Justification
by BHP
The railing was cold under his hand. The subdued hum of an efficient office surrounded him: the quiet, continuous whisper of air-conditioning, keyboards, telephones and murmured voices. From where he stood, Leon Vance couldn’t hear what was being said in the bullpen, but he could hear the cadence of Dinozzo’s voice, and what he could see was enough. Gibbs’ team was rebuilding itself around Dinozzo as he watched. McGee and David were smiling, and soon the others would realise what happening and arrive to join in. He almost wished he could join them, but knew it would never work.
They thought he was smug. They thought he was arrogant. They disliked him: maybe even hated him, especially in Abby’s case. Not Abby, Miss Sciuto. If you couldn’t keep the right emotional distance in your own thoughts, how could you maintain it when the job demanded it? Leon sighed, and silently cursed Jenny Sheppard. He’d never been one of those children who wanted to run away and join the circus, but thanks to Jenny, her intractable obsession with La Grenouille, and her stubborn desire to solve the problems of the past with her own death, he now spent his days walking a tightrope. In a hurricane.
The NCIS staff all believed that he enjoyed being a ‘miserable, mean-spirited bastard’. And that description hadn’t even come from a member of Gibbs’ team. He’d never wanted to be popular. Good thing, too, all things considered. He’d wanted to succeed, to do the best job he could do; to keep his country and his family safe. And sometimes, that involved doing what was best for people in the face of their objections. He couldn’t afford to let another group of people into his heart. The ones already in there weakened his defences enough. And friendships always seemed to end badly in this line of work, or to alter into relationships based on shared experiences but ruled by need. His relationship with Ziva’s father was a case in point. No, friendships seemed doomed. So why borrow trouble? There was no logic in that.
Looking down again, where Dinozzo was waving his arms wildly and regaling everyone with some far-fetched and highly exaggerated tale, Leon Vance felt a jolt of an unfamiliar emotion. Envy. For the first time in more years than he could remember, Leon wanted people to like him. To take him into their world and welcome him. Given how unlikely that scenario was, he’d settle for respect, however grudging. Not to mention, he’d prefer that they didn’t see him as a ghoulish sadist, preying on the anguish and despair of others. Perhaps Dinozzo no longer saw him in quite the same light, and that would have to do for now.
Vance reflected on his conversation with Dinozzo. It had been interesting, to say the least. Vance considered the details and smiled slightly.
“Agent Dinozzo.”
“Director.” The tone was civil, but barely respectful. Just polite enough not to invite a reprimand. Leon was impressed; apparently Gibbs taught his team more than just investigative skills. Though those were in use too: he could see Dinozzo taking in all the changed details of the office. He could almost hear the cogs ticking over as the younger man ran a mental comparison to how Jenny Sheppard had arranged the space. For a second, he wondered how Dinozzo rated him in comparison.
“I seem to recall assigning you to the USS Seahawk. Yet here you are in front of me. Care to explain your presence?” He could also do polite, with an edge. But unlike everyone else who’d wilted in the face of that tone, Dinozzo barely twitched. Vance was reminded again that this was the only agent in NCIS who seemed to be unafraid of Gibbs, whose scathing glances were the bane of all new agents. Not to mention how they frightened experienced agents who’d done something foolish.
Dinozzo raised one eyebrow a mere millimetre and fixed his clear-eyed gaze on a spot just above Vance’s right ear. He settled his hands loosely together at the small of his back, creating the impression of coming to attention. Leon knew better. The insolence was subtle, but clear. “My superior officer ordered me to bring a prisoner to Washington, Sir. I thought it best to obey.”
Vance smiled, the kind of smile you saw on a tiger shark’s face in the seconds before you became its latest morsel of food. “And my orders assigning you as Agent Afloat suddenly ceased to carry any weight?”
Dinozzo couldn’t help the grin that surfaced and was quickly swallowed back, but not a trace of amusement coloured his reply. “He was there, Director. With all due respect, you weren’t. And he doesn’t take it at all well when his team don’t listen.”
The word team riled Leon. In spite of months apart, this group of people still considered themselves a team. They seemed to think that they were all somehow exempt from the normal chain of command. As if they were a better judge of what was required than the director of their agency. Not everything was about them. Some things were about individual needs.
“And if I decide to send you back to the Seahawk, I’m supposed to believe that you’ll go without an argument?”
“Yes, I will. Although you will get a request for a transfer first thing every Monday morning. As well as a personal email in support of the request.”
Tony’s eyes fixed on Vance’s and the sincerity was obvious. The need to speak, to give voice to the thoughts that seemed to be weighing on the younger agent’s shoulders was also clear. So starkly obvious that Vance couldn’t find it in himself to stop the younger man’s monologue.
“I know you don’t like me, Director. I’m not entirely sure why, though I’m pretty sure I can guess. At least one reason is that you blame me for Director Sheppard’s death.”
Tony paused and drew a breath. He hesitated and his eyes flickered over Vance’s face, did a quick circuit of the room and then focused on Leon’s desk. Bare and uncluttered. Dinozzo sighed gently, and Leon got the impression that Dinozzo had made a decision to simply speak his mind and see what happened. Vance folded his arms across his chest, and the rustle of cloth drew Dinozzo’s gaze back to meet Vance’s eyes.
“And in a way, it’s true. I am to blame; at least, partly. I followed her orders when I knew something was wrong. I didn’t push because … it was a bad year. The job with Jeanne " the undercover job, realising that the Director had used me for a personal vendetta.”
Tony’s voice hitched for a second, but a second deep breath restored his control. Vance admired the restraint and self-control. Jenny had used Dinozzo with no compunction, shattered his soul and confidence for her own ends. And yet, Dinozzo still felt guilt over her death, not anger at her behaviour.
“She needed me with her. I knew it, even though I couldn’t have told you why. But I was angry, and tired, and afraid of losing any more of myself, so I obeyed her orders. Even when I knew I should have argued against them. It’s not a mistake I’ll make again.”
Vance was fascinated at the level of insight the younger man displayed, and the lack of ego. There was definitely more to Dinozzo than met the eye, and he began to get an inkling of why the rest of the team had been nagging so incessantly about bringing Tony back to Washington. The faults on both sides of Jenny’s death were clear, and Dinozzo was willing to be accountable for his share. Vance liked people who truly understood responsibility. Anyone in his position would want more people like that in their organisation. But why make it easy? How badly did Dinozzo want this?
“Is there a point to this, Agent Dinozzo?” Dinozzo’s eyes turned cold, and his back stiffened ever so slightly. He dropped his hands to his side, and shifted slightly where he stood.
“Yes. There is.” And then Dinozzo’s eyes softened and a trace of humour appeared. “Perspective is a wonderful thing. I’ve come to the conclusion that orders are there to be obeyed, but only if the need allows it.”
Vance was pleased. His plan had produced better results than he could have hoped for. He gestured with one hand, an admonition to Dinozzo to continue.
“I’m not needed on the Seahawk. Any NCIS agent with the right training and experience can do that job as well as I can. Maybe even better. I am needed here. This team needs me, and I … I need them. I fit here, in a way I don’t anywhere else. And we do our best work together. Maybe not as completely by-the-book as you would like,” Vance finally smiled at that, “but we’re effective. And successful. Splitting this team up isn’t the best use of resources. It’s not logical. And perspective’s taught me one other thing, Director. You’re nothing if not logical.”
Vance considered what he’d heard. Rebuilding a shattered soul was a process that couldn’t be hurried. Not if you hoped for any sort of successful outcome. Dinozzo’s soul had been well and truly shattered over the last year, mostly as a result of Jenny’s actions and decisions. The rest of the damage was the result of Dinozzo’s unflinching loyalty to Gibbs. If the younger man had thought that Gibbs or the team needed him, he’d have ignored his own pain to support them.
Sometimes you had to put your own needs first. Vance had experience with being in situations like that, and he’d made the decision to give Dinozzo what the younger man needed. Time alone, away from his usual distractions, was the only cure Vance could imagine having any chance. Just because his decisions were logical didn’t make him callous. Clichés were clichés for one reason: they were so often proved true. Sometimes you had to hurt in order to heal.
He brought his thoughts back to the man standing in front of him. As their eyes met, Vance allowed himself a small nod. Dinozzo had done well, and figured out that not everything related to Jenny’s death was his fault. There was blame aplenty to go around. Vance knew that he and Gibbs would also carry their share of it. They’d not realised the depth of Jenny’s obsession and the consequences it might have.
“I’ll be watching you, Dinozzo. Bear that in mind.” Watching hope dawn in those expressive eyes was a wonderful feeling. Leon let himself savour it, and watched the emotion light Tony’s face when he spoke again. “Don’t make me regret this. I’m reassigning you to this office and Gibbs’ team. Effective immediately.”
Dinozzo opened his mouth to speak, but Vance silenced him with a look. “Don’t say anything. Now go, and do … whatever it is you need to do.” Tony turned and walked the few steps to the door. He laid his hand on the door handle and paused. The faint squeak of the latch sounded loud in the silence, and then Tony spoke, more to the door than to Vance. He was sombre, more serious than Leon had though he could be. “I thought you were punishing me. For a while, I even thought it was what I deserved.”
Tony turned then, and Vance could see the determination that had brought Dinozzo through the plague. “It took me a while to understand why you did it, Director, and I just wanted to say …”
Vance raised a warning finger and shook it to silence Dinozzo, then pointed to the door. He held Tony’s gaze another second, until the younger man broke his immobility with a small, grateful smile and a gentle nod. But the irrepressible nature surfaced again as Tony headed out the door. “If I had to guess your other reason for not liking me, I’d have to go with my winning personality!”
After Dinozzo had closed the door, Vance let himself laugh out loud. He didn’t know how Gibbs handled that personality full time. Dinozzo could be annoying, but he was certainly entertaining as well. The agent would be more of an asset in Washington than on a carrier, that much was true, so his decision was still logical. A good use of available talent and skills. You couldn’t let the troops think that your decisions could be swayed by emotion, even though it was partly true in this case.
Vance followed Tony out of his office and went to stand at the railing on the walkway outside MTAC. The cold metal under his hand was a reminder of the distance that would always have to stand between him and the people below him. Leon watched Tony join McGee and David. There was an energy in Gibbs’ team that had been missing before Tony’s return. It looked like a good thing. Smiles were always a welcome sight; life had enough misery in store for everyone. He could vouch for that. So could Tony.
He reminded himself that Tony’s name was Dinozzo. Maintain the distance, Leon, even in your thoughts. He heard Gibbs come up next to him, and braced himself for another dig about reassigning Dinozzo. And he smiled when it came.
“The team needs him, Leon.”
“I’ve already made my decision, Gibbs.”
Gibbs’ frustration was clear as he turned away and headed for the stairs. Leon could have made Gibbs’ life easier by informing the ex-Marine of his decision, but he did enjoy messing with Gibbs’ head. He’d seen enough in his conversation with the younger man to believe that Tony " Dinozzo " had recovered from the worst effects of Jenny’s death. What the younger man needed now was the stability that Gibbs and this team could offer him. But watching Gibbs learn his decision from Dinozzo, instead of from himself, allowed Vance to find some humour in a situation sorely lacking in levity.
Vance knew that Gibbs prided himself on having the best team in the agency, able to solve any case with the smallest of clues. Vance would have liked them to understand why he’d made the decisions he had; why Dinozzo had needed to leave Washington. When they got together and compared notes, which Vance was sure they’d do in the near future, perhaps they needed a clue to get them started. He knew Gibbs wouldn’t believe him now, but time could change many things. Dinozzo had learnt that firsthand. Maybe one day the rest of the team would even like him a little. He gave Gibbs one clue.
“And in answer to your question, it was never a punishment.”
Justification by BHP
Story Notes:
We’ve just seen ‘Agent afloat’ here, and this just begged to be written. All the usual disclaimers apply: the show and characters aren’t mine, never will be, and the only things that belong to me are the words on this page. (Three lines of dialogue are taken directly from the episode.)
This has also been posted on FF.net, so you may already have seen it there.
Author's Chapter Notes:
If Tony's posting to the USS Seahawk wasn't a punishment, what was it?
Chapter End Notes:
We’ve just seen ‘Agent afloat’ here, and this just begged to be written. All the usual disclaimers apply: the show and characters aren’t mine, never will be, and the only things that belong to me are the words on this page. (Three lines of dialogue are taken directly from the episode.)
This has also been posted on FF.net, so you may already have seen it there.
This has also been posted on FF.net, so you may already have seen it there.