not going to betray your confidence; we’ve been through too much together.”
There wasn’t a doubt in Tony’s mind that he probably wouldn’t be alive it hadn’t been for Steve and his other buddies who had convinced him that he still had a lot of reasons to live. He had wanted to die, unable to face a life without his wife and son. It had been Steve who had forced him to face reality and start living again. He had learned to take life one day at a time and after a while, the pain in his heart had started to lessen.
He had moved on with his life, keeping the memory of Sydney and Sean close to his heart. Years had passed and while he still thought of them every day, he knew that she would want Tony to live his life to the fullest and with a passion and zeal reminiscent of their love. The famous saying that time heals all wounds proved to be true, but time certainly doesn’t stop them from being reopened once again.
“Tony?” Steve gently squeezed his shoulder. “You kind of zoned out on me for a few seconds.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”
Steve grinned at him. “That can be a dangerous thing, especially for you.”
Tony returned his smile. “My Boss says the same thing.”
“Smart man.”
“He hired me, didn’t he?”
“I plead the fifth on that. Listen, I better get out of here and let you get some rest.”
“You don’t have to go,” the agent protested.
“I would say that Agent Gibbs is probably getting pretty impatient to see you.” Steve peered out the door. “He’s standing against the far wall and looking at his watch again.”
“He’s not known for his patience,” Tony agreed.
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay.” Tony grasped Steve’s hand forearm. “Thanks for everything, Steve.”
“You bet,” he answered. “Listen, if you need a place to stay when you get out of here, I’ve got that spare room.”
Nodding his thanks, he watched his friend leave the room. He realized that Gibbs wouldn’t waste anymore time in the hallway than necessary and would be by his side. Tony heard Gibbs and Steve exchange a few pleasantries and then there was silence, making him wonder if the team leader and his friend had gone somewhere so they could talk about him. Gibbs wasn’t the only one with good hearing.
Closing his eyes once again, Tony began to feel himself drift off. His exhaustion was overwhelming him and he was losing the battle to stay awake. At least if he was asleep, he wouldn’t have to answer any of Gibbs’ questions for a while. With a sigh, he allowed sleep to consume him, knowing that the down side to sleeping was the would undoubtedly start to dream again.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Firmly planted against the wall, Gibbs glanced at his watch for the third time. He needed to see Tony, but he didn’t want to deny DiNozzo the opportunity to visit with one of his fraternity brothers. Judging by the laughter coming from the room earlier, the unexpected visit from Steve had been a welcome relief from the stress that Tony had been under since Miller had reentered his life. He allowed a smile to escape as he listened to his senior agent’s infectious laughter.
Within a couple of minutes, the conversation had apparently taken a turn to a more serous topic. Despite his acute sense of hearing, he had to strain to hear the hushed tones of the two friends as they discussed the events that facilitated their reunion. Although the former Marine’s curiosity was piqued, he would wait his turn to talk to DiNozzo; there were still a lot of questions that needed answers.
He pulled out the plastic bag that contained the card that Miller had sent with the flowers and read it again. Jason Miller was obviously taking a great deal of pleasure in tormenting Tony, purposefully reopening old wounds that were only partially healed. Gibbs clenched his jaw, the action causing a vein in his forehead to throb, as he attempted to keep a rein on his precarious tempter. The yellow roses that Miller had sent was an intentional slap in DiNozzo’s face and the team leader knew he was going to have a fight on his hands in order to prevent this maniac from destroying the spirit of his son.
“Ah, DiNozzo,” he whispered to himself. “We’re going to get through this somehow.”
Slipping the card back in his pocket, Gibbs made a mental note to call McGee in the morning and have him check out the florist. He had ordered both Kate and Tim to go home and get some rest, so hopefully they were already gone for the night. It had been a long day for all of them and Gibbs had a feeling that this was the first of many.
Stubbornness prevented him from checking his watch again as he continued waiting his turn to see Tony. Thankfully, he only had to wait a few more minutes before Steve came out of DiNozzo’s room and greeted him once again.
“Agent Gibbs.”
“Steve.”
“Thanks for letting me see Tony,” Adler remarked.
Gibbs couldn’t help but like this young man. Steve Adler had obviously proven his loyalty to his DiNozzo many times over; it reminded him of some of the friendships that he had developed in the Marine Corp. “No problem,” he replied. “I’m sure seeing you did him a world of good. Sounds like you two were having a good time.”
“Just doing some reminiscing.”
“Is that all?” Gibbs pressed.
Steve shrugged, glancing back over his shoulder towards Tony’s room. “We talked about you quite a bit.”
“Is that a fact?”
“Yep. I told him that you seemed like a good man.”
“Appearances can be deceiving.”
“Not this time. Tony’s always been a pretty good judge of character. He’s always known who’s had his back and you, Agent Gibbs, definitely have Tony’s back,” Steve declared.
Gibbs sensed that Steve had more to say, but was hesitant to do so as long as they were within earshot of Tony’s room. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” he offered. “I happen to know where the best brew in the hospital is.”
“I’d like that, Agent Gibbs.”
The two men began to make their way down the hallway towards the nurse’s station. “So what’s on your mind?” the team leader inquired.
“I just want to thank you for being there for Tony,” Steve began. “Whether he admits it or not, he needs that father figure you seem to provide for him.”
Gibbs considered Tony to be the son that he never had, but he had never shared his feelings with anyone, including DiNozzo. How had this complete stranger picked up on his private thoughts? “I don’t…”
“Have you ever met Tony’s father?” Steve asked.
“No.” He had deduced from the sporadic comments that Tony had made about his childhood that the DiNozzo household was not a happy one. The senior agent often hid behind a joke or a smart remark that would deflect anyone from probing into his personal life, forcing Gibbs to believe that there were a lot of underlying issues that Tony preferred to keep buried.
“The man’s a piece of work. Let’s just say that Tony is nothing like him and leave it at that. Anyway, I can’t help but wonder how things would have turned out if you had been around back then.”
“I’m here now and I’m going to be with Tony every step of the way until we catch the bastard,” Gibbs vowed.
“I know.”
“Is that all you wanted to tell me?”
“For now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“There’s some things that Tony really needs to tell you, but I can’t tell you what they are. I gave him my word.”
Gibbs poured a cup of coffee for Steve and then refilled his. “I can’t fault a man for keeping his word. I’ll talk to Tony; I’ve got a few questions of my own that need answering.”
“Thank you, Agent Gibbs. If Tony needs me, please call me. I’ve got a spare room and he’s more than welcome to it.”
“I’m sure he appreciates that, but I’ll be keeping a close eye on DiNozzo.”
“I had a feeling that you would, but the offer still stands.”
“Thank you.”
Steve extended his hand. “I better be going. It was a pleasure meeting you, Agent Gibbs.”
“You too, Steve.”
Gibbs leaned against the counter of the nurse’s station as he watched Adler head towards the elevator. As the doors to the elevator opened, he saw a familiar set of pigtails come bounding down the hall with a large pizza in hand. He had told Abby that she could come see Tony, but her timing left a lot to be desired.
“Gibbs! Gibbs!” she waved excitedly. “Which room is he in? Did you see that guy getting on the elevator? He was pretty cute! Anyway, where is he?”
“He’s just in 327,” Gibbs informed her.
Before he could stop her, Abby darted into Tony’s room, only to discover that he was asleep. “You wore him out,” she accused the team leader.
“He’s had a pretty rough day, Abby. Don’t you think that he’s probably exhausted?”
“You’ve got a point there,” she conceded. “Well, I’ll leave the pizza on the table so he can have it when he wakes up.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it, Abs.”
He smiled when Abby leaned over and lightly kissed Tony on the cheek. “Take care of yourself,” she whispered.
“I’ll tell him you came by,” Gibbs promised.
“I could stay with him if you wanted me to,” she suggested.
Shaking his head, he replied, “Not with Miller on the loose. We’ll see you tomorrow, Abs.”
Clearly disappointed, she made her way towards the door. Sparing a final glance, she signed, ‘Take care of him’, and disappeared down the hallway.
Taking a piece of pizza, Gibbs sat down in the chair beside Tony and began to eat. Knowing that Tony needed his rest, he decided to wait until tomorrow to get those answers that he so desperately wanted. Unfortunately, Tony’s dreams refused to show him the same courtesy.
The younger man began to toss and turn, calling out Sydney’s name. Gibbs rose and stood over Tony, prepared to wake him up from his nightmare, but yet he had to wonder what he could learn by simply watching and listening. He silently chastised himself for even considering that option; he would not allow his son to suffer in the throes of his own personal hell.
Reaching out, he held onto Tony’s shoulders and called out his name. “DiNozzo!”
Tony seemed to fight harder. “Sydney!” he screamed, inadvertently drawing the attention of those passing by the room. “Sean! Somebody help!”
“Tony!” Gibbs barked, hoping that the sharpness of his tone would awaken his senior agent.
With a gasp, Tony sat up, a fine sheen of sweat dotting his forehead. Gibbs cupped Tony’s face in his calloused hands. “You with me, DiNozzo?”
It was a few seconds before Tony managed to answer. “Yeah, Boss,” he rasped. “I’m with you. I guess I just had a bad dream. Too many memories, you know?”
He knew exactly what Tony was talking about; there were many nights that his own memories haunted him as well. “I know, Tony. I know.”
Gibbs helped Tony get resituated, raising the head of his bed even more per DiNozzo’s request. Knowing it would be a while before the younger man even attempted going back to sleep, he offered the agent a piece of pizza.
“I love ya, Boss,” Tony exclaimed as he bit into his favorite food.
“Thank Abby.”
“She was here?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t let her wake you up.”
“Oh,” Tony answered. “I’ll have to remember to thank her tomorrow.”
The weariness in Tony’s voice troubled the team leader. That carefree façade that DiNozzo usually wore so well had slipped to reveal a man that had suffered too much pain in his young life. It was a pain that Gibbs was all too familiar with.
“Can I get you anything else?” Gibbs asked.
“I’m good now that I’ve got some real food.”
“You’ve got to have an iron stomach.”
“I guess. Probably from all those years of not being able to finish a meal because of the unspoken rule my Boss has about not eating until a case is solved,” Tony teased.
“Makes you work faster,” the team leader shot back.
“If you say so.”
He decided to let DiNozzo finish his pizza before he brought up the subject of the nightmare that Tony had been having. Gibbs could only imagine what the senior agent was seeing in his dreams, but if he was going to help his son, there could be no secrets.
“Boss?”
“Yeah?”
“Something on your mind?” Tony inquired.
“Just thinkin’, DiNozzo.”
“About what?”
Gibbs sat back down in his chair. “How we’re going to catch Jason Miller.”
“That’s the million dollar question. I’m sure that it won’t be long before we hear from him again.”
He felt the knot in his gut pull tighter. Gibbs couldn’t keep the truth from Tony, but he worried how DiNozzo was going to react once he discovered Miller’s latest escapade.
“We already have,” he informed the senior agent.
“When?”
“Just a little while ago. He sent you some flowers.”
Tony stared at him in disbelief. “He sent me flowers?”
Gibbs nodded, leaning forward in his chair. “Yellow roses.” Reaching in his coat pocket, he pulled out the plastic bag with the card in it and handed it Tony. “This card was attached.”
With a trembling hand, Tony took and read it. “Yellow roses were Sydney’s favorite. I never could afford a dozen, so I would bring her one a week after I got paid and it would last until the next week.”
Gibbs squeezed Tony’s arm as the young man choked back a sob. “Her parents made sure that she had yellow roses on her and Sean’s casket and grave. They were buried together; I think Sydney would have wanted it that way.”
“I’m sure she would have Tony. I’m sure that everything was beautiful.”
Silence was the sound that now greeted him. Gibbs took the note back from Tony, who refused to meet his gaze. When DiNozzo finally spoke, his voice crackled with a sadness and regret that puzzled the former Marine. Never could he have imagined what the explanation would be for Tony’s reaction. Waves of nausea began to attack him when DiNozzo finally looked up at him, tears streaming down his face, revealing a truth that Gibbs had never expected to hear.
“I don’t know,” Tony whispered. “I wasn’t there.”
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