As soon as the word ‘suggestions’ left Gibbs’ mouth, everyone in the basement, except Gibbs, of course, began speaking at once, each anxious for his or her own suggestion to be heard over the others. Strangely enough, he was able to decipher what each team member was saying; his ability to do so both a gift and a curse, as the suggestions he was hearing right now were, to say the least, quite outrageous.
Gibbs didn’t know why he was even asking for their suggestions. He knew how he wanted the upcoming op to go; he already had a plan in mind. He supposed he asked because he wanted to maintain the illusion that their little group was actually a democracy and he took all of their ideas seriously, when in reality it was more like a fiefdom, with Gibbs as the undisputed leader (with Tony filling dual roles of both courtesan and court jester). Also, he never knew when he might need to call upon them for help again.
Unfortunately, a lot of the ops he needed done could not be accomplished by just one person. The last time he’d acted alone had been to get rid of the arms dealer, Rene Benoit, and his reasoning for killing that man was only 50% because of Benoit’s involvement with Tony; Gibbs would swear that on a stack of bibles. Benoit’s daughter, Jeanne, had gotten a free pass at that time because Tony had sworn up and down that she’d saved his life the night before his car had been blown up.
Actually, her days were probably numbered almost as short as Vance’s, because she’d falsely accused Tony of killing her father; Gibbs just hadn’t gotten around to taking care of her yet.
And if the FBI agents, Fornell and Sacks, tried to put Tony away for murder even one more time, they were also going to be added to the long list of ‘ops’ that his team carried out.
Maybe one day, Gibbs would examine his obsession with Tony, and his ass, more closely, but today was definitely not that day.
When the noise level in the basement reached deafening proportions, with each team member speaking louder and louder in order to be heard over the others, Gibbs pulled his gun from his holster and fired it into the ceiling to get their attention. It worked admirably. Immediately, everyone quit speaking and turned their attention to their boss. Gibbs shook his head ruefully; he had to quit firing his gun in the house. The neighbors were going to start asking questions, and then…
The team leader forced himself from that line of thought. It was definitely a bad idea to start adding his neighbors to the list; although if Johnson from the down the street borrowed his snow blower one more time without asking…
‘Enough of that!’ Gibbs said to himself. It was time to get on with the meeting. Right now, nothing was more important that stopping Vance from getting rid of Tony, and his ass.
Everyone was looking at Gibbs expectantly. He guessed that wasn’t too strange, since he’d just fired his gun into the ceiling. He began the laborious task of shooting down each of their suggestions in turn, which was not as easy as it sounded, because he had to do it without upsetting any of them too badly, especially Tony.
Gibbs looked at the youngest member of his team and said, “Palmer, while locking Vance in one of the body drawers in autopsy until he suffocates is a fine suggestion, I think all the kicking and screaming he’ll no doubt do before he actually dies might attract too much unwanted attention.”
Palmer seemed to take the rejection of his idea pretty well, all things considered.
The team leader turned his attention to Ducky. “Ducky, dosing him with a paralytic toxin and doing the autopsy while he’s still alive sounds pretty good, but even I’m not that much of a bastard.”
Ducky looked at Gibbs sheepishly and said, “It was all I could come up with on such short notice, Jethro.”
“You’ve got a sadistic streak you’ve been hiding from all of us, don’t you, Ducky,” Gibbs commented dryly. He then turned his attention to McGee and said, “McGee, poisoning the box of toothpicks Vance keep on his desk sounds all right at first, but what if the SecNav is in there for a meeting and happens to borrow one?”
“Sorry, Boss,” McGee said contritely. “I didn’t think of that.”
Gibbs started to say his famous quote, “Never apologize-”
“IT’S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS!” Everyone else in the room finished for him in unison.
Once the basement was quiet again, Gibbs looked at Ziva and said, “Ziva, sniping him from a distance is a decent idea.”
“But… ” Ziva said, knowing her idea was going to be shot down next.
“But Vance is the director of an armed federal agency, so who do you think is gonna be put on the case if he’s shot?” Gibbs asked rhetorically. “I for one don’t want to spend the next year or two investigating his murder. Not to mention the fact that there’s too much of a chance that there will be witnesses to see him go down.” He looked around the room and addressed the rest of the team, “Anyone disagree?”
The rest of the team members wisely kept their mouths shut.
Next, Gibbs addressed his forensic specialist, “Abby, we all know that you can get rid of someone and leave nothing behind; no trace of a body, no trace that a crime has even been committed, but we actually need a dead body this time, for the same reason that we can’t shoot him. We don’t want to be investigating his disappearance for the foreseeable future.”
“You will let me do it sometime, though, won’t you, Gibbs?” Abby asked eagerly.
Gibbs walked over to her and gently kissed her cheek. “Maybe next time, Abs.”
“I’m really looking forward to it, Gibbs,” Abby said as she bounced excitedly on her feet.
Gibbs turned his attention to his lover. He had to come up with a way to shoot Tony’s idea down, without risking him going into the famous ‘DiNozzo Sulk’. Gibbs had to avoid that at all costs. His libido certainly wouldn’t thank him if he didn’t succeed. The ramifications didn’t bear thinking about.
The team leader realized that Tony was high maintenance. Sometimes he wondered if his second-in-command was worth it. He moved so he could get a better look at his lover’s ass and as he eyed it appreciatively, Gibbs had to admit to himself that Tony’s ass was definitely worth any amount of trouble, as long as he was able to keep appreciating that fine ass as much as possible.
“Tony, your idea has merit,” Gibbs began diplomatically. “But forcing him to listen to ‘It’s a Small World’ until he’s insane enough to commit suicide would just take too much time.”
“But, Boss-” Tony began, ready to argue that his idea was workable.
Gibbs interrupted, “Do you really want to wait that long until we can, you know…” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at his lover. He didn’t want to go into specifics with the rest of the team in hearing distance. With one team member selling tickets and two others making bets, he didn’t want to give them any ideas; they could come up with enough on their own without his input.
“I guess not, Boss,” Tony said agreeably. He was as obsessed with Gibbs as Gibbs was with him, and it would be unbearable to go without, as Ducky would say, ‘rigorous physical pursuits’, for very long.
Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief as yet another difficult mission he had set for himself had been accomplished; the famous, or infamous, ‘DiNozzo Sulk’ had been successfully averted once again.
Chapter End Notes:
A/N: Still a Crack!Fic. This story is not betaed, all mistakes are mine.
A/N 2: This chapter starts during the meeting in the basement, immediately after Gibbs opens the floor for suggestions.
A/N 2: This chapter starts during the meeting in the basement, immediately after Gibbs opens the floor for suggestions.