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Chapter 11
The Hemi engine of his 1971 Dodge Challenger rumbled a low growl as he turned the final corner and pulled it slowly into his driveway, noticing his dad had remembered to turn on the front porch light for him again. He shut off the engine and grabbed the take out bag off the passenger seat before exiting the car, making his way up the path, trudging up the steps, nodding at the armed agent on guard he passed as he did so, and stuck his key in the front lock.

“That you, Leroy?” called out Jack’s voice from the dining room as he entered the house.

“Yeah, Dad. It’s me. Sorry I’m so late.” He rounded through the living room to the dining room to see his father folding laundry on the small table. “Dad, what are you doing? I told you I can take care of myself. You don’t need to do that. I have a system. I’ll take care of my own laundry.” He dropped the bag on the table and moved the basket of clothes to the outdated couch off to the side.

Jack looked frustrated and partly defeated, slumping down into the chair beside him. “Son, I can’t just sit around here doing nothing all the time. I’m used to staying busy. You gotta let me help you around here if you want me to stay. I know it’s been a long time since you had to share your living space with somebody else, but even though this is temporary, you’ve got to give a little, Leroy.” Eyeing the bag on the table, he continued. “And you know, if you let me do some more of the grocery shopping and maybe called to let me know when you’re gonna be home, I could cook something better than take out for dinner. Do you realize how often we’ve been eating take out when that girl of yours is out of town on a case, son? I know you like it when she cooks and we go over there, but that doesn’t mean your kitchen can’t get used too.”

Gibbs stared at the bag on the table, as if it were the guilty party in this situation, and tried to calm the anger he felt rising in the pit of his stomach. “Dad, I’ve had a really hard day and don’t feel like having this discussion right now. Can we just eat already? I’m starving. I’ve been living off coffee all day. Double homicide this morning, makes for a very long day.”

Jack kept quiet as his son unpacked the hot food from the bag and began placing the containers around the table. It was Chinese food again. He’d just sit there and keep his mouth shut about how tired of eating damn Chinese food he was. He really wished Em was back in town so they could have dinner at her house again.

She’d been gone for nearly a full week on this case somewhere outside of Dallas, and Jack was starting to miss her almost as much it seemed as his son did. He didn’t dare ask if Leroy had heard any word from her. He knew better than to bring up the subject with him already in such a foul mood.

They sat in stony silence eating their food, Jack assuming his son was preoccupied with the case he was currently working on, not knowing his thoughts were also on his absent girlfriend.

She’ll call when she has time. You know she will. Or she’ll send a text to see if you’re busy and can talk. You can’t just go calling her up while she’s in the middle of a case. You’d be furious if someone did that to you. Well, maybe not if Em did. You know you’d take her call almost anytime, anywhere, but she is trying to wrap this up and get home as quickly as possible. You know she misses you. She’s told you every time she’s spoken to you on the phone. She loves you and misses you. Can she even imagine how much those feelings are returned? Do you tell her enough just what she means to you? What if something happened, and she never came back? Would she really have ever known?

He tried to shake the thought from his head, but it was difficult. They had dangerous jobs, faced dangerous criminals, put their lives in harm’s way to protect and serve the interests of the nation. Sometimes it was hard to picture her fighting and firing a weapon, protecting herself from the bad guys.

He’d seen it before, at least the theory of it. They had gone to her gym and sparred for fun a couple of times, and she’d whooped his ass to his surprise. All her years of martial arts were more than a fair match for his hand-to-hand skills learned in the Corps and at NCIS.

They had also gone to the firing range for target practice a few times, and she’d had no trouble landing all her shots either straight to the head or directly in the chest, depending on where she chose to aim. Nothing veered from her intended target. She was right on her mark.

There was no doubting her ability to take care of herself from a defensive standpoint, but Gibbs had been taken by surprise himself more than a few times. He’d been put in situations there were no ways out of and had survived out of sheer dumb luck. His fear was Em being backed into that type of situation, something where she felt she had no choice but to sacrifice herself for the sake of her team. She would lay down her own life for her team, just as Gibbs knew he would for his own.

The thought was unbearable.

Suddenly not feeling so hungry, he cleared his take out containers to the kitchen to throw them out and wash his hands. Leaning against the edge of the sink, he hung his head down, fighting back the wave of emotion that threatened him. He took in a deep breath, counted to ten, and let it out slowly. Feeling back in control, he returned to the dining room.

“I’m going upstairs to change,” he said as he walked on through the room, through the living room, and made a left to the staircase leading to the bedrooms. He was too tired to take them two at a time as he often did, instead, he trudged up them slowly, feeling weighted down by thoughts, emotions and a stressful day.

In what seemed like an eternity, he finally reached his bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed and began the process of undressing. First came his boots, then socks, he shrugged out of his sport coat, pulled off his polo shirt, removed his undershirt. He sat there in a state of half undress for a few minutes, as if unsure how to complete the task, but really just so tired he felt that if he laid back he could fall asleep in minutes.

Instead, he stood up, removed his phone from his belt and laid it on his nightstand, taking his side arm and badge and opening the lockbox he had moved to the dresser, placed them securely inside, along with his credentials he had removed from his jacket chest pocket. Unbuckling his belt and slipping it out of the pant loops, he rolled it up and placed it on the dresser for the next morning before removing his wallet from his pants, setting it on the dresser, and slipping out of them too.

He began the task of gathering the clothes that were now lying all over the bed, collecting them and placing them in their appropriate places, some in the hamper for laundry he did, some in the basket of things to go to the dry cleaner. His reflection in the mirror caught his attention as he passed by to get a t-shirt and pair of jean shorts for the remainder of his waking hours.

Being with Em for the past nearly six weeks had been good for him. Dating a younger woman had him spending a bit more time than usual each day in the NCIS gym, taking extra care to increase both his cardiovascular and weight lifting exercises. She was extra motivation to be fit and in perfect health. The efforts were beginning to be noticeable in the mirror as he stood there in nothing but his boxer briefs, and he couldn’t help but wonder if she had seen the difference and appreciated it.

The sudden chirping ring of his cell phone brought him out of his thoughts. He went to the bedside, picked up the phone, took a seat on the edge of the bed, and flipped it open.

“Hey there. I was just thinking about you,” he said in a low sexy growl into the phone.

Her musical laughter came across the line. “I take it you were thinking about me in the bedroom from that tone of voice.”

She sounded tired, despite her attempt at being playful with him, and he immediately felt guilty for expecting her to be anything other than exhausted. She was away from home, the case she was working was particularly frustrating, and of most importance to national security. She carried a lot of weight on her shoulders with this one.

He relaxed his voice. “I am actually in the bedroom. I just got home a bit ago, ate Chinese again with Dad, and came up to change. Not sure what I’m gonna do after this. Probably finish the laundry he decided needed to be started while I was at work.”

“Speaking of work, how was your day, Jethro?”

“Ugh, do you really want to know? It can’t compare to what you’re going through right now, but it was a rough day for me. Double homicide. Naval Petty Officer and his wife found shot in their home on base in Norfolk. I hate driving all the way to Norfolk, makes for a very long day. Not, of course, like flying all the way to Dallas though.” He felt he was stumbling around digging himself a hole.

“Jethro, take a deep breath. You can tell me about your day without worrying how it compares to mine. Our jobs are similar in some ways and very different in others, I completely understand that. Do you have any leads on your murderer yet? Strong evidence to support any theories?” she asked simply, as if every dating couple discussed homicides, murderers, and evidence in their phone conversations.

Not feeling quite as much in that hole, he answered her. “Well, we’ve got two pretty good suspects, although I’m not sure which one I like more for it yet. That I’ve gotta wait on Abby for. The wife had a jealous ex-husband who desperately wanted to get back together with her after her parents recently died under tragic circumstances and left her a sizable insurance policy, but a close friend of hers said she wanted nothing to do with him, and he was getting angry. On top of that, the husband’s drug abusing brother recently had moved in with them, would have known about the money, and could have used it to feed his addiction. Either one of them had motive.”

“Yeah, but it sounds like the brother would have had more opportunity.”

“Well, that’s where it gets a little strange. The current husband didn’t know she had been married before until the inheritance came about, and had unknowingly allowed her to hire her ex as a contractor to remodel their kitchen just weeks before that, so he had plenty of access to the house and opportunity as well. Like I said, waiting on Abby’s results on processing the evidence. How’s your case going? Or can you still not tell me anything?”

He knew the Sec Def had put a gag order on her and her team regarding the case due to the national security issue. Em had pleaded that Gibbs had security clearances due to his job at NCIS, but the Sec Def said they weren’t high enough for this case. She was disappointed.

Talking to him about what was going on in her life, bouncing thoughts and theories regarding cases off of him, and generally venting frustrations had become natural and comforting to her. He knew she was utterly frustrated at the situation, only made worse by how long she had been away from home, in particular, away from him. He felt it too.

“I still can’t give you details, but I think I can be vague enough to give you some good news. We got a break in the case today thanks to my amazing data analyst, Lily. Her information led us to a suspect I spent three hours in interrogation with this afternoon. After I rattled him up, I left Danny to take over. The guy finally requested a plea bargain in order to give up the rest of his cell. I don’t like that, but it’s in the hands of the AG now. I have no idea what he’ll do. I thought we didn’t negotiate with terrorists, but it seems we do when it suits our needs. Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know.” He could hear the frustration in her voice. “The good news is, this puts us close to coming home. If the plea deal goes through, he gives up the cell, we make the remaining arrests tomorrow, and I’m on the jet with the guys headed home in the evening. We’ll be leaving the Dallas FBI Counterterrorism Unit to close up the remaining loose ends with the case. All the hard part will be over.” She sounded so relieved, and Gibbs felt decidedly so himself at the thought of possibly seeing her tomorrow night.

“So will I see you tomorrow night if you make it in?” He didn’t really want to beg, at least part of him didn’t. The rest of him wanted to grovel and plead, as childish as it sounded. He missed her, all of her, her voice in person rather than over a cell phone, the scent of her, the feel of her in his arms, the warmth of her against his body, her smile, her eyes. He missed seeing her.

He could almost hear her smile through the phone as her voice came through. “Of course you will. I miss you, Jethro. I haven’t seen you all week. I’m not usually gone more than a few days. It’s cases like this that make me wonder why I love my job so much. Makes me wonder that ten times so now that I’ve got you. Listen though, I really need to get off of here. Danny, Brandon, Joe and I need to review the interrogation notes, make sure we didn’t miss anything before we face this guy in the morning. I’ve gotta get a shower after that and get some sleep. I want an early start to the morning in hopes of hearing from the AG first thing.”

Gibbs felt disappointed to have to let her go, but he knew she was right and he had left his dad sitting alone downstairs after being alone all day already. “Yeah, you probably should go.” He paused for a moment before adding. “Hey Em, I really miss you and I love you. Can’t wait till you’re home.”

“You know I miss you, Jethro, and I love you so much. I can’t wait to see you.” She sounded emotional, as if on the verge of tears. “I really should go now. I’ll call you tomorrow when I know what’s going on. Good night.”

“Good night.”

He flipped his phone closed and set it back on the nightstand, feeling sad to have to end the conversation, but better having had the chance to talk to her. It only took him a minute to pull himself together, throw on his clothes, and make his way back downstairs.

Jack was in the kitchen, the dining table cleared of all the take out boxes. He was getting the nightly glass of milk he always drank and had his back toward the entry to the room. “Took you long enough. I was beginning to think either you were avoiding me or you fell back on your bed, closed your eyes, and dozed off without meaning too.” He turned around to face his son.

“No, neither of those, Dad. I have no reason to be avoiding you, and I wouldn’t just go falling asleep like that. You’ve been home alone all day. Don’t you think I’d at least spend a little time with you?” He didn’t really wait for a response, half-afraid what his father would actually say to that. “Em called. I was just sitting on my bed talking to her. Seems she got a break in her case and may get to head home tomorrow night, if all goes well.”

There was no effort to hide the sense of relief Jack experienced at the thought of Em returning home. “That’s great, Leroy. Maybe we can finally get some home cooked food again. I’ve sure missed that girl.”

Gibbs cracked a smile and laughed a bit. “Dad, is that the only reason you like my girlfriend? Because she cooks for you?”

“Son, that girlfriend of yours doesn’t just cook. She cooks from scratch. Any woman who makes her own pasta dough, runs it through the press herself, and hangs it to dry so she can cook it fresh is a keeper in my book. And those yeast rolls she makes that melt in your mouth, and the baskets of giant muffins she bakes for us for breakfasts when she knows she can’t be here, they’re all great.” Jack had been grinning, teasing his son about the reasons behind his fondness for Em, but the grin was replaced soon by a somber expression and his tone turned serious. “To be honest, I like her because she makes you happy. You smile with your whole face when you’re around her.” He paused, hesitant to say the words on his mind. “Leroy, I see the way you look at Em. I haven’t seen that look in your eyes since Shannon was alive.”

He hadn’t told his dad how he felt about Em, hadn’t mentioned that those same thoughts had run through his own head, hadn’t even confessed to his father that he told Em he loved her.

Gibbs had never been good at talking to his dad about feelings, never been good at talking to him about much of anything. The deepest conversation they’d had was last Christmas when his father came to visit after an incident back home in Stillwater. A young man had come into Jack’s store to rob him and his father shot and killed him in order to protect two young girls who were in his store at the time.

Turning his attention around to the basket of laundry sitting behind him and beginning to fold socks, pulling out some shirts that needed to be ironed, he felt his father’s eyes piercing into his back.

“Leroy, are you gonna stand there pretending I didn’t say a damn thing or you gonna say something?” his father asked quietly, knowing the conversation was, at best, painful for his son.

He kept at his task with the laundry. “What do you want me to say, Dad? I’m not blind to how I feel. I just don’t talk about it.”

“I’m not gonna think any less of you as a man if you do, son. I know you’ve been in pain since losing Shannon. I just don’t want to see you miss out with Em on what you could have. You could make a new life with her. I know it wouldn’t be the same, but it’d be a better life than sitting alone in your basement drinking bourbon.”

There was nothing left in the laundry basket, nothing left to pretend to be busy doing. It would have been overkill to start ironing his shirts, and he knew that. He choked down a knot in his throat that threatened to suffocate him, his voice coming out thick, heavy with unseen emotion as he kept his back turned away from his father.

“I know,” was all he could get out at first. He took in a deep ragged breath and swallowed hard. “I knew how she made me feel that first day, Dad. I knew I couldn’t let her slip out of my hands. What do you think I’ve been trying to do for the past six weeks?”

A bit shocked at this confession from his usually stoic son, Jack took a moment to respond. “I don’t know. I know you’ve been married three times since Shannon’s death and dated other women as well. How am I supposed to know that you’re not just gonna let Em become another mistake along your way? Does she know she reminds you of Shannon? That you feel the same about her?”

Gibbs felt anger rise up from the pit of his stomach. Clenching his fists, he turned on Jack, his voice raised, furious. “She does not remind me of Shannon. She couldn’t possibly. Shannon was a small town girl, lived in the country all her life before she married me, never went to college. She was satisfied to be a housewife and take care of Kelly. I loved her for all of that. Don’t think that I thought any less of her for any of it, but Shannon and Em have nothing in common other than red hair and me.” He took a breath, trying to calm himself. “Em is so different, not at all the type of woman I thought I’d fall for, opposite of Shannon in every way. She grew up just outside Boston in a million dollar house with a butler and a chauffeur to drive her to her expensive private prep school every day. She never had a single want in all her life. She’s a Harvard graduate with an amazing career.” He paused for a moment. “Shannon had never even held a gun in her hands or hurt anyone in her life. Em can fire a weapon just as well as I can and kill a full-grown man with her bare hands. Em couldn’t be further from reminding me from Shannon.”

Finally having calmed down, finished with the tirade he just let loose, he turned and walked slowly into the living room, taking a seat on one end of the couch, knowing his father would follow to finish the conversation and probably chastise him for yelling like he did.

Instead, Jack sat in the armchair and calmly asked, “Does Em know she makes you feel the way Shannon did?”

“Dad, I’d never say that to her. Do you really believe she wants to think that she’s just a reminder of what I had with my dead wife? It’s not like that anyway. It’s different.” He sought the right words to explain. “I mean, with both of them I knew I wanted to be with them almost as soon as I first saw them, but it’s not the same. I’m older. I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I was when I met Shannon. The way I feel isn’t the same.” The way to say how it was different escaped him. “I can’t explain it, Dad. I guess in some ways it’s just more…more overwhelming because I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way again.”

“Well, have you told her how you do feel, son? You can’t expect her to guess. Women need to hear these things, Leroy.”

Gibbs finally looked at his dad, straight in the eye and told him the truth, straightforward and honest. “Yeah, Dad. About two weeks ago. I told her it means everything to me to be with her.” He paused for just a second, his voice growing softer. “I told her that I love her.”

Jack gave a big warm approving smile to his son, who smiled back, feeling relieved to have said it aloud to someone other than Em. It felt good to share it, better than he had expected it to.

“So what did she say? Was she surprised?”

“No, at least she didn’t seem to be.” He grinned as he remembered back to that night in the restaurant with the tiny twinkling lights pretending to be the stars in the sky. “She said she loved me too.”
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