Chapter 10: Breaking Glass
Gibbs finally broke the kiss, pulling back slightly leaving Tony swaying after him. Grinning at how relaxed the younger man looked, Gibbs brushed the back of his fingers across Tony’s jaw. Tony blinked his eyes open slowly and grinned softly at Gibbs. Gibbs smiled at the way Tony’s cheeks tinted a light shade of pink.
Gibbs rocked back to sit on his heels and chuckled. “Never woulda guessed our first kiss would be in the middle of my bathroom,” he commented, looking up at Tony with a smile on his face.
Tony lifted his good hand to his lips and rubbed his fingers over them softly. “I never guessed we’d actually have a first kiss,” he said quietly and his eyes dropped to his lap.
Gibbs’ heart ached for Tony. He wanted this man--wanted him so badly he could feel it in every fiber of his being--but before last week he’d never honestly even let himself consider that Tony might be gay. He never let himself truly believe that a relationship with his agent could be possible.
Gibbs stood up. “So back to my question. Couch or bed?”
Tony considered the options. He still felt the weight of the depression from earlier pressing on him, but it wasn’t as bad as before. However, with the rain had come a new onset of aches and pains…he really felt like hell. He let his shoulders droop slightly, feeling the muscles pull as they relaxed a bit.
“Could I go back to bed for a while? I really feel awful.”
Gibbs narrowed his eyes in concern. He knew Tony must be feeling poorly to actually ask to go to bed. Carefully he turned the wheelchair towards the guest bedroom. “Sure you can. You don’t have to ask me Tony.” Tony nodded and watched as Gibbs put the brakes on the chair before moving to his side. “Just like we did before alright? Let me do all the work.”
Gibbs handled Tony as gently as if he were handling a newborn baby. He took special care to make sure Tony’s injured legs didn’t accidentally collide with anything, and made sure not to put too much pressure on his broken ribs or collarbone. Laying him gently on the bed, Gibbs adjusted Tony’s pillows for him, making sure he was comfortable.
Tony, for his part, watched in amazement at the way this man fussed over him. He blinked in shock when Gibbs fluffed his pillow for him, before easing it gently behind his head. Gibbs adjusted the pillows under his ankle, situating the wedge pillow to help Tony keep the foot elevated without too much effort required from the injured man, and he folded one of the bed pillows in half and gently propped Tony’s knee up also. He carefully pulled the quilt up over Tony’s injured legs, passing the blanket to the younger man so he could burrow as deeply under it as he desired.
“I’ll be right back Tony,” Gibbs said softly. “Don’t go to sleep yet, okay?”
Tony nodded his assent and watched Gibbs leave the room. He adjusted himself slightly on the bed and groaned in pain when the slight movement caused his entire body to ache. A couple of minutes later Gibbs came back into the room carrying a tray.
“Got you some stuff,” Gibbs said conversationally. “Know you’re probably not hungry, but it’s time for your painkillers and antibiotics, so you need food. I brought you toast and yogurt. I also brought you a cup of coffee, some water, your meds, and--”
“Jethro,” Tony said, quietly cutting the older man off.
“Yeah?”
“Have I even thanked you for everything you’ve done?”
“Tony you don’t need t--”
“Thank you Jethro,” Tony said sincerely, his eyes meeting the other man’s and holding the gaze. “I know I’ve been a pain in the ass with the wheelchair, and being almost completely helpless, and the meds, and the panic attacks and all…but you haven’t complained--you gave up your vacation to stay with me, opened your home to me…Jethro no one’s ever been this good to me before. I don’t think ‘thank you’ covers it, to be honest.”
Gibbs looked at Tony with an unreadable expression. “You don’t have to thank me Tony,” he said quietly.
“You say that, but I can’t live with myself if I don’t. Jethro you’ve seen something in me worth saving--worth caring for. That’s more than anybody else in the world has ever done for me. How could I not say thank you?”
“I just wanted you to be safe and have somewhere to stay where you didn’t have to worry about someone hurting you anymore,” Gibbs said uneasily.
Tony could see Jethro was uncomfortable with the discussion and held out his good hand, reaching for the older man. Gibbs came and sat beside him on the mattress. Tony reached up and grabbed Gibbs’ shirt, pulling him closer. Kissing the older man softly, Tony smiled.
“I won’t make you talk about it anymore, Jethro,” Tony said with a smirk. “But I needed you to know how huge this is to me. This is…well it’s beyond what I ever could have imagined it being like. And for that, I am grateful.”
Gibbs smiled and kissed Tony chastely. “How about some toast?”
xxx
By Wednesday, Tony was starting to get a little stir crazy. He’d been out of the hospital for a week and had another week before he was supposed to go meet with the surgeon about his knee. Tony knew his knee needed to be operated on; it’d been needing it since he’d injured it playing football in college. Of course in college, there was no one to help him, least of all Declan, and Tony had decided physical therapy would be enough to get him through.
Ten years later he was regretting that decision. He considered what it would be like to have surgery and have to rely on Declan for help, as opposed to having surgery and relying on Gibbs. If Gibbs was tired of caring for Tony or frustrated by his presence, the older man wasn’t showing it. Tony was trying to be as low-maintenance as possible so he didn’t wear out his welcome.
It was mid morning and Gibbs poked his head into the guest bedroom. “How ya feelin?”
“I’m okay, tired today, but not hurting as much.”
“Get some rest. I’m going out for a bit but I’ll be back this afternoon. Will you be alright here for a couple of hours?”
Tony felt his gut clench at the idea of Gibbs leaving him. He hadn’t been without the older man since Gibbs had found him in the alley, and the idea of being left alone by him now was frankly, quite terrifying.
Not that Tony would admit that. “Um…yeah Jethro, should be fine.”
“I’m not going far, and I’ve got my cell phone on me.” Gibbs set a new cell phone on the bedside table. “This phone has a different number than your old one, but it’s got all your contacts, settings, games, and ringtones on it. You need anything before I leave? Trip to the bathroom, glass of water, anything?”
“Might be good to do all of that, just in case,” Tony said sheepishly.
Gibbs helped Tony into the chair and into the bathroom and while he was in the bathroom, Gibbs went back to the kitchen, fixed Tony up with some drinks and a couple of sandwiches. He went back to fetch Tony out of the bathroom and then got him situated back on the bed. “You wanna watch a movie?”
“Sure, could you hand me the laptop off the desk?”
Gibbs passed Tony the laptop and made sure the power cord was plugged in close by so it wouldn’t run out of power while he was gone. He passed Tony a pile of DVDs and the sandwiches.
“You need anything else?”
Tony smiled. “Think you’ve got me set up pretty well. You won’t be gone long?”
“I’ll be back in just a couple of hours. You’re sure you’re alright?”
Tony nodded. “I’m okay. Might call you every five minutes.” He looked at his lap, ashamed of his weakness.
Gibbs tapped a finger under his chin. When Tony looked up Gibbs kissed him suddenly and passionately, pressing him back into the pillows. “I don’t mind you calling me Tony. I’m not doing anything that would keep me from answering and you aren’t going to interrupt. If you need me, call me. If you don’t need me,” Gibbs winked, “call me.”
Tony smiled, bigger this time. “On it Boss,” he said.
“Jethro.” Gibbs rose from the bed. “Be back soon.” He pressed a kiss to Tony’s forehead. “Get some rest.”
“I will,” Tony said. A moment later he heard the front door close and a second after that he heard the deadbolt lock. Thank God.
xxx
Tony watched a couple of Magnum episodes on the laptop before shutting the lid on it. He yawned and carefully stretched. Setting the laptop aside in a safe spot on the bed, Tony slid down a little lower and pulled the blanket a little higher. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep.
He hadn’t been sleeping long when a strange sound woke him. It sounded like a car, but it did not sound like Gibbs’ Impala from NCIS, nor did it sound like his pickup. Knowing that someone must be trying to come in, Tony instinctively reached for his gun and froze.
Tony didn’t have his gun. Declan did.
The ball of fear in Tony’s gut doubled in size. He took a deep breath and told himself that everything was fine, Gibbs was coming back soon; he had nothing to worry about. It didn’t work though; the more Tony tried to convince himself that everything was fine, the more he thought about everything that happened with Declan and the more upset he got as a result.
Tony could feel his breath beginning to come in ragged gasps and his heart began to pound. He blinked hard, trying to keep his vision focused. He heard the front door’s lock disengage and felt the air catch in his throat.
“Stay calm,” he muttered to himself, “rule number eight…” he stopped speaking when a gasp silenced his words, “don’t assume…verify…it’s probably nothing. It’s probably Gibbs.”
Tony glanced around for something to protect himself with, but the only things close by were the laptop and the lamp. He felt his desperation cinch up a notch and let out a slow, shuddering breath, cut short by another gasp for air. He kept his gaze focused on the doorway leading into the hall, convinced that any second from now Declan would enter the room.
“Shoulda gone home,” Tony whispered to himself, “shouldn’ta stayed, shoulda left, Declan’ll kill me when he finds me…I should leave, gotta go…” Tony managed to push himself up in bed enough to sit up, and he carefully swung his legs over the side of the bed. With his ankle casted, his knee braced, and his arm in a sling he wasn’t sure how he was going to actually get anywhere, but Tony thought if he could make it into the wheelchair he’d be able to at least move around if he needed to.
Tony could hear the creaking of the floorboards now and the sound of shoes quietly moving around on the polished wood floors. Whoever it was, they were in the house and Tony was completely unprotected. Tony could see the shadow of a man now, in the hall, coming closer.
Declan was coming for him.
“Tooo-nyyyyy,” the painfully familiar voice called out to him.
Tony forced his body to move faster--he had to get to that wheelchair and he had to do it now.
“Tooooonyyy where arrrrrreee youuuu,” Declan’s voice grew louder; he was getting closer.
“Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm, do not freak out, stay calm, stay calm,” Tony whispered to himself, shaking his head, desperately trying to get the voice out of his ears.
“I’m going to find you Tony…when I do…you’re going to remember how much you missed me! You’re going to remember how much you love me! And you’re never going to leave me again!”
“Nooooo…no-no-no-no-no please no,” Tony begged. His voice was gone; he was merely breathing the words now.
“Gibbs doesn’t want you,” Declan’s voice hissed, closer now. “He doesn’t love you--how could he? You’re a worthless piece of shit and nobody could ever love you, Tony…no one except me. I love you Tony…love you sooo much…I want to take you home with me.”
Hearing the voice coming closer with each step the speaker took, Tony lunged for the wheelchair. Unfortunately, when Gibbs helped him back from the bathroom before he left he didn’t lock both of the wheels of the chair--when Tony’s weight hit the chair, it rolled to an angle and Tony nearly fell, but thankfully the chair caught on the frame of the bed and held itself steady as Tony forced himself into the chair.
“I know you’re around here somewhere Tony,” Declan said menacingly. “It’s not nice to hide from me. Don’t you remember what happened when you tried to hide from me? Do you remember the promise I made you?”
Tony worked desperately to get the chair moving, unlocked the brake on it and using his bum knee and unstrapped arm, he maneuvered himself across the room to the closet.
“I’m getting closer Tony. I’ve been looking for you for days. When I find you I’m going to make you mine again. Going to wipe Gibbs off of you and mark you all over again. It’s going to be wonderful. Are you excited? Can you tell how excited I am?”
Trying to be as quiet as he could, Tony opened the closet door and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw there wasn’t much inside. He carefully locked the wheels on the chair and eased himself down onto the floor. He bit his lip to suppress the groan of pain when he put weight on his ankle and his knee for the first time. Tears of pain sprang to his eyes as he clumsily sat on the floor in the closet. Reaching forward and feeling the burn in his ribs, Tony tried to unlock the wheels of the chair, but his hand was shaking too badly.
Hearing the footsteps getting closer and closer, Tony desperately kicked out with his bum knee, foot connecting solidly with the chair and sending it skittering across the floor. It crashed into the bedside table, knocking the lamp over before falling onto its side. Tony reached up and pulled the closet door shut.
With any luck, Declan wouldn’t find him.
xxx
When Gibbs was with Shannon, one of the things he prided himself on was his ability to constantly surprise his beloved wife. He paid attention to her; he knew what her favorite things were, what she enjoyed doing, where she liked to eat and what she ordered, what her favorite flowers were. He made note of what brands of clothing she liked to wear and what colors she looked her best in. Gibbs would make a point to intentionally surprise his wife on a regular basis--flowers, dinner, date night, something to get her attention, anything to remind her how much he loved her.
Once he understood Tony’s situation better, Gibbs immediately began wracking his brain trying to think of ways to cheer the younger man up. And ever since their kiss on Monday things had been even better, and Gibbs was even more convinced that he wanted to do something that Tony would enjoy. After hours of plotting and scheming--he’d had hours of free time on his hands these past days--Gibbs had devised the perfect idea for cheering Tony up.
Smiling with pride, Gibbs let himself in the house and made his way through the downstairs getting things together for his surprise for Tony. Just as he was heading into the den, he heard a crash. It sounded like it came from the guest bedroom. Without a second thought, Gibbs dropped the items he was holding in his hands and ran down the hall. He’d promised to protect Tony; he wouldn’t let him down, not now, not after everything that happened.
xxx
Gibbs paused outside the bedroom and drew his gun. He carefully cleared the entrance to the bedroom and then entered the room. Gibbs quickly noticed the overturned wheelchair and the broken lamp. The glass of water he’d left for Tony had overturned and spilled on the bed. There was no sign of Tony. Gibbs checked under the bed, and the windows. Finding nothing else amiss, Gibbs began to look for his companion.
“Tony? DiNozzo, you alright? Where are you Tony? You here?”
Gibbs carefully righted the chair and paused to listen. The closet. Someone was in the closet. Holding his gun ready, Gibbs eased himself over to the closet door. He closed his fingers over the handle and started to turn the knob when he heard a soft sound. Was it a moan? A whimper? Gibbs knew he’d found Tony--he just wasn’t sure what or who else might be in the closet with him.
Gently easing the door open, Gibbs quickly realized that the only person in the closet was Tony. The younger man was sitting on the floor, legs tucked close to his body, head bent over to rest on his knees. Tony was hyperventilating, his breaths coming in short, painful sounding gasps, and his entire body was trembling.
“Jesus Tony! What the hell happened?”
Quickly holstering his gun, Gibbs dropped to his knees beside the younger man. Tony recoiled like he was burned when Gibbs placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder.
“NO!”
“Hey easy…easy it’s me, Tony. It’s Jethro. Look up here.”
Gibbs gently replaced his hand on Tony’s shoulder, moving slowly so he wouldn’t startle the younger man. Tony’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut and he wasn’t showing any signs of calming down. Gibbs gently ran his fingers through Tony’s hair and rubbed his fingers lightly up and down the back of Tony’s neck. Taking a guess at what may be bothering Tony, Gibbs tried a different approach.
“It’s me Tony. It’s Jethro. Declan’s not here. It’s just us.”
This time Tony lifted his head. He blinked his eyes a few times, trying to get them to focus, but he was still hyperventilating, and that was starting to take its toll on the younger man. His eyes started to roll back in his head, and Gibbs knew he had to act fast.
Gently scooping Tony up, Gibbs pulled Tony out of the closet and cradled him against his chest. “Breathe with me Tony. In…now out…and in…nice and slow…now out…there ya go take it easy…in…ok out…” After several minutes, Tony let out a long sigh followed by a slow, shuddering deep breath. Gibbs eased his hold a little bit and pressed a kiss to Tony’s temple.
“B-boss?”
“Right here Tony. You alright?”
Tony nodded and looked around curiously. “Where is he?”
“Declan isn’t here Tony. Hasn’t been here.”
“Heard him Boss. Heard his car, heard him walking through the house…he was talking to me…I knew I had to get away.”
“How did you make it to the closet by yourself?”
Tony glanced around like he was confused. “I um…I’m really not sure, to be honest,” he said quietly, shame toning his voice.
“Do you think you need to go get checked out?”
Tony’s entire body was trembling. He couldn’t remember ever being so scared in his life. Tony considered Gibbs’ question. The older man didn’t sound angry, he wasn’t being judgmental or harsh--he sounded concerned. Tony didn’t want the older man to worry. “I-I dunno, J-Jethro…”
“Do you know…Tony did you put any weight on your ankle? You aren’t supposed to yet.”
Tony thought back to the moment of pure fear when he’d moved himself from the bed to the closet. “I-I used th-the wheelch-chair, Jethro,” Tony said softly.
“Good. That’s good. Okay. Well why don’t we get you up?”
“N-Not sure I can…” Tony was still trembling, despite Gibbs’ firm hold on him.
“Just let me do all the work, babe,” Gibbs said softly in his ear. Fingers brushed through Tony’s hair again and the younger man nodded.
Gibbs stood up, pulled the wheelchair across the room and then turned back to Tony. The young man was a mess, he needed to be cleaned up. His face was pale and covered with tears and sweat, and he was shivering now in addition to the trembling.
Shock.
Gibbs quickly scooped Tony up and put him in the chair. He grabbed the quilt off the bed and covered Tony with it. “C’mon Tony, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Tony could only nod. He didn’t care what they did, he just hoped Gibbs wouldn’t leave him alone again anytime soon.
xxx
Once Tony was cleaned up, Gibbs took him out to the living room and helped him onto the couch. “Sorry Jethro,” Tony said softly as Gibbs helped him get situated. “Didn’t mean to cause all this trouble.”
“Haven’t caused any trouble Tony. Can’t help that you got scared earlier. Hell I woulda been scared if I were you. The important thing is you’re safe.”
“I don’t have my gun,” Tony said quietly. “Declan has it. How am I going to go back to work? My gun and my badge are at the apartment.”
“There’s no need to worry about that right now Tony. We’ll get your things for you. I’ll get your badge and your gun back. I’m not afraid of that sonofabitch; he won’t stop me.”
“You mean you’d go in there? Just to get my things?”
“There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you Tony. I’ll get your things for you before you go back to work.”
Tony settled back against the pillows. “I hate feeling like this.”
“Feeling like what?” Gibbs sat down on the opposite end of the couch and faced Tony.
“Kinda feel like I’ve lost all my independence, Bo--Jethro,” Tony quickly amended, catching himself. “I dunno it’s like I went from the apartment where I had to clear everything through Declan…to your house, and don’t get me wrong I love it here…but I’m helpless here--I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself! What kind of man does that make me?”
“It makes you the kind of man who is recovering from being nearly beaten to death. There’s no shame in needing help Tony. I hope I haven’t made you feel that way?”
Tony shook his head. “You haven’t made me feel that way at all. I dunno…I guess…I just…I’m not used to having to rely on someone for everything. It’s hard.”
Gibbs nodded, understanding. He remembered coming back from Kuwait after the explosion and the coma and feeling that same helplessness that Tony was describing.
“Would it help you feel better if we got out of the house for a little bit?”
Tony looked sharply up at Gibbs, shock on his face. “Where would we go? I can’t go anywhere like--” he indicated his legs, “--like this.”
“Sure you can. I’ll help you. It won’t be hard. Besides, what I have in mind is very easy to do. All you have to do is sit back and enjoy. Do you think you can do that?”
The idea of riding anywhere in Gibbs’ car or truck made him cringe. What Tony needed was leg room--lots of it. The only time his legs didn’t really hurt so badly was when he could bend and stretch them. Sitting in a cramped vehicle just didn’t sound like fun to him yet--especially after all of the abuse he’d given his legs earlier.
“I dunno Jethro,” Tony said softly. “Might be better to just stay ho--here.”
“We could stay home,” Gibbs agreed, “but I think you’d be unhappy if you found out what you’d miss if we did.”
“What do you mean, what I would miss? What would I miss? Where could we possibly be going that I would miss?”
“I have a surprise for you, if you’d like it. If you don’t feel like going today, we could go another day. But it’s something I really think you’ll enjoy…and I promise to take very good care of you. Declan will never find you where we’re going.”
For a brief moment, Tony wondered if anyone else would be able to find him where they were going either. Stupid, Tony thought to himself, Gibbs wouldn’t ever hurt you. You’re just being paranoid.
Deciding to rise to the challenge, Tony looked up at Gibbs and smiled. “Ok I’ll bite. What’s the surprise?”
TBC…
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