Chapter 2
AN: I everybody I said this chapter needed a little tweaking and I did it. I really glad you all liked my first version. I hope you like this one just as well.
Life and time inevitably went on, as life and time does. The funeral had been...magnificent. If that is even the correct word to use. It had lasted 3 hours. Two and a half of which consisted of testimonials from Tony's close friends, former cop buddies, NCIS agents and co-workers, acquaintances, and even a few of Tony's family members chose to speak. It had been an uplifting experience. A celebration of a short life that had been lived well and had impacted many.
One of the most touching and moving testimonies came from a surprising source. Tony's friends knew very well of the members of Team Gibbs. Tony had described their personalities in detail and had even given physical descriptions. Knowing this, it was a tense, uncertain, moment when one attendee finally got his opportunity to speak.
NCIS Director Leon Vance strolled to the podium. Those who worked at NCIS, especially, held their breaths. They were unsure of the words that would come out of the director's mouth. "I am NCIS Director, Leon Vance. I have known Agent DiNozzo for about 3 years. When I first met Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, I was...well, perplexed. I, at the time, knew his boss, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs by reputation, despite the fact we had met, briefly, years earlier. I just could not see a no-nonsense agent, like Agent Gibbs, having an agent like Tony on his team. They were polar opposites. Tony far too...fun-loving and Jethro far too strict, too disciplined. I couldn't see it as a good match. But it had worked...for years. Before I ever came on the scene." Vance paused. "I have always believed you could tell a man's true nature by how he acts around kids. This is especially true when he has no children of his own. My wife and children visited me at work once. I thought everyone had left for the day and had wondered why the kids had not come up, with my wife, to the office. My wife, Jackie, proceeded to tell me that they were downstairs with one of the agents. She described him as the tall and cute, with brown hair, green eyes, and an amazing smile." Many people in attendance chuckled and nodded. "We both proceeded down to Tony's desk to find both of our children crowded around him playing a video game with him on his computer. I cannot tell you how impressed I was. The impact that that singular incident made on me. My children were thrilled and from that day forward they had an 'Uncle Tony.'" Vance paused again. There several nods there also. "I did Agent DiNozzo a huge disservice when we first met. I had not read his accomplishments. I had known of his work history, but I had not read the reasons for his short stays and sudden departures. I knew he had a lot of commendations from NCIS and from the various police departments he had worked in. I had not read them, though, thinking they were routine commendations. I hadn't expected what I discovered I did read them...I was amazed. I was astonished. I FINALLY understood why Agent Gibbs had Agent DiNozzo on his team. The man I was introduced to there was a man with a strong sense of right and wrong. He was a man who was fiercely loyal. He was someone who, in the truest sense of brotherhood and service, would lay down his life for his fellow agent. I saw this, first-hand, when Agent DiNozzo came to me and asked to go to a war-torn country. Just to retrieve information about the death of a fallen comrade. I saw then how...deep his loyalties were." Vance paused as his voice began to shake. "I saw it when my family, my wife, my kids were in danger. When he physically put himself between them and a killer. I would have lost my entire family that day if it had not been for Agent DiNozzo. I never got the opportunity to properly thank him for that." Vance sighed. The members of Team Gibbs were shocked. They had had no idea this event had even occurred. "Tony would have responded by shaking his head and by telling me he was only doing his job. And he was. But he did his job better and with more integrity and conviction than any agent I have ever met. I was blessed to have had the opportunity to get to know him. I am proud that he was an NCIS agent." Vance paused again. "And my family and I will miss him."
NCIS NCIS
Life at NCIS was, forever, different. Though, at first, everyone tried to pretend it wasn't. The first, slap in the face, sorta-speak was the new team member. He was not allowed to sit at Tony's desk. Tim had not wanted to sit there either, but he would rather be there than to look over and see some newbie there, so he moved and took over Tony's desk.
As it turned out, McGee didn't have to remove many of Tony's belongings. There was not a lot of his personal items left. Gibbs had kept Tony's medals, which he stored in his own desk anyway. Jimmy claimed Tony's American Pie coffee mug. Ducky got his Mighty Mouse stapler. Ziva took his letter opener. She then took a more personal item, a particular stripped shirt. She loved the way he looked in that shirt and when she saw it in his file cabinet, she took it. She found a couple bottles of cologne in his desk also. She had never asked him which cologne he used. But she had loved the smell. She took one bottle for herself. She gave the other to Abby. Other agents in the office had stopped by and asked for remembrances, also. That left, by the time it was all said and done, the usual office supplies.
Ziva sprayed his cologne on the shirt she took. She wrapped the shirt in tissue paper put it in a dress box. She put the box in the bottom drawer of her dresser. She had found herself missing Tony more than she thought possible. There were times she would sit on her couch, holding his shirt. She had even, especially those first few weeks, fallen asleep holding his shirt, tears streaming down her face.
Abby had also taken one of Tony's shirts, but she had gotten hers from his apartment. She and Team Gibbs had entered his apartment, without permission. Gibbs had always had a key and he didn't, particularly, feel like asking Senior's permission. Besides the things the team took, the things that meant the most to them, would hardly be missed. And most held little, if any, monetary value. They each had their eyes on Tony's movie collection. Each chose movies that Tony had recommended to them over the years, or movies that they particularly liked. Tim also ended up taking a particular jacket of Tony's that he had admired. It was leather, and Tim guessed, very expensive. But he knew Tony wouldn't mind.
Ducky really missed having someone who was always eager to hear his stories. Someone who paid attention and who actually asked him questions. He had stopped telling so many stories. Not that anybody noticed, at first. They were too busy dealing with the loss themselves. Ducky missed his friend dearly. His constant reminder, Tony's stapler, had a place of prominence on his desk in Autopsy. And it was an unspoken, understood rule. No one touched it and it was not to be moved from its customary spot. Ducky also found it painful to visit the bullpen and tried not to, unless it was absolutely necessary. He had imagined, more than once, Tony sitting at his desk smiling at him. And it tore at his heart, each time it happened. He realized it had only been his imagination.
Jimmy had, in addition to the coffee mug, taken Tony's American Pie movie poster when he and team visited Tony's apartment. The poster now hung in his living room. Now that he had his own living room. Tony's money had allowed him to move out of his parent's house and get put money down on a condo. The coffee mug, however, was still at work. He could not take it home. He had picked it up many times to do just that in the weeks following Tony's death. But he always sat it back in its custom place on the desk in the back room.
Jimmy had started looking for another intern position. It had not been a conscious decision, at first. He had just started listening to his fellow medical students when they discussed the opportunities they had heard about. He also started talking to his professors and asking them to help him find a permanent position. He had thought NCIS would be THE place. But with Tony's death, he could not see himself staying. It hurt too much, there were too many memories. He couldn't go upstairs to the bullpen without seeing Tony sitting at his desk. The first time it happened it really freaked him out. He had had to stop, stand, and stare for a moment. Things like that had happened a lot the first month after Tony's death. And it always hurt, badly, when reality came crashing in.
Jimmy could also tell Dr. Mallard's heart was no longer in his work. He felt that the elderly gentleman would, now, retire much sooner than he had planned. Jimmy had no problem taking over for the Dr. when he retired, that had been the plan. But in THEIR plan Tony was still alive and Ducky was retiring on a good note, because he wanted too. Not because the mere act of going to work seemed a chore.
Gibbs could sense the mood of those around him well. That may have been because his so closely matched theirs these days. He was spending more and more time working on his boats, trying to dull the pain of his loss. He also noticed he was spending more and more time staring at the bottom of a bourbon bottle. He had never considered himself an alcoholic, a drunk. But he was afraid that that was where he was heading. And he didn't have the support, any longer, of the one person he knew could pull him out of this pit. He didn't know if he was already too far gone, and he was equally unsure of who he could go to for help.
Gibbs seemed to be living in a vacuum in the weeks after Tony died. He was working on autopilot. He gave what he had to to do the job. There was nothing more he could give. He was drained and he knew why. He unable to convince himself that it mattered anymore. People had died in his life, and he had moved on. He had been able to find meaning. But bourbon and boats were not meaning. Bourbon was a ticking time-bomb. Boats were a means to an end, and he had regretted like hell that he had not given Tony the official answer to the question of how he got his boats out of the basement. He was grateful, though, that he had few other regrets. Gibbs had told Tony in those last moments of his life that he loved him. He had told Tony that he was the best son a man could ever have. He told Tony that it had been a great pleasure to have had him as his partner. Gibbs told Tonyhe had been very blessed to have met him and have gotten the opportunity to know him. But since Tony's death, the job was becoming a place that harbored bad memories, and his house was becoming a prison. Gibbs could not bring himself to go into what he called 'Tony's Room.' He knew Tony's clothes were still there. Gibbs had not been able to even throw away Tony's toothbrush, or any of the other disposable things Tony had left at his place. The pain was just too great.
Ziva had not expected it to be like this. She had not experienced the death of a friend before. She had not expected it to be so profound. It hurt her heart to look across the way from her desk and see the empty space that had been left . She could even swear, sometimes, when she was working she could hear Tony laugh, or she would smell his cologne. But by the time she jerked her head up, the laugher would have stopped or the smell would have faded away. She would then just shake her head sadly and return to her work. The weeks passed painfully. There were times she would find herself looking towards the elevator, early in the morning. It was as if she was waiting for Tony to arrive to work. Then she would realize what she was doing. She would then shake her head and wipe the tears from her eyes.
Ziva walked into Agent Fornell's office one morning. She had been heading to work. But, the next thing she knew she was sitting in front of Tobias Fornell's desk pushing her resume across for him to read. She had the feeling Fornell would hire her without much fuss. All she had to do was show interest. The fact was NCIS no longer felt like home. The foundation of their family was gone, and each of them was still dealing with the fallout. Ziva found the pain, the feeling of loss, almost too much to bear. Most of her days were spent receiving condolences for other agents. She was tired of telling people about the last moments of Tony's life, an abbreviated version. Though she was grateful to be able to share those moments with Tony, she considered those moments personal. And she wanted them to remain that way. The memory was crystal clear. She had knelt down beside Tony as Gibbs had held him in his arms. Tony had called her his 'super ninja chick' and he had told her he that loved her. She had only been able to take his hand and squeeze it, in response, as the tears cascaded down her face.
Tim was a no nonsense person. There were good guys, and there were bad guys. When Tony was killed those lines got blurred. Timhad had to shot someone who was not a bad person, because that person had shot a federal agent. Tony had died at the hands of a Marine who was under the influence of drugs Drugs that had been forced on him. He had been highly paranoid. He was someone, as Tim discovered when he read the man's history, who would have never shot anyone outside the war zone. The drug-induced paranoid state had beenthe catalyst. But still, dead was dead. The fact that Tony didn't have to die like that just made his death harder to take, and it made Tim angry. He had expected sorrow. He had expected hurt. But he had not expected anger. He had not expected to hate a dead man, to truly, utterly hate him with such passion. The anger, of course, was frustrated and unsatisfied by the fact that the man was already dead. He would never pay for Tony's death in a court of law. In Tim's mind, he got off easy.
Tim had hated to move to Tony's desk. If it had been up to him, that desk would never be used again. And while he was grateful for the promotion, he was heartbroken by the way it had come about. Tim had begun to realize how grateful he was to Tony for the way Tony had trained him. He was a different man from the person who had joined Team Gibbs all those years ago. He was a well-trained, confident, competent federal agent. And he was going to do his very best in the job Tony had trained him to do.
Cyberville, as Tony had called it, was looking better and better. There were no gray areas in the world of computer science. Facts were facts, and figures were figures. People didn't die in cyber world. Drugged Marine's didn't shot federal agents who were just doing their jobs. Friends didn't die because the only mistake they made that morning was showing up for work. Tim applied for his old supervisory position. He couldn't stay in the bullpen and work without Tony's last words to him running through his head. Tim also couldn't get over his last memory. Tony lying in Gibbs' arms, blood flowing from the corner of his mouth. Tony telling him he had been a great little brother, that he would make a good SFA. Tony said he expected Tim to make it to the position of director. And Tim had tried, but it was more for Tony than for himself. But he had never wanted to be Gibbs' SFA. He had wanted to be Tony's. Tim had wanted to make Tony proud, then. But now, he was just not sure his heart was in it.
Abby stared at the picture of her big brother every day when she came into work. She had expected it to hurt a lot in the first few weeks. But as time when on, the hurt had not eased. The fact, as she learned later, that Tony had not had to die weighed on her mind. She could accept it almost better, she thought, if he had been killed by a bad guy. The lines were too blurred here. There were rules in life, and that was one of the rules. There were good guys. There were bad guys, and everybody knew who was who. Abby also found herself avoiding the bullpen at all costs. She would call the team down, even on things she considered emergencies. In the past she went upstairs and reported her findings. She noticed too, when she left in the evening or when she came in the morning she would take the back elevators to and from the lab. She hadn't wanted to see Tony's desk, if doors opened, and someone got off on the third floor.
Abby didn't know if it was her imagination, or if she was actually receiving more job offers. But it seemed so these days. And in all truth, she was beginning to consider life outside NCIS. She would not have entertained the thought as much as two months ago. But now, Tony's death, had put things in a whole new light. There were too many things, even in her lab, that reminded her of Tony. Bert, a gift from Tony, was the most prominent. She loved Bert, but some days it hurt to even look at him. Let alone reach out to him for the constant comfort he always seemed to give her. She had even sequestered him to the back lab and had only brought him out yesterday. Now she squeezed him, and even his patent response brought her no comfort.
TBC
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