Flash back.
“Hey Abby what can I do for you?” McGee asked smiling.
“Hey McGee. Gibbs asked me to put a trace on this website to see if we can find out where it comes from, who owns it, and who put a certain video up. I can't seem to get through their firewalls and was wondering if you could help me. I already have it running in the lab and thought we could patch it in up here if thats okay.”
“Sure thing Abbs.” Tim said as he patched into the site from his computer and started working on getting through their firewalls. As soon as he broke through he stared in disbelief. There on the screen was him being raped and tortured. Jumping up he screamed “OH NO! OH NO! Not this, not here.” I didn't know where to go to hide, so I just ran and ran. I finally found a small dark room I could hide in. “Why would they do this to me? How could they? Now everyone will know what was done to me how am I supposed to live like this? They will know how I was humiliated. After he sees this Gibbs won't want me. He'll hate me just like my father did. Him and the rest of the team will turn their backs on me. I'd be better off dead. I can't take it anymore. Now I've lost the only man I have ever loved and I won't be alone anymore. Why did this happen to me? I don't have the strength to do this anymore.” Tim cried as he took out his knife the one Gibbs insisted that they all carry at all times. Tim's hand shook as he opened the knife and placed it against his wrist. He carefully slid the blade down his arm opening the arteries. He was careful not to cut the tendons. Just as he was taking the knife in his other hand he heard his name being called.
“I just want the pain to end. I want it all to end. It hurts so much and now i've lost it all.” Tim sobbed as the brought the knife down his other arm.
Just then the door flew open and there stood Ziva.
“OH MY! Tim what have you done? Gibbs I found him get Ducky NOW!” Ziva yelled. “ Tim's slit his wrists and we need to stop the bleeding.”
“Please Ziva just let me die. I'm nothing anymore. I'm worthless. Please just let me end it all and take away the pain.” Tim pleaded and begged his friend as his tears began again.
“Don't you die on me McGee you hear me don't you die. I love you Tim. Please stay with us. Gibbs where's Ducky?” She screamed as she watched the light fade from Tim's green eyes.
“Please tell Jethroe I LOVE HIM. I just can't go on anymore.” McGee whispered.
“Tell him yourself McGee.” Ziva demanded.
“Tell me what Tim?” Gibbs said as he arrived with Ducky in tow.
“Tell him Tim?” Ziva encouraged.
“I LOVE YOU LEROY JETHROE GIBBS!” McGee whispered as his eyes closed.
“Do something Ducky. I can't lose him. Please help him” Gibbs pleaded.
“ I will do what I can be someone needs to call an ambulance right away. He doesn't seem to have lost much blood but shock could be setting in.” Ducky announced.
Just then Tony came up. “ I have an ambulance on its way. Is he going to be okay Ducky?”
“I don't know and if you all don't let me work we will never know. The poor has passed out from shock and emotional trauma.”
The clock ticked slowly as Ducky worked to get Tim ready for the ambulance. As they got McGee loaded into the ambulance and headed for Bethesda. Gibbs had the for thought to call and let Paul and Jeff know where they were going. Gibbs joined McGee in the back of the ambulance so the young man would have someone familiar in case he woke up.
Ziva called to let McGee's sister know what had happened to her brother and to let her know that he would be in Bethesda. They arrived at the same time as the ambulance and they got Tim into ICU. Only Gibbs,Ducky, Paul, and Jeff were allowed in.
The whole team was in the waiting room all except Abby. She couldn't bring herself to be there after what she had done. She wasn't supposed to ask Tim for help on this one but she couldn't do it on her own and she didn't understand what the big deal was or why McGee took off like he had.
A couple hours ago back at the lab:
Abby went back down to the lab after they left with Tim. She still didn't understand or realize what had happened and why Tim had reacted the way he did.
“I just don't get why McGee was so upset by this site?” Abby said to herself as she sat back down in front of her computer to take a look at what McGee had seen and found on the website.
She brought up the website and started to look thru the videos plastered there. She ran through several until she came upon the one with the petty officer in it. She watched in horror at what the petty officer went through.
“My God how can someone do this to another human being much less a man doing it to another man?” She asked herself. As she watched closely she started to see things that she never saw before. She started noticing that there were men in the background that were in uniform. The good thing about it was the sound. With that she might be able to find at least some of the animals that did this to the petty officer.
As Abby continued to watch her horror grew at what these men did to the petty officer. She continued to pick details out about the men raping the petty officer as she watched. Abby noticed that a couple of the men had really odd and strange tattoo's. One man even had his dick tattooed. More and more became clear as she became engrossed in what was going on in the video. Then she heard something really strange.
One of the men said, “ Hell this guy is better than that fed. we raped last week. That guy was even a virgin and this ones ass is so much tighter. Maybe we should kidnapped that agent again and see if his ass has gotten any tighter since we fucked the hell out of him. He was a good piece of ass, especially when he was begging us not to fuck him. He was a good cocksucker as well. I sure wouldn't mind having a go at him again. He screamed so beautifully when I rammed my 11” cock in his tight hole though.
Man did you guys see his face when I did. He was fucking crying like a little pussy bitch. That was no fucking man we raped it was a fucking girl.” The guy laughed with that and so did the rest of them.
The statement about the federal agent being raped got Abby thinking. So she began to search into the videos posted to find the one that the man was talking about.
It didn't take her long to find it. There weren't very many videos on this site. Maybe they had just started. She started watching the video with renewed interest. As she sat staring at the screen she watched as the men in this video were almost the same in the last the only difference in this one was little to no sound. Her horror only grew as she watched as the man claiming to have an 11” cock slammed it into the young man's ass without lube or any preparation. The man seemed to enjoy the pain he was causing his victim. She continued to watch as the men did as much damage as they could to their victim. They beat him, raped him, burned him in places no one would see, they tortured him, and more. When they got to the end of the video they revealed their victims face and then it hit home with Abby.
“OH MY GOD!!!” Abby screamed as she recognized the face of not only their victim but that of her friend. There on here screen was McGee's shame and humiliation for all the world to see. Now she knew why it had affected McGee so much and why she was told not to get his help on this.
“What have I done. I need to fix this and hope that we can shut this site down.”
Abby ran down to cyber crimes to talk to Lee. When she got there she found everyone huddled around one monitor. As Abby walked up she heard one of the guys say, “ No wonder Gibbs wants these bastards and I for one will do everything in my power to make sure he get them or Ziva does. What he must have went through. I don't think if I survived I wouldn't kill myself.”
Abby rounded on the group. “ Then we all need to get these animals and take them down. For McGee's sake. I want this site blocked with the best encryption we can put together I don't want anyone inside or outside this building to see this ever again.
McGee has been through enough and he doesn't need to go through more. These bastards are going to pay and pay dearly for what they did to our Tim. Let's get to work on catching these guys.” Abby said the fury in her voice was startling.
“ I think I can speak for everyone here that we are going to do our best to shut this thing down and not let anyone have access to it. We can even put a trace on it so if someone does try we can back trace it and get their information and location. It may give us a clue to the perps.” Lee announced.
“ Good I will let you guys handle that and if you need my help I will be in my lab. I have some research of my own to do.” Abby said as she left.
When she got back to her lab she took a look at some of the other video's. As she was going through them she noticed one that was a little different this one was about two men being raped at the same time. She watched a bit of it when it dawned on her that one of the two men she knew she just couldn't place him. She continued to watch for awhile but still couldn't place the man.
Back at the hospital.
Gibbs sat next to McGee's bed holding his young lover's hand in his. He didn't care who knew now and he didn't care that his tears were not stopping. He had almost lost the man he loved and he didn't care what people thought or said now. He just wanted Tim alive and well. That's all he cared about now. That and catching the animals that did this to McGee.
The others left him alone with his grief. Knowing what a private man he was no one dared to disturb him or Tim till they had to.
Ziva and Tony where quietly arguing out in the waiting room.
“Tony how can you say that?” Ziva demanded.
“ Because I don't see how a trained federal agent could let this happen to him. Men just don't get raped. Unless they are gay then they ask for it.” DiNozzo argued.
“ No Tony. It doesn't matter if a man is gay or not. Men get raped more than you think. No one askes to get raped. Rape is not about sex, it's about violence and domination making the victim less than human. What your spouting is nonsense and myths.” Ziva told him. Looking him in the eyes. “ I suppose you don't think men in the military don't get raped either. Let me tell you there were men in my group that told of the horrible things done to them by their own men. They weren't gay. They had families Tony. It ruined their lives. So don't ever tell me that what happened to McGee he deserved or that its because he is gay, by the way he isn't and neither is Gibbs. They just happen to be two men who fell in love. So unless you want me or Gibbs to teach you about how a man can be raped or worse. I suggest you keep your mouth shut and never
mention it again. Do I make my self clear DiNozzo. Before you start spouting off at the mouth again you should do the research and get those myths out of your head.” Ziva said as she glared at Tony.
“Ziva I'm sorry. I didn't know and your right I should have kept my mouth shut. What happened to McGee was not his fault and he didn't ask for it. I let my mouth overload my brain and I didn't think about what I was saying or how it would affect Tim.
He's the first man I have ever known that was raped. It's hard on me and I know its killing Tim.” Tony said apologetically.
“Tony, Tim isn't the first man that you have know that was raped. He is just the first to be a little open about it. Both Paul and Jeff are rape survivors. I also happen to know of a man you admire very much who was raped and not just once. They came back and raped him 10 times before he finally was able to get the courage up to kill the bastards. Don't ask me who it is because what is said in my group stays in my group. What you could have said in front of Tim could have really hurt him and Gibbs. Don't think that just because two men or women love each other that they are gay. That is not always the case. Just be careful with your words Tony and think before you speak. The one your hurting could be someone you care a great deal about.”Ziva said quietly.
“ I think I've hurt McGee enough. If Gibbs doesn't kiss me first. Knowing this I don't know how to talk to him anymore. It's like this has not only affected him but all of us. I feel like I am walking on eggshells now and seeing him like this just makes it hurt all the more.”
“Tony the last thing McGee needs is for you to start treating him differently. He needs to know that your not going to change just because of this. This is something that he will never get over. He will always have the nightmares and the terror. It just doesn't go away because we want it to. His very being has been called into question not only by his rapist but by everyone he know and most importantly himself. If we and him let this continue to change our relationship with him then the rapist won. We have to be there for him. Not constantly asking him if he is ok not walking on eggshells, but by treating him no different than before. He needs your jokes and your teasing. That is what makes him feel loved and wanted. If you stop that then he starts to question himself. Just be mindful of what you say. We cannot protect him from the world and if we try that just makes him think he is weak and a failure. Rape is a horrible crime but it affects men differently than women. With men it calls into question their very being. Their sexuality, their manliness, how they think and perceive themselves. Just because a man has an erection during the rape and ejaculates during it or after it doesn't mean he is gay, liked it, or wanted it. That is just a natural reaction to stimulation.” Ziva explained.
“I always thought that if a guy got an erection during something like that that he was gay or at least liked what was happening to him. I never thought about it like that Ziva. Its just a natural reaction. How do you know all of this?”
“Because I not only talked to Paul and Jeff but also the men in my group.”
Just as Tony was about to say something he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning to look it was Paul.
“Tony you have nothing to be ashamed of. Most men that are raped never think that it can happen to them. I didn't neither did Jeff. Its a crime that goes unreported for the most part. Men think that if a man is raped he isn't a man and thus we perceive this as survivors as well. We think I had to of done something to lead that person on to make them think I was gay. But the truth of the matter is that rape is a crime of violence. The perpetrator dehumanizes the victim, telling them they wanted it, that they are not a man. We believe that because society has told us that men cannot be raped. If your raped then you must be gay or wanted it. The legal system is even worse. The cops make jokes about you in front of you demoralizing you even further. Humiliating you. They don't treat men the same way they treat women survivor's. They make us relive it over and over just for their sick humor. McGee will get through this but we all have to help him. Tony all you need is a little more education.” Paul said looking into Tony's tear filled eyes. He knew the man was hurting and that he was doing his best to forgive himself for some imagined wrong against Tim. Paul did what came naturally. He pulled Tony into a hug and let him know that it was okay to let his emotions out.
Gibbs sat holding Tim's hand letting all the years of pent up emotions out. No one but Shannon and Kelly had ever seen him cry and now after all these years he was finally able to let it out. Laying his head on Tim's chest he listened to his breathing as his sobs wracked his body. No one had touched him, in all these years, the way Tim had. Now he might lose him. Laying there letting his thoughts and emotions run wild he soon fell into a deep restful sleep.
Tim didn't know how long either one of them slept but he found Jethroe laying his head on his chest and for some reason his chest was wet. Tim didn't remember much of what happened except that horrible scene on his monitor of his rape and humiliation. He looked around the room and realized he was in the hospital but didn't remember what had happened. He lifted his hand and thats when he saw the bandages wrapping his wrist. “What have I done? What happened to me? Why am I here? Did I really try to kill myself? Oh my.....How could I have done this to Jethroe?” he thought to himself. As the tears began to fall once again he softly stroked the hair of the man he loved.
“What the hell is wrong with me? This isn't me. I would never hurt Jethroe for anything. This can't be happening, not after all I/we have gone thru. I thought the nightmares were over that maybe I could get on with my life. That maybe Jethroe and I could start new. Then this happened what ever this is.
What's he going to think now? Surely he won't want me after this. He won't want me on the team either anymore not if I am going to do this again. He won't have someone as weak as me on his team. He is strong and I don't blame him for not wanting me anymore. Why did I let this happen to me again? Why didn't I stop it? Why didn't I fight back? This has to be my fault. Maybe Tony was right and I am gay? Maybe in some unknown way I asked to be raped again because I enjoyed it so much the first time. I was hard all the time the used me. That must mean that I liked what they did to me. Fucking me in the ass. Raping my body and mind. That must be it I really must have wanted this to happen to me again. I must have liked it. After all men don't get raped unless they are faggots. That's what dad said after the first time. That I had to be a fag in order to get raped. Now my relationship with Gibbs. That proves i'm a fag doesn't it. What have I done I somehow turned Gibbs into a queer? How though we never slept together until this? What did I do to turn him into this? How can I change him back? My dad was right I am better off dead. I ruined not only my life but Gibbs as well. Even my own family disowned me all but Sarah. I just hope she never finds out her brother is some kind of sick freak that turns strong straight men into queers. What is she going to think of me when she finds out. She's going to hate me just like dad does. I wish now that I had succeeded in killing myself it would save every one a whole lot of heartache and misery. Now what am I going to do? I'm useless. It's no wonder all my relationships have failed. Try as hard as I might still there is always something wrong with me. I don't deserve Gibbs or anyone. I will only hurt him, just like I did my father and every one else I have ever loved. All I ever wanted in my life was to love and be loved. To be a part of something. To maybe have a family, someone to spend the rest of my life with. Now look what I have done. Destroyed it all. When I finally get out of here I am going to resign and then disappear. With any luck maybe I can hide. Live my life alone like I was ment to do. I can't put anyone through this. I have to just leave and if I am lucky maybe I got some disease that will kill me quickly because its obvious that I can't do it right myself. What if they gave me HIV? Oh no! This is killing me. Why didn't they just let me die? Why didn't the men who did this kill me? It would have been so much kinder to have just slit my throat and tossed me in a dump like the piece of garbage that I am than to put me through this. I'm not even a man, i'm just garbage and should be treated like it. No one wants garbage around. Dad was right he should have killed me. Maybe I should just go see him and let him finish the job after I get out of here. I know he wouldn't hesitate to put me out of his misery. That's what I will do then. Gibbs and the team don't deserve to be shackled with a piece of worthless garbage like me.” Tim's last thoughts before sleep finally took him. His own self hatred and loathing feeding on each other till finally he slept and dreamed of the rape and even dreamed that they killed him in many ways. His mind tormented beyond belief. This was a nightmare that would never end.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The aftermath of the rape is only beginng will Tim and Gibbs survive?