Chapter 6: Break The Cycle
The next morning Gibbs watched with a churning gut as his second in command was wheeled away to surgery.
Gibbs pulled out his cell phone and called Ducky, asking him to stop by his house and bring him a change of clothes.
“I would be glad to Jethro. How is dear Anthony this morning?”
“They’re operating on his ankle. Said the surgery would take about three or four hours. The x-rays showed a lot of damage.”
“It’s still a wonder that Anthony got out of the building on his own.”
“He talked to me a bit before he went back to sleep last night.”
“About…?”
“Said he’s tried to leave, but the sonofabitch keeps showing back up. Thinks he’s different from the people we hear about in the workshops--I dunno Duck. His old man taught him early on and Declan picked right up where the old bastard left off….After all this time I think he thinks he deserves this.” Gibbs sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We can’t let him go back there, Duck. We have to help him.”
“Jethro that isn’t your decision to make. It is up to Anthony.”
“We’re not gonna sit on our hands, Duck. We’re gonna do something,” Gibbs snapped.
“We can be there for him when he needs us, Jethro. Nothing more, nothing less. We can advise him to look out for his safety, but we have no control over what he does. All we can do is encourage Anthony to make decisions that will keep him safe.”
Gibbs sighed and ended the call. He knew Ducky was right--but wait. Even if Tony elected to go back to Declan, that didn’t mean Declan would have any right to visit Tony while he was in the hospital. Perhaps that would give Tony the chance he needed to distance himself from the bastard’s control.
After Gibbs got off the phone with Ducky, he stepped down to the nurses’ desk on his way to the Surgery Waiting Room. “Hi,” he said quietly to the pretty red-haired nurse sitting at the desk. “I’m looking for Stephanie.”
The nurse smiled. “I’ll page her. What room do you need her in?”
“Actually I’m on my way to the surgical waiting area.”
The nurse nodded and paged Stephanie. A few minutes later, the nurse Gibbs learned was Stephanie joined them at the nurse’s desk. She was a middle aged woman, with dark swirling curls streaked with gray and a friendly smile. “Can I help you?”
Gibbs stuck his hand out. “Special Agent Jethro Gibbs. I’m concerned for Agent Anthony DiNozzo’s safety here,” Gibbs said quietly. “Is there any way we can restrict who gets in to see him?”
“Visitor restrictions are determined by the patient’s next of kin, and here in the Intensive Care Unit we only allow family and medical proxies to visit. Would that be sufficient?”
Gibbs shook his head. “I’m not sure…the person we need to keep away is Tony’s domestic partner. We have reason to believe he’s the one who did this. But they aren’t legally married and I am his medical proxy.”
Stephanie’s eyes widened slightly and she nodded, sitting down at the computer behind the desk. “Let me check and see what options we’ve got.”
It wasn’t long before she printed a form. “This is a specialized visitation plan Agent Gibbs. Fill this out and you can select who can visit and who can’t.”
“Well I’m not planning to leave him, but I’d feel better knowing that there is a paper trail set up so that if we need to pursue more…restrictive measures, we’ve covered all of our bases.”
“That makes sense,” Stephanie agreed. “Once the form is complete, we’ll get it keyed into the system and get Agent DiNozzo all squared away.”
“Tony,” Gibbs said quietly.
“I beg your pardon,” Stephanie asked.
“He likes to be called Tony. Says ‘Agent DiNozzo’ is too formal for occasions outside of work.”
Stephanie chuckled. “Good looking and a sense of humor. He’s a rare breed, Special Agent Gibbs.”
“Just Gibbs.”
Stephanie smiled even wider. “It seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, ‘Just Gibbs,’” she quipped.
Gibbs smirked. “Yeah. You’re right though. Tony’s a pretty unique guy.”
Stephanie smiled. “He’s lucky to have you on his six, sir,” she said. Gibbs nodded. “You’ll be in the surgery waiting area while Agent DiNozzo is in surgery, right?”
“Yes.”
Stephanie smiled. “I also understand that you’re going to accompany Ag--er, Tony in the recovery room when he wakes up?”
Gibbs nodded.
“Excellent,” Stephanie said. “Dr. Brown briefed me on the situation. I think it’s great what you’re doing. Not many employees have supervisors who are so supportive. He’s lucky.”
“Thanks,” Gibbs said gruffly.
Gibbs decided only Declan and DiNozzo Senior needed to be restricted from Tony’s room. He didn’t want to take any chances of anyone or anything trying to screw with Tony’s recovery. His agent had a long enough road ahead of him.
Gibbs knew he’d be able to stop the team from coming in if need be. Kate would respect Tony’s wishes, and Abby would just have to deal with the situation. If Tony didn’t want anyone to see him yet--that’s what he would get.
He returned the clipboard, form, and cheap black pen to Stephanie and set off for the Surgery Waiting Room, content in the knowledge that Tony would be safe and protected even in his absence.
xxx
Tony heard voices speaking, but couldn’t make any sense of it.
“You sure he’s awake? He’s always had a tough time coming out of anesthesia.”
“Just keep talking to him. He’s showing signs of consciousness. Sometimes it just takes a few minutes.”
Tony felt fingers in his hair, combing gently.
“C’mon DiNozzo, time to wake up. Open your eyes, c’mon now.”
That was Gibbs’ voice. But what was he doing? Didn’t he realize how terrible Tony felt? Tony just wanted to sleep. However, his boss’ voice kept calling to him, and he found it impossible to ignore. Slowly, very slowly, he cracked his eyes open.
The blurry figure in front of his face eventually coalesced into the image of Gibbs. Where were they? Based on the sounds Tony was hearing, he was willing to bet he was in the hospital. But what had happened? The last thing he remembered was…Declan…then the hospital…then restraints…and now this. What was going on?
“Attaboy Tony. That’s good work, DiNozzo.” Gibbs turned away from Tony. “Excuse me, nurse? His eyes are open.”
“I’ll go get Dr. Corkran for you, Agent Gibbs.”
“Thank you.”
Wait. Gibbs never said thank you--ever. Tony blinked a couple of times, each blink clearing his vision a bit more.
Gibbs was sitting beside him now, fingers still in his hair, the other hand was holding his…what did this all mean?
“You had to have surgery on your ankle Tony. The doctor put pins and plates in it to hold the bones together. But don’t worry, you’ll be up and sparring with me in the gym in no time.”
Gibbs took in Tony’s foggy gaze and half smiled. “You with me?”
Tony finally nodded slowly, eyes blinking and then sinking shut. “Hey…try to stay awake for just a minute, DiNozzo,” Gibbs said. “The doctor’s gonna be here in--” the sound of a curtain pulling back, “now,” Gibbs said quietly.
There were bright lights then, and pokes, prods, and general discomfort all around. Then they were moving and the lights were flying past his head, and Tony felt like he might throw up, but decided to just close his eyes and hopefully he’d sleep a bit more. Later, Tony wouldn’t know if he actually fell asleep or if it was just an after effect from the medication, but images from his past floated through his mind.
Attending the Alpha Chi Delta rush party. Meeting Declan.
Taking Behavioral Psychology at Ohio State University. Having class with Declan.
Drinking beer at Declan’s apartment and getting more trashed than he’d meant to. Spending the night with Declan.
Taking Psych courses for his elective credits while he majored in Physical Education. Being dragged around by Declan.
Declan scoring low on the GRE and getting depressed. Declan threatening to commit suicide. Begging Tony not to leave him. Tony staying.
Police Academy in Columbus. Being doubted by Declan.
Working at Peoria as a beat rookie. Being smacked by Declan the first time.
Working as a police officer in Philadelphia. Being cheated on by Declan.
Becoming a Detective in Baltimore. Being raped by Declan the first time.
Running away to Washington DC. Being found by Declan.
Working at NCIS and breaking Declan’s rules. Being punished by Declan.
Each bright point in his life was dimmed by dark memories of that man.
xxx
It was a couple of hours later when Tony woke up again. He was back in his room in the ICU; Gibbs was sitting beside him working on a crossword puzzle. Gibbs glanced up when Tony made a sound as he shifted slightly.
“Hey,” Gibbs said softly, putting the book on the rollaway table and moving closer to Tony.
“Mmmm hey,” Tony sighed.
“How ya feeling?” Gibbs poured a cup of water as he spoke.
“Might throw up,” Tony whispered.
“Concussions and anesthesia can do that. Here, have some water. Might help.”
The straw slipped between Tony’s lips and he drank a couple of sips before using his tongue to push the straw away. “Tha’s ‘nuf,” he slurred softly.
Gibbs placed the water back on the tray, “Feelin’ better Tony?”
Tony blinked his eyes open when Gibbs dimmed the lights. He stared up at his boss. “Had the weirdest dream Boss,” he said quietly.
“What’d you dream about Tony?”
“It’s uh, it’s hard to explain, Boss,” Tony said uneasily.
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. “Try.”
“It was like some bad Hallmark movie…got the Sparknotes version of my time with Declan.”
Gibbs eyed him carefully. “Learn anything?”
Tony sighed. “Nothin’ new,” he mumbled.
Gibbs sat down on the edge of Tony’s bed, taking care not to jostle him due to his injuries. “Talk to me, DiNozzo.”
Tony was quiet for a long moment, his eyes were closed and Gibbs almost believed Tony had gone back to sleep in the middle of their conversation.
“Usually you tell me to shut up,” Tony said softly after a few minutes, as his mind cleared. To his horror there were tears in his eyes. Oh good God he wasn’t going to cry now was he? Now? After everything that had happened?
Gibbs was back in front of his gaze. “Usually you let your mouth run off without your brain. I want to help, Tony.”
“I need to find a way,” Tony started to speak then broke off, swallowing hard. “I need to get out. I need to break this fucked up cycle. ‘M a federal agent, Boss…shoulda been smarter.”
“Being a federal agent doesn’t have anything to do with it. This isn’t your fault, DiNozzo.”
"How can you say that?! It is my fault, Gibbs! I shoulda been stronger than this! But I’m so fucked up I thought I deserved what I got! And I hid it from you--I’m no better than--Tony broke off, gasping for air with an arm wrapped protectively around his ribs.
“Shhhh. Take it easy, DiNozzo. Calm down. We can work all this out. But, you’ve gotta trust me, Tony.”
Tony stared at his boss--and dare he say it: his friend?--and wondered if Gibbs knew what a difficult request that was.
“Not sure…how to…do that, Boss,” Tony whispered. His voice was slurring--not from painkillers for once, but from pure exhaustion. “Dunno how to…trust anyone. Nev’r had ‘nyone…t’trust before you--only trust…myself.”
“That’s kept you alive Tony, and that’s good. But I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to do it all alone anymore. I want to help you. Ducky would like to help you too. But the choice is yours.” Gibbs sighed. He needed to reassure Tony, but it was so hard to force the next words out of his mouth. “Whatever you decide is best for you Tony…we’ll back you all the way.”
Tony blinked his heavy eyelids and stared at Gibbs. “What…if I decide…decide…go back?”
Gibbs’ gut clenched. He prayed that Tony wouldn’t choose that. “Tony we’re your friends…your family. We want you to be safe and unharmed. We would advise you against going back, but we--I can’t stop you. I won’t stop you. It’s your choice, DiNozzo.”
Gibbs moved back down to his chair, signaling that the conversation was over. Tony considered what Gibbs said. It’s your choice, DiNozzo.
Tony managed a small smile as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
xxx
Tony sat at his desk and wondered why Gibbs kept staring at him. “What’s the matter Boss? Do I have something in my teeth?” Gibbs ignored him.
Kate entered the bullpen. “What’d you find out, Agent Todd?” Gibbs asked Kate. He didn’t take his eyes off of Tony.
“He grew up in an abusive home, and had been in the abusive relationship for about ten years. He met the guy in college. Never had many close friends. After graduation, the two of them moved around a great deal--about every two years.”
“You learn anything about the suspect?”
“Graduated with honors from the same school as the victim, in the same year. Degree is in Psychology, with a focus on human behavior and conditioning. Never was able to find a job in the field. He didn’t score high enough on his GRE so he wasn’t accepted into any credible masters programs. Gibbs no one takes a BA in Psych seriously--at least not without experience to add to it--even if the person only wants to be a counselor.”
“I don’t take any counselor seriously.”
“I know that, but some people do consider the opinions of licensed counselors to be quite valuable.”
“Back to the situation, Agent Todd. We need to find this bastard.”
“Boss I have a theory,” Tony cut in. Gibbs completely ignored him and continued looking at Kate.
“Neighbors reported hearing lots of noise at all hours from the couple’s apartment. The next door neighbor reported that once or twice she thought she heard the sounds of someone begging, but wasn’t sure--thought it might have been the TV--so she didn’t call the police.”
Gibbs rubbed his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Boss I think I know what’s going on here--” Tony tried again, and was surprised when Gibbs stood up and walked away without comment.
“I’m going down to Ducky’s. Good work Agent Todd. Keep digging. I want to know everything about this guy from the minute he was born to how he takes his damned coffee.”
“On it boss,” Kate called as the elevator door began to slide shut. Tony jumped into the elevator with Gibbs at the last second.
“Want to take a look at the body,” Tony commented, staring at the chrome door of the elevator.
Gibbs sighed. “Why, DiNozzo?” His voice was soft in the elevator.
“Um…so I can see exactly what we’re dealing with here, Boss,” Tony retorted. Why was Gibbs ignoring him? Had he pissed Gibbs off that badly?
Tony followed Gibbs into autopsy without saying anything more. “What do you got for me, Duck?”
Ducky sighed. ‘He looks old,’ Tony thought, but didn’t verbalize it.
“Ah Jethro. I didn’t expect you so soon. I…well I was just about to begin. Join me over here please.”
“Hi Ducky,” Tony called, pausing to look at the x-rays before following the other two men across the room.
“It appears, Jethro, that our young man died from a blunt force trauma to the left temple. As you can see here,” Ducky turned the victim’s head to face away as Tony approached, “His temporal bone was actually crushed. The amount of bruising and the open wound indicate to me that the blow probably came…” Ducky paused for a moment, seemingly to collect himself. “The blow most likely came from a kick with a steel-toed boot.”
“I just…I don’t want to believe this, Duck,” Gibbs said quietly. “Shoulda seen the warning signs. Hell Ducky, I did see the warning signs. I shoulda helped him.”
Ducky turned the victim’s head back, and then covered the body with the sheet, covering his face. “There was nothing we could do for him, Jethro. You know that as well as I. This was a choice that he made based on his feelings. It is a shame though…such a waste of a brilliant young mind. Step into my office. I keep a bottle of excellent bourbon there, though I had hoped I would never have reason to open it.”
Tony wanted to look at the body, so he didn’t follow Gibbs and Ducky just yet. He watched as the two men stepped into Ducky’s office and the older man gave one last look at the autopsy table before he closed the door. Once he was sure Gibbs and Ducky weren’t coming back out, Tony stepped closer to the autopsy table.
Something had everyone acting weird and ignoring him. Even Gibbs--what had he done to piss Gibbs off?
Whoever died was obviously someone they all knew well, they were even depersonalizing the victim by not saying his name--they seemed so sad and…guilty? But however the rest of the team felt, that was no excuse for ignoring him!
With his frustration giving him courage, Tony took the last step to the table and, after a deep breath, pulled the sheet back.
Suddenly it was all too clear to him why no one was speaking to him, why no one was looking at him, why Gibbs was staring at his desk, why he and Ducky were having a drink before the ME performed the autopsy. It made sense why no one listened to him when he spoke, and why the victim’s partner sounded so much like Declan.
Tony stared down at the victim’s body and gripped the side of the table to keep from falling. The victim’s face was heavily bruised, and the indentation in the skull was obvious even to Tony. Tony continued to stare at the victim, wondering what his thoughts had been before Declan killed him. Tony looked at his own body on the table and wondered if Ducky would question his corpse.
Why hadn’t he trusted Gibbs more?
Why had he failed his team?
Tony let out a shaky breath and looked away from himself.
Would Ducky ask Tony to tell him how he died?
TBC…
Chapter End Notes:
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