Shannon was in the kitchen cooking up a storm, delicious smells wafting throughout the house. Today was Kelly’s 5th birthday and Shannon was busily getting ready for a family dinner. Jethro was outside playing with his little girl, squeals of delight could be heard as he hoisted his daughter into the air.
“Again Daddy, do it again…Higher!” Kelly’s voice was so bright, happy and full of life as Jethro hoisted her into the air once more. Going back into the house with Kelly, Jethro felt Shannon’s arms embrace him, before leaning in to kiss him passionately.
“Ewww.. Mum, Dad that’s gross.” Kelly giggled as they scooped her into their arms and started to tickle their little girl. Jethro smiled. This was life, this was living. This was love.
The scene before him melted away, He was now in a graveyard - opposite him were the headstones of his beloved Shannon and Kelly. He could still hear Kelly’s laughter, but it was hauntingly hollow.
“Where were you Daddy?” Kelly’s voice was drifting from somewhere, “We needed you, Mummy and I. Why didn’t you come back?” Jethro’s breath hitched in his throat, his body began to shake as he stared at the headstones in front of him, “Why did you leave us? Kelly’s voice was getting more forceful; and tears were sliding down Jethro’s face.
“I’m sorry, so sorry.” Jethro yelled out into the emptiness of the graveyard his voice gravely and thick with emotion. “I failed you both, I’m sorry.”
Kelly’s face appeared in front of him - she was crying heart wrenching sobs, “Why didn’t you protect us Daddy?”
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Gibbs woke, taking in his surrounding as he did so. He had obviously fallen asleep on the sofa last night. His mind was still a bit fuzzy from his nightmare; echo’s of Kelly’s heart breaking sobs were still haunting him, they sounded so real, even now that he had woken the sobbing hadn’t dissipated.
It was then that Gibbs realized the sobbing he heard was real, and was coming from the little boy curled up on his chest. Slowly sitting upright and cuddling Tony gently he whispered soft comforting words into his ear, running a hand through his hair fondly. Feeling the child’s forehead Gibbs was relieved that Tony no longer had a temperature; he did however have a rather full, rather smelly diaper.
“This,” He said to the baby in his arms, tapping the diaper gently, “Is enough to make anyone cry.” It had definitely got to be uncomfortable for the kid. Taking Tony to the bathroom to change him, Gibbs glanced at the clock in the kitchen,
“Atta boy Tony.” Gibbs exclaimed when he saw the time - it was 8am; the kid had slept through the night without so much as a peep, allowing Gibbs to have some much needed rest, the fact that it was 8am before Gibbs himself had awoken was testament in itself as to how tired he was. After another struggle to try and keep Tony still whilst changing his diaper and his clothes, Gibbs brought Tony back into the kitchen.
“What should we get you for breakfast, little man?” Gibbs asked, mainly to himself, “Some more mush? … No, Oatmeal? ....No….I know toast. Plain toast, with butter.” Tony looked at him innocence written all over his face, his eyes gleaming as Gibbs placed Tony into the highchair, “Even you can’t make a mess with toast, right?”
WRONG. 20 minutes later Gibbs was running an exasperated hand down his face - how can a child who can’t even get out of his highchair make so much mess? It was toast, buttered toast; Gibbs had even cut it into little triangles to make it easier for the boy. He stood in front of Tony who had soggy bits of mashed up toast stuck in his hair, drool and butter covering his clothes. There were little buttered finger prints spread as far as the little arms could reach, bits of soggy toast had been flung onto the kitchen table and the floor, some even making it over to the rug in the lounge room. There was still a bit which was mangled in Tony’s fist, and Tony was currently trying to put his fist with toast into his mouth.
“Taa,” Gibbs said, whilst taking the slobbery mashed bit of toast from Tony, “How much did you actually eat, and how much is spread over the room?” Gibbs sighed and opted to leave Tony in his highchair while he cleaned up the mess, Tony was kicking his legs, giggling and babbling away. “You’re a grubby boy.” Gibbs spoke with affectionin his voice. The kid sure could make a mess; it seemed every time he ate he got covered in his food and half of it usually ended up over the floor.
Once Gibbs had finally finished cleaning up, he looked over at Tony who was trying to wriggle his way out of his chair.
“Tony,” Gibbs called his name softly, making the kid stop squirming and look up at him, eyes shining brightly. He held his arms out to Gibbs, clearly wanting the older man to pick him up, “Ok, up we go.” Gibbs lifted Tony out of the chair and took him upstairs to change his clothes for the second time in an hour.
It was lucky, Gibbs thought, that Kate had gotten so many clothes for the kid - at this rate he would be out of them before tomorrow. Once again changed in clean clothing, Gibbs sat Tony in the lounge room with the wooden blocks from yesterday, and a few of the plastic cars that Kate had also brought. It was a good thing the cars were large enough that Tony couldn’t swallow them, as he had already tried putting one in his mouth.
Sitting on the sofa watching Tony play happily, Gibbs got a notepad and pen and started writing all the things he needed to get for the kid, plus all the baby proofing he still needed to do; the list was getting long.
Gibbs stopped what he was doing and looked up, as the front door of his house opened and his team walked in. They all looked a little anxious upon entering the house, with the exception of Abby who bounced over and kissed him on the cheek.
“Hi Boss, Gibbs, Bossman.” His visitors chorused at once, as they made their way into the lounge room.
“Abbs weren’t you supposed to be back at work today?” Gibbs said as he motioned his team to sit.
“Well…..I kinda negotiated with the director so I could have time off till after the weekend. I figured you needed help with Tony…. I mean not that you haven’t had experience with babies. Just that this time you would be on you own….. Not that I wanted to bring up your past or anything or make you think about it…but…”
“Abbs,” Gibbs warned. Obviously the others had filled Abby in on Shannon and Kelly, and how he had ended up with Tony.
“Sorry Bossman. So yeah, anyways the Director gave in, and here I am. I can’t wait. Fun with babies!” Abby was practically bouncing in her seat. Gibbs couldn’t help but smirk at the enthusiasm of the young woman before him.
“Ducky will be here soon, he also requested some time off for a few days.” Kate said watching as Tony pulled himself up to stand using the furniture as support as he made his way around the room. He wasn’t walking unaided but Kate hazarded a guess it wouldn’t be long before he was, and then Gibbs would have real trouble on his hands.
Gibbs left the team to watch Tony, while he showered and changed. On returning to the lounge room he stopped at the doorway and watched with amusement. His team were currently sitting on the floor, while Tony, pacifier in his mouth was crawling between them handing them different toys, they each took the toys with a ‘Thanks’ as Tony giggled and moved on to the next person.
“It’s a nice sight, isn’t it Jethro?” Dr Mallard spoke quietly as he stood next to his friend.
“Yeah Duck, it is,” Gibbs smiled watching the little boy, his son, as he made his agents smile; they all looked relaxed in his little presence, “How long have you been here?”
“Not long my dear friend, just enough time to admire the sight.” Ducky said pointing to the game going on in the lounge room. He paused for a moment, “How are you holding up Jethro?”
Gibbs looked at his friend, hoping he had managed to cover up the pain he felt, ‘Why didn’t you protect us daddy’ the haunting memories of the nightmare flashed before him. “I’m fine Duck.” He said, a little too quickly, but Ducky didn’t question him further; he would let it go for now.
“What’s going on here?” Gibbs asked, humor in his voice. His agents looked at him, looking slightly embarrassed, Abby grinning from ear to ear. Tony, upon hearing Gibbs’ voice, stopped trying to feed Ziva his car, smiled and crawled over to where he was standing. Gibbs scooped him up,
“Ok buddy, you ready to go?” Tony burbled away, looking like he was really trying to talk to Gibbs, as Kate put socks and tiny baby sneakers on him.
Tim McGee, who had been rather quiet since his arrival, spoke up, “Do you think we should, maybe, bring a change of clothes for him? You know, just in case.”
“That’s a good idea Timmy!” Abby squealed as she ran past Gibbs and Tony to grab a change of clothes from upstairs. Gibbs was sure they would need them.
**************************************************************************************************
The drive to the mall went past rather quickly. Even though Gibbs had slowed his driving pace he had still managed to beat Abby by a full 5 minutes. Gibbs had already gotten Tony out of his car seat and was grabbing the baby bag, when Abby pulled up next to them in her hearse �" it was decided they would bring Abby’s car as it had the advantage of the extra room in the back.
“So, Boss what’s the plan today?” McGee asked hesitantly as he got out of the car. He wasn’t used to dealing with his boss outside of work and really wasn’t sure how to react to his boss, who seemed somewhat more tolerant with the kid around.
“Well McGee, I have a list of stuff I need - we’ll split into teams, grab the stuff and go.” Gibbs explanation was brief and to the point, but he was a little distracted by Tony, who kept shoving his toy car in his face saying ‘car’ as he did so.
“You make this sound like a mission Gibbs.” Kate smirked as she and Ziva got out of the back seat of Abby’s car.
Gibbs didn’t answer his agent, instead fixing her with one of his glares, which Kate found hard to take seriously as Tony, who had given up on trying to ‘share’ his car with Gibbs was now trying to ‘share’ his pacifier with him instead.
Gibbs was indeed in full mission mode as he barked out orders. “Abby, McGee, you two are on clothes and toy recon - this is your list,” Gibbs paused for a minute before adding, “Abbs, don’t get carried away, ok?”
“Sir, yes sir!” Abby mock saluted him and grabbed McGee’s arm
“On it Boss.” McGee said, looking a little unsure as he took one of his boss’ credit cards.
“Kate, Ziva, you two are on nursery decorating. Here is a list of things I need and whatever else you can think of.” Kate and Ziva exchanged smiles as Gibbs handed them another of his credit cards.
“Gibbs, may we take Tony with us?” Ziva asked, her dark eyes dancing as she watched the little boy cuddle up to her boss.
“Ok but watch him closely, look after him, and call me if you need anything.” Gibbs said, ruffling Tony’s hair as he handed him and the baby bag to Ziva.
“The first thing we need to get then, is a baby stroller” remarked Kate.
“Ducky and I will get the nursery furniture; we’ll all meet back at the food court at 1300hrs.” Watching his team go, Gibbs was hoping he would find the things he needed quickly and could sit down with a cup or two off coffee before having to meet everyone. He wanted the time to go quickly so he could have Tony back, although he had only had Tony for a little over a day the kid was growing on him rapidly and he found that he already missed the little boy.
The time did indeed go quickly and Gibbs had even been able to have his caffeine fix. Ducky and himself were situated quite comfortably at the Starbucks in the food court, a spot where Gibbs was sure the team would look for him. Abby and McGee arrived right on 1300, although he could barely see McGee under all the bags he carried.
“Good thing we brought your car Abbs, at least you should be able to fit all this in it, although there may not be any room for anyone else’s things.” Gibbs’ tone was one of amusement as McGee tried to place all the bags neatly on the floor, before sinking into a chair with a tired sigh.
“What about your stuff Gibbs, did you forget you were actually supposed to get furniture?” Abby asked with mock annoyance, as she took in the only bag Gibbs had, which was quite small.
“Of course not Abigail my dear, the furniture will be arriving at Jethro’s around 1530 today.” Ducky spoke whilst sipping his tea.
“I’m getting coffee, anyone want any?” McGee asked. Abby and Gibbs answered in the affirmative, “I’ll grab one for Ziva and Kate too then.” McGee walked towards the counter.
“Speaking of Kate and Ziva, where are they?” Gibbs looked at his watch, 1320, he was starting to get slightly worried and was contemplating ringing Kate and Ziva when he saw them coming towards him. They had a trolley full of items, but what caught Gibbs attention was Tony. The little boy was in his spare change of clothes - not entirely surprising, his shoes and socks were missing �" interesting, and upon seeing Gibbs his eyes lit up and his little arms stretched out trying to grab the older man. Gibbs scooped Tony up and the little boy immediately snuggled into Gibbs chest tapping his little hand softly on Gibbs face.
“Looks like someone missed you, Gibbs.” Kate said with a chuckle, noticing the happy smiles on her friend’s faces as they watched Gibbs with his new son.
*************************************************************************************************
The rest of the afternoon went past quickly. Tony had fallen asleep on the way home and had slept for 4hrs, his little body still recovering from the trauma he suffered the day before, not to mention being unwell. Ducky had assured Gibbs that it was quite alright. Tony’s sleep had given Gibbs and the team enough time to sort out the nursery and to put up some baby gates in the lounge room. Gibbs stood back to admire the nursery, it had already been a cream room with pale blue feature wall, but now instead of boxes and junk it had been cleaned out and now held a dark wooden crib and change table, with a matching chest of drawers and a very comfy looking armchair. Kate and Ziva had done a good job in finding cute little dragon themed paraphernalia, little dragon bedding, a lamp, and matching pictures among the items. Gibbs sighed and gave a soft smile.
-----------FLASHBACK------------
It had taken Shannon 3 hours in the paint store to pick out the perfect shade of pink for their little girl’s nursery - from the minute Shannon and Jethro had found out they were having a girl, Shannon had gone into pink overdrive.
“Ok,” Shannon said to her husband, as she opened the tin of paint in the middle of the nursery, “Here is the winner, its called Fairy floss pink. I’m thinking we leave these three walls cream, and this one,” Shannon said, pointing to a large blank wall, “This one will be the wonderful pink feature wall.” Shannon’s eyes were gleaming; she was beaming with enthusiasm as she hugged her husband in a close embrace. Well - as close as she could get with her huge swollen belly.
“I can’t wait to see it all finished.” She said, handing him the paint brushes and bounding out of the room, closing the door to the room behind her and leaving a stunned Jethro in her wake.
3 days later and the nursery was finished, Shannon had wonderful taste and had made sure everything matched, right down to the two little lambs with pink bows she had skillfully painted onto one of the cream walls. The couple stood happily in the doorway admiring their work… well, Shannon’s work really - all Jethro had done was paint the pink wall and put together the furniture. Shannon had insisted on it being a surprise for him, and it was. Jethro lent down to kiss his wife when she gasped.
“Oh my…Um Jethro, it’s time, my water just broke!”
--------------END FLASHBACK---------------------
Gibbs was brought out of his memories by Tony’s baby chirpings coming from the lounge room. Ducky and Ziva were in the kitchen preparing dinner and McGee, Abby and Kate were sitting playing with Tony.
“Hey Bossman, can he talk much?” Abby asked inquisitively about Tony, who was crawling all over her lap and throwing blocks at McGee.
“He doesn’t say much Abbs, the only words I have heard him say were ’Bub, bub’ and of course his favorite word………”
“Car.” Kate and McGee chimed in.
“So he doesn’t say Da-Da or Ma-Ma” Abby asked patting Tony’s soft hair and twirling the blonde curls in her fingers.
“No Abbs, no one ever taught him how. Isabella couldn’t, and Mr. DiNozzo would never deserve the title.” Gibbs spat out DiNozzo Senior’s name with hatred.
“Ok then Tony,” Abby smiled as the little boy looked up at her upon hearing his name, “Can you say masspectrometer? Go on you can do it, ma-spec-tro-meter…..”
“Oh oh, how about Coffee? Cof-fee.” Kate said laughing.
“Or Gibbs-slap.” McGee added.
“How about we start with something easier, yes? How about Boat?” Ziva spoke as Gibbs’ team cracked up with laughter, even Gibbs couldn’t hide his smile. Tony looked confused; he of course had no idea what they were going on about.
“Let’s just stick with da-da for now,” Gibbs said, picking Tony up and twirling him in the air, before cuddling him gently and saying, “Da-da.”
“Car.” Tony said, showing Gibbs his car. The team laughed again.
Abby, McGee and Kate spent the last 30 minutes before dinner trying to get Tony to say ‘Da-Da’ which was rather unsuccessful, while Gibbs helped Ziva and Ducky with dinner. Dinner was a wonderful affair, and Gibbs found the mood was quite relaxed, the conversation was rather pleasant and they were all watching Tony’s antics as he ate, Gibbs was prepared this time, he put a large plastic sheet on the floor under the highchair and covered Tony completely with a large towel.
“Tony, no!” Gibbs said with frustration as the little boy began putting the food in his hair.
“Do not worry Gibbs, I shall bathe him” Ziva said, standing and picking Tony up to take him to the bathroom. Tony looked at Gibbs smiled, and threw a pea at him. Abby, Kate and McGee laughed.
“My, my Jethro I do believe young Anthony is going to be quite a handful. He is already a very cheeky little boy” The M.E’s eyes were sparkling with humor. Gibbs just grunted.
The team cleaned up, whilst Ziva bathed Tony. They could hear happy squeals coming from the boy upstairs and exasperated sighs and what was probably Hebrew curse words from Ziva as she tried to get his clothes on. Ziva eventually brought Tony back down to the lounge room where everyone was waiting. The weather was getting cooler so she had dressed Tony in a pair of fleecy navy blue and white winter pajamas, with a picture of a red car on the front, his blonde hair slightly darker due to the dampness and curling endearingly.
“Oh, he looks so cute.” Kate said to Abby upon seeing Tony walk into the lounge room, two little fists grabbing onto Ziva’s fingers. He was slowly taking steps towards where Gibbs was sitting as Ziva helped him.
Gibbs crouched on the ground arms open calling to Tony, ”Come on Tony, come here…” He said softly to the boy, Tony laughed and slowly let go of Ziva’s fingers, reaching out towards Gibbs, he took one slow, shaky step…..
“He did it!” Screeched Abby, “He took his first step!”
Abbys loud voice startled Tony and he fell with a thump onto the floor, bumping his head on the corner of the coffee table with a resounding ‘whack’ as he did so….
Silence… 1,2,3……. Tony held his breath, then let out a loud scream. Gibbs rushed to pick Tony up, the poor little boy was screaming, tears pouring down his cheeks. Gibbs could already see the lump and bruise forming on his little head - his face was going red as he held his breath again and continued screaming. The agents looked shocked, and Abby looked as though she would burst into tears herself. Ducky for his part had come to stand next to his friend and with gentle hands has checked over the poor boy, noticing the growing lump.
Abby stood to give Tony a hug, reaching out to take him from Gibbs, but Tony wasn’t having a bar of that - seeing Abby reaching out to him, he screamed harder and clung to Gibbs for all he was worth, burying his head further into Gibbs’ neck.
“I…I’m sorry,” Abby said as she started to sniffle, “I didn’t mean… I’m sorry baby!” Tim and Ducky coaxed Abby onto the sofa, Kate gave her a hug, and Ziva went to make her a cup of hot chocolate.
Gibbs had retreated with Tony into the nursery and sat down on the armchair with him, rubbing his back, bouncing him in his arms and whispering soothing words,
“It’s ok baby, it’s ok. Daddy’s here… Shhh…..Daddy’s here Tony…” After about an hour of screaming and crying, Tony had calmed down. He was hiccoughing and sniffling slightly, and rubbing his tired eyes. All his screaming and crying had exhausted the poor boy, and he felt a little warm; but whether that was from not feeling well or his crying, Gibbs couldn’t tell, although he was pretty sure it was from the latter.
His little eyes were closing, snapping open again as his head drooped forward. Gibbs stood and lay him down in his crib, tucking the soft sheets over him running his hand through the soft curls.
--------------FLASHBACK-----------------
The first night Shannon and Gibbs brought Kelly home, Shannon was exhausted.
Gibbs had offered to put Kelly to bed after her feed, while Shannon had a relaxing soaking bath, Shannon had agreed and handed the tiny almost sleeping baby over to him, kissing her forehead, before leaving the nursery and heading to the bathroom.
Jethro looked down at his precious bundle, his beautiful little girl; she was so tiny, so small, he was afraid he would break her. Holding her gently he just watched her, listening to the soft baby breaths and watching as her eyes drooped closed. Placing her into her crib and covering her tenderly, Gibbs grabbed a paper bag from the dresser in the room and opened it. Removing a small fuzzy pink bear from inside, he looked at it. He had spent the best part of an hour choosing his gift for his new daughter while he had been waiting for Shannon and Kelly to be released form the hospital. He had finally found the perfect bear. This was his special gift to his daughter and he was proud.
Walking back over to the crib, he placed the little bear inside and whispered “Sleepy girl, close your eyes. Daddy’s right here beside you. Close you eyes close them tight, may you wake with morning light…. Goodnight Kells, I love you always and forever.”
---------END FLASHBACK--------------------
Gibbs remembered the rhyme well; his mother had said it to him every night when he was little. And he had said that same little rhyme every night to Kelly. Shannon used to say when he was away Kelly would say it to herself before she went to sleep; it was her way of always having her daddy with her. He vowed to himself that if he and Shannon ever had other children that he would say the same thing to them so that he would be close to them wherever he was.
Gibbs stopped patting Tony’s head and walked over to the dresser, removing a small paper bag. Opening it up, he lifted a small soft toy dog, a Labrador pup. Sighing softly he remembered something that Isabella had said to him years ago before she left for Long island.
“Do not count what you have lost. Just see what you have now, because the past never comes back, but sometimes the future can give you back some of the things you lost…. Like your ability to love.”
Walking back over to Tony’s crib, Gibbs placed the toy next to Tony and whispered, “Sleepy boy, close your eyes. Daddy’s right here beside you. Close you eyes close them tight, may you wake with morning light…. Goodnight Tony, I love you always and forever.” A tear slid down Gibbs cheek, and as Tony reached out to hold his hand he swore he heard the little boy mumble…
“Da-Da”.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.