Chapter 2
“ I'm fine Tony. Now what do you want? I am busy”
“ I was just thinking.”
“ I know what you and everybody else have been thinking since we lost Gibbs, Tony!”
McGee snarled. “ You all think it was my fault that Gibbs got shot and died. It was my fault and I should be the one on the slab in the morgue. Isn't that right Tony! That it's my funeral we should be having not Gibbs. That is was the stupid,dumb,clumsy, Probie, that got Gibbs killed! That if it wasn't for me, he would still be alive! That if he had never brought me on board he would still be here. Well Tony! Isn't that it?” Tim yelled at him.
Making every effort to keep the tears from falling as he stared at Tony. The look on Tony's face told him that he had said to much. Grabbing his backpack McGee rushed out of the bullpen and down the stairs as his emotion's got the better of him.
Reaching his car he hurriedly unlocked it and threw his backpack in. Sitting behind the wheel he let his tears flow as the emotions he had bottled up inside cam crashing down upon the young man. Sitting there letting the tears fall Tim remembered what Gibbs had said that first day.
“ Your mine” Gibbs had said.
Tim never really knew what the man had meant by saying that and now he never would. Suddenly a tapping on his car window startled McGee out of his memories. Looking up with tear stained eyes he saw Tony's face looking back at him.
Rolling down the window “ what is it now Tony? Didn't you humiliate and hurt me enough in the bullpen. Now you came down here to finish the job?”
“Tim I was only going to see if you wanted to get a drink after work. Thats What I had been thinking about. When you blew up at me. I'm sorry Gibbs death has hit us all hard. I just wasn't aware of how hard it hit you.” Tony said softly.
McGee saw the hurt and concern in his friends eyes and on his face.
“ I'll be alright Tony I just need time. That's all. I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow at the funeral.” McGee told his friend softly afraid his voice would crack.
“Okay Tim. I'll see you there. Be careful going home.” Tony said concern coloring his voice. Tony turned and went back inside the building. Concerned about his friend.
McGee left and drove home not really paying attention just going threw the motions.
McGee arrived at his apartment building, going upstairs to his apartment. He unlocked the door and entered his bedroom. Standing there for what seemed to be an eternity to the young man. He just stood there staring at the suit he had laid out for Gibbs funeral. Finally he sat on the bed and just continued to stare at the suit. For how long he didn't know. Finally he undressed, got into bed, hugged his pillow to his chest, and softly cried himself to sleep one last time.
The funeral was closed casket at Gibbs father's wish. The small chapel was crowded with family and friends, even some faces McGee didn't recognize.
Tim still at the back of the chapel, feeling like he shouldn't be there and that his presence wasn't wanted. McGee was the first to leave and the first to the cemetery. He watched from a distance as the people he once called friends and family starte the pay their last respects. No one spoke to him, nor him to them. The man he loved was gone and he would never get the chance to tell him how he felt. He would never know what it was would be like to be held in his strong arms, to kiss him, to make love to him, and he would never know if Gibbs might love him back. Tim fought to keep the tears at bay.
The man he loved and respected was gone and there was nothing he or anyone could do to bring him back. As the last people left McGee walked slowly to Gibbs grave. Sitting down he began to say what was in his heart and on his mind.
“B..B..Boss I'm so sorry. I know that apologizing is a sign of weakness. At this point in time it's not like it really matters. I couldn't tell you what I wanted to tell you until now and now its to late.” McGee continued unaware of the solitary figure standing behind him.
“B..Boss I have been in love with you since the first time we met. Except for Sarah I have never felt wanted, loved, or felt that I belonged. Until you brought me onto the team. I was a shy geeky guy and now I'm just a broken failure of a man, who loves a man who never knew it and now you never will.”
Suddenly McGee felt a strong pair of hands on his shoulders startling him out of he revelation.
“Son, you may not understand this but Jethroe thought a great deal about you. I know he was very proud of you. He often told me what a kind, gentle soul you are. He told me something else Tim. Do you know what that was?” Gibbs father said looking down into the young agents green eyes.
“No Sir I don't”
“Jethroe once told me that you were a very special young man to him. He told me the last time we talked that no one made him feel like you did. What I'm trying to say Tim is Jethroe told me he loved you but he didn't know how to tell you what his heart wanted to tell you. Do you remembered what Jethroe said your first day Tim?”
“ Yes sir. I do. He looked at me and said 'Your mine McGee' I don't know what he meant by that statement then or now Sir”
“ What he meant Timothy was that from that moment he meant that he loved you and that was the only way he knew how to say it.”
“ Thank you sir. That means a lot to me. I really do appreciate it. How did you know I was even here?”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs death is reported.