Gibbs was silent on the drive back to my apartment; I sat next to him anxious to get home, a queasy feeling in my stomach. I breathed calmly, just listening to my own heartbeat as the birds chirped, the air conditioner ran and little kids shrieked with laughter.
"Why did you lie to them?" Gibbs suddenly spoke; I turned my head sharply to stare at him in shock.
"What? Lie to whom? I didn't lie to anyone." I said trying to calm my now racing heart.
"Ziva and Ducky. You lied." Gibbs said solemnly.
"I told them the same thing I told you." I said confused at how he knew I had lied.
"No you didn't. Not the same exact thing. You told me he stopped you when you were about to unbuckle his belt." He said quietly as he took his eyes off the road for a second to peer at me, I felt myself pale, and my hands trembled, I shoved them between my legs as the apartment building I lived in came into view. Practically jumping out of the car I slammed the door and walked as quickly as possible to the door. Hoping Gibbs wouldn't follow me, I felt my throat constrict, as my lungs seemed to shrivel, the thought of anyone finding out about that secret was too horrible to be true. I thought if I could just ditch him for five seconds it would all be alright, no one would know, no one would even think it, not even me. And it wouldn't be true. After all that repeated trauma it could have been a nightmare, I was ten after all
I couldn't hear anything behind me, but somehow I just knew he was still there, one didn't lose Leroy Jethro Gibbs that easily, especially when he was on to something. But how did you lose him anyways? Contemplating taking the stairs or the elevator I turned into the stairwell knowing full well Gibbs hated stairs; they wasted valuable time. I finally reached my floor and shakily unlocked my door, only to find Gibbs leaning against the kitchen counter in the next room. My mouth went dry, as I knew there was no place else I could go, I was trapped, and suddenly felt claustrophobic. Knowing backing in a corner wasn't going to help me I moved into the kitchen next to him, watching as he searched my cupboards.
"What're you doing?" I asked trying to loosen the lump in my throat. It came out raspy and dry. He handed me a glass of water as he took out chicken, rice and mixed veggies.
"I'm hungry, you?" He asked quietly, I nodded smiling. I watched as he made the meal, helping bread the chicken we stood side by side, in mutual, comforting silence.
"You know, you lied too." I said softly, he looked sideways at me.
"It didn't pertain to the investigation." He replied swiftly.
"And neither does my little secret." I said shrugging. He gazed at me and smiled.
"You first." I said casually.
"How do I know you will tell me yours?" He asked.
"It's the same you show me yours and I'll show you mine." I replied smirking. He sighed and turned back to the stove.
"Years ago, I was married, to a woman named Shannon, we had an eight year old daughter Kelly. I was in Kuwait when Shannon witnessed a murder of a marine by a Mexican Drug Lord. She went forward as a witness. The drug lord had my wife and daughter killed." He said quietly, I bit my lip, an awful feeling burning in my stomach, and chest, worming its way up to my throat; I could hear the undertone of pain, pain that hurt him physically. I could feel his heart aching and suddenly It burst forth. I turned and retched into a garbage can. Tears stinging my eyes, as I heaved up everything in my stomach, I felt him rubbing my back. I washed out my mouth, breathing heavily, I sat in a chair at the table, and he sat directly opposite of me. He gave me a hard, appraising look; I stared back at him, my mind reeling in his pain. I grabbed his hands, resting on the table, gently but firmly in mine, he looked at me questioningly.
"Sometimes we just need something to latch onto, to remember where we are, and when we are. It helps me when I have flashbacks" I said shrugging, I felt him squeeze my hands, and I squeezed back, rubbing the back of his hand gently, he smiled.
"Not backing out on me are you now?" He said quietly, his fingers breaking free of mine to cover my hand, I shook my head.
"It's just…hard." I said, I breathed in deeply, trying to rid myself of all tears or feelings and exhaled. In with the good out with the bad. "Kort didn't stop me when I went to pull his pants down. He…..he did what he had to."
"No. No Adesa, you look at me. He did not need to do that. Not even to keep up appearances. What Kort did to you was rape. He raped you." Gibbs said, squeezing my hands so much it burned. I shook my head.
"No, he didn't. No. It was just a nightmare. Trent couldn't…he wouldn't." I said shaking my head trying to make both of us believe.
"Adesa. Let go of him." Gibbs commanded softly, looking into my moist eyes, I shook my head frantically.
"I can't! I can't! It was the price I had to pay for freedom; a couple more times wouldn't hurt!" I said grabbing my hands away from him and hunching over the table. Gibbs slammed his hand down on the table, it jerked in protest under it.
"Stop making excuses for him! Do you think I would have done that to you if I were in his position?!" Gibbs yelled furiously, trembling I shook my head.
"N-no." I said, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.
"Then what's his excuse?!" Gibbs hissed. I just shook my head.
"I don't, I don't know. But he had to have his reasons, he just had to. I know Trent--" I said voice wavering.
'No, you know the person Trent made himself out to be! You don't know Trent Kort!" Gibbs said wildly.
"Or maybe you know that person and I know the real Trent!" I yelled back hysterically, tears coursing down my face as I felt my heart breaking in two, the echo of our earlier conversation pulsing through my head. I just kept shaking my head, "I have to see him, I need to talk to him. Please Gibbs. Please."
He silently flipped open his phone and dialed Kort's number, handing me the phone I held it to my ear.
"Trent." I whispered, "Did you ever love me?" I watched Gibbs' reaction as Kort said yes, and I just knew, the way he had said it so deceptively soft, the tone in his voice flaunting and comforting at the same time, it was too silky, too sweet, too quick. I hung up on him, silent tears pouring from my eyes, I dropped the phone, Gibbs' didn't blink, or try to catch it. He let it smash to pieces on the floor.
'No. Noooo. NO!" I screamed, running at Gibbs. "I HATE YOU. I HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! YOU RUINED IT! I HATE YOU! I HATE……I HATE….It's all your…my…I hate…." sobbing I tried catching my breath, "I hate me, I hate me and you. I hate us. I hate Mexicans too."
Gibbs had stood there, letting me hit him and scream in his face as he pulled me into a bone-crushing hug I broke down, my anger evaporating, leaving an empty, torn hole in my heart. I wanted to bury it, to tear it out of my body as the pain became physical, making it feel as if every limb was ripped off my body and I was gutted by hungry hyenas. I looped my arms around his neck and buried my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder, and let myself cry.
"What now Gibbs?" I said brokenly, "I don't know where to go. I feel so….lost." I looked up at him.
"Now, you live. Really, truly live. And I'll be here for you, anytime you need me. But you gotta do this, on your own. What's holding you back is your search for a parent. For love." He said softly, as he stroked my hair paternally.
I looked down in shame, embarrassed I saw him shake his head, "No. It's not your fault; there is nothing to be ashamed of. Your Father, and Trent, they didn't know what they had. They still don't. They had the most precious, valuable thing in the whole wide world. A Daughter that loved them. They missed out on so much; they deprived themselves of the one thing that could bring so much joy and satisfaction to their lives: knowing you. My daughter, Kelly, if she had lived, would only be a few years older then you. I….I imagine you to be the younger sibling, the second child Shannon and I would have had."
I looked up at him in amazement. "What?" I said breathlessly, he just stared at me. "You…?"
"Yes, I love you." He whispered, I nearly choked as I struggled to understand and process that piece of information.
"You've only known me for a week." I said hoarsely. Confused.
"And yet, I know you better then anyone else." He said knowingly.
"I was alone before." I said and he nodded. I backed up enough to comfortably put a small, affectionate kiss on his cheek. I felt him smile, "But no more."
"No more." He echoed, patting my back.
"You'd have made an awesome Dad, Gibbs." I whispered in his ear.
"Wasn't good enough. I didn't protect my own child." He whispered harshly.
"Man can't fly across the Atlantic using their superpowers, on answer to your psychic powers." I said just as harshly. "If I can't blame myself then neither can you. Shannon and Kelly, they wouldn't want this for you. And you know it, that's why you married so many times."
"I miss them." He said gruffly.
"You always will. But it'll get easier. Trust me." I smiled up at him and kissed his cheek again. He squeezed me one more time, before the timer went off, and I went to grab dishes. Handing him one we went into the living room.
"What do you wanna watch?" I asked him lightly.
"Magnum P.I. It's DiNozzo's favorite show. I want to see if his taste in television shows is as bad as his taste in woman." Gibbs said smoothly, I smiled and flipped the T.V. on.
"He hit on me. So what's wrong with me?" I said looking at him with a smirk on my face.
"He hits on everything that moves. I meant his serious relationships." Gibbs said tonelessly.
"He didn't seem the type of guy that would even consider a long term relationship. A.D.D. and all, you know." I said, I heard him snort.
"Tony's had a few. The last one turned out pretty bad. It was an undercover Op, he was supposed to pretend to fall in love with her, but somehow, it became real. And the one before that got blown up." He said grimly, I went silent.
"What's he like?" I asked, trying to sound careless, as if it didn't matter., Gibbs gave a miniscule smile.
"He's a good man, romantic, however if you're thinking about going out with him I warn you he picks up most of his tricks from movies." Gibbs said warmly.
I laughed, "Why does that not surprise me?" I fell silent for a bit before, "I may, you know, go out with him. Does that bother you?"
"Nah. He's a good guy. He'll take care of you. Though I don't think now is the time for you to date anyone. You need to learn to rely on yourself first. You can't put Tony through that." Gibbs said, looking sideways at me. I nodded in understanding.
"Shouldn't you be with Kort?" I wondered aloud.
"He can wait another half hour before I kick his ass." He said lightly I giggled and rested my head on his shoulder, the last thing I could recall was a bomb going off on the screen and then I was out.
MIDNIGHT.
It was a loud crash that woke me a few hours later, I struggled into a sitting position, my head pounding me as I groaned. I sighed, and got up, hearing footsteps in the hall I ran, fear rushing through me, as what I agreed to finally became real to me. I raced through the apartment, the men at my heels, I jumped out the window and on to the fire escape, but not before one of them grabbed my ankle. I kicked him in the face only to have the second one grab my foot. They joined me on the fire escape, I struggled, fear gripping my chest, and driving my actions. They wrestled with me until one of them raised a gun and pointed it in my face, I went still and silent staring at the revolver before me, I glared as they laughed and moved me down the steps and forced me to crawl into their trunk minutes later. I took a quick glance over to Tony's car and felt a bit safer when I saw him give me a little nod. The man slammed the trunk shut, I winced, trying to remain calm as the car started moving.
Trying to breathe normally I kept track of the turns, while praying at the same time and whispering Gibbs' reassurances to me about being right behind me. I clutched to the necklace he gave me the other day, trying to put my trust in him completely. I fought back tears of desperation as the car skidded to a halt, I listened for Gibbs' car or Tony's but nothing but footsteps could be heard. Panic erupted in my mind, like a volcano, spewing it's vile every where's. I felt their hands on me, grabbing my hair and yanking me out of the trunk, I yelled in pain, tears rolling down my cheeks, I struggled and the other one punched me in the face. I cried out and sobbed, my chest rising and falling rapidly.
"No….Please." I begged as they dragged me towards the warehouse. Memories rising from the depths of my mind. My pleas went unheard as they threw me onto the cold cement floor in front of Ares, who stood over me, smirking down at his prize. I shook my head and backed up.
"Ah, my dear Adesa, you were my favorite child. I am glad to see you back." He said warmly.
"Sorry I can't say it's mutual." I snapped he just grinned.
"Feisty. One of the traits I like in a woman. You see, that's what I'm looking for now. A woman to settle down with, have some children of my own. And like I said you are my favorite." He purred.
"I'd rather have sex with a dead body while it's being autopsied." I said hotly, anger, resentment and bitterness rising up in me. He just laughed and snapped his fingers.
"Oh. You'll see, you'll learn to enjoy my company. Boys take her in the room I set up for her." He said, they dragged me into a lavished room and threw me on the bed, I immediately bounced up and ran to the door, I didn't make it, they slammed the door on my fingers, hard. I screamed as I heard a crunch then several snaps. Gasping, and sobbing I slid onto the floor and slid myself to the opposite wall, putting my fingers between my stomach and legs I curled up against the wall and cried. My body jerking as my hand throbbed. I knew what was coming, I just had to wait for Gibbs to come save me, I flinched as the door opened and I saw Ares in a robe, I whimpered and shook my head.
"Gibbs…..Gibbs where are you?" I whimpered softly. "Please come, help me…."
"No one is coming for you Adesa, besides me that is." He said in a deep voice as he grabbed me by the neck and stood me up. Having a guard point a gun at me he ordered me to undress. I quietly and quickly did so, my face burning in shame and embarrassment. He grabbed my upper arm and practically threw me on the bed, I curled up as he disrobed, trying to make it as difficult for him as possible as I stalled for time. He walked over and tried to uncurl me, he punched me in the kidneys making me gasp and uncurl reflexively, he grabbed my arms and pinned them up, as he put himself on top of me.
"No. NO! GIBBS! TRENT! TONY! ZIVA! HELP ME! PLEASE!" I screamed struggling, he backhanded me, the smack resounding around the room, as he began to touch me. I started shaking, and sobbing harder. Turning my head to the door I waited for Gibbs, trying to black out what he was doing to me. Seconds later I heard gunfire and Gibbs shouting for me, before I could respond Ares placed a hand over my mouth and hushed me. The guard aimed the gun at me again, I nodded in understanding. Ares took his hand away from my mouth, and traveled down further, I whimpered and closed my eyes, letting more desperate but accepting tears slide down my cheeks as I gave up under him. It was at that moment that I heard the door barge open and heard Gibbs and Kort both swear.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER!" I heard Gibbs scream, shocking me into opening my eyes. Kort had the gun at Ares temple, looking severely pissed off with blood flowing down his face. The guard raised his gun to Kort's head.
"KORT!" I screamed, Gibbs quickly shot the guard at my hysterical fear. I looked up at Kort who hadn't even blinked, his eyes lit with a fire that burned with such fierce hatred and rage that I shrunk back, without even hesitating he pulled the trigger, sending Ares brains across the room. He let a breath out and lowered his weapon, looking at me, he grabbed the blanket and threw it around me. We huddled at the door, Gibbs in front with his gun drawn, Trent bodily guarding me, with his own weapon drawn and me behind them both. I saw Tony and Ziva at the doors helping other victims. I smiled warmly at Tony, who winked at me, Kort rolled his eyes, in time to catch more shooters coming from above. He shot two, Gibbs got three. But more were attacking from behind us. Gibbs and Trent formed a circle around me.
"Run!" Gibbs ordered me, I looked at him pleadingly. "I'll follow I promise!" I nodded and crouched down and ran.
I got to the door before I heard a pained yell, swiveling around I saw Kort falling with a look of pain on his face. "TRENT!" I screamed dashing back, ignoring Gibbs' yell of "GO BACK! GO! RUN!" I slid down next to him on my knees, and covered the wound in his chest with my hands. I looked into his eyes, mine watering as I saw how faded they were becoming.
"Trent stay with me ok? Gibbs is gonna get us outta here and you are going to be alright. Just keep alive for me." I whispered numbly, he raised a hand to my cheek and wiped away a tear.
"'Desa. My Desi." He spoke so softly.
I smiled warmly at him, a new set of tears coming to my eyes as I looked at him fondly.
"Yes your Desi. Always your Desi."
"I didn't think I could love. But you proved me wrong Adesa. You made me a good man. I won't die ashamed." He said thickly, his eyes beginning to dim as mine burned, a sob rose up in me and I choked on it.
"You won't die at all. You can't Trent. I love you. Still." I said brokenly, tears falling.
"Desa it's my time. I went out fighting for you. It's the way I wanted to go, don't let me down. You keep fighting." He whispered, I let the tears fall as I gathered his head and shoulders up in my arms and put my forehead to his.
"I won't. I promise. I'll make you proud." I said to him in a small voice. It was then that he gave me a true smile, and the smile dimmed his eyes forever. He was gone. I hugged him tighter and began bawling over him, Gibbs knelt next to me, and tried prying me away from him but I wouldn't let go. I couldn't let him take Trent away from me.
"He's gone Adesa. Let him go." He whispered in my ear, a hand squeezing my shoulder. His words echoed from before. And I just shook my head.
"Not this time Gibbs. Never." I said brokenly finally looking up at him, I watched as Gibbs reached down and took out a silver chain necklace that hung around Kort's neck and under his shirt, it was his CIA dog tags that were four times the size and seven times the thickness of Military dog tags, Gibbs handed them to me, using a knife he ran it along the crease in them, out fell a picture of Trent carrying a ten year old me in his arms, my arms around his neck, our faces pressed together smiling. I cried harder and curled my hand around the necklace, pressing it to my chest. I gently laid Kort down, closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Only centimeters apart from Trent's still face I whispered, "You're still my Saving Angel."
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A/N: That's The END folks! I'm thinking of writing a sequel, a Tony/OC fic, that has more PapaGibbs, and of course, Angst and Trent may appear in memories. SO IF YOU WANT A SEQUEL REVIEW AND TELL ME SO!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.