Chapter 11: Choices To Be Made
Tony eventually returned to work on desk duty. It wasn’t long after he returned that everyone started to get to him. At first it was just the sympathetic looks. Then the mothers who worked in the building took it on themselves to come by and ask if he needed to talk to anyone, or if he was doing alright, or if he needed anything and to be sure and let them know if he did. He appreciated the sentiment, really he did, but it seemed as though no one could see that by pointing out that he shouldn’t be ok, they were really making him more “not ok” than he already was.
Gibbs was his rock, supportive when he needed it, able to jar him back to reality when he drifted away, and he always had his six at work. He’d pull Tony into the break room to make him a cup of coffee or he would relocate them to a quieter part of the building to “go over files” when the others started hovering too much.
***
When he’d first returned, Tony had been assigned to desk duty only because he was still ill from all the blood loss and was still recovering from major surgery. Finally he was cleared by his doctors to return to active field duty. Tony was so excited when the call came in that they had a case. He grabbed his backpack and started toward the elevator, purposefully ignoring Gibbs’ smirk, only to be stopped by Kate. It was his first active field case since he’d been five months pregnant, some four months prior.
“Tony are you sure you are ready to go back out? You’re still weak from…everything, aren’t you?”
“No Kate I’m fine, I was cleared by my doctors. I’m good to go!”
She eyed him carefully. “I don’t think I trust you to watch your own six Tony,” she said gently. “I feel like we will all be too distracted making sure you are safe to do our jobs safely.”
That stopped Tony cold. It was his worst (well second worst) nightmare, come true.
Gibbs barked at her to shut her mouth and get moving, but Tony faltered on his way to the elevator. Gibbs, narrow eyed and concerned, told McGee to grab their packs and told Kate to gas the truck.
“Tony? You alright? What’d she say to you?”
Tony shook his head. “She’s right Boss,” Tony whispered. “You guys will be too worried that I’m out there with a death wish to watch your own backs. I should stay here.”
Gibbs’ eyes narrowed even more. “Do you have a death wish Tony?”
Tony’s jaw dropped and his eyes opened wide in shock. “No!” he sputtered. “I do NOT have a death wish! But since everyone seems to think I do, maybe it’s better if I just stay here. Go Gibbs. Your team is waiting for you.” He tried to keep the sneer out of his voice, but didn’t think he did a very good job of it.
Gibbs was torn. He didn’t know what to do. He pulled Tony in for a quick embrace and pressed a quick kiss to his temple. “Be back soon,” he said quietly.
Tony nodded. He watched as Gibbs left and knew that as soon as the doors were shut, he’d be leaving right behind them…
***
Gibbs was actually glad in the end that Tony hadn’t come. They hadn’t expected to find the body of a child at the crime scene. It was moved away from the other body so it hadn’t been noticed immediately by the woman who had found the dead woman’s body. Gibbs could only imagine what Tony’s reaction to seeing that might have been.
The case was pretty cut and dry and they had it closed out by that afternoon. When they returned to the bullpen, Gibbs noticed Tony wasn’t anywhere around. Glancing at the clock, he figured Tony had stepped out for lunch. He had the others finish their reports and turn them in. By the time he finished his own report, he was getting a bit concerned. Tony hadn’t come back yet.
He picked up his cell phone and dialed the familiar number.
Hey you’ve reached Tony DiNozzo, Very Special Agent for NCIS. I’m not available to take your call right now, but if you’d leave your name and number I’ll be glad to get back to you. ~BEEP~
“Where are you Tony? Call me,” Gibbs said quietly into the phone. His gut was churning. He wasn’t mad; he was worried. Where could his lover have gone?
By the end of the afternoon Gibbs was nearly in a panic. He hadn’t heard back from Tony, only knew that Tony had been upset when they’d left him earlier, and no one had seen him leave or talked to him on his way out. It was as though he’d vanished into thin air.
He called down to Abby’s lab.
“Abby’s labby,” she chirped into the phone, “how can I help you today?”
“Abs have you talked to Tony?”
“Not since this morning Bossman, why what’s up?”
“He’s not here. He was gone when we got back from the scene and he hasn’t come back. He’s not answering his phone either.”
“Want me to run a trace on his phone and credit cards?”
“I dunno if it will do any good or not, but yeah, go ahead,” Gibbs replied. He knew Tony was smart enough that if he didn’t want to be found he wouldn’t be. He hung up the phone with Abby and tried Tony’s cell again. Still no answer.
A moment later his cell phone rang. “Yeah, Gibbs.”
“Bossman our Tony is slipping! That or he wants you to come get him. You got a pen?”
“I got it, what ya got for me Abs?”
“He used his credit card to check into a hotel in Georgetown.” She rattled off the name and address of the hotel. “Go get him Boss!” Gibbs hung up the phone without comment. He picked up his keys and jacket and walked out, ordering the others to go home.
***
Gibbs knocked on the door to the hotel room.
“Tony I know you’re in there. Open the door, huh?”
Tony let out a sigh and opened the door. He knew if he continued to ignore Gibbs that he’d probably just kick the door in and he didn’t want to pay for the hotel to replace the door. He’d known that it would only be a matter of time before Gibbs showed up. He’d used his credit card knowing that Gibbs would trace it and come find him as soon as he could.
Gibbs followed Tony over to the bed and watched as Tony curled onto his side, assuming the position that was most comfortable for him while he was pregnant. “Tony what’s up?”
Tony didn’t answer.
Gibbs toed off his shoes and stretched out behind him and wrapped an arm around his middle, squeezing gently and brushing butterfly kisses over the side of his neck. “Talk to me babe,” he whispered, “why’d you leave?”
Tony snorted. “Wouldn’t you have left? Don’t you see how everyone looks at me, how they are all talking about me, how everyone doubts that I can get through a day and how no one thinks I can do my job…Gibbs I’m not even sure I can do my job now! And if I’m doubting myself then I can’t watch your six and if I’m not watching your six because I’m distracted and something happens to you I will never forgive myself! I can’t lose you Gibbs and if I stay I’m only going to get you killed and I can’t stand the thought of that! I can’t"”
Gibbs pressed a kiss to Tony’s lips and cut off his words. “If you choose to go, I’ll understand. We are partners and we have each other’s sixes always. This past year has been really hard…I don’t blame you honey.”
Tony nodded and kissed Gibbs. “I don’t think I can go back,” he whispered, burying his head in Gibbs’ shoulder, tears dampening Gibb’s shirt.
Gibbs pulled him close and kissed his temple softly. “We’ll talk with Jenny tomorrow.”
Tony was quiet for a long moment before he finally sat up and turned around. “Do you know what today is,” he finally asked, his voice dull and sullen. His eyes didn’t meet Gibbs’.
Gibbs thought for a moment. “Mmmm nope I don"ohmygod,” Gibbs whispered. “Today is…”
Tony nodded. “Yeah,” a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. He looked at Gibbs for a moment then looked back at his lap. “I realized it driving over here…Christ how could I have forgotten?”
Gibbs could have slapped Kate. Today of all days, Kate had to tell Tony how he was weak and how she didn’t think he could do his job…Today…their due date for Tess.
He couldn’t slap Kate (not right now anyway, he’d get her tomorrow) so instead he grabbed Tony and pulled him in close. He felt more tears dampening his shirt and Tony swiped angrily at them.
“Dammit,” he moaned, “why do I keep crying? I hate this,” he whimpered, clinging to Gibbs.
Gibbs rubbed his back and swiped at tears of his own. “Oh my love,” he said softly, “I wish I knew how to make it not hurt so much.”
The two stayed that way for a long time.
***
Gibbs convinced Tony to come home with him. On the way, Gibbs stayed two car lengths behind Tony, watching his every maneuver. He groaned distractedly when his cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID he answered it, wondering what this person could want.
“Yeah, Gibbs.”
“Gibbs I have some news you might be interested in…”
***
Gibbs sat in the car for a moment after he pulled into the driveway, contemplating what he had just been told. After everything…after today…could they handle this?
Tony knocked on his car window. He looked tired and drawn. The last year had aged him more than Gibbs would have thought possible. Dark circles ringed the bottom of Tony’s eyes and his shoulders held a slump that wasn’t there before. He’d been battling post-partum depression ever since he’d given birth and had some good days and some bad days. Gibbs knew, from the events at work, the date of today and Tony’s current appearance, this hadn’t been a good day.
He got out of the car and followed Tony inside. Did he dare talk to him about all this tonight? Did he dare talk to him about this at all?
***
“What’s up Jet,” Tony asked as soon as they walked into the house. “You’ve been acting weird ever since we pulled in.”
Jethro took a deep breath. “We need to talk Tony.”
Tony blinked before a look of knowing came over his face. “You do realize those are the four scariest words you can say to begin a conversation, right,” he said, his voice taking on an odd tone. Was it resignation that Gibbs heard there? Tony continued before Gibbs could say anything. “Look Gibbs, I know. This has been tough on all of us. With me leaving NCIS now and everything…I can just look for a new apartment if you want me to…that way you don’t…you don’t have to think about…all this…you can move on ya know?” Tony’s eyes were fixed firmly on his feet, refusing to meet Gibbs’ gaze.
“What the hell are you talking about Tony? That’s not what I want to talk to you about! I love you! I want you here with me forever! I’d never ask you to leave!”
“Then what is it then? What’s got you acting so weird?”
“I got a call from Dr. Pitt on the way home.”
“Brad?”
“Yeah. He wanted me to talk to you…”
TBC…
Chapter End Notes:
Some Minor Angst...if you've made it this far you probably don't need me to warn you anymore haha