Chapter 8 â€" Confessions
When Abby appeared from the hospital room, her hair was still damp from the shower and loose on her shoulders, her face devoid of make-up. She looked tired, circles under her eyes and her skin even paler than normal. After dropping off her discharge papers at the nurses' station, she made her way over to Gibbs and Callen, a wan smile on her face, relieved to be finally leaving.
"Good to go?" asked Gibbs, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they moved off.
"More than ready, Gibbs. Get me out of here guys."
As they made their way out to the car, Abby felt the need to vent about the doctor who she'd done nothing but argue with since she arrived. "You know, I can't believe that doctor. She was just so totally patronizing. It took me ten minutes just to get her to tell me the name of the drug the Phantom used, like I couldn't possibly understand words of more than two syllables."
Gibbs and Callen exchanged an amused glance over her head, but she hadn't finished yet. "I eventually had to pull out my forensic scientist trump card to get her to tell me and by that time I was so pissed, I went all pompous and self righteous on her. I don't know what came over me but I ended up lecturing her about all the uses of that drug, making sure she knew that I knew more about that damn drug than she does."
"Feel better now?" Gibbs sounded amused as she huffed to a halt as they reached the car.
"Yeah, much," rewarding him with a wry smile.
Callen dumped her bag in the trunk and took out Abby's handbag. "I brought your bag. Eric found it in the parking lot at the club."
"Hey, thanks, I'm lost without this, my whole life is in here. "She paused, eyes twinkling. So wanna tell me why you didn't bring it into the hospital with you, G. Callen?"
Callen smiled. "You know damn well why, A. Scuito."
"You mean a hard ass federal agent who faces down bad guys can't carry a handbag through the corridors of a hospital?" teased Abby.
"It's not his color, Abbs." Gibbs smirked as he ushered Abby into the backseat and after a moment's hesitation, followed her into the back of the car.
She looked surprised but pleased as he settled in next to her. He reached across for her hand, lacing their fingers together before startling her as he lifted her hand and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. She looked down at their joined hands to hide her blush.
He was definitely acting very un-Gibbs-like in public but she wasn't about to complain.
"What am I? A cab driver," came the comment from the front, breaking the moment.
"Just drive, Callen." Gibbs leaned his head back against the seat.
As Callen pulled into the traffic, Gibbs' cell rang. After showing her the caller ID, Tony, he offered her the phone. "It's you they want to talk to not me."
They listened as Abby spoke to the team back in DC, greeting each of them enthusiastically, her voice animated and her face coming alive. Gibbs hid his smile. He could imagine his team's excitement at hearing Abby's voice only too clearly.
Callen watched them in the mirror, seeing how she was almost curled into Gibbs' side, leaning her head on his shoulder as she spoke to her friends. He saw Gibbs press a kiss to her hair and then lean his head briefly against the top of her head, his face looking relaxed for the first time since he arrived.
Oh yeah, this was much more than an agent's concern for his forensic scientist… even if neither of them fully realized it yet.
Callen was sure she wouldn't have agreed to go to dinner with him if she was already involved with Gibbs. He couldn't imagine Gibbs sharing her with anyone.
He knew he wouldn't.
Callen couldn't remember the last time he'd been so drawn to a woman. It was difficult to pin down exactly what it was about Abby that seemed to bring out every possessive-protective instinct he had, although he'd bet that she had that effect on most men. He'd spent the last few days torn between kissing her senseless and taking her to bed, or wrapping her up and protecting her from the world.
He could see exactly why she'd got Gibbs tied up in knots, and it seemed to be reciprocated, judging by the way her face lit up when she'd first seen Gibbs in the hospital.
He'd known Gibbs for years. He'd seen his marriage to Stephanie fail and had since learnt about his first wife and child and wanted nothing but happiness for his friend, even if it meant backing away from a woman who fascinated him.
When Abby had finished, Gibbs gestured for the phone. "McGee, tell Ducky I'll call him tomorrow." He wanted privacy and especially didn't want Abby to hear his conversation when he spoke to the ME.
The rest of the journey was silent as Abby rested her head on Gibbs' shoulder, eyes closing as she dozed. Now she no longer had to put on a performance for the medical staff, her exhaustion was beginning to make itself felt.
Callen dropped them at Abby's hotel, arranging to see them the following day at the LA office for a debriefing before they flew back to DC. Abby hugged Callen warmly again as Gibbs took their bags out from the trunk.
Callen watched them enter the hotel, a feeling of sadness washing over him. He recognized that he'd probably missed his chance with Abby… if he ever really had one.
Whether she knew it or not, he had a feeling there was an invisible tattoo etched on Abby somewhere written in Gibbs' handwriting which read mine.
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Entering her room, Abby dumped her bag on the bed and stood in the centre of the room, shoulders slumped. Gibbs followed her in, carrying their bags and the water bottles he'd picked up on the way in. If she was going to rehydrate properly, she needed to do it with something other than Caf-Pow!
She looked so forlorn and lost standing in the middle of the room that he felt an overpowering need just to hold her. Acting on instinct, Gibbs walked over and wrapped his arms around Abby. It was the first time they'd been alone and he just absorbed the feel of her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her hair.
She returned his hug, burrowing into his chest, shivering slightly and rested her head on his shoulder. Her voice sounded tired. "It feels good to be alone."
That startled him and he drew back slightly. "Do you want me to leave, Abbs?"
"Not you, you idiot." She looked up at him. "I meant it's good to be alone with you. I thought I'd never see you again."
"Me too, Abbs." He drew her back towards his chest, holding her close and brushing his lips against her temple.
She slid her arms round his waist. "I've been thinking about that a lot today, Gibbs. I've had a lot of time to think."
They stood quietly together, each taking comfort from the other. Thinking she was about to fall asleep on his shoulder again, Gibbs pulled her towards the bed and helped her out of her jacket, urging her to lie down. She grabbed the bottle of water off the nightstand and drank thirstily, looking at the clock. "It's not quite time for more nausea pills yet."
"You feeling sick then?" he asked, concerned.
Abby shook her head. "No. I was a bit earlier but it's gone off now."
"What about the pins and needles? Saw you flexing your hands in the car." Gibbs tucked her hair behind her ear.
Abby should have known that she couldn't hide anything from him. "A bit of tingling in my fingers and shoulders in the car, but that's gone off too. It sort of comes and goes and nearly always in a different spot."
"Promise you'll tell me when it does, Abbs." Gibbs sat on the bed beside her.
"Why? You gonna give me a massage?"
"Might do." He smiled down at her. "Try and get some rest now."
Abby caught his hand as he tried to move away. "Hold me, Gibbs… can you just hold me? I'm so tired."
Needing no further encouragement, he shrugged out of his coat and settled on the bed beside her, gathering her towards him. "Sleep if you want, Abbs. I'm not going anywhere."
She sighed and rested her head on his chest, feeling herself relax for the first time today. Her muscles still felt sore and stiff and if the hotel room had had a bath rather than a shower, a long hot soak would probably have helped.
Time drifted as they both enjoyed the feeling of being together again, a comfortable silence settling over them. But she couldn't seem to drift off to sleep, despite her exhaustion.
"I need to know, Gibbs."
He didn't need to ask to know exactly what she was referring to. "Yeah, I know, Abbs."
"Not knowing what that bastard did to me last night is just freaking me out. I mean I can deal… or I think I can… with the stuff he actually did while I was awake, but it's just… it's the stuff rolling around in my head that's really scaring me… almost far more than what actually happened."
"Imagination's a powerful thing, Abby." Knowing there was nothing he could do to reassure her, he knew she wouldn't thank him for empty promises. So he chose to go with something practical to give her mind something to focus on. "How long were you unconscious?"
"Well," she thought about it for a moment, "when I woke up in that chair it was some time this morning." She started tracing patterns on his chest as she pondered. "It was difficult to judge how much time passed, you know, but I think it was about a couple of hours before Sam and Callen arrived. So that's 12 hours unaccounted for since I went out to look at the hot rods last night."
"Eric should never have let you go outside alone." He couldn't hide his annoyance.
"Oh no you don't, Gibbs." She struggled upright to sit beside him on the bed, prodding his shoulder, sounding pissed. "I've already had this argument with Callen. I will not have you laying any blame on Eric. I was the one who decided to go outside. I'm a big girl, Gibbs. I sent him for more drinks while I went out to see the cars."
"Abbs…" he broke in, trying to interrupt her. This wasn't what he had in mind when he said rest.
"No, Gibbs." She was adamant. "This is not Eric's fault. That kid already feels guilty enough. Do you know he rang Callen's cell and asked to speak to me and just kept apologizing over and over? I think Callen ripped him a new one already and I won't have you doing the same."
"Regardless of whether there was any danger, what guy let's a woman go outside to a darkened parking lot?" Gibbs wouldn't be placated. "He should have gone with you."
"Oh, Gibbs." Abby took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "And how do you think I'd have reacted if Eric had insisted on going with me, huh? I'd have said, don't be silly and gone anyway."
She was right but that didn't mean he had to like it. He knew even he could have problems persuading Abby to do anything she didn't want to, so a kid like Eric would have no chance. He eventually nodded, not wanting to argue with her. "Okay, Abbs."
"If it's anyone's fault, Gibbs, it's mine." She held up a hand when he would have interrupted her. "I was the one who went outside. Hell, I didn't even realize I was at risk and yet the whole thing was a trap… a set up from beginning to end."
Oh no, she wasn't going to take this on herself.
Gibbs reached up and slid his hand round her neck, tilting her face up so she'd look him in the eye. "No, Abbs. None of this is your fault."
"But I must have missed something, I need to go back over the evidence, look at it again. There must something there I should have seen, and I should have checked out the forum users, Gibbs. He was right there all the time, right in front of me and I didn't see it." She broke off, distressed.
"Listen to me, Abbs. This isn't your fault. None of us saw it. The Phantom's the only one to blame for this, not you."
This was typical of Abby.
Not only would she not blame Eric or any of the LA team for putting her at risk, she would even try and take the blame away from the guy who'd begun this spiral, the Phantom, choosing to beat herself up over what she could have done differently.
It was a character trait they both had, and he didn't like it.
She shared his habit of brooding and going round in circles with 'what ifs'. He needed to talk to Ducky to see how best they could help her. After years in that vicious circle himself, he knew how unproductive and self destructive it was. Not sure if he'd got through to her or not, he pulled her back down and was relieved when she settled against him again. He traced gentle circles on her back trying to calm her.
"How much of the feed did you see, Gibbs?" came the quiet question a few minutes later.
He didn't need to think about it, every second was engrained on his memory but he chose not to mention the comment about the bed for the moment, which is where they'd tuned in. "From when you were talking about his first victim to… to the end."
"So you saw Callen's rescue?"
"Yeah."
She sighed. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that."
That was also typical of his Abbs. She'd been the one to go through the ordeal, yet here she was apologizing for putting her friends through hell. "Did all the team see it?"
"Yeah, and Tobias."
"Toby was there?" She sounded surprised. "Oh yeah, I forgot… you were hijacking their plane, weren't you?"
His "Borrowing" earned him an unladylike snort.
"How did you swing that?" she asked, curious what he'd done.
"Called in a favor from… Toby," amusement coloring his voice, attempting to lighten her mood any way he could think of. She swatted his arm and shifted so her head was on the pillow next to him, wanting to see his face.
"I didn't know you were on the other end of that feed, you know, Gibbs, and reading what I was signing." She brought the conversation round to what she really wanted to talk about. "I kinda hoped you were but…"
"Eric can read sign too." His mind ran through those frantic moments when they'd been trying to decipher her messages.
"Yeah, Callen told me. Though you're more familiar with my signing than he is… although I doubt my hand signals were that clear. My fingers felt stiff."
"Callen wouldn't have found you without it, Abbs," glancing over at her, remembering just how close they'd come to losing her.
"I know. I wasn't sure if anyone was watching it. I just thought that if you were or someone was… or maybe if you saw it later, you could read what I signed and it would help find me… " she hesitated before continuing, "or find my body."
He turned on his side and brushed her hair off her face, fingers trailing down her cheek. "You scared the crap out of me, Abbs. I nearly lost…" He stopped as his throat tightened, unable to continue as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.
Her eyes widened at the look in his eyes and she reached up to his face, fingers moving along his jawline, sighing as he turned his head to place a kiss in her palm. "Can't lose you, Abbs."
"Gibbs… how much did you see?" It was time to prod the elephant in the room awake. She needed to ask Gibbs if what she saw on his face now was more than just affection for a friend.
"Saw what you signed, Abbs…. at the end."
"Oh." Not exactly her most eloquent utterance but for a moment she was unsure what to say next.
The crunch question came from Gibbs. "Did you mean it?"
"Yeah… yeah, I meant it Gibbs." She started to look down, but he put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so she couldn't avoid his gaze. What she saw there gave her the courage to continue.
"I love you, Gibbs." There, she'd said it and felt her pulse rate pick up as she saw a slow smile start to curve his lips. "I know I tell you that all the time but I really mean it like I'm in love with you. I mean I don't know if you feel the same, so I might be making a complete fool of myself here but I just had to tell-…"
Her lips were soft. He couldn't help wishing that he'd used this method to stop her babbling long before now. He moved his lips gently over hers, kissing her softly. He kept his eyes open, not wanting to miss her expression and he saw her eyes close as he slanted his mouth over hers, extending the kiss, teasing her, absorbing her slight gasp in his mouth before drawing back.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly as her green eyes opened, hazy with pleasure.
Her smile was ironic. "Too scared, Gibbs. I mean I can just hear that conversation and how much that could have gone wrong. I was scared of losing our friendship."
"Don't think we could ever lose that, Abbs."
She shook her head. "I couldn't be sure. I didn't want to risk it and the more time went on, the more I convinced myself that you didn't feel the same. Besides, I'm not your type Gibbs. I'm not a sophisticated, mature redhead in case you hadn't noticed."
He smiled at her. Did she really not know how beautiful she was? Before he could tell her so, she went on. "I mean I know we've flirted and danced around each other for years, but I didn't know if you felt anything beyond friendship for me. I didn't know if you wanted me."
"Oh, I want you." He slid a hand out to cup her neck. He leaned forward again and pressed his lips against hers, unable to resist deepening the kiss, feeling her respond eagerly.
As they broke for air, he nuzzled his way across her cheek. "Didn't know you wanted me."
She murmured, "I'm all yours, Gibbs, always have been," as she felt him nibble her earlobe before moving his lips to her neck.
She felt him smile against her skin at her words before a possessive growl of "Mine" into her neck made her shiver. Trying to rein himself in, he kissed his way gently back along her jawline before pulling back to look at her dazed expression.
Senses spinning, she frantically tried to get a coherent sentence out. "Why… why didn't you make a move, Gibbs?"
"Too scared. Didn't think you'd want an old Marine."
She reached out to run her fingers through his hair, indulging herself in something she'd always wanted to do. "Well, I do… very much. I'm tired of pretending, Gibbs… tired of holding back."
"Then don't." Drawn to her mouth again, he leaned in to kiss her, hands cupping her face to hold her in place as he suckled on her lower lip, tugging gently, hearing her moan softly as she leaned into his touch. "Don't want to hold back either."
Keeping the kiss slow and tender till it came to a gentle end, he pulled her back into his arms and she snuggled in close, her hand resting on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat.
Neither found the need for words, happy to lie there quietly together.
Content as he was to lie there all evening, he was conscious that she needed to eat and, more importantly, drink, and the sooner the better so she could rest and get some proper sleep, not something that was drug induced.
"You hungry, Abbs?" He asked after a few minutes.
She raised her head and sent a mischievous smile in his direction, quirking an eyebrow. "I meant food," he shot back, flicking the end of her nose.
She grinned at him, unrepentant. "Not very but I feel a bit empty I guess."
"Any nausea?"
"No, not yet, nothing since earlier. I just feel… tired."
"I know." He could see the strain on her face, her eyes shadowed and lines more visible than normal. "Have you eaten anything today?"
"I had a sandwich at the hospital when they gave me the last dose of nausea pills, so I guess I'd better have something with the next dose."
"Soup then.. and crackers?" he suggested. "And then sleep."
She pulled a face at the unappetizing suggestion but nodded, more to appease him than because she really wanted to eat.
"I'll order something for both of us and then I'll take a shower." Giving her a quick kiss, Gibbs left the bed and she lay there, content to watch him as he moved around the room, unable to believe that a day that had started so horribly was ending so wonderfully.
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