Flashback:
Gibbs raced down the hall to McGee's room. As he approached he noticed they were removing all the life support equipment, the heart monitor, and the brain activity monitors.
“He's awake!!!!” Gibbs thought to himself. Rushing to the door he saw a sheet covered body laying were McGee should have been . Gibbs wail of anguish could be heard all over the hospital. Sinking to his knees he screamed, “ NO!NO! He cant be gone. God No not now not after all we have been through. I just found him. I can't lose him. He can't be dead. He didn't have permission to die!”
His eyes filled with unshed tears. They began to fall as his emotions got the better of him. All his strength gone now realizing the man he loved was gone. Sitting there in the doorway just inside McGee's room, tears flowing down his face he whispered quietly “ I can't go on without him. What am I supposed to do now? I never thought that I would ever hurt this much or feel this kind of pain again. After Shannon and Kelly I thought I could never hurt like this again.. Why? Why? Why did he have to die and leave me alone in this world with nothing left but a shattered and broken heart. I have nothing left to live for now he is gone.”
An orderly who was standing in the shadows heard Gibbs quiet proclamation and slipped past him to get the doctor.
When they returned they found Gibbs curled up on the floor not moving and non- responsive.
The orderly had told the doctor what Gibbs had said. Fearing for the man's life and sanity he decided to put him in the Psyc. Ward to keep an I on him and make sure he didn't try to hurt himself. The doctor left and called for help and got a sedative to make sure Gibbs didn't fight them. Little did they know that all the fight had gone out of the man. Heading back to Gibbs, armed with a sedative the doctor leaned down and spoke to Gibbs once again when he didn't respond the doctor gave him the sedative and as the drug took effect Gibbs just laid there and went to sleep. The people from the psyc unit came and took him away.
END OF FLASHBACK:
When they all arrived at the hospital they all heard the news. As they were talking amongst themselves they heard Gibbs cry of anguish. A nurse was passing by and Vance stopped him.
“What the hell was that?” Vance asked him.
“ That was a relative of a man who died upstairs. He took it hard. Real hard. He threatened to kill himself so they sedated him and took him to the psyc. Ward for observation.” the young man said as he continued on his way.
They continued to talk, while they waited on Gibbs so they could break the news to him about McGee. Just how they were going to do that they didn't know yet.
“Director Vance I thought you said Gibbs was on his way here? Shouldn't he be here by now?” Ziva asked.
“Yes he should be. I wonder where he is and what is taking him so long?” Vance asked.
“Let me try and call him.” Ducky volunteered.
Ducky dialed Gibbs number and got no answer. “Huh thats strange. I've never known Gibbs to not pick up when I have called him.”
They all began to worry about him and wondered if he had done something really totally out of character. It wasn't like him to not be here at a time like this. They all knew that after all the two men went through this was going to be a really knockout blow. They knew how much the two men meant to each other. The pain and hurt that Gibbs was going through was like nothing any of them had ever felt.
Vance walked down the hall and called his wife.
“Honey I was wondering if Gibbs had come back to the house after I left?”
“No, Leon he hasn't been back and why are you asking me that? I thought he was at the hospital with you and the rest of the agents and team?”
“We did to but we can't find him and he isn't answering his phone. I just thought maybe he had forgotten something and come back to the house to get it is all.”
“No, but if he does show up for some reason I will let you know and make sure he gets to the hospital.”
“Thanks honey. I love you and will see you in a bit.” Vance said hanging up the phone.
Walking back the rest of the team Vance shook his head. Suddenly an idea popped into his head.
“Ziva and Tony I want you to take Abby and go to Gibbs house. Make sure he isn't there and if he is get his ass to the hospital. I want you to make sure he didn't go back to his place and fall asleep again. While your doing that I will check with the local LEO's and make sure he wasn't picked up or in an accident. Doctor Mallard I would like you to call the hospitals and make sure he isn't in one of them as a patient. Now go.”
Paul and Jeff stood watching and noticing how these people, Gibbs and McGee's friends and co-workers pulled together to get Gibbs back here. They both were a little perplexed as to why Gibbs wasn't here. They began to make calls of their own to try and help find him.
Mean while upstairs in the ward. Gibbs was sleeping the best sleep he had ever had. He dreamed that McGee was still alive and that they lived together. That they made love every night. Gibbs tears fell from his eyes and he never knew it. His heart ached, but when he slept and dreamed of his lost love, his heart was filled with love. He wanted and dreamed of nothing more than holding Tim in his arms. Feeling the younger mans lips pressed against his own. Loving the feeling of Tim's arms around him. He longed to feel Tim inside of him and himself inside of Tim. To Gibbs there was no greater love than that.
Gibbs dreamed of a time when he would be with him again, to hold him, to love him, to make love to him, like he has never been made love to and never would be again. To wash the slate clean and to know and let Tim know he was loved and wanted more than anything. He wanted to feel and have all the love that Tim could show and give. He knew that he wasn't worthy of Tim's love but thats all he wanted and now he couldn't have it, wouldn't have it. All that love gone. His beautiful Timothy gone. He would never again know his touch, his kiss, his love, his strength, his understanding. He would never again see his smile, his beautiful green eyes, his lean body that made Gibbs drool every time he saw his young lover. He would never again know his touch, never know what it was like to make love to him, to touch him, to hold him, to be made love to by him, to kiss him again, to feel him inside of him or be inside of Tim.
Just like Shannon and Kelly he was gone in an instant. He dreamed of the three of them waiting for him. Knowing that they all loved him and missed him. He cried as he slept his tears flowing down his cheeks as his body was wracked with sobs. Sobs his lover would never hear, never be able to comfort him again for. “Why did the only man he ever truly loved have to die? Leaving him alone to suffer like never before. Why?”
Gibbs agony was almost palatable. It drifted off of him like waves hitting the beach. His cries could be heard through the door. No one came. That is until a certain
orderly walked by. Walking up to the desk Jonas asked the nurse, “Who is doing all that moaning and crying? It feels like death is walking the halls.”
“It's a new patient they brought up from ICU. They said his lover died today and that when he found out he just collapsed. One of the orderly's there had heard him threaten to kill himself so he could be with his lover.” the nurse smirked. “ Fags, go figure. I think they should all just die. That way there would be more room for decent people in this world.”
Reaching across the desk, Jason grabbed her by her shirt and brought his face close to hers and said, “ If I ever hear you say something like that again about any one I will personally snap you neck do you hear me!”
“ I hear you I won't say that or anything like it again Jason. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were gay.”, she said her face as white as sheet.
“I'm not but my brother was and he died of AIDS and I have and had a deep respect for my brother and his sacrifice to this country. It was his commanding officer that gave it to him. Before you ask no they weren't lovers. He raped my brother repeatedly one night. His commander had been out fucking prostitutes and one had given it to him so he decided to give to my brother since he was a fag. I …. well let's say he will never do that again.” Jason said rage coloring his face. Turning on his heel he walked back to Gibbs room and went in to check on the man. Walking in the door he saw how Gibbs was struggling in the bed even though he was asleep.
Jason walked over and began to brush the hair from Gibbs forehead and began to talk to him in a soothing voice. Jason sat next to Gibb's bed and stroked his hair which seemed to calm the older man down.
“Tim is that you, Tim.” Gibbs mumbled in his sleep.
“It me, I'm here for you.”
“Tim don't leave me again please don't leave me. I couldn't take it if you left me again. Please don't go Tim.” Gibbs pleaded in his dream.
“I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere.” Jason whispered trying to comfort the sleeping man. The more he looked at Gibbs the more he realized how handsome the older man was. He had told the nurse he wasn't gay but that wasn't the complete truth. He wasn't completely gay but he did like men, but only certain kinds of men attracted him. One that did was Gibbs. Without thinking Jason leaned over and softly kissed Gibbs lips.
Gibbs responded and kissed the younger man back. “Hold me Tim please,” Gibbs begged. Jason wrapped his arms around the stranger as best as he could. Gibbs couldn't hold him back because of the restraints. When Jason released him Gibbs smiled.
Jason thought to himself, “ All he wants is some kindness and gentleness. His lover must have been a very special man to capture your heart. I wish that I could have what the two of you must have had. I would cherish every minute of everyday just to be with someone like the two of you.” Sorrow colored Jasons thoughts. He knew that no one would want him. Not after what had been done to him.
That didn't kill Jason's desire to be loved, to be held, to be kissed, and most importantly to be wanted. Jason had tried many times to be with a man and every time he ended up huddled in the corner screaming at the man to not touch him. No matter how intimate they had been before they tried to sleep he always woke up screaming.
His body had recovered from the rape but not his mind. It still haunted him night and day. There were times he couldn't come to work because the terror's from the night before had crippled him and he huddled in the corner all day finally falling asleep in a ball. Just being here and listening to Gibbs made his heart ache and his body long to just be held again. Jason's eyes stung and he reached up to wipe at them, still holding Gibbs hand, he noticed that the hand came away wet. He was crying and it had been a long time since he was able to do that. He leaned down and kissed Gibbs hand and then his lips. Gibbs tightened his grip on Jason's hand when he tried to leave. Jason knew that if they needed him they would come and get him and right now he had a patient that needed him even more.
Gibbs began to talk in his sleep. He told Jason about how much he loved Tim. How he couldn't wait to make love to him, to hold him, to be with him and spend time with him.
Gibbs dreams turned sexual as soon as Jason kissed him. Gibbs began to undress Tim in his mind and make love to him. He kissed Tim's lips relishing their softness. Holding him tight he began to nibble and lick his neck and throat. Tim's moan in Gibbs mind told him he was doing something right. He continued to kiss and lick Tim's body, moving slowly downward. Tim ran his fingers through Gibbs hair encouraging the older man to continue. Gibbs heart raced as he moved down the center of Tim's chest and across to the already erect nipple waiting there to be fondled and sucked, even bitten. Gibbs moved his tongue over Tim's already erect nipple causing the young man to groan in pleasure. Gibbs began to circle the hard nub and occasionally bite the sensitive flesh. Gibbs began to bite a little harder each time causing Tim's body to rise up off the bed and his moans became louder spurring Gibbs on. While he tortured one of Tim's nipples he began to nead the other and grind their leaking cocks together. As Gibbs worked Tim's nipples he slipped his hand down to the younger man's cock and began to massage it. Running his finger over the head caused McGee to raise up off the bed and scream as his first of many orgasm shook his body hard. Gibbs relished the feel of the younger mans seed on his body lubricating them both. Tim's cock remained hard and never lost its erection. Tim could feel the hot cum as it spurted between their already over heated bodies but he didn't care all he cared about was making sure Gibbs didn't stop hi ministrations.
Gibbs continued to move done McGees body licking and tasting the young man, until he finally reached his prize. One of them at least. He began by licking the cum from McGee's body tasting his lover for the first time. Scooping up some of the still hot cum he brought it to McGee's lips. Parting his lips McGee's tongue snaked out and began to lick his own seed from Gibbs fingers. When he was done Gibbs looked Tim in the eye and ran his tongue through the cum still on his chest and stomach.
Gibbs then moved up and kissed Tim so they both could taste him at the same time. Tim wrapped his arms around Jethroe and held him in place while they kissed. Moving his lips to his lovers ear and throat. Tim began his own ministrations on Gibbs. It was Gibbs turn to moan as his lovers hands moved over his body and down to his very sumptuous ass. Where Tim soon hoped to have his cock planted deep inside his lovers body. Gibbs brought Tim back to reality when he once again took control and moved his lips to Tim's in a passionate kiss. Tim cupped Jethroes ass in his hands as he began to slowly explore his ass and ran his hands up and down the crevice. Tim's fingers carefully slipped over Jethroes sensitive hole causing the older man to moan into his mouth. Jethroe pulled back and looked into Tim's eyes. “ That felt good Tim please don't stop.”
Tim just kissed him and continued to stroke his hole. Gibbs felt like he was being touched by an angel. The love he was feeling from Tim overwhelmed him. It was like what he would imagine being in the arms of an angel would feel like. The dream shifted and Gibbs unconscious mind realized that now Tim instead of feeling like an angel he was one. He no longer was with Gibbs. The walls that the older man had built in his heart Tim had melted without even trying. The love that they shared and that Tim offered had slowly melted Gibbs cold heart. Allowing him to finally love and be loved. He didn't know when those walls came down he just knew they had and now that was all gone. Tim was gone. The man who held his heart he would never hold in his arms again, never kiss again, never see his smile, his beautiful eyes, never feel his love for him again. It was all gone. Tim was gone. Gibbs cried out in his mind as he watched his angel Tim disappear without him, No! Tim Don't go don't leave me here all alone. Please take me with you. Please! He begged. Nothing was ever going to be the same for Gibbs. The people he loved the most were gone. He wept. His tears seen only by Jason as the younger man sat and held his hand, and brushed his hair from his forehead.
Jason watched as the man in front of him cried in his sleep. Wondering what torment the handsome man was going through. Without realizing it Jason's own tears fell. The loneliness he felt at the loss of his brother and his lover returned to haunt him as he watched Gibbs tears fall like rain.
Both men wanted and needed comfort and most of all love. Jason leaned down and placed his head carefully on Gibbs chest, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. Hearing the heartbreaking sobs that quietly wracked his body. The emotions that overcame Jason and Gibbs quieted and both men fell asleep tears drying on their cheeks.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tim is gone now what is Gibbs supposed to do.