Dinner was…Gibbs forced himself to be honest as he mentally labeled the whole encounter. The food was good. His steak was done exactly the way he wanted, the baked potato was almost swimming in butter, and his beer was chilled to perfection.
The accommodations of the hotel restaurant were comfortable. The tables were spaced far enough apart to allow for some privacy, and they didn’t have to share with anyone other than Craig and Tammy. The wait staff knew when to appear and how to be unobtrusive when they did.
The company was actually engaging; they told humorous stories about the past, asked insightful questions about the present and never crossed the line into inappropriate. He’d made sure to sit as far from Tammy as possible to lessen the chances she’d give in into her ‘touchy’ nature and make unwanted contact. She hadn’t seemed to notice, but that was probably due more to Tony’s interference than anything Gibbs had actually done. While Craig sat next to his wife, Tony sat across from her, leaving the seat the furthest from her open for Gibbs.
Tony had looked relaxed and happy. If Gibbs hadn’t known about his emotional conversation with Tammy, he’d never have suspected it had happened from the way he acted. It was impressive how quickly the younger man regained his emotional equilibrium, or could at least act like he had.
Gibbs couldn’t help comparing their respective coping styles. He usually hid any emotional turmoil behind a mask of gruff indifference, preferring to shut people out while Tony resorted to acting as though nothing had happened, and plastering on a smile that was bright and cheerful. It was hard to say which was more effective. They both worked, but Tony’s didn’t end up alienating everyone around him the way Gibbs’ was prone to doing.
Gibbs pursed his lips thoughtfully.
It may not have been a mask at all. Tony might not have been overly upset by his private conversation with Tammy. And he seemed to genuinely enjoy sharing stories for his early days as a cop. Gibbs had laughed out loud listening to him and Tammy talk about some of their adventures. Tammy was every bit as silly and irreverent as Tony in some ways, and they fed off one another, making the recounting of some of the hairy situations they’d encountered seem harmless rather than dangerous.
Gibbs shook his head. As farfetched as some of the stories seemed, he knew every detail was likely the truth. Tony might exaggerate stories about his dates and personal life, but he never did when it came to cases. Most of the cases they’d worked at NCIS were bizarre enough on their own. Encountering the plague, spies, international arms dealers, double-crossing CIA agents, serial killers…none of that really needed embellishment to be a damn good story. Hell, McGee had made a small fortune turning their cases into a novel.
Watching Tammy and Tony interact it was hard to believe they hadn’t seen each other in four years. Although, Gibbs had overheard her say Tony called and emailed at least once a month, and Tony had mentioned getting Christmas cards, so it wasn’t they hadn’t stayed in touch.
Since Tony and his old partner were on such good terms, Gibbs found himself wondering why Tony had left Philly. Tony’s file didn’t mention anything specific. Gibbs had always thought it was for advancement or simply because Tony had gotten bored and was looking for a new challenge.
Tammy had stayed on the force so she clearly didn’t harbor any animosity toward the higher ups and from their stories it didn’t sound like Tony did either. There were several commendations in Tony’s file from his time in Philly. No black marks or any documentation that would indicate his coworkers were happy to see the back of him.
Gibbs suspected Tony leaving Philly might have something to do with the Sarah that Tammy had mentioned. It was possible that Tony had left to escape a failed romance. That reaction was a cliché for a reason.
He was suddenly glad Jeanne Benoit had simply disappeared into the wilds of Africa when she’d left the first time. Tony didn’t have to leave DC or NCIS to escape her. And since his relationship with her was mostly as Tony DiNardo, there wasn’t any genuine overlap to his undercover life and his real life.
Of course, her leaving might not have mattered one way or another. What Gibbs had overheard indicated Tony had stayed in DC at NCIS because of him. He wasn’t entirely sure he believed that. None of his ex-wives seemed to consider him reason enough to stay, and they’d had to weather a hell of a lot less crap than Tony had. Hell, Mann didn’t hang around for more than a few months. Although, that might say more about his choices in women than it did about him.
Tony had lasted longer on his team than any other agent too. The younger man’s endurance was something Gibbs had fully come to appreciate while Tony was stationed at sea. Gibbs knew he deserved a serious head slap for overlooking the obvious for so long. Tony’s four months at sea were definitely a wake up call Gibbs needed. This trip to Chicago was proving to be another one.
By the time they’d finished dinner, Gibbs had been more than ready to get away from Craig and Tammy. They were nice people, otherwise pleasant company, but he didn’t want any more reminders that Tony had worked with people who appreciated him and hadn’t been unwilling or afraid to show it.
And he wasn’t sure what to make of the occasionally pointed looks he’d gotten from Tammy during the meal. It was like she was judging him, measuring him against some standard and he wasn’t sure why or what for. He couldn’t tell if she thought he passed muster or not. It was both annoying and unnerving.
Returning to their room, Gibbs wasn’t happy to have a note from management that they found nothing wrong with the heater. As far as they were concerned it was working just fine. But they had left an extra blanket and a space heater in deference to his perception of the cold. Gibbs snorted, knowing that the politely worded note implied he was some sort of wuss and the management was simply humoring him.
He could see a thin layer of frost around the edges of the inside of the damn window. That definitely wasn’t in his head. Fuckers. And there was no way in hell he’d believe that was ‘normal’.
He handed the note to Tony. This is what he got for being nice and not trying to upset anyone. He should have just been a bastard.
Tony read the note, both eyebrows rising. He looked at Gibbs. “You going to go down stairs and open a can of whup-ass on someone?”
“Thinking about it,” Gibbs admitted.
Tony sighed. “You know, I liked to see you scare the crap out of some idiot with an overblown sense of self-importance, but I don’t think it will fix the heater problem.”
“Oh?” Gibbs glared at him.
“It’s not you,” Tony hastily assured him. “I am sure you could get them to toe the line--if it were an issue where we actually had real clout. But throwing our weight around when no crime has been committed would be an abuse of power that Vance would get pissy about, not to mention a few of the higher up sorts staying here. The management isn’t guilty of anything but negligence that so far hasn’t hurt anyone.”
It was the ‘so far’ part that truly pissed Gibbs off. He wasn’t really angry over the implication he couldn’t handle Chicago’s nasty weather as the possibility the chilly room might have an affect on Tony’s health. It likely wouldn’t, but that wasn’t a risk Gibbs cared to take.
“It’s better to pick our battles with this, Boss.” Tony smiled tiredly, his tone reasonable rather than cajoling. “We both know how places like this work. If the hotel wasn’t booked, they’d just move us to another room. But since that isn’t an option, and I seriously doubt they are going to call in someone who would actually know how to fix the heater because that would cost them money they aren’t willing to spend until they absolutely have to, all you’ll get for your effort is having some guy pissing his pants. And while I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing,” Tony grinned brightly showing his amusement at the prospect, before he sobered, “it doesn’t fix the problem.”
“It would make me feel better,” Gibbs muttered, knowing Tony was right, but still feeling the desire to kick someone’s ass.
“At least they gave us a space heater. That should help.” Tony said, either not hearing Gibbs or simply ignoring the muttered comment. He grabbed the little heater and plugged it in. The device came to life with a soft whir. Coils took on a red glow as it warmed up. Even the small amount of heat it was putting out was immediately noticeable.
“Not like we haven’t stayed in worse places.”
“That’s not the point.” Gibbs growled.
Tony shook his head, his expression rueful. “This is going to be one of those curse the darkness things.”
Gibbs frowned. “What?”
“Something Ducky said to me.” Tony shrugged one shoulder. “Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”
“You thinking that heater is a candle?” Gibbs rolled his eyes.
“Metaphorically speaking, sure.” Tony chuckled. “Glass isn’t always half empty, you know?”
Tony was the sort who always looked on the bright side. Gibbs had missed his optimism while he was at sea. And for the first time it occurred to him that Tony’s natural upbeat nature was what made surviving those four months away and so many years on Gibbs’ team possible. Tony didn’t sweat the small stuff. He was a natural balance to Gibbs more negative outlook. He needed the joy and humor Tony found in everyday things.
Gibbs was about to continue arguing when he realized the true silver lining of the situation. The chilly room would encourage Tony to snuggle in close when they went to sleep. Last night they’d instinctively gravitated toward one another in an effort to stay warm. Gibbs was hoping that would happen again.
“Okay. The glass is half full.”
That earned him a warm, genuine smile. Gibbs breath caught; stunned for a moment by how attractive Tony was when he smiled like that. Knowing how little it took to earn that smile, Gibbs resolved to make it happen more often.
“You mind if I check to see if there’s anything worth watching on TV?” Tony asked.
Gibbs handed him the remote. He didn’t care for TV much personally, but he wasn’t going to deny Tony a chance to indulge in his favorite pastime--Especially not when he’d enjoyed watching a movie with him last night.
Gibbs took off his shoes. Tony shucked his own footwear, carelessly leaving them where they fell.
“I better not trip over those, DiNozzo.”
“Right, Boss.” Tony quickly moved his shoes, lining them up neatly next to Gibbs’ near the closet.
Gibbs spread the extra blanket on the bed. It was heavier than the one he’d found in the closet. Like the space heater, it would certainly help. He still wanted to beat the crap out of the hotel management. He pulled the curtains closed hoping they would help block at least some of the draft. It had helped the last two nights.
While Tony ran through the channels Gibbs went into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and changed into a t-shirt and sweats. He eyed his reflection. He still felt like a coward. He should just tell Tony how he felt. But he wasn’t sure a blunt confession would be well received.
Tony’s insecurities and Gibbs’ past behavior would probably keep Tony from believing any declaration of love. He’d already said as much to Tammy. Gibbs had to find away to convince him that he was a forever kind of guy, that he was worth loving, and the one Gibbs wanted.
It took time to undo that sort of damage. It wasn’t going to happen immediately. Gibbs smiled at his reflection. It was a good thing he was a long haul kind of guy. He wasn’t going to shy away just because getting the prize took some time and lot of effort. He might have been too damn slow on the uptake, but he was fully aware that his life was better with Tony in it. He just needed to find a way to convince Tony of that. He nodded, squaring his shoulders and stepped back out into the room.
Tony had evidently taken advantage of the privacy offered by Gibbs being the bathroom to change into sweats and a t-shirt as well. He was lying on the bed, under the covers watching TV.
Glancing at the TV, Gibbs stopped short. He expected Tony to have found a movie to watch so he was surprised to see a cartoon playing. He frowned, head cocked to one side. Penguins? Did they just make a reference to covert operations? Did one of them hack up a stick of dynamite?
“DiNozzo, what the hell are you watching?”
“The Penguins of Madagascar.” Tony chuckled, then looked over at Gibbs. “I can change it.”
“Why?”
“If you didn’t want to watch this, it’s-“
“Not that,” Gibbs shook his head. “Why are you watching it?”
“Because they are hysterical.” Tony laughed softly. “I don’t usually go for cartoons, but I caught them one weekend and I was hooked. There’s Skipper. He’s in charge and an obvious spoof on Captain Kirk. He gets some of the best lines. There’s Kowalski. He’s the brains of the outfit and something of a mad scientist. Rico is just plain insane. He can regurgitate everything from bombs to zip lines. I think my favorite one was him puking up a chainsaw. It might have even still been running, I’m not sure. And Private. He’s the young, naïve one. The heart of the team, and no slouch in his own right. Why he has a British accent I don’t know, but he kind of reminds me of Ducky in some ways.”
Gibbs got comfortable on the bed, curious in spite of himself. He hadn’t watched a cartoon since Kelly’s death. He expected something akin to Bugs Bunny or Scooby Doo--they were the only cartoons he was really familiar with. He was genuinely surprised by the witty one-liners, the quality of the animation and the complexity of the storylines. It wasn’t hard to see why Tony liked it.
Gibbs found himself stifling several chuckles before realizing it wouldn’t hurt to let Tony know he was enjoying the show. He wanted Tony to know that he could appreciate things Tony liked.
When the cartoon was over, Tony switched the channel to the news. He handed the remote to Gibbs as he slipped out of bed, heading for the bathroom. Gibbs frowned when he saw Tony shiver. He still wasn’t happy with management’s solution, but neither of them had been cold when under the covers so he was still willing to let it go.
Tony was back in a few minutes, sliding under the covers with a sigh. He picked up his crossword puzzle book from the nightstand. He opened it to the puzzle he’d worked on the night before. Just like last night, he would occasionally ask Gibbs for his input.
Gibbs kept an eye out, waiting for Tony to fall asleep. It wasn’t late by their usual standards, but neither of them had gotten much sleep last night. Gibbs was more used to going without than anyone on his team. Tony yawned widely several times before giving up on his puzzle. He set the book aside.
“You want me to turn off the TV?”
Tony shook his head, snuggling under the covers. “I fall asleep to the TV all the time.” He yawned again. “Won’t bother me, Boss.”
Gibbs waited until Tony’s breathing had evened out, pleased that the younger man hadn’t turned away from him. He turned off the TV and the lights, leaving the space heater running. It had an internal sensor that would turn it off and on throughout the night.
Gibbs settled in under the covers, shifting so he was that much closer to Tony. He kept his breathing deep and even, almost mediating as he waited for the chance to move closer still. He didn’t want to risk waking Tony.
Not that he had any real reason to be worried about that. It wasn’t like his moving closer had woken Tony up the last two nights they’d ended up tangled together. Gibbs knew he was being overly cautious but he couldn’t help it. It felt like there was a lot at stake.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Tony shifted in his sleep, curling up and moving closer to Gibbs. Gibbs moved a little closer, halving the distance between them. He sighed, frustrated by the slow process. He wanted Tony next him already. All of this was so much easier when he hadn’t been aware of how he felt.
The wind howled outside, rattling the windows. Tony shivered in response, and seemed to be trying to burrow further under the blankets.
“Tony?” Gibbs whispered before he thought about it.
“Hmmm?”
“You warm enough?” It seemed like an innocent enough question, not one that would seem unusual if his lack of control had woken the younger man.
“M’ feet are cold,” Tony told him, the slight slur to his words confirming he was still asleep.
“C’mere.” Gibbs whispered, moving to pull Tony closer to him.
Tony moved easily enough, snuggling into Gibbs’ side with a contended sigh. He rested his head on Gibbs’ shoulder, rubbing his cheek against the worn material of Gibbs’ shirt like an affectionate cat. Long, heavy limbs made there way around Gibbs’ body in a loose, languid hold that still managed to pin him in place.
Gibbs took a deep breath and released it slowly. He should feel trapped, weighted down, but mostly he felt comfortable, grounded and whole. He reveled in the warm, solid weight of Tony. His steady breathing was a comforting sound. He could almost feel the beat of his heart. Gibbs titled his face to rub his cheek against Tony’s hair. He’d missed this; he couldn’t quite fathom why the hell he’d worked so hard to escape it the last two nights or why he’d denied himself for so long. Gibbs smiled wryly. No one ever accused him of being quick on the uptake when it came to understanding himself.
“Much better,” Tony mumbled.
Gibbs had to agree. This was definitely better.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Dinner with Craig and Tammy.
This time, when they go to bed,Gibbs opts to snuggle deliberately.
This time, when they go to bed,Gibbs opts to snuggle deliberately.