Chapter Ten
Tony felt the glow of satisfaction, the warmth from deep inside, the pure contentment of knowing that he and Gibbs belonged here in this moment. They hadn’t even had sex yet and Tony was emotionally involved"more than he had been with anyone, despite the flash of pain acknowledging that caused.
Gibbs was different, and not only in the guy way, not only in the boss way. There was something else, a deep connection they shared that Tony could never fully identify but was drawn to like a moth to a flame.
There was a father figure component, but that wasn’t all of it. He’d never felt so valued on a job before, even when Gibbs was treating him like crap. Tony figured that didn’t make sense to anyone"not even himself when he laid it out like that. But he knew what he meant and some things…well, they didn’t need words. Bossman was living proof of that. He was lying beside Tony not saying a word and Tony could read his relaxation in the way his body was molded against Tony’s.
He let his eyes fall on Gibbs, wedged up beside him, the other man’s eyes less sharp than they had been. Even a blind man could see that Gibbs was working hard to put this all together in his head and in his own time. It was kinda nice to see; Tony knew Gibbs didn’t let his guard down easily. And he’d put himself in Tony’s hands literally and figuratively today. That wasn’t something Tony would easily forget, not that Gibbs would ever let him.
Tony wasn’t sure how this was going to progress from here. Gibbs was admittedly not very good with personal relationships, and then tacking on the guy/guy factor here. Yet he’d said pretty firmly and clearly that he was interested in this being more than a casual fuck. Tony got the sense that Gibbs never did casual fucks.
“Nice seeing you this way,” Gibbs remarked. Tony flinched inwardly, his hand starting to rise to smooth down his hair. When Gibbs gripped his wrist in gentle fingers, Tony blinked a few times, looking down. How had Gibbs gotten so good at anticipating his every move? It was eerie and scary but satisfying at the same time. It was kinda nice to have someone nearby who knew you"deep inside. Even if trusting that person with that knowledge scared the crap out of you.
Tony wasn’t any better than Gibbs at letting people deep inside. It was going to be a process for them both. He just had to hope their emotional walls didn’t screw things up and drive them apart.
“Don’t do that, Tony,” Gibbs warned softly. There was no arrogance or command in his voice, and yet Tony took the warning for what it was, letting his wrist go limp where it was snagged by Gibbs.
“Do what?” Tony asked. Even though he knew what Gibbs was talking about, they had to do this dance, it was expected. It was what guys like them did.
“Deflect, avoid. I like seeing you still and calm like this. Don’t screw that up. We only have…” Gibbs released Tony’s wrist and looked at his own. “Less than an hour before we have to leave. You know you can relax with me. I don’t need you to be DiNozzo right now. Tony is enough.”
“Really?” Tony asked, unable to keep the light sarcasm out of his voice. Gibbs’ eyes narrowed, his lips tightening. That was it; Tony had screwed up yet again. He drew his shoulders up, waiting for a headslap that never came.
“Really,” Gibbs asserted. “Some day, we’re gonna get to the bottom of your self esteem issues, but not now. Not today.
“Okay, Boss.” It was hard work for Tony to stay absolutely still, but he was determined to do so. He wouldn’t disappoint Gibbs. Not now, not after what they’d shared.
“Nobody at NCIS knew,” Tony said softly. “Not even Jenny or Ducky.”
Gibbs nodded, meeting Tony’s eyes steadily. There was so much emotion there, things Tony couldn’t identify, much less tap into. It made him admire Gibbs as much as it frustrated him.
“You were gone. I think you were gone after the bombing…and Mexico. But you came back afterward, after Maddie. Something changed in you. Your eyes got brighter; your smile was more real…” Tony trailed off, wondering why he was rambling so much. It was Gibbs here, not a stranger and not anyone he needed to impress. And he knew that Shannon and Kelly were people Gibbs held close to his heart. This couldn’t end well, Tony knew.
“I was,” Gibbs agreed quietly. He’d been trying to follow Tony’s thought processes, but the other man jumped around too much, the way subjects came around again and again a total mystery to Gibbs. He understood deflection, but this didn’t seem like that. If anything, it was deeper, it was Tony’s quest for understanding something deep inside him. And Gibbs wasn’t used to anyone caring or wanting to go that deep.
Even the wives had their limits, and discussing a dead wife and daughter"when none of them had children"wasn’t the way to a happy or productive marriage. Hell, it had landed him in divorce court three times and he was still paying alimony all these years later.
Talking about Shannon and Kelly"even to people who had known them"wasn’t pleasant or comfortable. Gibbs was shocked right to the bone that Tony was discussing them in such a non-threatening manner, considering what they’d just shared and would share later. There wasn’t the wariness in his eyes that Gibbs had come to expect from others, just empathy and curiosity. It was…nice. It made Gibbs feel more at ease with Tony than he had with almost anyone in a long time. It elevated Tony from co-worker and casual friend to the inner circle, along with Ducky and Abby.
Gibbs wondered how shocked Ducky and Abbs would be at the fact that he and DiNozzo had whatever this was between them. It would take some time to puzzle together and figure out, and in the realm of personal relationships, Gibbs wasn’t one to ever rush. He did everything on his own time and in his own way. And very few people could accept that. Would impulsive Tony DiNozzo be able to take what Gibbs could give, on his own schedule?
“You’re different too,” Tony commented, his voice soft. “I’m seeing the real you here. Relaxed"way more relaxed even than our beer and steak nights. More relaxed than poker. This is…”
“Me,” Gibbs said simply. There was more vulnerability in that word than Gibbs knew he’d shared in a lot of years. Like it or not, he was letting DiNozzo way inside. He just had to hope that all of this was what they could deal with, in and out of the office. It wasn’t going to be easy.
“Don’t do that, Bossman,” Tony said softly, and Gibbs was struck by how they mirrored each other. When one sank into too much thought, the other was ready and willing to pull him out. It was something Gibbs hadn’t experienced since Shannon…and even though he was making that comparison a hell of a lot today, Gibbs felt that it was right. It wasn’t him being disloyal in the least.
He’d taken a step today, and for the first time in a great many years, Gibbs didn’t have that sinking sense of dread.
“Won’t,” Gibbs replied, making a silent vow. DiNozzo’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared, and Gibbs knew the message had been passed along. This was different and new and exciting. He wouldn’t think it to death.
“You wanna get me dressed for this thing, Tony?” The way DiNozzo’s whole face lit up made Gibbs grin and he allowed Tony to pull him to his feet. The photo shoot wouldn’t be fun, but the rest of the day was gonna be interesting in ways Gibbs didn’t want to imagine. Yet.
“Don’t get hard, Boss. That’ll ruin the fit of the underwear.” Tony’s words were a counterpoint to the tongue slicking over his lips and the lusty expression on his face. Gibbs reached down, giving his half-hard cock a squeeze.
“Don’t look at me like that and I won’t.”
“Can’t help it. You’re…” Tony trailed off, shrugging. Gibbs knew he shouldn’t be so flattered, but as the heat crept from his ears and across his cheekbones, he could only duck his head, reaching for the discarded underwear.
“Yeah, I am. Now can we get this show started?”
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