Gibbs’ first impulse was to run.
Pretend like nothing had happened and that he wasn’t scared shitless of what the man in front of him was going to say.
The only thing he wanted to hear right now was Tony’s laughter, whether it was caused by McGee’s fingers glued to his keyboard, a grammatical screw-up from Ziva or an endless rant from Ducky about his childhood, he didn’t care.
He just wanted to be able to look at him and not feel like it could all be over any second.
He forced himself to look dr. Pitt in the eye and swallowed.
Dr. Pitt smiled sadly. “It was touch ‘n go.” Abby couldn’t take the pressure and practically launched herself into McGee’s lap, holding on for dear life, trying to prepare in any possible way for the news they were about to hear. Tim stroked her arm absentmindedly and fought the urge to bite his fingernails.
“They were able to get the bullet out without damaging him any further. Fortunately, it hadn’t nicked any vital organs. However, Tony was in hypothermic shock when he was brought in and he had already lost a lot of blood before we could get him into the O.R. That’s when they called me.”
He glanced at Gibbs.
“Because of his past troubles with his lungs, he was already weakened and any strain on his lungs could be life threatening. He’s not out of the woods yet. Right now, all we can do is try to keep his vitals steady and hope he doesn’t develop pneumonia.”
He looked at the agents. They were all trying to get a grip on the situation.
“Can we see him?” Abby whispered.
“I’m afraid that’s far to dangerous right now. Right now, we can only allow the nurses to enter the room. The smallest bacteria could be fatal in this early stage. I can, however, take you to the ICU so you can see him from behind the glass.”
And with that, he smiled once more and turned around for the others to follow him.
“Gibbs?” He was jerked out of his thoughts and looked up to find Ziva standing in front of him with a worried look on her face. “Gibbs?” she asked again. “Are you coming?”
“Eh, no. You go without me. I have a lot of paperwork waiting for me.”, he forced a smile and stalked out, suddenly in desperate need of fresh air. “Gibbs!”
He didn’t hear Ziva calling after him.
He practically ran out of the hospital, pushing against the doors with such force that they almost flew out of their hinges. He stumbled to his car and finally breathed out again. He was waiting to get a grip on everything when he was snapped back to reality by the door on the passenger side opening.
Ziva got in, closed the door and looked at Gibbs patiently.
“What?!” he barked.
She wasn’t impressed. “Angry Gibbs may work with Tony but you can’t make me go away with a head slap”, she smiled weakly.
He glared at her. “Get out of my car, I have paperwork to do”, he repeated.
She smiled again. “Let’s get going then, the sooner I can nail those bastards and torture them with a paperclip, the better.”
And with that said, the topic seemed to be closed. She fastened her seatbelt, gripped the handle on the door in order to survive the ride and looked out the window.
McGee would probably be too scared to talk about Tony but Abby would definitely chase him and make him talk about it. Ziva on the other hand, wasn’t as stupid as to expect a hug. She knew Tony was incredibly important to Gibbs. Maybe even more than she’d suspected before today.
It didn’t matter. Because she wasn’t a talker and neither was he. And that was fine. They’d keep their focus on the job and catch those sons of bitches while the others could stay behind and press kisses against the glass of Tony’s room. She loved her partner too much to think about what would happen if he died.
Two days pass without the team getting any closer to finding a decent clue.
They are more focused than ever but at the same time, a critical link is missing.
They’re wounded and struggling to keep the team going and they know it.
Gibbs sometimes catches McGee as he glances to his left, where he’d usually find Tony at his desk. He feels sorry for Tim and Ziva. It becomes painfully clear that Tony is what keeps them going.
Gibbs will just sit at his desk and think. About everything that once made sense and doesn’t anymore.
He realizes that he feels broken without his Senior Agent and he hates every second of it.
He’s so lost in thought that when he finally looks up " after what seems like hours " it’s dark outside and Ziva and McGee are staring blankly at their computer screens.
Just for a moment, it makes him feel better. They’re in this together.
He tells them to go home and get some sleep so they’ll make some progress tomorrow for a change. For once, the other two don’t run out on him immediately but linger there for a few more minutes before packing their stuff.
“You have to get some sleep as well, Gibbs.”, Ziva says softly before she walks towards the elevator.
When he’s finally on his way home, Gibbs doesn’t drive as fast as he normally would. What’s the point " he knows he’ll just fall asleep under the boat, drunk on bourbon to numb his heartache.
As he tries to fight the tears that are inevitably coming, he pulls over at the side of the road.
He’s raging inside. He’s a Marine, for fuck’s sake, he shouldn’t be vulnerable. Ever. But it’s pointless and he knows it, his heart has been Tony’s for years now. Even if the younger agent doesn’t know it. Gibbs would never let him know, he couldn’t bear to see the look on Tony’s face. His hard-as-nails-team-leader in love with the womanizer of the team; he’d run out on Gibbs at the speed of light.
When Gibbs realizes he’s about to drown in self-pity, it makes him even angrier. And then he knows that he won’t be going home for a while. He’d just end up breaking his boat.
He makes a U-turn and slams his foot on the gas pedal.
When he arrives at the hospital and goes straight to the ICU, the nurses at the nurse station look at each other knowingly. Leroy Jethro Gibbs is famous for his ‘fantastic’ attitude.
The older nurse of the two, Brenda, knows it’s pointless to try and stop him so she simply hands him a mouth mask and points at Tony’s room. “He’s not awake yet. Be careful”, she adds.
Gibbs can feel his heart pounding against his ribcage as he silently enters Tony’s room. He slumps down in the chair standing next to his Agent’s bed and looks at him for a while. Tony looks pale but peaceful, like he’s sleeping.
He knows it doesn’t make any sense but he has to get it off his chest, so Gibbs bows over Tony. “Listen to me, DiNozzo. When you had the plague, I told you you couldn’t die. Well, you still can’t die, goddamned!” he sighs and pulls Tony’s hand between his.
“They need you” he whispers.
When he feels the familiar stinging behind his eyes, he realizes he’s tired of fighting tonight. It feels like suddenly, the past few days are catching up with him and he lets himself fall back in the chair.
“I need you.” His voice cracks and after a while he falls asleep with his hand still holding Tony’s.
He doesn’t wake up when the nurse comes to check on Tony again, and neither does he when Tony stirs and wakes up.
Chapter End Notes:
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