Chapter 11 â€" Regrets
Together…
That was the word Callen thought best described Gibbs and Abby as they arrived at the LA office the next morning. There was a subtle shift in their body language as they walked in which was… intriguing.
He'd noticed yesterday how physically aware they were of each other, but that seemed to be even more marked today; their hands almost brushing as they strode in, walking close together, each fully into the other's personal space with no discomfort at all.
They presumably hadn't needed that extra hotel room after all.
Callen moved forward to greet them and was rewarded with a gentle smile from Abby as he kissed her cheek and a nod and handshake from Gibbs.
Abby looked less exhausted than yesterday and while her skin always seemed to be pale, she didn't look as ashen as she had at the hospital. Callen could still see the dark circles under her eyes but figured that was to be expected. It would take more than a few days before she was physically over the effects of her ordeal, never mind the mental ramifications.
"Morning, A. Scuito. How do you feel?"
"Okay. Tired but better than yesterday, G. Callen. I don't feel quite so nauseous anyway."
Abby had eventually drifted off to sleep again wrapped in Gibbs' arms, feeling warm and safe. No more nightmares plagued her for the remainder of the night and she woke for the first time in a bed next to Gibbs, something she could easily get used to.
A hot shower had banished stiff muscles and seemed to ease the lingering pins and needles. She'd risked eating a modest breakfast, conscious that she'd existed on only minimal food for more than 24 hours, although her first coffee for two days didn't sit too well on a recovering system. Chucking back the next dose of nausea pills she hoped would ward off the worst effects of feeling sick, at least to get home.
Abby turned to Gibbs as he clasped her hand briefly and gestured with his head upstairs. Abby nodded and smiled, watching him as he moved away upstairs.
There was a subtle intimacy about this non-verbal communication that reminded Callen of their signing yesterday, when they'd so effortlessly shut out everyone else and seemed to be in a world of their own.
He'd known it yesterday when he'd dropped them off at the hotel that he really stood no chance with Abby, and seeing the look on her face now as her eyes lingered on Gibbs only confirmed it. It wasn't a surprise but it still left him feeling wistful for a missed chance.
"He's off on a coffee run I expect and he wants to see Hetty before we leave," Abby offered by way of explanation as she turned back to him. "It's good to see you again, G."
"When's your flight?" he asked.
"We're booked on the lunchtime plane." She knew Gibbs was as eager as she was to get home, pick up their lives and explore this new found relationship.
Callen drew her further into the office. "You've solved 15 murders, Abby. How's that feel?" He hoped she could remember her professional achievement after all she'd suffered.
"Almost as good as being alive," she replied, a comment which earned her the smile which had first made her stomach flip when she'd been introduced to Callen a scant few days ago. He had the same blue eyes as Gibbs, a grin that could charm anyone and a stocky, strong body.
It may have been good for her ego to have two gorgeous men attracted to her but it played havoc with her conscience.
A deep voice sounded behind her before she could say anything else. "Hey, I lowered him down." Abby turned to see Sam fast approaching.
Glad her other hero was also here, Abby flung her arms around the big guy to give him a brief but bone crushing hug, "And you did it perfectly."
She'd never be able to adequately express her thanks to either Sam or Callen for giving her back her life, and for giving her this chance at happiness with Gibbs, even if that was tinged with a certain amount of melancholy when she looked at Callen… a sense of what might have been. Her timing sucked, as always.
Sam hugged her back and extracted a promise to come say goodbye later before she left. He kissed her cheek and moved away, sensing she and Callen needed privacy. He'd sensed how much the forensic scientist had affected his friend in such a short time and regretted that things hadn't worked out for him.
Abby waited until Sam was out of earshot and drew Callen aside, keeping hold of his hand as she smiled at him, "Thank you G. Callen for saving me."
He looked down at their joined hands. "I'd never have forgiven myself if you were hurt, A. Scuito."
Abby sighed. "It wasn't your fault. I wish everyone would stop blaming themselves."
"I'm just glad you're safe." Callen paused, all too aware he had very little time to say what he wanted and not really sure where to start. "I hope Gibbs is going to look after you."
"I have a feeling I'm going to be spoiled and coddled for days to come."
"Can't help wishing I were in his shoes. " His honesty was touching and made her feel even more guilty. If she could change one single thing about the last few days, other than being kidnapped by a serial killer of course, it would be that she hadn't hurt this good, charming man. He didn't deserve it.
"Oh, G, I'm no sorry." She reached up to stroke her fingers over his cheek.
He shook his head. "Don't be. You're a fascinating, beautiful woman, A, and I'm glad to know you."
"I didn't mean to lead you on, G, you must believe that." She moved closer to loop her arm through his, not sure quite what to say but felt Callen deserved an explanation. "We've been friends for years but up till yesterday, I had no idea Gibbs felt anything more for me than that. I would not have agreed to dinner and possibly more with you if I'd already been involved with Gibbs. I wouldn't do that to either you or him."
Typically Callen was reassuring. "I know, A. I'm glad Gibbs finally came to his senses and realized what's right in front of him. I'm just sorry it took you being in danger to do it."
"We're both at fault for hesitating too long. It's…" Abby paused, "complicated."
He looked into her green eyes, feeling the same punch to the gut as when he'd first seen her. "He's been my friend for a long time and he deserves happiness after all he's been through. So I can't be sorry at the outcome, even if it means I don't have a chance. I'm glad you two are together. He's a lucky man."
"I've already told Gibbs that if it had been another time, another place, I'd have acted on this… " she gestured between them, "whatever it is I can feel between us."
"I know. I feel the same." He couldn't help a wry smile. "Guess I was too late."
"I'm sorry Callen." She moved to face him, putting her hand on his chest, letting him see the regret on her face.
"Don't be. Gibbs is a lucky bastard." Abby was touched beyond words at Callen's generosity and flung her arms around him, burying her head in his neck as he continued. "But if he hurts you, I'll kick his ass."
"I'll look after him, G." She knew how much he cared for Gibbs.
"I know." She felt his arms fold around her, returning her hug. "Am I getting the death glare?" he asked after a moment.
She giggled and looked up to where Gibbs had emerged from Hetty's office and was standing on the balcony above them. She couldn't see his expression that clearly from here but could guess at it. "A little bit."
"I thought so. I could feel the laser burns on the back of my neck." He pulled back to grin at her, arms still looped around her waist. "At least he can't reach me with a head slap from over there," which earned him another throaty, sexy chuckle.
He reached up to brush his fingers across her cheek. "Are you gonna be okay, A? I don't mean with Gibbs coz I know he'll look after you. I mean after…" he trailed off.
She sobered but a determined look came over her face. "I think so, G. I had a nightmare last night," he tightened his arms again at her words, "and I'm sure it's going to be the first of many. But I've got Gibbs now and my friends will look after me. I know NCIS will have all the mandatory psych evals but I'm gonna need Ducky and the team more than some… nameless shrink. There is one thing though…"
Abby hesitated but Callen finished her thought. "You need to know what he did."
They'd only known one another a few days and yet he seemed to be able to read her mind; they were eerily in tune. It reminded her of the first few months of knowing Gibbs as their friendship developed and how they'd soon ended up finishing each other's thoughts. "Yeah, I do. You and I can both guess what happened though I think."
"Yeah, I think I can." He felt his anger rising again at the thought of what the Phantom might have done to her. "I don't know what made me think you hadn't spotted the stains on your shirt… why I thought I could ignore it and you wouldn't notice."
"Oh, G, I've spent half my professional life examining semen stains. I knew what it was as soon as I saw it."
What was it about the men in her life that they felt the need to protect her from everything? It was a very touching… and very frustrating trait.
Callen was rueful. "I know. Your clothes are in forensics now and we should have the results soon, but I guess you don't need the results to tell you, do you?" He was reluctant to remove his arms from around her, wanting to prolong their contact for the short time she was there… despite the fact that a certain silver-haired Marine probably wasn't enjoying the view much at the moment.
"No, I just need to know how they got there… I mean I know how they got there. What I mean is…" she gestured helplessly, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders.
"I know what you mean, A." His mind had already supplied the images.
"I guess what I'm asking is I need to know what he did to me before that semen got there?" She felt his arms tighten on her waist again as she couldn't help the strain showing in her voice.
"I've asked Eric to analyze the video feed from before the time when we tuned in. That should tell us. Although I'm not sure if I really want to see what he did," he admitted.
"I need to know, G." Abby was adamant. "However difficult and horrible it is, I need to know. It's freaking me out not knowing… even if my imagination is already filling in the gaps."
"Okay." Callen nodded. "Gibbs asked the same thing."
"Did he?" Abby glanced up at Gibbs where he was leaning on the railing. "Yeah, of course he did. I want… no, I need to see it too." She sensed Callen's hesitation. "I need to, G."
"Gibbs wants me to send the footage to Ducky if there is any." It was obvious Gibbs hadn't told her this, nor did he know if they'd even discussed the possible footage and there was no way he was getting in the middle of that argument. "I guess he wants to see it too."
"I need to see it. Send me a copy." He recognized a stubborn set to her jaw when he saw it.
"A, I… do you think that's a good idea?" He understood why Gibbs wanted to protect her. She seemed to bring out a ridiculous sense of protectiveness in every male. "I know what you're gonna say but don't you think you ought to speak to Ducky first?"
"Ducky will only want to protect me, and you know Gibbs will too."
"Yeah, I know and I agree with them." He went on before she could argue. "Look, I'll let you know when I've sent the footage to Ducky, the rest is up to him and you."
Sensing that was the only concession she'd get, she nodded, "Okay, that's fair enough," before moving in for another hug, determined that she wasn't going to argue with him any more.
"You buckle that railing, Gibbs, you pay for it," came Hetty's wry voice as she moved past him to go down to Abby and Callen on the lower level. She threw an amused glance at Gibbs as he straightened, giving Hetty a rueful half smile as he released his hand from the railing where he'd unconsciously got it in a death grip.
In the privacy of Hetty's office, he'd taken the opportunity to update Ducky on Abby's condition, relating how she'd put on a performance for the medical staff in order to get discharged.
That earned him a rueful laugh from Ducky, 'That's no surprise, Jethro. She acts just like you do in hospital, except she's more polite and charming about it." Gibbs remembered her feisty confrontation with the doctor with a smile, but decided that was a story that could wait till he saw Ducky in person.
Gibbs had described Abby's nightmare and was grateful the doctor didn't question how he happened to be there to witness this in the middle of the night, although he doubted the implications would have been lost on his friend.
He ended with telling him about the semen stains on Abby's clothes, hearing Ducky's indrawn breath as he absorbed the inference of how they'd got there. He repeated what Abby had said about not feeling that she'd been raped and told him how the footage from the video feed might help resolve what had happened, however painful it might be for all of them to find out.
Abby released her hold on Callen as Hetty approached, with a fond smile on her face, "The post-incident medical evaluation is not optional, Abby. They're waiting for you. Go, go."
Abby sighed, this was the bit she was dreading. She looked up to Gibbs, signing where she was going and he hid his answering grin as he sipped his coffee. Knowing full well what he was thinking, Abby glowered at him and then took off up the stairs.
At the top, she bumped into Eric and came to a halt. He looked sheepish and guilty and she wondered just how hard Callen had been on him.
She raised her hands and signed So, you know sign language?
Eric gave her a shy smile. I better, friend grew up deaf, knew it since I was 7.
He looked so forlorn that she couldn't resist reaching over to give him a hug, Lucky for us.
Eric knew she was just being kind… Gibbs had translated her signing more easily than he had. All he'd done was put her in harm's way. He switched to speech, not sure how to say how sorry he was. "Abby…"
"It's okay, Eric. It wasn't your fault and I'm sorry if Callen gave you a hard time. I was the one who decided to go outside and I wouldn't have listened to you even if you'd tried to come with me. The Phantom would have taken me… whatever we'd done."
He wouldn't be placated. "I'm still sorry you were hurt, Abby. If I could have spared you that…"
"I know, Eric. But it's over now and I shan't forget what you did." She pecked him quickly on the cheek and continued upstairs, conscious of his wistful gaze on her as she moved away.
As Eric drew his eyes away from Abby's swaying hips, his skin prickled as he felt other eyes on him. Swallowing hard as he met the unwavering stare of Special Agent Gibbs, he decided he'd better get this over with… and only hoped that the Marine wouldn't be able to off him in full view of the rest of the team.
"I, er… I know how you feel about apologies, Agent Gibbs, but I gotta get this out. It was my fault she was taken and I'm not likely to forget it. I'm sorry."
The hard blue gaze held his for what seemed like forever, and he understood exactly why this man had his formidable reputation as an interrogator. He was surprised therefore when Gibbs broke eye contact first and turned to look over the balcony again, sipping at his coffee.
"Abby doesn't blame you, and she's safe." He shrugged. "That's all that matters."
Unsure what to say at what he figured was a major concession from Gibbs, Eric kept silent. He eventually heard Gibbs say quietly, "Thanks for not translating everything Abby signed."
For a moment Eric was puzzled and then he remembered the last sign he'd seen, although it had taken him a moment to process it, given that he was distracted by the fact that the Phantom was holding an axe to Abby's neck.
As Eric thought back now to the last sign he'd seen, coupled with her cry of "Gibbs", it came to him in a flash… oh.
He glanced over at Gibbs beside him but wisely chose to confine his reply to a brief nod.
Why had he ever thought he had a chance with Abby?
He must have been deluding himself. Not only did he have Callen as a rival but looking at the tall Marine next to him, he realized just how hopeless was his infatuation with Abby. He felt like a kid playing with the grown ups.
She wouldn't have looked once at him never mind twice with such competition.
Eric saw Callen approaching and left the two men to talk.
After several minutes of silence, Gibbs was uncharacteristically the one to break it. "Something you want to tell me, Callen." He wondered what had gone on in the conversation he'd just seen between Abby and his friend, not liking how physically at ease they were with one another.
After a pause, Callen sighed, "Apart from the fact that you're a very lucky bastard, Gibbs, nope."
He turned to face Callen. "Yeah, I know I am. Don't have to remind me."
"Look after her, Gibbs."
"I intend to." He recognized the regret on his friend's face, and could sympathize. The feeling of thinking he'd not be able to have Abby was one he'd lived with for years. "You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, can't help regretting my timing though. If you weren't a friend, Gibbs, you'd have competition."
"So I gathered." Gibbs knew that was no idle threat either. Callen could charm most women when he set his mind to it. He knew he might not like the answer but had to ask the question. "Something happen between you two?"
"Nope. Doesn't mean I didn't want it to." Callen sounded wistful. "Was planning on turning dinner into breakfast."
It was an uncomfortable reminder of how Gibbs had nearly been too late… in more ways than one. He just had to keep reminding himself that Abby was coming home with him, not staying in LA with Callen.
"She's an incredible woman, Gibbs, smart, sexy, sassy."
Gibbs shot him a look. "Ya think I don't know that?"
"Then don't screw it up this time, Gibbs."
"You giving me advice on women now, Callen?" Gibbs sounded amused.
Callen laughed. "With three ex-wives? Yeah, maybe I am. Look, you're the only man who I'd back off for. A woman like Abby doesn't come along too often in any man's life."
"I know," came the quiet acknowledgement. Gibbs didn't need any reminders that this was another chance at happiness and he wasn't going to make the same mistakes he made in his past three marriages… or he was going to try not to, anyway.
Callen's voice broke into his reverie. "But I gotta tell ya, Gibbs, if you hurt her, I'll not only kick your ass but I'll be there to pick up the pieces."
"Fair enough." They exchanged a look of perfect understanding.
Some time later, Abby rejoined them both, slipping in between the two men leaning over the railing, and muttering darkly about medical evaluations being a waste of time. They exchanged another amused glance over her head as they let her rant. All she wanted was to see Ducky… it was his medical opinion that she would listen to, not a stranger who'd never seen her before but who just happened to have a medical degree. She needed her friend, as well as her physician.
Hetty joined them. "We can leave most of the debrief for now, Abby, if you can let me have your report before the end of the week. I know you're both anxious to catch your plane."
"Sure thing, Hetty. I'm used to short deadlines and being put under pressure, my boss is a total ogre if we're late with paperwork," Abby replied, throwing a mischievous look over her shoulder at Gibbs, who turned his head away to hide his grin.
Hetty smiled and held Abby's hand in both of hers, "I'm so pleased you're okay, Abby. Take care of yourself."
Abby impulsively hugged Hetty, enfolding the smaller woman and almost swamping her, causing Callen to smile. It wasn't often he saw Hetty startled.
Abby turned to Gibbs with a smile. "Ready to go," he asked.
"Oh yeah, let's go home, Gibbs."
Callen drove them to the airport, feeling a sense of melancholy as he realized it would probably be a long time before he saw Abby again and when he did, she was likely to be a permanent feature of Gibbs' life.
He was under no illusions over the depth of feeling between the two of them.
Callen shook Gibbs' hand before he reached over to pull Abby into a hug and she didn't resist, wrapping her arms around him. When she pulled back, she saw the sadness on his face and immediately felt guilty that she'd been the one to put it there.
Cupping his face in both hands, she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, whispering her goodbyes and promising to stay in touch. Callen kissed her back, before pulling away, smiling at her gently.
With a final wave, Callen got back in the car and drove away. Abby sighed and turned back to meet a raised eyebrow and an expression she could read all too well.
"Stop looking at me like that, Gibbs. You can't be feeling threatened, surely?"
He shook his head. "Not any more." He approached to brush his lips across her cheek and his next words were breathed into her ear in a low husky voice that sent a shiver down her spine. "When I take you to bed, Abbs, I guarantee you won't be thinking of G. Callen."
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