Chapter 3
Consciousness returned as quickly as it had waned, and in an instant Tony had moved from blissfully unaware of anything to being fully alert to every sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste his sensory system encountered. His brain could barely register all of the sensory inputs around his thoughts which were racing at mach-3 without any direction or coherence at all.
HOT!â€" HURTS!â€"There’s a bug crawling on the floor beside me…wonder what it’s like to be a bug…I’d get squashed…squash is yucky…tastes too healthy â€"is that blood in my mouth I’m tasting or something else?â€"...not feeling very healthy now…kinda feel sick…might throw upâ€"what in God’s name was in that needle?â€"…up the elevator down the stairs across to the basement out the window goes the little rabbit hippity hop away we go up in a hot air balloon across the sky til we run into a thundercloud â€"what is all that noise?â€" …bouncing like a bunny in the air…smells like music…â€"is someone talking to me?â€"…what does music smell like…music smells…like…green of course…â€"feeling like I might throw upâ€"could go play golf…I hate golf why would I want to go play golf…rather play football…broken legs, knees aching, surgeryâ€"oh God my whole body hurtsâ€"…dad’s face over me in the hospital…larger than life…seemed so huge…was so stoned…â€"am I really seeing Gibbs looking down at me? Is he really here or am I imagining that?â€"…at the bottom of a tunnel, crawling my way back out I’m like a spider…itsy bitsy To-ny…went up the water spout…â€"oh God I’m losing itâ€"…spout…hate brussell spouts…oh wait, brussell sprouts…mom always made me eat my veggies…â€"oh Godâ€"Shannon…Kelly…oh God Mom…
Tony yelled suddenly into his gag. Gibbs had been leaning over him, speaking to him the entire time, and when Tony suddenly showed some sign of life other than the blinking, gasping and writhing he’d been doing, it startled him. He jumped back a bit, then his hands were on Tony’s shoulders trying to get him to be still.
“EMTs are on their way in Tony, just relax, it’s ok son, I’m right here…I know you’re scared, but it’s going to be fine.”
Tony began struggling with the handcuffs. He was lying on his side, gentle fingers touched his face and removed the duct tape from his mouth. They didn’t uncuff him though and his legs were still bound. Tony had to get freeâ€"had to get awayâ€"had to find Shannon and Kellyâ€"had toâ€"
With an audible crack, Tony pulled one of his hands through the bracelet of the handcuff, successfully freeing his arms. He didn’t notice that he’d broken his wrist in the process and nearly scraped all the skin off of his wrist and hand. Gibbs immediately was on top of him, trying to calm his flailing arms as he fought off the hands that held him downâ€"hands he could see and hands he could notâ€"trying to get at his feet so he could get them loose tooâ€"he had to get away, had to get up, had to get moving, something wasn’t right but he couldn’t figure out what it was…
“TONY!”
Gibbs blinked in shock as Tony immediately stilled when his dad barked his name. All struggling ceased and his boy went completely limp on the floor, though Gibbs could tell he was still listening and aware of…everything it seemed.
“Tony can you hear me,” he asked softly.
Tony nodded, his movements shaky and jerky as though his body was about to fly apart and he was trying mightily to hold himself together.
“Tony it’s Dad, do you understand what I’m saying?”
Tony was fighting through the hallucinations, trying to understand what was happening, where he was, and what was going on. At the word “dad” though, Tony lost it again as unwanted memories came flying back to the surface.
Four years old, on the floor crying, a hot poker resting across his back burning into his skin…Six years old, at home sick with the stomach flu, being thrown down the stairs into the basement when Tony nearly threw up on the old man…Ten years old and left in a hotel room in Hawaii for two days all alone because his parents forgot him…Six years old being taken to the hospital because of a broken arm and because he was so dehydrated from being sick in the basement for four days that he’d nearly died…Feverish nightmares when he was eight because he had the chicken pox and his father had called him a diseased yard boy…whippings with a belt when he was seven because a note from the teacher on his report card said he liked to talk in class…soap in his mouth while he was whipped to keep him from crying out and to wash his mouth out with soap after he yelled for his daddy to stop hurting him during one of his beatings when he was nine…his mother standing over him in the bathtub when he was eleven…insisting that she has to wash him…down there…has to get him clean…then running her hands over his body parts when she was finished washing to make sure she hadn’t missed anything…his body responding in ways he didn’t understand…his beautiful mother smelling of vodka and rum…her eyes were glazed and unfocused as she turned on him with a silver plated serving platter when he was five, smacking him in the head and face with it for spilling his juice on the tile floor…”You’re useless Anthony,” she’d screamed at him when he was ten…”I hate you, you little bastard,” his father had told him when he was four…”You’re only good to be a silent little toy,” his mother slurred at him one night in his bedroom when he was twelve…”Just let me play with you,” his mother had whispered when she woke him from a sound sleep at the age of nine…”You useless sonofabitch if you’d been here instead of out at school your mother would still be alive,” his father had told him when he was sixteen…the empty feeling in his gut when he found out his father wasn’t coming to his high school graduation when he was seventeen…”You’re worthless Anthony…you’ll end up in the gutter like all the other worthless trash,” his father had yelled at him when he was twenty-three…”Dad let me help you…No,” Gibbs had told him after Shannon and Kelly had been killed…”watch your six mom,” he’d told his new mother only to hear her murder on the other end of the line…
Gibbs tried to gently restrain Tony and leaned over close to Tony’s ear. “Shh Tony…shh relax…just breathe Tony…shh, it’s Dad Tony, it’s Dad…shh” Tony mistook “Dad” for Anthony Senior again, and began screaming “Don’t hurt me” and “No more!” and trying to get away from Gibbs. His arms were flailing trying to get away and the loose handcuff hit Gibbs in the face. Gibbs reached out and grabbed it and forced Tony’s arm down. It was too much, Tony continued fighting, convinced the man standing over him was Anthony DiNozzo, Senior, the man he hated more than any person in the world. The one who was supposed to look out for him and be there for him, no matter what, was one person who had hurt him so deeply he didn’t think he’d survive it all…
Tony fought his father hard with his free arm, trying to make up for years of past abuse, screaming at him and crying and begging him to just love him and why did he always have to hurt him and what had Tony done to deserve all the treatment he’d received…it was gut wrenching for Gibbs to watch as his precious boy cried to his daddy, begged him to love him, begged him to stop hurting him…
Gibbs grabbed Tony’s face and forced him to look at him. Tony’s eyes were dilated and unfocused and were twitching back and forth rapidly with the drug induced nystagmus.
“Tony!” his voice is sharp and it cut through Tony’s drugged haze. “It’s Gibbs. Calm down. Slow down your breathing son.”
Everything came to a grinding halt at the words. Tony immediately stilled, and quit struggling. “Gibbs,” he whispered, scared to believe his dad was really there. He wasn’t that lucky.
“Yeah Tony. It’s me. Just hold on to me, alright? Help’s coming.”
“Dad,” he whispered, blinking his eyes, trying to get them to focus. His hands clung to Gibbs’ arms, despite his broken wrist.
“Yeah Tony, it’s Gibbs; it’s Dad, just stay still you’re going to be alright. We’re going to get you to the hospital. It’s ok son, I’ll stay with you the whole time, you’re going to be fine.”
“I dunno w-what they g-gave me,” Tony moaned, fighting down the need to try and get away. He looked over Gibbs’ shoulder where Blackadder was kneeling over Burley and he screamed when he saw her.
“NO! MOTHER YOU’RE DEAD! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!”
Vivian Blackadder looked at him with a confused look on her face. “I don’t understand, Gibbs? What’s he going on about?”
Gibbs looked up at Blackadder, a pained exasperated look on his face. “He’s hallucinating. I think he thinks you’re his mother…Maybe back up so he can’t see you. He’s out of control right now, I dunno what they gave him. He could be seeing anyone.”
Gibbs turned back to Tony as Vivian moved out of Tony’s line of sight. “Who ya see Tony? Who is it?”
“Mother,” Tony moaned, “My mother…oh God Dad she…she used to…oh God please don’t let her get me, Daddy, please I’m begging you….please no more,” Tony whimpered.
Gibbs scooped his boy up into his arms and hugged him gently. “Won’t let anybody hurt you Tony. You’re safe with me. I got your six. Just relax.”
Gibbs heard the ambulance’s wail as it arrived and maintained the gentle reassuring contact he’d finally established with his son. “Tony in just a moment you’re going to see some people you may not know. Don’t fight them Tony, they’re coming to help you. They’re going to take you to the hospital, and I’m going to ride with you. Just try and relax. I am not leaving you.”
Tony did his best to remain calm when the EMTs arrived. They recognized Tony from the BPD but in his haze, Tony had no idea who they were. They were speaking gibberish; he didn’t understand what any of it meant. He knew his dad was there so things would be okay. That was until the EMT lifted up a needle to start an IV.
“Ok Tony we’re going to start an IV in your arm you’re going to feel a sharp stick. Just relax.”
Tony recoiled at the IV. “NO! No more, can’t take anymore drugs, please no more, I can’t do it,” Tony began fighting the EMTs. Gibbs tried to hold him still to no avail, and after turning Burley over to another EMT, Blackadder moved in to try to help and Tony lost it completely.
The EMTs finally managed to get Tony lifted onto a gurney. Tony was fighting and struggling and he didn’t notice it when one of the paramedics held up a soft Velcro strap. Gibbs ran a weary hand over his face and nodded, his eyes closed. Tony was going to injure himself worse than he already had if they didn’t do something. The EMT caught the flailing handcuff and held it while he gently slid the strap over Tony’s arm and secured it to the side of the gurney.
“It’s alright Tony; it’s ok they aren’t going to hurt you, shh…” Gibbs moved up to the head of the gurney to try and talk Tony through what they were doing. He put his hands on Tony’s shoulders and eased him back as he tried to escape again. He was still putting up a good fight with his other arm, despite the broken wrist, and Gibbs told them to be careful when they grabbed that arm, be mindful of the broken joint. The EMT at the foot of the gurney managed to get Tony’s legs secured down. They gently eased the other arm into a splint with Velcro on it. They used a soft Velcro strap across Tony’s arms and chest to secure him to the gurney so he wouldn’t fall off and then they attached the splint to the strap, effectively pinning Tony.
Tony screamed pitifully for help. He’d screamed so much now he was losing his voice and his throat sounded scratchy and raw. Gibbs stayed right beside Tony’s face so Tony could see him, the whole time reassuring him that it would be alright and that the EMTs were making sure that Tony didn’t hurt himself. They were helping Tony, and they weren’t going to hurt him. “You’re safe Tony,” Gibbs said over and over again. “It’s alright, I got your six…you’re safe, son.”
As they loaded Tony into the back of the ambulance finally, one of the paramedics turned to Gibbs. “I can’t give him anything to calm him down until we know what they gave him. I’m sorry we had to strap him down like this, but there really was no other way.”
Gibbs climbed in the back of the ambulance and nodded in agreement. He’d seen the same reaction that they hadâ€"he honestly would have done the same thing. Once the ambulance was moving, the EMT in the back started an IV in Tony’s good arm. Tony moaned and struggled, but couldn’t really move. Gibbs leaned over so his face was close to Tony’s.
“It’s Gibbs Tony. I’m right here. I’m watching everything they do and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. Just relax.”
“Dad,” Tony whimpered, “Daddy help me, please,” he whispered. “Daddy…Sam, he…he…”
“Shh,” Gibbs ran a soothing hand through his son’s sweaty, matted hair. “Shh…sok I got you, sok now…”
Tony closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. Gibbs was with him; he’d be fine. He’d be fine. It’d be ok. He’d get through this. He’d…he needed to be sick.
“D-ad,” Tony choked out, trying to raise up, “si-ick…” The EMT loosened the strap only enough to let Tony lean up to vomit. He gently cleaned the detective’s face with a cool damp cloth when he was finished.
“Tony my name’s Mick, I’m an EMT. Can you hear me?” Tony nodded, eyes closed. “Good. Do you know what drug you were given?” Tony shook his head, eyes still closed. “Alright. I can’t give you any medications until we know what they gave you okay? I don’t want to make you feel worse.” Tony shook his head again.
Mick looked at Gibbs. “We’re buddies. We eat lunch together a lot. Whatever they gave him, really has him messed up. He doesn’t even recognize me.”
Gibbs smirked. “I’m his adopted dad and he didn’t recognize me. He thought I was his biological father instead.”
Mick winced. “Ouch.”
Gibbs nodded. “He gonna be alright?”
Mick looked over the monitors he’d managed to connect, and then looked at his patient. “I think so…hard to say…whatever they gave him…it’s bad shit.”
Gibbs ran a hand over Tony’s forehead. He seemed to have drifted off to sleep or passed out one. “You’re not kiddin,” Gibbs said. “He sleepin?”
Mick checked the monitors again, and this time frowned at one of them. “His blood pressure is dropping…” suddenly he pounded on the window to the front of the ambulance. “STEP ON IT STEVE!! HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S GOING TO CODE ON ME BACK HERE!”
The flat line of the heart monitor echoed through the tiny space, as the ambulance picked up speed on the dark streets of Baltimore. Gibbs leaned over and held Tony’s hand gently as Mick worked feverishly on him.
“You. Will. Not. Die.”
TBC…
Chapter End Notes:
Warning: This story contains non-consensual drug use. In this chapter there will be memories of past abuse (physical, emotional and sexual). Some content may be disturbing to some readers. Bondage, but it’s not kinky. Some language, but the big warning is the drugs