**Chapter Four -- If You Only Knew**
**Two Days Later -- Tony's Apartment**
Abby groaned as she stepped out of the stairwell and walked down the hall to the apartment. She had been swamped all day at work and the team had been out on a case, leaving her without the Caf-Pow! that Gibbs usually brought her.
The elevator was down for repairs when she entered the building, leaving her to walk up the stairs to the fifth floor apartment. She had wanted nothing more than to relax with Tony, maybe watch a movie, spend a lazy night in bed together, something she realized they hadn't done in almost a week.
Needless to say, her night wasn't starting well.
Unlocking the door, she stepped inside and dropped her keys and purse on the end table, not bothering to take her boots off as she plopped down on the couch.
"Abs?" Tony called, stepping into the living room and frowning at his lover sprawled haphazardly across the couch. "I have a surprise for you."
"Don't really feel like a surprise tonight, T. Sorry." She mumbled, her arm draped over her eyes.
"Come on." He took her hand and pulled her up, covering her eyes as he led her to the dining room. "Ta-da!" He beamed, pulling his hand away.
Their table was covered in candles of different shapes and sizes, providing the only light in the small alcove just off the kitchen. There were two plates, filled with what looked like a lasagna, complete with a salad and garlic bread.
"Takeout again?" She asked, looking over the table.
Tony frowned, wrapping his arms around her waist and dropping a kiss to her temple. "No, grumpy, I cooked this. And I did it without burning the place down." He stated proudly.
She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "You're not supposed to be up on your ankle, mister."
"I know, but...I felt like doing something romantic for my girl after her long day at work. Is that a crime?"
Abby softened a little, resting her cheek against his chest. "No. It's not." Smiling, she pulled away from him and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a Red Bull out of the refrigerator.
Closing the door, Abby leaned against it with a quiet sigh when she spotted the pans piled in the sink. "Tony!" Slamming the drink onto the counter, she crossed the room angrily. "You have got to be kidding me." She growled under her breath.
"What?" He asked, walking in to find her hovering over the sink, scrubbing the baking pan. "Abs...I was gonna do the dishes after dinner."
"It's a mess in here, T! This stuff isn't gonna come off if you don't wash 'em right away!"
He groaned, leaning against the counter next to her. "You really couldn't let this go, could you? It's always something."
"Well?!" She cried. "How hard is it to clean up your mess? I mean, Jesus, Tony! You know as well as I do that these would be sitting here tomorrow for me anyway!"
Tony looked over at her, dumbfounded by her outburst. "Abby..."
She turned and looked at him, her eyes narrowed angrily. "No. You've been sitting at home all day for the past two days, and I'm still the one that does all the housework. You haven't done anything!"
"You think I wanna be stuck here all day?!" He roared, pushing himself off the counter. "I *want* to go to work. Unfortunately, I can't. You wanna bitch to someone about that? Go talk to Gibbs." He stepped into the living room and sat on the couch, turning to look at their pictures on the fireplace mantle.
The Goth finished scrubbing the dish clean and frowned, looking into the living room as her lover pouted on the couch. Walking into the dining room, she blew out the candles and picked up the dinner plates, carrying them in to him.
"T?" She asked quietly, standing next to the couch.
He didn't bother to look over at her, instead choosing to study the pictures. "What, Abby? Come to tell me what a horrible dinner I made?"
Sitting down next to him, she placed the plates on the coffee table. "No." She reached over and touched his cheek, turning his face toward her. "I'm sorry, baby. I just didn't have a very good day."
"That's the problem. We rarely have good days anymore." He dropped his head back against the couch cushion, looking over at the pictures again. "What happened to us? We were happy, remember?"
Abby moved to stand up when her eyes started to water, not wanting her lover to see her tears.
"Abby, wait." He said, reaching for her hand.
"What, T? You want me to say you're right? That we *were* happy?"
"That's not what I want, baby. I didn't mean..." He sighed, running a hand over his tired face.
The Goth sank back down on the couch, resting her head on his shoulder. "Its not supposed to be this hard, is it?"
Tony shrugged. "I don't know that I'm the one to ask. I haven't exactly had a ton of experience in the relationship department." He paused, lifting her head off his shoulder and cupping her cheeks in his hands. "But I know that I don't wanna lose you, Abby."
She turned her cheek into his hand, closing her eyes as the tears she had been holding back slid down her face.
"Don't cry, Sunshine. Please." He whispered, pulling her close to him. "We can work this out."
"What if we can't, T?" She asked, her voice breaking as she gripped his shirt in her fingers.
He ignored the painful ache in his chest as he rubbed her back. It had been a rough few weeks, sure, but he never imagined that she was feeling like this.
"We will." He promised. "After everything we've been through just to get here, we can't give up."
She wrapped herself around him, burying her face in his shirt until her tears had finally subsided. "'M sorry, T."
"Don't be." He gently pulled her pigtails down and cupped her face in his hands again, pressing a kiss to her lips. "I love you so much."
Abby simply nodded, not trusting her voice. She reciprocated the kiss, feeling him running his fingers through her hair. He moved his hands down her back, pulling her closer to him as he laid her down on the couch. He covered her body with his, dropping light kisses to her jaw and neck as his hands moved lower, slipping under the thin fabric of her shirt.
"Tony." She whimpered, pushing her palms against his chest. "Tony...stop."
"What?" He asked, leaning back off of her. "Am I hurting you?"
"No, just...not tonight, baby."
Tony stammered. "Wh...what? Y...you don't want me to make love to you?"
"It's not that...I just don't feel like it. I'm not in the mood."
"Fine." He said, pushing himself off the couch and heading into the kitchen, grabbing a beer out of the fridge.
"Don't pout, Tony. It's one night." Abby said, sitting up. "Come on."
He took a pull from his beer and walked back into the living room, standing in front of the couch. "I thought we were good."
Abby dropped her head back against the couch and sighed. "You always wanna fix things with sex, Tony!" She sat up and pointed at him. "You really think that it's gonna make us any stronger?"
"I wasn't trying to fix it with sex! I thought we were fixed!" He shouted, turning away from her. "We were making up!
"And your version of making up always involves sex! Why can't we just be happy being near each other?"
"I...I gotta go, Abs. I can't take anymore fighting tonight." He set the half-finished beer on the table and headed for the door, grabbing his jacket off the hook and slipping it on.
She jumped up and ran over to him, standing in his way. "You're just leaving? That's your solution, to walk away?"
"I need to cool off, and so do you. I'll be back later." He growled, taking her by the shoulders and moving her away from the door.
"You can't drive!" She called after him, watching as he walked toward the stairwell.
"That's what cabs are for." He mumbled, not turning back to face her as he started down the stairs, taking his time so he didn't hurt his ankle any further.
She stood in the hallway until she couldn't hear his footsteps anymore, wrapping her arms around herself as she turned and walked back into the apartment. Looking over at the clock on the stove, she closed her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek.
Her night had managed to go from bad to worse in less than an hour, and it made her heart break. Closing the door, she leaned against it and slid to the ground, dropping her head to her knees.
"What did I do?"
**K Street Bar**
He limped into the dimly lit bar, ignoring the throbbing in his ankle as he made his way over to the bar. Sinking down on the stool, he ordered a shot and dropped his head into his hands.
"Thanks," he said gruffly as the bartender sat the glass in front of him.
He picked the glass up, watching the liquid swirl in the glass before he threw his head back, wincing as it burned on the way down. Pushing the glass back to the bartender and signaling for another, he sighed heavily. This wasn't how he had pictured his relationship with Abby, but he supposed that he shouldn't have expected much else.
They had been best friends, they knew everything about each other. Lately, though, the same things that they had promised would stay between them had become ammo more than a shared trust. Both of them were guilty, using secrets against each other to win an argument.
As he downed his fourth shot, he struggled to comprehend what had changed over the past two months or so, trying to pinpoint when their fighting had become so volatile. The only thing he could think of was that Abby had been packing up her apartment, preparing to move in with him permanently.
Paying rent on an apartment they were never at was pointless, he had argued. She told him she needed that place, the one area that was hers and only hers, where she could go to clear her head.
Tony was jarred from his own headspace when a beautiful blonde woman with piercing blue eyes leaned over and whispered in his ear. "You here alone?"
He glanced over at her, his eyes involuntarily scanning her body. "Yeah. I am." His lips formed into a flirty smile as she sat on the empty stool next to him and ordered a martini.
"What brings you out here alone on a night like tonight?" She asked, trailing her fingers over his arm.
The Italian chuckled. "Just needed to get out of the house and have a drink, I guess."
"Good for me then, I guess." She smirked. "I'm Casey."
"Tony." He greeted, watching her as she moved closer to him, moving his arm so it fell around her waist.
"So...Tony. Wanna buy me a drink?"
He hesitated briefly, his mind screaming at him to stop. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that things were practically down the drain with Abby anyway, but before he knew it, he had ordered another shot for himself and a drink for the blonde.
A few hours later, the innocent flirting had turned into some not-so-innocent conversation as the blonde moved herself to stand between his legs, nipping at his earlobe.
"Y'know..." He started, groaning when her lips moved down to his neck. "We prob'ly... shouldn't do this. We jus' met."
"What?" Casey giggled, whispering against his skin. "You've never been with someone you've just met? Sometimes...those are the best."
His mind immediately flashed to Abby, thinking about the first time they had met each other during Mardi Gras at her Uncle's bar.
"Yeah." He said, wincing slightly as she bit his neck. "Yeah, I know."
"So you have been with a stranger before." Casey chuckled, running her hand down his chest, cupping the front of his pants as she continued to kiss his neck. "I want you." She purred, moving her mouth up to meet his. "And I'm used to getting what I want."
He felt himself harden against her hand, despite his brain screaming at him to get up and walk away.
"C'mon, big boy." She smirked, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the door. "Let's go back to my place."
**0100 Hours -- McGee's Apartment**
McGee stood up from his computer at the sound of knocking at his front door. Stepping over to it, he looked out the peephole only to see that it was being blocked by the visitor's hand.
"Probiiiie!"
He groaned, shaking his head as he unlocked the door. He opened it to see Tony struggling to catch his balance against the far wall of the hallway, his hair mussed, his shirt untucked and partially unbuttoned, reeking of vodka and bourbon. He watched as the older man stumbled into the apartment, walking right into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water.
"You...you won' believe wha' happened t'night. Abby..."
McGee ran a tired hand over his face and shut down his computer. "I don't wanna know, Tony. I said I wasn't getting involved anymore, and I'm not. I'm not your relationship advisor." He started for the bedroom when he turned to face the brunette again. "You know where the couch is, and if you throw up on my rug again I will shoot you."
"Yessir." Tony grumbled, mock-saluting him. He stumbled over to the worn out couch and flopped down onto it, feeling it creak under his weight. "McGee."
The younger man stopped, not needing to turn around to know that Tony was signaling that he was about to get sick. Grabbing the trashcan from his bathroom, he rushed over to the senior agent just in time for him to vomit into the can. He looked away, disgusted, as he emptied his stomach, laying back on the couch when he was finished, passing out almost immediately.
He sighed as he carried the can into the kitchen, cleaning it out quickly before heading to bed. Passing the couch on his way to the bedroom, he shook his head at the passed out man. "You two better figure this out soon, I can't afford another rug."
**0530 Hours -- Tony's Apartment**
Pushing herself off the couch for what felt like the hundredth time that night, Abby made her way over to the window, peeking through the curtains with a frown.
She wrapped her arms around herself, ignoring the sting of tears. He'd been gone for hours, and she found herself growing even more worried with each passing second. Picking up the phone again, she dialed his number, hoping that this time he would pick up.
"Damnit, Tony!" She cried, throwing the phone across the room and hitting his bean bag recliner with it. "So fucking stubborn. I just wanna know you're okay."
The Goth picked up one of the pillows from the couch and hugged it tightly, staring at the phone for a minute before getting up and retrieving it grudgingly. She cursed herself as she dialed the familiar number, hoping that she wasn't waking the owner.
"H'lo?"
"McGee? It's Abby."
There was an audible groan over the phone and the rustle of blankets as McGee got up, heading into his living room. "You two really should try..." He stopped, scanning his living room with a confused look on his face.
"What should we try?" Abby asked. "Tim?"
"He's gone." He said, concern lacing his voice. "He came over last night about 0100, but he's gone now. He hasn't been home?"
She could feel the tears she had been holding back all night streaming down her cheeks as she listened to McGee's words through the phone. "No, I've been up all night waiting for him. I came home from work, we fought and he took off saying he needed to cool off. I haven't seen him since."
"I don't know what to tell you, Abs. I went to bed shortly after he got here. He was drunk though, I could smell it on him from the hallway. I'll head into the office right now, run a GPS on his phone, okay?" McGee asked, trying to calm his friend. He could hear the worry in her voice, despite her desperate attempts to hide it.
"No, it's okay. I'll...he'll come back soon, right?" She asked, unsure of the answer herself. "I mean, he's not hurt or anything, right? I would have found out by now."
"Yeah, Abs. I mean..." He hesitated, wanting to tell her that everything would be okay, but at the same time knowing that something serious could have happened after Tony left his apartment, considering the state he was in. "I'm sure he's fine."
Abby looked up suddenly, hearing a noise in the hallway outside of the apartment. "Hold on, okay? I think I just heard something outside."
"Okay." McGee said, listening closely as she made her way to the door.
She unlocked the deadbolt on the door and pulled it open slowly, jumping back when she saw Tony fall back, hitting his head on the hardwood floor as the door came out from behind him.
"Huh?" He mumbled, sitting upright and rubbing the back of his head.
"Abby? What was it?" McGee asked, having heard the thump after she opened the door. "You okay?"
"I'm fine, Timmy. It was Tony, he's here." She hung up the phone quickly and knelt next to her lover, checking him over for blood. "Baby, where have you been all night?"
"Abby?" Tony answered groggily, trying to focus on her despite his hangover headache. "I think I made a mistake."
Chapter End Notes:
"If You Only Knew" by Shinedown