No Good Deed...
The shrill beeping of the alarm clock sliced through the quiet room, eliciting a quiet groan from the man in bed. Reaching over, he swatted the offending device, effectively silencing it before he turned onto his back, glancing over at his partner's side of the bed.
Empty. Again.
Running a tired hand over his face, he pushed himself up, barely stifling a yawn as he climbed from the warm confines of his bed.
Grabbing his pajama bottoms from the floor, he pulled them on before he made his way out of the room in search of his lover.
He found Tony sitting in the kitchen, a cup of coffee cooling in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, his mouth turned down in a slight frown as he stared, unseeing, at the wall in front of him.
McGee had found him in this exact position for the last three mornings. It was the only time he had to himself, he'd said. The only time without the distraction of an active two year old or the responsibilities of work.
"Hey," he greeted, frowning slightly when the older man jumped, completely surprised by his presence.
Tony blinked rapidly as if to clear his vision before he forced a smile. Lifting up his coffee, he took a long sip, his frown returning when he realized the liquid had turned cold.
What's goin' on, T? It's more than just time alone without distractions, isn't it?" McGee asked, taking the mug and replacing the cold liquid with fresh coffee.
"Thanks," the older man mumbled, accepting the mug back from his lover. "Just...got a lot on my mind."
"This is about what happened at the party, isn't it? With Abby?"
Tony looked away, taking another sip of his coffee. "Yeah."
McGee placed his hand on his partner's shoulder, frowning. "Tell me about it."
"I...I can't, Tim. She doesn't want anyone to know. She only told me because...well, I upset her."
McGee sighed quietly, dropping into the chair beside Tony, studying him carefully. "Okay... Even so, I'm sure you didn't upset her on purpose so why are you still beating yourself up about it?"
"You didn't see her. You don't...I've never seen her so upset. I just... Everytime I think about the party, all I can see is how...freakin' broken she was and it kills me to know it's my fault."
"Tony... I know you feel bad about it, but really. Not getting enough rest isn't going to fix anything."
"I've had a lot on my mind," he repeated, pulling away when McGee reached for him. Pushing himself up from the table, he deposited his cup in the sink before he hurried out of the kitchen.
He wasn't lying when he told McGee he had a lot on his mind. Abby's breakdown at Josh's party had been something he hadn't been able to forget. Her haunted eyes were all he saw at night when he tried to sleep. He'd never seen her so distraught before. He wanted to help her, to *fix* her really. He just wasn't sure he knew how.
:::::
Gibbs leaned against the doorway to the bathroom, silently watching as his girl got ready for work. She hadn't been sleeping well since Josh's birthday party, and he was becoming more concerned about her, especially considering she was refusing to tell him what had happened between her and Tony to make her so upset.
Stepping further into the bathroom, he wrapped his arm around her waist lightly, pressing a kiss to her spiderweb tattoo. "Morning. You're up early again."
"Couldn't sleep," she said, shrugging her shoulders as she turned in his arms to return his kiss. She turned back to the mirror and continued pulling her hair into pigtails, plastering a fake smile on her face for Gibbs' sake.
"Thought we were done with the keepin' secrets, Abs."
"Who said anything about secrets?" She asked, turning to face him when she finished doing her hair. "I'm not keeping anything from you." He cocked an eyebrow at her, barely able to contain his smirk when she looked away from him guiltily. "Nothing important, anyway," she muttered.
"It upset you. It *is* important. To me, anyway."
"It was stupid. I overreacted and embarrassed myself in front of Tony."
"What happened?" He pressed, frowning when she turned away from him again. "Abby, you can't--"
"Ziva asked him when he was having another baby," the Goth interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest. "And it shouldn't have been a big deal. But it was. It bothered me more than I thought it would. Especially when he went off on a slight tangent about how much of a pain in the ass it was the first time and how he never wanted to do it again and..." she trailed off, feeling a slight blush creep onto her cheeks. "I told you it was stupid."
"It's not stupid," he said quietly as he wrapped his arms around her again, pulling her back against his chest. He sighed softly when he felt her sag against him, trembling slightly.
"I shouldn't... I shouldn't have gotten so upset but it made me so mad that he's... I would give up anything to be able to have a baby. But I can't and to hear him... complain about being able to... I just..." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tried to get herself under control.
"There *are* other options, Abs," he reminded her quietly, resting his chin on her shoulder.
"I don't want other options, J," she cried, losing her battle. "I don't want a baby that's not ours. I know how selfish that sounds but...I just... I..."
She pulled away and pushed past him, making her way into the bedroom. Sinking down on the mattress, she dropped her head in her hands as she cried.
He dropped his head to his chest before he turned and followed her into the bedroom. Dropping to his knee in front of her, he cupped her face in his hands, offering her a sad smile.
"Adoption isn't the only other option, Abs."
"I know," she conceded with a nod, as she reached up to swipe the tears from her cheeks. "Doctor Reynolds talked to me about the possibility of surrogacy too."
"It's a good idea," he said quietly. "A cousin of mine went that route a few years back. They have all kinds of reputable agencies to oversee it."
She nodded again and forced a smile. "You're right," she said softly. "I told you I was being stupid."
"Not stupid, Abby," he said again as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. "We're gonna get through this, okay? It's gonna be alright."
"I know," she said as she rested her head against his shoulder. And for the first time in a long time, she thought he might be right.
::::::
Dropping the file onto his desk with a sigh, Tony leaned back in his chair and surveyed the squad room. They'd been stuck working cold cases for the last two days and while he should have been grateful for the lack of an actual case, he wasn't.
The lack of an actual case meant he had plenty of time to dwell on his current situation with Abby.
He felt terrible about what happened at the party, and trying to think of ways to fix it was consuming him.
"I think I'm gonna run out and grab lunch, Timmy. Want me to get something for you?"
"I brought lunch today," he said. "But thanks."
He nodded and pushed himself to his feet. "Boss? Zee-vah?"
The Israeli shook her head while Gibbs offered him a look. "Make it quick, DiNozzo."
"Got it, boss."
::::::
Tony came back into the building about a half an hour later and he immediately headed down to Abby's lab. He had picked up her favorite wrap at the sandwich shop he went to, hoping that if nothing else, it would give them an opportunity to talk about what had happened. He knew lunch wouldn't fix everything, but it couldn't hurt.
"Hey Abs." He said, stepping into the unusually quiet lab and setting the bag of food on the empty prep table.
She swiped at the tears on her cheeks quickly before she looked up from her computer and offered him a shaky smile. "Hey Tony."
"I'm sorry." They both blurted out at the same time before Abby dropped her eyes and offered a nervous laugh. "Sorry."
"I got you some lunch." The Italian offered, missing the redness of her eyes and the slight hoarseness to her tone. Opening the bag, he pulled out her pita wrap. "Thought you might be hungry."
"You didn't have to do that," she said quietly, her voice wavering slightly. "I'm actually... I don't really think I could eat anything right now."
He hesitated, looking her over carefully. "Are you okay?" He asked.
"I'm..." Closing her eyes against her tears, she shook her head. "No. I'm not."
He stood frozen in place for a moment before common sense kicked in and he moved over to her, wrapping her in his arms. "Abby..." He hesitated, unsure of what to say.
"I always seem to lose it around you, huh?" She asked, pulling away with a humorless laugh. "You must think I've turned into some nut job."
"No," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I just... Is this all because of Saturday? Because I'm still not a hundred percent sure what happened then but I know I really upset you and I didnt--"
She pulled away, pressing her finger against his lips to silence him. "And I thought *I* rambled."
"Sorry," he said, offering her a sheepish smile.
Sighing softly, she wrapped her arms around his waist again, knowing she owed him an explanation. "I can't have kids, Tony."
"Yeah, you kind of mentioned that Saturday, but just because Gibbs isn't ready yet doesn't mean--"
"No. I can't have children... As in I can't physically carry a baby," she managed, her voice cracking slightly. "We've been trying and it wasn't happening and I just... I can't."
"I'm so sorry, Abby," he said as he squeezed her again. "God, now I feel like an even bigger jackass."
She closed her eyes, allowing his strong embrace to comfort her as a tear slid down her cheek. "We talked about another option this morning," she said, swallowing hard.
"Adoption?"
"Surrogacy," she corrected. "And I know... I know I should be grateful that J's open to other options, but I've been researching it this morning and I don't know if I can do that either."
"Surrogacy? Is that when you get someone else to have a kid for you?"
"Yes. And I just... I've seen so many horror stories where the surrogates change their mind once the baby's born and I don't... I can't do that, Tony," she cried.
"Well, then you make sure you get someone you can trust."
She laughed bitterly. "You mean like you?"
"Yeah, like me!" He said, though his eyes widened in horror when she pulled away, gazing up at him hopefully, the realization off what he'd just said hitting him hard. "I mean... Obviously not like me because you know, who would want..." He trailed off, seeing the darkness return to her green eyes. Pulling away from him, she could barely contain the sob that threatened to escape.
"T...thanks for lunch, Tony. I'm just... I'm not really hungry."
"Abby..."
She didn't respond, choosing instead to head into her office, desperate to be alone.
"Abby, wait!" He hesitated, his heart pounding hard in his chest. He knew what he was about to offer wasn't something that his lover was going to be happy about, but it was the only way he knew how to fix the mess he'd made of things. "I'll do it."
She turned back to face him, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. "Tony..."
"As long as McGee and Gibbs go along with it, I'll do it."
There were no words that the Goth could offer that would ever sum up exactly how she felt about his offer. "I'll never be able to repay you for this."
"Knowing you're happy again is good enough for me," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist when she threw herself at him in a hug. "But I mean it. Gibbs and McGee both have to be okay with it."
"I'll talk to J tonight. He'll be the hardest to convince. Timmy'll be a piece of cake."
Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Tony pulled away, offering her a slight smile. "I better get back upstairs."
As he turned away from the Goth and made his way back to the elevator, he felt the smile fade from his face as a heavy weight settled on his chest. What the hell had he just done?
::::::
Pushing the front door open, Gibbs stepped inside and was immediately greeted by the smell of garlic. Wrinkling his nose slightly, he made his way into the kitchen, surprised to find his Goth at the stove, humming quietly.
When was the last time she'd cooked dinner?
Shaking the thought from his mind, he stepped further into the room and wrapped his arms around her thin waist, grinning when she jumped slightly.
"It's nice to know I can still sneak up on you," he teased, pressing a kiss to her spiderweb tattoo.
"How many times have I got to tell you that's not nice," she scolded, though when she turned in his arms, she was grinning broadly. "Hi."
"Hi back," he responded, pressing a kiss to her lips. "You're looking much better this evening."
"I feel much better," she assured him, sliding her arms around his neck. "You should go wash up. Dinner will be done in a few."
"You need any help in here?"
"Nope, I've got it covered," she promised as she pulled away.
He eyed her momentarily, taking in her every movement. For the first time in a long time, it seemed as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. For the first time in a long time, he was seeing his Abby again.
He wasn't sure exactly what had changed but he wasn't going to question it. At least not yet. He wanted enjoy it, however fleeting this shift in her mood might be.
Exiting the kitchen, he hurried upstairs to wash his hands and change into something more comfortable. Slipping into a pair of well worn sweats, he made his way back downstairs, impressed to see that she had the table set.
"You move quick," he observed with a smile.
"Well, that's why you've kept me around for so long, right?" She asked, grinning back at him.
"Yeah. Well, that and how cute you look in those skirts you always prance around in."
"I always knew you were a freak, J," she teased as she practically danced over to him, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I hope you're hungry."
"Starving..." he responded, his eyes traveling down her body slowly.
"For food," she amended. "That'll come later. No dessert before dinner."
"After dinner?"
"Mmhmm," she grinned. "Might even let you have seconds if you're feeling up to it."
Sinking down in his chair, he couldn't help but cock an eyebrow at her. "Okay... Not that I mind, but--"
"I had a good day," she interrupted, her green eyes bright as she took her seat across from him. "A really good day, actually."
"You gonna tell me about it?"
"Well, I was thinking about what you said this morning. And I really want to go the surrogacy route."
"It's a good idea," he agreed with a nod, taking a bite of his spaghetti.
"I think I might have even found someone."
"An agency?"
"No. I don't think it'll be necessary to go through an agency now."
"Who'd you have in mind?"
He watched the way she dropped her gaze to table, worrying her lower lip with her teeth as she fidgeted nervously with the napkin on the table.
"Abby... Who?" He asked, though he was positive he already knew the answer. When she didn't respond, he dropped his fork and shook his head. "No. Absolutely not, Abby. That's not gonna happen!"
"But J--!"
"No! I do not want my kid comin' outta DiNozzo! No!"
"He said he would do it, J! He wants to--!"
"No!"
"You're being unreasonable! Have you even researched some of these agencies? You know how many women change their minds at the last minute?! I can't do that! I can't take that chance!"
"Abby..."
"Please Jethro," she pleaded, hating how her voice cracked. "Please."
He dropped his head to his hands. "You are putting me in a very uncomfortable position here, Abby."
"I wouldn't ask if I thought I had other options," she cried. "You know I wouldn't. But I don't think I could take another disappointment."
He wanted to be angry with her. He wanted to refuse and demand she put the thought from her mind, but he knew he couldn't.
"Please," she begged again.
"There are gonna be conditions," he said with a heavy sigh. "That the both of you are gonna agree to."
She gave a quiet cry of relief as she pushed her chair back and rounded the table, throwing her arms around his neck.
He could feel her trembling against him. "Thank you," she cried. "Thank you."
He had a feeling he should have stuck to his guns, but when he thought back to the way she looked at him when he walked into the house, he knew that if he wanted her to remain that way, he didn't have a choice.
::::::
McGee looked over at his lover from the kitchen, watching as their son made an attempt to get his attention while he flipped through the channels absently. He had been quiet all night, and he was starting to get worried about him.
"Daddy, we fight!" Josh said, jumping up on Tony's lap.
"No, bud. Not tonight," he said, taking a pull from his beer. He noticed McGee approaching from the corner of his eye and let out a tired sigh, knowing that he was going to try to make him talk.
"J, why don't you go grab your jammies for Daddy, huh?" The younger man said, waiting until the boy ran out of the room before sitting next to his lover. "What's going on, T?"
"I'm fine, Tim. Just had a long, boring day."
"Which would be a valid excuse if you hadn't been walking around here like a zombie since Saturday. C'mon, Tony. Even Josh is starting to notice."
"I said I'm fine," the Italian snapped, cringing as he realized how sharp his voice was. "Sorry."
"It's alright," McGee said with a sigh as he settled back against the cushions. "But I really do wish you'd talk to me."
"There's nothin' to talk about."
"Really? That's funny. Because you weren't this bad until after you saw Abby this afternoon. What happened down there?"
"I'd really rather not--"
"Tony..." McGee growled in warning, nudging the older man's knee with his. "Come on. Please?"
"Did you know she couldn't have kids?" Tony asked, taking another long drink of his beer. "I mean... As in actually can not have them?"
"No. I didn't know that."
"Yeah, I didn't either. She kind of let it slip on Saturday but I just thought Gibbs was being a dick. I mean, that's a valid assumption, right?"
"What does all of this have to--?"
"She asked me to do it for her," Tony interrupted, refusing to meet his eyes.
It shouldn't have been a big deal, McGee realized. But it was. "And you told her no, right?" He asked, but his chest had already started to ache. Of course he hadn't told her no. They'd never been able to tell Abby no.
"Not exactly."
"You've got to be kidding me."
Tony watched as McGee pushed himself up from the couch, shaking his head as he headed for the hallway. "Tim..."
"You're ridiculous, Tony," McGee said, not bothering to turn back to his lover.
"What was I supposed to say?!"
"Hmm. Well, I don't know! "No" usually works for me! That's all I've heard when I bring up having another baby!"
"That's not the same thing!" Tony growled, slamming his bottle onto the table before he pushed himself to his feet.
"You know what? We're not talking about this right now."
Another low growl escaped Tony as he crossed the room quickly, grabbing his partner's arm. "Yes we are. You wanted to talk? We're talking!"
McGee rolled his eyes and pulled out of Tony's grasp. "Gonna assert your dominance over me now, Tony? Hm? Gonna play the alpha male? That's cute."
"I don't know what the hell your--"
"My problem is the fact that you're doing this for Abby, but not for me!" McGee yelled, losing his temper completely. "You think I'm supposed to be okay with that?! Okay with the fact that you'll go out and do this for someone else without even TALKING to me about it first?"
"Keep. Your. Voice. Down," Tony growled, narrowing his eyes at the younger man. "And the last time I checked, it's my body, not yours."
"That's right, it is, huh? But who was the one who had to take care of you when you were too pathetic to take care of yourself?" McGee spat, shaking his head. "Better hope Gibbs and Abby can fix that spare room up for you because I'm not doing it again."
He turned away from Tony, just missing the look of hurt that flashed in the older man's eyes.
"Spi'er man!" Josh squealed as he came running back out into the living room, pajamas in hand. "Spi'er man!"
Tony stood, frozen in place as McGee dropped to a knee and pressed a kiss to Josh's cheek before he stood again and stalked towards the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Forcing a smile, he lifted the little boy into his arms and carried him to his bedroom.
It didn't take long to change Josh and get him into bed, and for that, Tony was grateful. Backing out of his room, he closed the door behind him and headed for the master bedroom, frowning when he tried the knob and found it locked.
"You've got to be kidding me," he growled, dropping his head against the wood. "Timmy!"
There was no response from inside. Growling again, he pushed off from the door and made his way back to the living room, unsurprised to find his pillow and a blanket waiting for him.
Dropping himself onto the cushions, he stretched out, shaking his head as he glared up at the ceiling.
"I guess it's true. No good deed goes unpunished," he said to no one in particular as he closed his eyes and pulled the blanket over his body, willing sleep to come.
Chapter End Notes:
A/N: Hello, hello! First of all, I apologize for the wait on this chapter. The only excuse I can offer is that the cold I was fighting won. It kicked my ass completely all weekend and I'm still not sure I'm 100% over it, so I apologize if any part of this chapter doesn't make sense. Blame my illness! A huge thank you, as always, to my bffl Kelley. Without her, this chapter wouldn't be finished! Thank you to everyone who took time the time to review! I can't even tell you how much they mean to me, you guys. Seriously! I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but it was necessary in order for the story to progress. I apologize if it's a little heavy on the angst, but remember: Reviews help me write faster and the faster I write, the quicker these guys can get back to normal! :)