**Chapter Twenty-Three -- Fear**
**January 1, 2011 -- New Year's Day**
Tony heard his girl sob quietly as the sound of the newborn's cries reached their ears. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, blinking back the tears in his eyes.
"Congratulations! Our New Year's baby is a girl." Dr. Patton announced, passing the baby off to a nurse to clean her up. "We're just going to get you fixed up here, Abby, and then you can see her, alright?"
"You did it, baby. She's here. Our little girl's here." The Italian said, pressing a kiss to her lips.
"Is...is she okay?" Abby asked, struggling to peek around the curtain that blocked her belly from view.
He smiled down at her, glancing over to where the nurse was wrapping their daughter in a blanket. "She's perf..." He looked back to the Goth to see her head slumped to the side, passed out. "Abby? Abs, wake up, baby."
"Get him out of here!" Dr. Patton hissed, checking the monitors that were attached to the younger woman as they started beeping erratically.
"Wh...what's happening? Is she...everything's gonna be okay, right?" He asked, allowing one of the nurses to usher him out of the operating room.
The blonde hesitated, placing a hand on his arm reassuringly as they reached the waiting room. "She's in good hands. Your daughter should be out in a few minutes, and I'll keep you updated, alright?"
He nodded as the nurse left him, rushing back to the operating room. Leaning against the wall, he slid down it slowly until he was sitting on the ground, the tile floor cold through his scrub pants. He dropped his head to his hands, feeling the tears threatening to spill.
Britty noticed him first, rushing over and crouching next to him on the floor. "Tony...what happened? Are they okay?" She asked frantically, the concern for her sister-in-law and niece outweighing the anger that had been shared between them earlier.
"Sh...I don't..."
The redhead looked up at her husband sadly as the Italian crushed himself against her, shaking as he struggled to control his emotions. Bradley understood what his wife wanted, and without a word, he went to the nurse's station to see if there was any news on his sister and her baby.
She held him close to her, running her hand over his back as she prayed quietly, waiting for Bradley to return with news. Looking up when she heard his footsteps approaching, she offered him a hopeful look and he immediately began signing.
*The baby is fine, but Abby...*
*Don't.* Britty cut him off, signing as best she could with one hand. *Tony needs to know too.*
The older man took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to maintain his composure. "The baby's fine, they just released her to the nursery. You can go see her if you want, Tony."
He pulled away from the redhead, clearing his throat. "Is Abby okay?"
Bradley closed his eyes briefly before answering the younger man's question. "She's bleeding. Pretty heavily, from what the nurse said. They've got her in emergency surgery right now, and she should be out soon."
"Did they say what happened? I...she was talking to me one minute, and then..."
"You know what, T? Your little girl needs her daddy right now." Britty managed, patting his knee. "You should go see her."
Tony shook his head. "Can't. I...need to be here. In case."
"In case of what, Tony? She's strong. You don't have anything to worry about." She reassured him, standing up. "If we hear anything, you'll be the first to know."
He frowned, dropping his head into his hands. "Can't."
"It's what Abby would want."
The Italian scoffed, looking up at his girl's family. "You don't know what she wants."
Britty visibly tensed and her husband stepped over, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Abs would want you to be with the baby, Tony. Trust me, I know my sister. Besides, you know that she's gonna want a first hand report of that little girl's every feature. You'd better go see for yourself so that you can tell her."
He dropped his head back against the wall and released a heavy sigh before making an attempt at pushing himself off the floor, knowing that arguing with the couple was futile at best. Bradley reached down to help him only to have his hand brushed away by the determined man.
"Promise me you'll come with any news? *Any* news."
"I promise, Tony. We'll be right here."
Swallowing hard and giving one last look to the swinging doors that led to the operating rooms, he turned and headed down the hallway toward the nursery.
**An Hour Later**
He'd lost all track of time, Tony realized, sitting hunched over in the uncomfortable chair beside the little plastic...thing currently containing the baby. *Not 'the' baby.* He reminded himself. *Your baby. Your daughter.*
The well-meaning nurses had been in and out of the room several times while he waited, all ready and willing to show him how to lift and hold the newborn, but he'd refused each time. While she was sleeping, she was quiet. The last thing he wanted was to disturb her.
Releasing a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, he dropped his head in his hands, feeling the uncomfortable sting of tears just behind his eyes. He hadn't received any news on his girl, and surely enough time had passed that someone would know something.
Pushing himself to his feet, he made his way over to the doorway, peering out into the hall, looking for any sign of Britty or Bradley when he heard it.
It started out as nothing more than a hitched breath, though after just a moment, it grew to what he could only describe as an ungodly screeching.
Turning back to the baby, his face lost its color as he realized she was awake and clearly unhappy. He'd been avoiding looking at her but he knew now he had no choice. Peering into the cradle, his eyes widened at the god awful look on her face.
"I don't...why are you crying?" He demanded, almost as if he expected an answer. "I don't...I don't know what you want!"
"Well, pick her up and find out, DiNozzo."
Turning at the sound of the voice, Tony watched as his boss slipped into the room, an irritated look on his face as he made his way over to the crying child.
"What the hell are you thinkin', lettin' her cry like that?"
"I don't...I didn't..."
Gibbs ignored him as he reached down, lifting the baby carefully, his large, calloused hands gentle. "That's enough of that." He said softly as he brought the little girl to his chest, cradling her against him.
Tony watched, the uncomfortable ache in his chest increasing as the older man slipped into the role easily, as if it had been only yesterday that he had held such a small child.
"Much better." Gibbs grinned, looking down at the little girl, who already looked so much like her mother. Glancing over his shoulder, he watched as Tony sank down into the chair again, his face pale.
Pleased that the baby was fine, Gibbs laid her back down carefully before he turned to his senior field agent, snapping his fingers to get his attention.
"What's goin' on, Tony?"
"I can't do this."
"Well, you have to wanna do it first." The silver haired man pointed out.
The younger man looked up, his gaze fixed on the infant laying in the plastic crib. "I just...I don't wanna screw up, Gibbs. I've never held a baby before. Hell, I've never been in the same room with a child under 5, and without Abby..."
"She's not goin' anywhere, Tony."
"You don't know that!" He cried, feeling tears threatening to fall. "You...you didn't see her. Didn't see how pale she was."
Pushing himself off the wall, Gibbs walked up to his agent and smacked him upside the head. "You been this way the whole time you've been in here with her?" He asked, motioning toward the sleeping baby.
He looked down, not wanting to see the disappointment that he knew was written on the older man's face. "I can't do it without her." Dropping his head into his hands, he sobbed loudly, unable to hold back his emotions.
"Ah, hell, DiNozzo." Gibbs sighed, running a tired hand over his face. He sat on the arm of the chair Tony was in and wrapped his arm around the younger man's shoulders awkwardly, pulling him close. "She'll be okay. You know better than to think she'd leave you alone with a baby to raise."
He sat with him until the Italian's body stopped shaking, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly. Standing up, he turned toward the crib the little girl was sleeping in and picked her up, securing her in his arms before turning back to Tony.
"Sit up, DiNozzo." He demanded, taking a knee in front of his chair. He lifted the infant onto his shoulder, cradling her against his chest with one hand as he positioned Tony's arms. "One like this, to support her head, and one like this, to hold her body. Here."
The brunette watched nervously as his boss placed the infant in his arms, tucking the pink blanket around her tightly before standing up. "That's your little girl, Tony."
"Yeah...she is, huh?"
Britty watched the two men from the window momentarily before she poked her head in, knocking on the door quietly. "Hey." She whispered, afraid she was going to wake the sleeping newborn.
"Hey." Tony replied, not taking his eyes off of the infant in his arms.
Gibbs nodded to her in welcome and she stepped further into the room, looking at her niece over the Italian's shoulder. *Thank you.* She signed, glancing up at the silver-haired agent, pleased that he had talked the Italian into holding his daughter.
She had been checking in on the older man every few minutes, hoping that he would decide to hold the little girl. When he never did, she had been tempted to barge in and explain the importance of bonding, but she didn't want to overstep her bounds. She felt he had enough on his plate without her putting additional stress on him.
*Not a problem.* He signed back. *How is she?*
Britty nodded, a half smile skirting across her face before she pressed a gentle kiss to the baby's forehead. "Abby's out of surgery, Tony. She'll be up in recovery in a few minutes, so if you wanna meet her up there..."
He looked up at her, his eyes searching hers for any bad news. "How is she?"
"I haven't seen her, but the doctor says she'll be fine. They fixed the problem, and short of her needing to take it easy for a few extra days, she'll be back to normal in no time." She pointed to the baby, smiling brightly. "Can I? When the nurse comes back I'll have them bring her up to Abby's room."
The Italian nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his daughter's head before he allowed the redhead to lift the newborn out of his arms. "I'm gonna go..." He said, addressing his boss as he looked toward the door.
"Go on, DiNozzo. We'll bring her up in a bit."
He nodded and exited the room, taking the elevator to the recovery floor. Once upstairs, he asked the head nurse which room his girl was in before heading down the hall and pausing outside of her room. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open, attempting to prepare himself for what he would see.
Walking inside the dark room, his eyes instantly fell on his girl, sleeping on the bed. He made his way over to the side of her bed and sank down into the chair, taking her hand in his. Closing his eyes, he released a sigh of relief, allowing himself a moment to relax now that he knew she was alright.
He jerked involuntarily when his girl's fingers closed around his, squeezing gently. "Abby..." He whispered, his voice low as he watched her eyes flutter open and a small smile cross her face.
"Hey."
"How are you feeling, sunshine?" The Italian asked, reaching up to push her hair back from her face.
"'M tired." She managed, attempting to sit up only to cringe in pain. "Can't do that, I guess."
"Be careful, Abs. Don't wanna pull on your stitches." He said, handing her the control for her bed.
He watched as she adjusted the bed slowly, helping her to sit up straighter. Relaxing back against the pillows, she offered him a sleepy smile. "Where's the baby? Is everything okay with her?"
"She's...she's perfect, Abby." He assured her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I'll go get her. You gonna be okay?"
"Go get her, please." She responded, nodding. "I'll be fine."
He pushed himself up from the chair with the intention of going to collect their daughter when Britty stepped into the room, Gibbs and Bradley in tow.
"Special delivery!" Britty grinned, carrying the infant in her arms while her husband pushed the small crib into the room. She made her way over to her friend and set the newborn in her arms gently. "She's beautiful, Abby."
"She is, huh?" The Goth whispered, looking down at her daughter. "Gibbs? Why are you here? Don't you have work?"
He chuckled, stepping over to her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You really think I'd miss this? This is more important than any case, Abs."
She offered him a warm smile. "Wanna hold her? I mean...you don't have to, obviously, but I just thought you might like..."
"It's alright. Held her for a bit in the nursery. Taught DiNozzo how to hold her too." Gibbs explained jokingly. "He looked like he was about to get sick just lookin' at her."
The younger woman laughed quietly, slipping her finger into the newborn's small hand. A bright smile crossed her face as the baby gripped her finger tightly, her eyes glistening with tears as she looked over at her lover.
Bradley nudged his wife's shoulder, getting her attention discreetly. "Maybe we should head home." He whispered, not wanting to intrude on his sister's bonding time.
She nodded in agreement, patting Abby's leg. "I think we're gonna take off, hon. I'm sure Gibbs wants to get some rest, and you need to get yourself some rest."
The silver haired man nodded. "I didn't get a chance to book a hotel before I left, so hopefully I'll find a room."
"Don't be silly. You're staying with us. We have a spare room, and there's no point in you wastin' money on a hotel." Britty insisted, pulling the older man toward the door. "We'll see you guys tomorrow, huh?"
Abby nodded, cradling her daughter close. "Thanks for being here."
"Where else did you think we'd be?" Bradley asked, hugging his sister before kissing her forehead. "Congratulations, you two. You deserve it. Happy New Year."
The couple watched as they exited the room, leaving them alone with their child. They sat in silence for a few minutes, simply watching the sleeping infant, when the raven-haired woman finally spoke up.
"What happened, T?" She whispered, her voice wavering slightly as she looked at their daughter. "W...was it bad?"
He hesitated, reaching for her hand and squeezing gently. "The doctor said that the placenta separated early and they couldn't get the bleeding to stop."
He frowned when he heard the hitch in her breathing, reaching up and turning her chin until she was looking at him. "I was so scared, baby. I...I thought I was gonna lose you." He admitted, his voice deepening with emotion. "I don't know if I can do this. I'm not ready for it."
"Just because I carried her for nine months doesn't mean I'm ready either. All we can do is be good for this baby. We don't have control over much else." Abby said, searching his hazel eyes with hers.
"I don't wanna risk losing you again." The Italian managed, his voice quiet. "Will you at least marry me?"
She paused, taking a deep breath and looking down at their baby. "I...don't know. Not right now."
Tony looked away from her, pushing himself out of the chair and walking to the window.
"I will never leave you again." She reassured him.
"Yeah."
"I promise."
"No, I know." The Italian sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You...you're not sure if you want to marry me because you don't wanna get married without your parents there. I get that. You promise never to leave me. Do you promise never to leave our daughter?"
"I promise. I do. Do you promise, that when she talks, you'll listen? Like, really listen, especially when she's scared? And that her fights will be your fights?"
"I do. And do you promise that if I die some embarrassing and boring death that you're gonna tell our baby that her father was killed by Russian soldiers in this intense hand-to-hand combat in an attempt to save the lives of 850 Chechnyan orphans?"
The Goth chuckled. "I do. Chechnyan orphans. I do. I do." She slid over slightly and patted the bed next to her. "C'mere, Tony."
He moved over to the bed and sat next to her, dropping his arm around her shoulders. "I love you, Abby."
She smiled at him, resting her head against his chest. "I love you too, Tony. You know...our daughter needs a name."
"Hmm..." He said, looking down at the newborn. "She looks like an Ethel to me."
Abby smirked. "How about no."
"Now, see? I never get my way."
She rolled her eyes, elbowing him gently before she turned her attention back to the little girl in her arms.
"God, she's beautiful. Just like her Mom." Tony sighed, unable to take his eyes off of his daughter. "She needs a pretty name."
"What do you think about 'Emma'?"
"Emma...I kind of like that." He said with a firm nod. "Emma DiNozzo. Doesn't sound too bad, huh?"
"Nope." She responded, a tired smile forming on her lips. "It's perfect. Just like her."
**January 1, 2011 -- 1200 Hours**
Abby woke up to the sound of Emma's cries from the crib at the end of her bed. When she forced her eyes open, she saw Tony bent over her, quietly begging the infant to stop crying. She could tell that he was trying to keep his voice gentle, waving a little pink bear in front of her face.
"You're aware that you are gonna have to actually pick her up at some point, right?" She asked, adjusting the hospital bed to a sitting position.
The Italian's head jerked up, frowning when he saw that she was awake. "I'm not sure how. I...I just don't wanna hurt her."
"You're not gonna hurt her, Tony."
"And somewhere, deep down inside, I'm sure I know that. But...she's so tiny. Every time I even think about picking her up, the only thing I can see is John Malkovich in 'Of Mice and Men'."
The Goth chuckled, amused by his irrational fear. "Wheel her over here. I'm sure she's just hungry."
He nodded and pushed the small plastic crib to the side of his girl's bed, thankful that she didn't insist on him picking their daughter up. He watched carefully as Abby leaned over as best she could and lifted the newborn out of the crib, quieting her almost immediately.
"That's a good girl. Are you hungry, my angel?" She cooed, tucking the infant into her arm as she began to nurse her. "See? Just hungry."
"Well, I wouldn't have been able to do *that* anyway." Tony smirked, leaning down and kissing her lips. "Did you sleep alright?"
"I hope so, because I've got enough chocolate chip pancakes to feed an army." Bradley said, entering the room. "How's my baby sister this fine afternoon? My niece has already put you to work, I see."
"Yeah. We just woke up, actually." She smiled. "T, could you pass me the baby blanket on the dresser?"
"Sure thing." He said, picking up the blanket and draping it over Abby's shoulder, covering their daughter as she nursed. "You didn't have to bring breakfast, Bradley."
"Nonsense. This is a Sciuto New Year tradition." The older man replied, looking over his shoulder for his wife. "B! C'mon, I need the plates."
The redhead came into the room a second later, Jack and Gibbs following closely behind.
"How'd ya sleep, sweetie?" Britty asked, handing the plates to Jack and hurrying over to the bed, smiling at her friend.
"Not too bad. Still sore." Abby responded, peeking over her sister-in-law's shoulder to smile at her nephew. "Hi, Jackie."
The boy offered his aunt a shy smile. "Can I hold her?"
"Yep. Let me finish feeding her, okay?"
He nodded, smiling brightly as he moved to help his father serve breakfast, passing the pancake-filled plates around the room. The infant emerged from behind the pink blanket a moment later and was immediately moved to Abby's shoulder to be burped. Emma let a loud belch out after a few seconds, making Tony's eyes go wide.
"I didn't know something so little could make such a big noise."
Everyone chuckled, starting to eat their pancakes. "She's puttin' you to shame already, DiNozzo, and she's not even a full day old." Gibbs chided, settling against the window with his breakfast.
"Still wanna hold her, Jackie?" She asked, taking the newborn off her shoulder.
Jack grinned and set his plate down, heading over to sit on the bed where his aunt had cleared a spot for him. She leaned forward carefully and placed Emma in her nephew's arms, smiling when he cradled her close to his chest.
"She's so little." He said, rocking her gently. "What's her name?"
"Emma is her first name." The Goth responded. "And her middle name is Marie, after your Nana."
"What a sweet name." Britty gushed, running a hand over her sister-in-law's arm. "It fits her well."
"You held her any more yet, Tony?" Bradley asked, seeing the Italian eye his son jealously.
He shook his head, looking away embarrassed. He inwardly cursed himself for not holding his daughter. *After all...* He thought, pushing the pancake around on his plate. *What kind of father is afraid to hold his baby?*
"Leave him alone, you guys." Abby spoke up, taking her lover's hand and lacing their fingers together reassuringly. "Besides, BB, I seem to remember another new father that was hesitant to hold his son just 12 short years ago."
"I...well, that's different."
"How so? It took you three days before you could even look at him without turning green, you were so scared." She glanced down at her daughter and smirked. "Someone needs a diaper change. Gibbs, could you pass one of the diapers from my bag?"
"DiNozzo, with me." Gibbs said, pulling a diaper and some wipes out of the bag and walking around the bed to the infant, Tony right behind him. "Lesson one, Tony. Diaper changing."
The women chuckled. "Gibbs, it's okay. I can change her, it's really not a problem."
"He's gotta learn sometime, Abby, and sooner is better than later." The silver haired man said, lifting the baby out of Jack's arms.
He laid the infant down on the bed and pulled Tony over so he was standing right in front of her. "Okay, so first you have to unbutton her shirt."
"Boss, I...I don't know if this is such a good idea. I thought, you know, I'd watch you do it." He protested, trying to pull away.
The older man's hand connected with the back of his head and he stilled instantly. "You're doin' this. No better way to learn than hands on."
Gibbs walked his senior agent through the intricacies of changing a diaper one step at a time, taking note of his shaking hands despite Abby's encouragement. He imagined that having the whole group watching him wasn't helping Tony's nerves, and when he finally fastened his daughter's onesie back up, he had a clear look of relief on his face.
Bradley raised his hands and started clapping, only to be elbowed in the side by his wife. "Ow! I wasn't trying to me mean!"
"It's okay, Britty." Tony said, plastering a smile on his face as he looked down at his little girl.
"I was bein' serious, Tony. I didn't change one of Jack's diapers until he was almost 6 months old because I was scared to."
"Really?" He asked, his eyes returning to Emma as she squirmed on the bed.
"Gonna just leave her there, DiNozzo?" Gibbs questioned, nudging his agent gently. "Pick her up."
"I don't..."
"Same way I showed ya last night. Just make sure you support her head. You're not gonna hurt her."
Tony took a deep breath, looking back at his daughter.
"Go on."
Nodding, Tony reached down, carefully lifting the baby into his arms. He swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest as he cradled her against him.
Abby could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she watched her Italian with their daughter. Though she'd never admit it to anyone, she'd been concerned about how Tony would adjust to having a newborn, but as she watched him looking down at Emma lovingly, she knew they would be just fine.
Chapter End Notes:
"Fear" by Pauley Perrette