Chapter 12: Breaking Down Defenses
Gibbs wrapped his arm tightly around Tony’s shoulder and scooted him closer as the movie began. Tony glanced up at Gibbs and smiled softly before turning his attention back to the movie. Gibbs ran his fingers lightly up and down Tony’s upper arm, and rested the side of his head on top of Tony’s.
“This okay,” Gibbs asked softly. He felt Tony nod and smiled.
Gibbs didn’t move as they watched the movie. He wanted Tony to get used to being touched without it hurting him. Every now and then he’d double check with the younger man, checking on him and making sure he was still doing ok. Tony seemed happy and relaxed, enjoying the movie and the time being spent with Gibbs.
An hour or so into the movie, Gibbs felt some of his own anxiety dissipate when Tony reached his good arm up and held onto Gibbs’ hand that was on his arm. Their fingers laced together loosely and Tony looked up at him and smiled. Gibbs returned the smile and pressed a soft kiss to Tony’s forehead. Tony smiled again--a real smile that reached his eyes. Looking up, Tony leaned in and allowed his lips to brush against Jethro’s.
Following Tony’s lead, Gibbs deepened the kiss just slightly before Tony pulled back slightly and looked at him. “Unbelievable,” he murmured, and kissed Gibbs again.
“What is,” Gibbs asked quietly.
“That this is happening…that it’s real…it is real, isn’t it?”
Gibbs smiled and kissed Tony again. “It’s real Sweetheart,” he whispered, “I promise you it’s real.”
Tony shifted a bit and leaned into Gibbs’ strong frame a little more. Feeling that the angle was awkward, Gibbs shifted also, hoping to make Tony more comfortable. Suddenly their bodies slid together into such a perfect fit that neither of them could imagine ever wanting to be anywhere other than right there.
During the intermission between the two movies, Gibbs unloaded the wheelchair and helped Tony out of the car so they could both visit the head. Tony dipped his head with embarrassment when several young teenagers made snide comments, but Gibbs cuffed him very softly on the back of the head.
“Don’t you dare let them make you feel bad. None of this is your fault, and soon enough you’ll be able to chase those kids down and teach them a thing or two. Focus on tonight and don’t let some stupid kids ruin it for you.”
Tony nodded and leaned his head all the way back so he was staring up at Gibbs. A small smile drifted across his lips. “Thanks,” he said quietly.
“Don’t need to thank me,” Gibbs said uncomfortably. “Just need to relax and enjoy the evening. That’s thanks enough.”
Once they were finished with the restroom, and after a quick stop by the concession stand for some Twizzlers and Milk Duds--“I would have never pegged you as a twizzlers kind of guy, Jethro,”--they returned to the car (parked on the far side of the lot away from the lights) and their previous comfortable position.
Tony had never felt so safe and secure in his life as he had these past days with Gibbs. Feeling a bit brave, Tony gently moved away from Gibbs and turned to look at him.
“You okay? Are you hurting? Do we need to go? Did I do something to--”
Tony reached up and placed a finger from his good hand over Gibbs’ lips. Then he scooted a bit closer, making sure he stayed facing Gibbs, his eyes never leaving the older man’s face. Tony moved in so close that his lips nearly brushed Gibbs’ ear.
“Looks like you need to relax too,” he breathed, causing Gibbs to shiver.
Gibbs looked at Tony carefully. Gone were the haunted shadows from Tony’s eyes, and his face didn’t hold all of the stress lines Gibbs had seen earlier. He didn’t know how long this relaxation would hold, but for now, for the moment, Tony was letting his real personality shine through.
Gibbs liked what he saw.
Tony pressed the lightest of kisses against Gibbs’ jawline, right below his ear, and Gibbs closed his eyes trying not to move--he didn’t want to do anything to spook or hurt Tony. So he held very still and let Tony explore his new lover carefully, the movie completely forgotten. Gibbs could feel Tony’s muscles beginning to tremble as he tried to hold his body at the awkward angle. He gently reached up and cupped Tony’s face in his hands, turning to press a passionate kiss to his younger lover’s lips.
Returning the favor, Gibbs began to kiss down Tony’s neck and gently eased him back against the seat. Tony’s eyes widened and he stared at Gibbs.
“What? What is it? Am I hurting you?”
Tony smiled dreamily and shook his head. “I just have to keep pinching myself,” he whispered. “I can’t believe this is real, but it is. This is real. You’re real.”
“And I want you,” Gibbs said, moving to straddle Tony’s hips carefully, taking extra care not to hurt Tony’s injured legs. He glanced at him carefully, “this ok?”
Tony nodded, “quit worrying so much and kiss me,” he whispered, pulling Gibbs closer with his good hand.
Leaning in, Gibbs pressed his lips to Tony’s; taking time to savor the feel and the taste of his lover. Leaning in closer, Gibbs felt his groin bump Tony’s; both men stifling a moan at the added stimulation.
“God,” Tony panted as the kiss broke apart.
“Yeah,” Gibbs groaned trying to hold it together.
“We should watch the movie,” Tony whispered as he leaned up to kiss Gibbs one more time. “Don’t want to start something we can’t finish here.”
“I want to finish it,” Gibbs whispered as he returned the kiss. “Do you?”
“Yeah,” Tony sighed as Gibbs moved back to his side and took him into the safety of his arms.
xxx
Jethro Gibbs felt younger than he had in years. Throughout the remainder of the movie he and Tony had each teased the other, dropping kisses or touches unexpectedly, keeping them both wound up and on edge for the next hour. By the time the film ended--thanks to his friend adding the custom bench seats--Gibbs was sprawled against his door with one leg up on the seat, Tony turned with his broken ankle up on the seat next to Gibbs’ leg, his back warm and heavy against Gibbs’ chest. Tony’s forehead was pressed against the side of Jethro’s neck and his steady breathing made the older man wonder if he was asleep.
As the credits rolled, Gibbs turned his head and kissed Tony’s temple. “You still awake,” he murmured. He didn’t want to disturb him if he was asleep, but they needed to situate themselves so that Gibbs could drive--even if that meant sliding Tony down to put his head on Jethro’s lap. Tony moaned but didn’t say anything. Jethro narrowed his eyes in concern.
“Tony? You okay?”
He shifted Tony a bit so he could see his face. Gone was the relaxation from earlier, replaced instead by lines of pain. Shit. They’d been so caught up in the evening that Gibbs forgot to give Tony his latest dose of painkillers. He quickly fished the pill bottle out of his pocket.
“Hey…Tony you with me? Look up here.” Tony’s lips were turned down in a deep frown and he dutifully kept his eyes closed.
Gibbs could have kicked himself--he knew Tony was too stubborn to ask for the medication--he shouldn’t have forgotten.
“You hurtin’?” Jethro asked softly, frowning when Tony nodded tightly.
“Sorry,” Tony whispered.
“Hey--you don’t apologize for that. It’s my fault I forgot to give you your next dose of pain meds. Here…got ‘em right here Tony. They’ll make you feel better c’mon.”
Tony reached out his hand and eagerly swallowed them down chasing them with a last sip of his cherry coke from earlier. He ran his good hand over his face and looked around.
“Movie over?”
Gibbs nodded, concerned. For Tony to tune the movie out like that he had to be hurting pretty bad. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Didn’t wanna ruin the evening,” Tony said regretfully, his eyes on his lap. “It’s the most perfect night of my life and I didn’t want to ruin it by whining because it hurts to breathe.”
“Ribs hurting?” Jethro asked sympathetically. Tony nodded.
Gibbs turned the car on. “Tell you what, why don’t you lean on me? Gonna get chilly on the ride back…maybe our body heat can help keep you relaxed. I’ll put the roof up and--”
“No don’t,” Tony pleaded. “I’ll be okay…I always wanted to ride in a convertible at night…please don’t put the roof up, I won’t complain.”
Gibbs shook his head. “It’s not about you complaining Tony,” he said softly, and leaned over to kiss the corner of Tony’s mouth. “It’s about making sure you aren’t hurting.”
“What if I covered up with something--is there a blanket or something? I won’t be too cold I promise.”
Gibbs reached around to the back seat and grabbed the heavy blanket he’d stored there just in case they needed it. He quickly draped it over Tony’s lap and pulled it up to his shoulders.
“Now if you lean on me will that be comfortable for you?” Tony nodded and quickly leaned back against Gibbs again, pressing his back against Gibbs’ side. Gibbs started the car and wrapped his arm around Tony’s chest lightly. “Just try and relax Tony. We’ll be home soon.”
xxx
Tony dozed lightly for most of the trip back, enjoying the feeling of being so close and comfortable with Gibbs. He’d never imagined that he could have this relationship with the older man--had never imagined that he’d ever find a way to leave Declan. He thought back over the day he’d escaped--because that’s what it had been, an escape. Tony remembered forcing his body forward, dragging himself along until he reached the elevator, and from there, forcing his body to keep walking until he was outside--until he was safe. The best decision he’d made was calling Gibbs.
Gibbs hadn’t really left his side hardly any since he’d made that call. He was always there to help with moving, or with his medicine. Sometimes he was there simply for conversation and company. Gibbs was there for him when he was lonely, reassuring him when he was scared, and always willing to draw him out of his own head. Gibbs--no, Jethro--never let Tony wallow in his misery. He didn’t let him slow down long enough to really feel his misery. Misery at being so weak, at being abused for so long, for being stupid enough to get sucked into that in the first place.
Feeling the darkness creeping in, Tony pushed those thoughts down. This really had been the most perfect night of his life. He couldn’t recall an evening--not even as a child--when someone had considered his interests so carefully, and planned an entire night around those interests. Tony knew Gibbs could care less about the old movies they’d gone to see. He’d done it though, and it seemed like he enjoyed himself too, and it was all for Tony.
Tony had never felt so loved in his entire life.
Tony drifted between being awake and asleep for the duration of the drive. He was warm under the blanket and pressed against Jethro, and he felt safe with Jethro’s arm tucked securely around him. He was loved and protected, and Gibbs had his six. No harm would come to him tonight. Tony had given Gibbs a hard time about going out, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why he’d doubted the older man.
Gibbs pulled the car off the exit back in DC and glanced at Tony with a sad smile. Tony was reclined against his body, head rolled down and to the side, his breathing deep and even. Gibbs knew he was sleeping soundly. He was happy to have done this for Tony, to have given his lover a night of fun where he could feel safe and relax a bit. As Gibbs brought the car to a stop at the end of the exit, Tony stirred.
“Shhhh,” Gibbs whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Tony’s head. “We’re almost home, just rest.”
Tony slept until Gibbs stopped at the next red light. It seemed that stopping the car was enough to rouse him. He sat up a bit, blinking blearily and looked around.
“Where’re we?” he mumbled softly, rubbing his eye with a curled fist like a sleepy toddler.
“Almost home, we’re in the downtown district,” Gibbs said quietly. “You okay?”
“Mmmm yeah, sleepy,” Tony said softly. He settled back against Gibbs as they waited for the light to change.
Movement on the street corner caught Tony’s eye and he blinked trying to clear his vision enough to see. There was a good looking man on the street corner, talking to some kids. It didn’t take long for Tony, even in his highly medicated state, to recognize that it was a drug deal taking place.
“Look Gibbs,” Tony whispered. Gibbs followed Tony’s gaze.
Suddenly the good looking man on the corner’s face darkened and he walked away from the kids toward their car.
“Great,” Gibbs murmured, not wanting any kind of altercation tonight.
“You!” The man suddenly hissed, pointing at Tony. Tony blinked again and suddenly he realized who he was looking at.
“Gibbs…drive…run the light Gibbs, you gotta go…we gotta go Gibbs,” Tony whispered, his voice shaking.
“Why did you leave me,” the man called, anger showing in his features. “I love you! You stupid bastard--why’d you leave me! I love you! Come back to me!”
“Is that--”
But Gibbs didn’t need to finish that question. It was obvious from the man’s words and the way Tony had shrunk back against him, the evening’s calm completely gone, exactly who that was.
Quickly looking both ways, Gibbs floored the gas and sped through the intersection.
“You’re mine slut!” Was the last thing they heard Declan say as the car disappeared into the night.
xxx
Tony was a complete wreck by the time Gibbs pulled into the driveway. He helped Tony sit up and then made quick work of getting the wheelchair out of the back of the car. When he moved to sit Tony in the chair, Tony refused to let go of Gibbs.
“It’s okay Tony,” Gibbs reassured him gently, “we need to get inside now. It’s alright. We’re safe here. You’re safe here. I’ve got you, c’mon.”
Tony bent at the waist when Gibbs sat him in the chair, leaning his head over his lap, trying to make himself as small as possible. Gibbs heard the hiss of pain and gently pulled him back up. “You’re going to hurt yourself sitting like that,” he said softly. “Gonna put too much pressure on all those broken bones. You don’t wanna have to start the process all over again.”
Jethro quickly unlocked the door and moved them both inside. He’d deal with the car later, but for now, his only concern was for Tony. Locking the door behind them, Gibbs moved Tony down the hall to the bathroom. Tony was so distraught Gibbs was considering calling Ducky, but he decided he’d hold off for a few minutes. He wet a washcloth and used it to gently wipe the sweat and tears that were accumulating on Tony’s face.
“Easy,” he murmured. “Got you now…safe here…shhhh…”
Once Gibbs wiped Tony’s face clean, he leaned over and pressed a very gentle kiss to the corner of Tony’s mouth. Tony’s arm wrapped around Gibbs’ neck again, and Gibbs hugged him close.
“I’ll protect you Tony. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. Declan is not going to hurt you.”
Tony was still groggy from the pain medication and he leaned heavily on Gibbs. “Let’s go to bed,” Gibbs whispered. “C’mon babe, you’re exhausted.”
Gibbs moved them back down the hall to the guest room. Memories of his earlier flashback caused Tony to tense again and he recoiled against the back of the chair, moaning softly. Jethro helped Tony to change into some loose fitting more comfortable sweats, and he carefully situated him on the bed. Tony looked up at him with huge eyes, round with fear, and his good hand would not let go of his.
Jethro sat down on the edge of the bed, still debating calling Ducky.
“You need to relax,” Gibbs pressed softly. “Do you want me to call Ducky?”
Tony shook his head. He didn’t want anyone or anything coming near him tonight…except Jethro.
“Stay,” he whispered.
Knowing that he’d already secured the house--the front door had been locked before he left, and he’d locked the back door as soon as he’d closed it when they returned…Gibbs nodded.
“Alright,” he said softly. He stood up and closed the bedroom door. He opened the door to the closet and checked it just for good measure--for Tony’s peace of mind. Then he closed the door back, and unbuttoned his jeans. Being a hot-sleeper, Gibbs usually only slept in boxers and a t-shirt. Jethro crawled up on the bed with Tony and carefully pulled him closer.
Tony rolled toward Gibbs and clung to him like he’d never let go. Gibbs ran a soothing hand up and down Tony’s shoulder blade, smiling when he felt Tony almost immediately begin to relax.
“Got you now,” he said softly. “I’m going to keep you safe. Nothing is going to happen to you.” He repeated the words over and over again, long after Tony was asleep, until he joined his lover in peaceful rest.
xxx
Gibbs was shocked awake by the sensation of being struck by something. Hard. He sat up, trying to place where he was and what he’d heard, rubbing his chest where he’d taken the hit. It didn’t take him long to figure out what was going on.
Turning to his lover, Gibbs gently cupped Tony’s face. His lover’s face was a mask of pain and fear. Still sound asleep--thanks to the pain medication--Tony was trapped in an endless nightmare of memories. Gibbs shook Tony’s shoulder carefully.
“Tony. Wake up babe, c’mon sweetheart. It’s a nightmare. That’s all it is, wake up. I’m right here. It’s Jethro. I’m right here. You’re safe Tony.”
Somehow in all of his struggling, Tony had managed to wrench his arm free of the sling. Gibbs realized that was the arm Tony had hit him with. He’d worry about that in a minute, for now he needed to get Tony awake.
Slapping at his face lightly, Gibbs watched Tony for signs of wakefulness. He jumped back, slightly startled when Tony suddenly shot up in bed with a shout.
“Hey easy,” Gibbs said softly. “It’s alright. Was just a nightmare.”
“Oh God Boss,” Tony said, his face in his hands. “It was terrible--oh God, oh God,” he panted softly.
“Hey look at me,” Gibbs said quietly. When Tony didn’t respond, Gibbs tried again. “Tony look at me.”
Still not getting a response, Gibbs pulled out the big guns. “Agent DiNozzo!”
Tony blinked and looked at him. Tears filled his eyes and it made Gibbs’ heart ache to know that his lover was in so much pain.
“Hey, you okay?”
Tony shook his head. His movements were slow and jerky, uneven. Gibbs pulled him into a gentle embrace, running his fingers through Tony’s sweaty hair and pressing kisses to the top of his head.
“I’ve got you Tony. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
Eventually Tony began to calm, leaning a little heavier against Gibbs’ strong frame. Gibbs took the opportunity to check Tony over.
“Need to get your arm back in the sling babe. And you’re probably going to want more pain killers. You hurting?”
Tony shook his head. Not hurting. Gibbs narrowed his eyes a bit. A quick glance at the clock told him the medication should have worn off by now. Figuring Tony was feeling no pain because of the adrenaline in his system, Gibbs stood up.
“It’s time for your meds, Tony,” he said gently, his hand on the doorknob.
“Don’t go!” Tony’s cry was strangled and forced out around the deep gasps of air he was still drawing in. Gibbs sighed and moved back to Tony’s side. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Gibbs stroked Tony’s face gently.
“What can I do Tony? How can I help you?”
“Make me forget,” Tony said firmly.
“I’d love to make you forget Tony. But how can I do that--”
Tony grabbed Gibbs by his t-shirt and pulled him down into a hard kiss.
TBC…
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