Author’s Note: TISSUE WARNING!!! Sadness ahead…
Chapter 6: Reaction
It was another four hours before Dr. Pitt returned to the room. He knocked twice, opened the door and sat down heavily in the chair. He reached up and pulled the surgical cap off of his head and wiped a hand over his face.
“Well,” Gibbs asked sharply. His patience was well and truly shot by this point. Worry, grief and fear had rendered him rude. Ducky smiled regretfully at Dr. Pitt and placed a hand on Jethro’s arm.
“Jethro"”
“Can I see him? Did he make it? Is he ok?”
Dr. Pitt smiled, understanding and appreciating Gibbs’ concern. “My turn now?”
Gibbs nodded sheepishly. “Sorry.”
“Now someone told me that apologizing is a sign of weakness,” Pitt replied, a snarky grin on his face. “Tony made it through the surgery. His blood pressure bottomed out a couple of times and gave us some concern, but he never coded, which is good news. We completed the hysterectomy and repaired the damages.”
“Can I see him?”
“Yes, but let me tell you what to be prepared for first.”
Gibbs nodded, sitting on the edge of his seat, ready to sprint to his lover’s side.
“You both need to be prepared for and understand the fact that Tony will not be able to carry anymore children. His body is unable to do so without the organs we removed and it wouldn’t be feasible to transplant those organs in. He’s still in the recovery room. I’ve got him in a medically induced coma. I want to keep him that way for at least a day, maybe two, to give his body a chance to heal. We are going to start him on some HRT as soon as we get him moved out of recovery. He’ll be in the ICU until I’m ready for him to wake up and maybe a day or so after that. Gibbs I know this is a hard time for you all, but Tony is really going to need you to be strong for him. I have no doubts he is going to be confused about what happened, he’ll have feelings of depression most likely and insecurity as well as possibly some survivor’s guilt. He’s dealing with being attacked as well as the death of his child. He’s going to rely on you to assure him that everything will work out. Most importantly he’s going to need to be assured that he won’t be alone. I’m asking this as Tony’s friend; can you do that for him?”
Gibbs looked at Dr. Pitt evenly. “I respect that question, Doc,” he replied, “takes balls to ask someone something like that. Yes I can do all of those things for him. I love him; I only want to help him. Now can I PLEASE see him?”
Pitt nodded. “This way.”
He led them down the hall to the recovery room. Tony was hooked up to a wide assortment of machines, but the ventilator was what caught Gibbs’ eye and he turned sharply toward the doctor.
“Pitt what"”
Pitt held up his hands in a placating gesture.
“Gibbs we hooked it up to relieve his body of some pressure and strain during the surgery. His lungs are fine; the vent is there merely to help his body rest. He was exhausted to begin with and then he lost a lot of blood and he just had a baby. His body is exhausted and breathing is almost more work than he has the strength for right now. The vent is temporary. I promise he will be off of it and it will be long gone from sight before I let Tony wake up.”
Gibbs nodded. “Good. You said you’re going to keep him asleep for a while?”
“At least a day, maybe two days, depending on how his recovery goes. Blood tests and regular checks of his vital signs will tell me how long I need to keep him like this.”
Gibbs nodded. In that moment, it seemed the magnitude of everything hit him, and Gibbs suddenly felt very old and weary. Dr. Pitt noticed, as did Ducky.
“I would recommend you take some time for yourself now Jethro,” Brad said softly. “Go home; get some rest, maybe a shower and some good food. Have a good cry. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I will be keeping close tabs on Tony tonight and tomorrow. I’ll call you if anything happens. I promise I won’t wake him up until you get back or we talk.”
Gibbs turned and looked at Tony. He looked so…well so terrible! His face was pale, nearly matching the pillowcase his head was resting on. His eyes were closed, and not for the first time, Gibbs saw how dark the circles under his lover’s eyes were"he truly hadn’t been getting any rest for months. The evidence of what happened was hidden under the blankets covering him. Gibbs eyed the rest of Tony. The only thing missing now was the baby bump.
He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Tony’s forehead, another to his cheek. He ran his fingers lightly through Tony’s hair and massaged his scalp for a moment, the entire time whispering words of love and encouragement into his lover’s ear. Pressing a final kiss to Tony’s forehead, Gibbs turned to Dr. Pitt.
“You’ll call me if there’s anything…”
Brad nodded. “I’ll call you after each time I check on him, how ‘bout that? Keep you updated?”
Gibbs nodded. “That’d be great. Thanks Brad…for everything…I mean I know this sucks but…” Gibbs was at a loss for words. “Just…thanks,” he said quietly.
Dr. Pitt nodded. Gibbs turned one last time and, in a moment resembling a time years ago under ultraviolet blue lights, Gibbs picked up Tony’s hand and pressed Tony’s cell phone into his fingers. He leaned over, carding his fingers through Tony’s hair instead of cuffing his head.
“You still do not have permission to die, Tony,” he murmured.
A nurse in earshot gasped at the words, but Pitt just smirked. Gibbs turned to leave and saw the expression on Brad’s face.
“What?”
Brad chuckled. “And here all this time I thought it was a miracle of science that saved Tony’s life.”
Gibbs smirked. “Nope, no miracle. DiNozzo’s never disobeyed an order yet. He’s not going to start now. Duck will you stay with him for me until I get back?”
“Of course Jethro. Are you going to tell the others?”
“I’d prefer it if you tell them, but I don’t want them here yet. No visitors from anyone until I’m back except for you Ducky.” He looked at Dr. Pitt to make sure he understood. “What happened before with the visitor list…it won’t happen again,” he vowed, making the threat clear in his voice. “I’ll be back soon.” That being said, Gibbs made his way out the door and headed home to a very empty house.
***
Gibbs didn’t even recall the drive.
He went through the motions of checking the mail, turning on the lights in the hallway, opening the refrigerator and pretending to notice what was inside, and somehow ended up in the basement wearing old sweats, a mason jar full of bourbon in his hand.
He eyed his masterpiece on the workbench in front of him and took a healthy swig off his drink.
With a shaking hand he ran his fingers over the solidly constructed baby cradle"nearly finished. His fingers wove through the carefully carved patterns along the edge of the cradle’s sides.
He took another swig off the bourbon.
He turned it on its side and ran his hand along the inside of it, feeling the smoothness of the wood and the quality of the grain.
Another sip.
He could feel his breath beginning to catch in his throat.
Another sip.
Refill the glass.
Big gulp.
Another.
Another.
The alcohol swimming through his system was feeding his emotions. He refilled the glass again and stared into it. What was he doing? Drinking? For what? To make himself feel better? To make himself forget? Was he no better than DiNozzo Senior? What about Tony? How was he supposed to be made to feel better? To forget?
Gibbs pitched the glass of bourbon at the wall, groaning in the same moment the shattering glass made a satisfying crash on the wall across the room. He picked up the cradle and flung it wildly across the basement. The rockers broke off with the impact that cradle made with the floor, but otherwise the well constructed baby bed remained in tact.
Gibbs picked up his sledgehammer and swung it into the side of the cradle like a golf club. He picked the cradle up again and threw it once more. Another piece broke off.
This pattern continued, hitting and throwing and breaking the wooden creation until there was nothing left but splinters.
His creation…his pride and joy…his baby’s…his baby was dead. Again.
Gibbs looked around the basement. He saw the mess on the floor, the bourbon on the wall, the darkness out the window. He leaned against the wall and slid down it slowly. Then he silently tucked his head against his aching knees. Everything had been so perfect…when had it gotten so fucked up?
The sound of Jethro’s sobs echoed through the quiet house all night long.
TBC
Chapter End Notes:
TISSUE WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(And I'm giving you guys 2 chapters this week since I love ya so much!)
(And I'm giving you guys 2 chapters this week since I love ya so much!)