Abby dumped the contents of her bags unceremoniously out onto her kitchen counter. She studied the items before her, wondering if this really was such a brilliant idea. It beat the alternative though, doing nothing. It killed her when her friends were hurting, and both Tony and Gibbs were so much more than just friends. They were family. And families should be there for each other, right?
She glanced around her small kitchen, seeking out the far wall. She'd put up pictures there, of the people that mattered the most to her. The entire wall was painted a deep crimson and all the photos were black and white. Some were taken at the Yard; she had a candid shot of Gibbs there, looking intently at his screen. A few were taken at the annual garden party. Tony had his game face on, smiling and working the crowd. Abby got up and walked into the living room, pulling down a black lacquered box sitting on top of the bookshelves lining an entire wall. Sinking onto the floor, she opened it carefully and looked at the items inside.
A lace handkerchief was sitting on top. Abby picked it up. There was a lingering faint smell of roses, which reminded her of Kate. Her mother had given it to Abby after the funeral, saying Kate would have wanted her to have it. She still missed her, every day. It had taught her not to take anything for granted, and how important it was not to let life slip you by. She pulled out a photo of Tony, one she'd taken an afternoon by the Potomac a few years back. Gibbs had just returned from Mexico, and Tony was struggling to find his place within the team again. He looked so vulnerable, sitting there, his face open, his expression unguarded. Before she had had time to think it through, she'd snapped a shot of him. He hadn't noticed, just kept staring out over the water, deep in thought. She thought back to their conversation, still remembering his pain after all this time.
"Come on, Tony, tell your troubles to Dear Abby," she joked.
"I'm fine, Abby, just feeling a bit bitter and blue," Tony replied.
"That sounds like a line," she giggled. "Which movie is that from?"
"Contrary to popular belief, Abby, I am capable of original thought." Abby could feel his hurt, it was radiating off him in angry waves.
"It was a joke, Tony!" she protested. "I only meant you keep quoting movies, Tony, that's all."
"Never mind…," he replied, his eyes firmly fixed on the river.
"Tony," she began, but was promptly interrupted.
"I'll just go for a walk," he said, "Be back in 20."
With that he'd disappeared. He had returned to her on time, looking as happy and carefree as ever. Abby had still sensed his pain and had left him alone, thinking he would come to her when he was ready. There was more to this than feeling insulted over a little bit of teasing, she was sure of it. The problem was, he'd never approached her. Days became weeks, weeks months and their lives went on. That moment by the river a faint memory, one that was never revisited. What else had he been hiding under that carefree mask of his, she wondered.
It was getting late. Abby looked at the items strewn across her kitchen counter, contemplating which to choose. She'd found this great store in Chevy Chase that sold cool cookie cutters and it had the most amazing selection. Quickly, she decided against the ones she'd gotten online. Somehow she didn't think Gibbs was ready for Kama Sutra cookies just yet. Eyeing her old and tested bat shaped cutter, she shoved it aside and reached for her brand new bug shaped ones. Now, who could resist eating a dragonfly? Opening her recipe book, she decided she would stop by the boys with breakfast tomorrow.
*******
Gibbs folded his shirt carefully together, resisting the urge to ball it up and fling it across the room. His hands reached for his belt, his movements measured and calm, in stark contrast to the turmoil he felt inside. Sliding the belt off, he placed it on the dresser by the door. He'd left the light off, wanting the peace and quiet darkness offered. The bedroom was cool and he could feel goose bumps rising on his naked skin as the wind drifted in through the partially closed curtains. Stepping out of his pants, he pulled on a clean t-shirt and went to bed. The sheets were cool to the touch, but they did little to soothe his mind. He turned over on his back and stared at the ceiling, willing sleep to come.
Gibbs thumped at his pillow, as he tried for the hundredth time to get comfortable. He’d been tossing and turning, rearranging his sheets every five minutes in a futile attempt to find rest. 2 am. The glowing red numbers on his alarm clock kept changing, even though he felt suspended in time. It had been hours since he'd returned from the garden. The door to the den had been closed, and Gibbs found himself unable to open it. This was only Tony's second night after his beating, and he'd already aggravated him once tonight. Ducky would have his hide if he did something like that again.
Flinging the covers aside, Gibbs got up, walked to the window and stood there, leaning against as he looked outside. The weather had worsened as the night had worn on. Rain was now pouring down relentlessly. The backyard was shrouded in darkness. As he started into the night, he could barely make out the shape of his shed. Two scenes kept playing in his head, over and over. Gibbs remembered the way Tony had looked at him, right before he blurted out that fucking question. Resting his forehead against the ice cold window pane, Gibbs tried to stay calm as his rage flared again. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," he muttered.
'Nothing's ever good enough!' Gibbs couldn't let Tony's pained outburst go. Little scenes from their years together popped up in his mind, and he now saw them in a new light. The crappy way he'd handled things when he came back from Mexico, basically just dumping Tony's stuff back at his desk, reclaiming his place as their boss without even as much as a cursory 'thank you' to Tony, who'd held the team together in his absence. Gibbs remembered the shrine Abby's made in her lab, plastering his picture everywhere. Had he really made Tony feel this worthless, that he had to solve crimes on his free time to prove his worth? He broke out in a cold sweat, realizing Tony could have died trying to prove himself to Gibbs, without him even knowing about it. He climbed back into bed, not bothering to pull the covers back up.
"There's still time," he said into the darkness. "I'll make this right, Tony." Vowing to keep that promise, he finally fell sleep.
***********************
Tony shifted around and beat his pillow into submission again. His mind refused to let go, and he couldn't relax, no matter how hard he tried to empty his mind. He’d had this thing for Gibbs for a while now - okay, pretty much since he'd started at NCIS - but he really thought he’d been doing a good job of keeping it hidden; Gibbs was his boss, and he also liked to believe they were friends and he didn’t want to lose that by slipping up. It didn't make things easier that Gibbs was straight, but luckily he seemed to pay very little attention when it came to anything in Tony's personal life. It hadn’t been easy over the years, watching Gibbs fall in love. Although in all honesty, he had no idea how much Gibbs actually dated. The amount of time Gibbs spent at the job and working on the boat didn't leave a lot of opportunities for meeting women. Not that Gibbs would have to work very hard at it. Tony had seen how women responded to him, smiling and flirting.
The constant presence of Jenny, the way she'd practically peed all around Gibbs, marking him as her own, as a cat would mark his territory, had at times been almost painful to watch. But, at least Tony had been relatively sure there was nothing going on, although she'd behaved as if she still had rights. And then Col. Mann had come along. For a while there he'd thought it could have gotten serious. It had cut Tony to the bone to see Gibbs with someone again, and then even have to deal with her at work. He had to admit to himself he had found it entertaining to watch Mann and Shepard battle it out around Gibbs, no matter how much it had hurt he was not the one Gibbs shared his evenings with. Every day Tony had sat in that squad room, wanting to shout "Look at me, I'm here.” The office grapevine had been quiet as to why they'd broken up, but Col. Mann relocating to Hawaii didn't suggest it was an amicable split.
Tony glanced at his wrist watch. 3 am. He really should try to get some sleep. Normally, he did his best work at night, but that was before he'd gotten beaten to a pulp and run over. A dull pain behind his eyes had him reaching for the bottle of Tylenol by his bed, washing it down with the bottle of water he'd gotten earlier. He was thankful the den was next to the kitchen; it made getting around much easier. The pain slowly subsided, and he could at last feel sleep tugging at the corners of his mind.
**********
The early morning light shone through the partially closed blinds, rousing Gibbs from his sleep. Tumbling out of bed, he walked over to the window to get some fresh air. A robin sat in the tree below his bedroom chirping merrily away, not a worry in the world. For a moment he felt almost envious, then he shook it off. He had more important things to do.
Gibbs turned his head towards the den, wondering if he was awake, and if Tony would even want his company right now. Deciding he needed to at least check on him, he walked over turning on a couple of lights as he went. It was still very early, and he didn't want Tony tripping, in case he couldn't see properly. He could hear Tony talking and wondered if maybe Abby'd come by without him noticing. Knocking softly, Gibbs waited until Tony'd answered before he walked inside.
Tony was sitting up, his leg resting on a footstool beside the bed. There was no one else there with him, and Gibbs saw that Tony was holding his cell phone. "OK, I'll see you soon, Abbs," he said, ending the call.
"Hey," Gibbs said, hovering in the doorway. "Sleep all right?"
"Not really," Tony yawned.
"You hungry?" Gibbs asked, noting the dark circles under Tony's eyes.
"Abby's coming over,” he replied, "bringing breakfast."
"You wanna grab a shower before she arrives, freshen up a bit?"
Tony looked like he was about to protest, then he relented. "Yeah, a shower would be nice. I'm gonna need some help with the cast, though, something to cover it up." Gibbs felt relieved, at least they were still talking, and he'd asked for his help.
.
Together they made it upstairs to the bathroom, and Gibbs put a stool inside the shower. Tony leaned against the vanity, taking weight off his leg.
"You need to take off your clothes," Gibbs said, watching in amusement as Tony turned bright red. "You have showered before, DiNozzo, you are familiar with the concept?" Gibbs teased, he couldn't help himself.
"I…" Tony mumbled, fidgeting around a bit, before shoving his sweatpants down, leaning on the crutches as he tried to kick them off.
"Wait," Gibbs said, crouched down and helped him out of his pants. Tony was hot to the touch and he looked flushed. "You're not running a fever, are you?" he asked, glancing up. Tony held his gaze for a moment, before looking away again.
"I'm fine," he croaked. "I'll be ok now, boss. You don't have to stay."
"Don't be an idiot, DiNozzo. I've seen your sorry ass before, there's no need to be shy. I'm not taking you back to the ER because you slipped and fell in my shower. I'll never hear the end of it from Ducky, for one thing," he chuckled.
"You're gonna shower with me?" Tony said, sounding incredulous.
"I'll just help you out a bit, Tony. Come on, Abby'll be here soon." That seemed to get Tony moving, as he quickly pulled off his t-shirt and shoved his boxers down, kicking them off before Gibbs could help him. Gibbs stripped down to his shorts, and turned on the water. Gibbs worked quickly, covering up Tony's cast before they moved under the spray. Tony sat down on the stool, taking the weight off his foot. He looked thinner, Gibbs noticed, as his eyes swept over Tony's body. Gibbs handed Tony the shampoo before grabbing soap and a washcloth for himself. He gently cleaned Tony's back, mindful of the bruises blooming over his torso. A hiss escaped Tony as Gibbs ran the sudsy washcloth over his ribs.
"You sore?" Gibbs asked, gentling his touch. Tony just nodded, not saying anything. He seemed flushed again, and Gibbs was worried it wasn't just the warm water affecting his temperature. He quickly rinsed off the suds and stepped out of the shower, only to return with a large towel he wrapped around Tony. Turning his back, Gibbs stepped out of his wet underwear and shrugged into his bathrobe.
"You need to lie down?" he asked, as he helped Tony out of the shower. Tony just shook his head and propped himself up against the vanity again.
"I'm fine," he insisted, looking like he was about to fall over any minute.
"Right," Gibbs replied, shaking his head. He bent down and removed the plastic protecting Tony's cast. "Let's get you dressed, Abby will be here soon." Once again he found himself assessing Tony's body, noticing thing he hadn't, shouldn't, notice. Gibbs shook it off. Coffee, he thought. A big cup of coffee would help him think straight.
*********
Abby helped Tony back into bed after breakfast. She'd brought fresh bagels and Tony's favorite, homemade strawberry jam. The meal had started out a little tense, and she wondered if anything had happened. In the end, the conversation had flowed easier and she had been able to relax, relieved to see them talking again. Now, Tony had that bleak look in his eyes again.
"What's up, Tony? Come on, talk to me! You're not still worried about Gibbs, are you? You know he'll fight to keep you on the team. Not that Vance would try and remove you, or anything," she added quickly, when she saw the look on Tony's face.
“Yeah?” Tony grimaced. He looked sad and tired. “I suppose it’s not a big shock, really. I’m surprised I managed to stay on Gibbs' team this long before messing things up.”
“Hey! Don’t talk like that,” Abby said.
“Why not?” Tony replied stubbornly. “It’s the truth. I've tried, Abby, but I keep fucking up. The team - Gibbs - deserves someone… better.” Tony sounded defeated. “Someone who isn’t me.”
“That’s enough,” Abby’s voice cracked a little and she could feel her eyes welling up. There was just something so wrong with hearing Tony beating himself up like this. Tony was always larger than life - faults and all - but that was the real Tony; the one who goofed incessantly, but also the one who worked till three in the morning, to solve a case.
“Maybe I should do something else with my life, Abby, take a shot at a normal life. A family.”
“Are you sure about that, Tony?" she asked, holding his hand gently. "Is your dream really the wife, two point five kids, and a white picket fence?"
"What, you think I'm so shallow I'd rather fuck around till I'm in my 50s?" Tony ground out, withdrawing his hand.
Abby bit her bottom lip, and glanced over to the door. It was ajar, and she could hear Gibbs cleaning up after breakfast. She was about to close it, when Gibbs popped his head around the door, shrugging into his jacket.
"I'll be right back," he said. "Need to have a word with Ducky. Can you stay for a while?" he asked Abby, who turned to look at him in dismay. "It's personal, Abby, not case related."
"Sure, I'll keep Batman company," she agreed. "My babies are running scans," she continued, "they won't be ready for another two hours. I do have to be back for that, though. Agent Lindstrom is waiting for the results." Gibbs checked his watch, nodded and was gone.
"Batman?" Tony asked.
"You know, savvy business man during the day, fighting crime at night…"
"I'd rather be Iron Man," Tony mumbled, looking like he was fighting to keep a smile off his face.
"Listen, Tony," Abby took his hand again. "I was not implying you weren't interested in having a meaningful relationship, or that you're incapable of it. I just didn't think you wanted the wife and the kids, that's all."
"Could we have this conversation at another time?" Tony sighed. "Like when I'm not, you know, recovering from a life-threatening injury?" he continued, managing to sound dramatic and defeated at once.
She studied his face for a while, and he met her gaze defiantly. There was no use trying to get him to talk about his feelings for Gibbs. She was certain he was deeply in love with their boss, and if she was right, Gibbs had feelings for Tony, too. If only he would stop long enough to realize it.
"Ok," she said, smiling softly. "But we will talk about it," she said firmly, squeezing his arm as she spoke. Tony rolled his eyes, and she could see he was already planning how to dodge that particular bullet. Poor Tony, he didn't know she already had a plan.
"I made cookies," Abby said, noting Tony's relief at the change of subject.
"My favorite?" Tony asked hopefully, looking so much like a little boy Abby couldn't resist giving him a kiss on the cheek. Abby popped out into the hallway, retrieving a bag she'd left on a small table by the door. She sat back down by his bed, handed him the small box, and watched as he opened the lid carefully. Hopefully, she would manage to surprise him this time.
"Dragonflies," he said, unable to keep a smile off his face. "You made dragonfly cookies?" Three perfectly decorated cookies were inside the box. "Only three?" he pouted. Abby laughed, "Don't worry; you can help me decorate the rest, that'll keep you out of trouble for a while."
Chapter End Notes:
A big hug and thanks to TaylorGibbs for the beta :)