You know, when you think about it, everything is going right. I had survived the plague, with some damaged lungs sure, but I had survived. That had shaken me and still did, truth be told, but to be alive is a truly awesome feeling. Kate had been a great source of strength through that trying time. Then Gibbs came and told me I wasn’t allowed to die on him. That was the best thing that the man I was in love with could tell me. Kate was like a sister to me and I loved her. We had our fights but it was more like a brother and sister fighting than lovers. I remember standing there with her blood on me, looking down at her as she laid on the roof with a bullet between her eyes.
Everything was going downhill! Before she had died I had been thinking to myself that I may have to leave NCIS. I was in love with the straightest man in the world. That, coupled with his rules on dating another agent, meant nothing was ever going to happen. I had slowly started to fall in love with him since I meet him and he offered me the job at NCIS. No-one had ever had the faith in me that I could be something good and make my self better like Gibbs did. Ever since my childhood I had decided that I wouldn’t fall in love and want a family. I had watched my family go through hell. My father never loved my mother and my mother loved my father. Yet he had threatened her, that if she left, he would hunt her down and he would also put the rest of her family through hell.
I sat up in my bed, my hands in my hair and my elbows resting on my knees. I wanted to know if I really was that bad of a son, to be treated the way I was. All the physical and verbal abuse I went through. The first relationship I saw, like most people, was my parents and that scared me more then people would think. Then I was sent to military school at twelve and disowned by my own father. My mother had committed suicide to get away from my father when I was ten. My past had made scared and I just hid a lot of my pain with the mask of happiness, being sarcastically funny and playing pranks on everyone. A lot of people thought I was a chauvinistic pig but really I wasn’t. I didn’t sleep with nearly as many women as I made everyone believe. But right now, no-one was here, so I let my tears fall.
Kate was like my mother in some ways. Like the way her heart was. We had a new agent now, her name was Ziva. She wasn’t that bad! She would make a good agent once she got used to the way we did things under Gibbs. I wiped the damn tears away. Damn it, she shouldn’t have had to die. We didn’t need Ziva! Damn it, we needed Kate. I was loosing faith and heart because of so many things. One: I couldn’t have the man I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Two: getting the plague and almost dying - that had scared me. Three: losing Kate, that had almost shattered my faith and heart into pieces.
What no-one knew was that I had started packing my things. I was going to quit. I couldn’t take being in love with someone I could never have. Being at work ever day was starting to hurt. Seeing Ziva sitting at Kate’s desk and wanting so damn much to see her there instead of Ziva. I didn’t hate Ziva, I just hated it that she had to replace Kate, to get the job. I stood up, I was never going to sleep tonight. I started to pack more things, I was almost done. I had put out some applications to CSI and for a detective job. I had got offer to work in homicide in New York City and one in Vegas and either would work well. The funny thing is, I also got a job offer to do CSI in New York. From a guy named Mac Taylor, we had talked over the phone and I liked the guy.
It was best to do this now. I knew that I had got most of my stuff into the moving van and I could hook up my Mustang to the back of it. Tomorrow was Saturday, that was when I was leaving. I moved quietly through the halls and put the last few things in to the moving van. I went to check my lap top and Mac Taylor had answered me back. He told me that I could start in a week, after I had time to move up to New York City. I sat down to write my resignation letter to the boss and I emailed a version to the Director. I also wrote letters for my friends and co-workers. It basically was that I quit.
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“Dear Gibbs,
Hey, Boss, well we have had a long five years together. Thank you for the chance to work with you and thank you for believing that I could be great agent. You have been a good friend and boss. But I am sorry to say its time for me to move on. Even if you don’t accept this letter of resignation, it’s too late. Well, Boss, keep safe and take care of Tim and Ziva " they’re your team now.
I am sorry to leave you. I had told you I would always have your back and I lied. I guess I am weaker then you thought ‘cause here I am, running again, but this time there was a better reason for me running from a job and a city.
Tony.”
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“Dear Tim,
I know I have teased you a lot since we met, but you need to work hard to make a good senior agent. Don’t let Ziva beat you to it. Do your best and know that the boss is only hard on you ‘cause he wants you to become better at your job. Do me a favor and watch over Abby, this is going to break her heart, and she been like a sister to me.
Thanks.
Tony”
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“Dear Ziva,
I am sorry we won’t get to work together more. But do me a favor, Gibbs and Tim are your partners now - watch their backs. Don’t let anything happen to them. They will always have your back. Gibbs doesn’t leave anyone behind, that is something you can be sure of. Be good to Abby she needs a female friend at work and the rewards are beyond belief. Make sure to tease Tim a lot, it keeps him on his toes.
Tony,
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“Dear Abby,
I will miss you so much, my little sister. It’s time for me to move on! When I get a new email address, I’ll send it to you. So we can keep in touch! I expect you to keep me updated if anything happens to the team. Keep Gibbs happy, you are like a daughter to him and he loves you. I won’t make this long ‘cause I suck at long goodbyes, Abby.
Tony,
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“Dear Ducky,
You have been the father to me that any man would be proud to have had. You have been something my own father could never have been. I have asked Tim, but please keep a watch on Abby, she gets so emotional sometimes. Ducky, with Kate dying and the plague, everything is just going wrong. I can’t keep my head straight and, hell, I just can’t stay in that office anymore. There is more then just not seeing Kate in there. Watch out for Gibbs, he needs you too. You have known him longer then all of us and you seem to know what to do to calm him down.
Tony,
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I went the morgue first and left my letter on Ducky’s desk. Then I headed to the lab to leave Abby her letter. Finally, I headed up to the bull pen. I was glad the boss wasn’t staying late doing some kind of paperwork. I put the letters on the desk, leaving my cell on top of Gibbs’ letter. I went to my own desk and I took all my belongings in a box. I went home after that and I put everything in the moving van. I went upstairs to my apartment. I had left a note for the building manager and I left my door open with the key in it, as agreed. I took one last look at the place I had called home for more than five years. Then I headed out the door and started my drive up to New York City.
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