When Gibbs got back to the hospital he found Fornell's man on the door and Fornell waiting quietly inside.
“ How did it go Jethroe?” Fornell asked.
“ Better than I thought but worse than I expected. Lets talk outside and somewhere more private. There is something I need to tell you. Have your nurse stay and watch him. This is just between you, me the director and McGee. It can go no further.”
“ You know me better than that Jethroe. I saw what they did to his body and thats only the begging I know that what they did to his mind and soul was worse.” Fornell said quietly as they left the room.
Gibbs waited while Fornell get his girl to stay with Tim. Gibbs got lost in his thoughts as he waited for Fornell. He had caught the smirk on Vance's face as he closed the door and wondered what that was all about. He thought of the softness of Stephenson's kiss and the feel of his lips on his own, and wondered if Tim's would feel the same or better. He wondered how it would feel to hold him in his arms and comfort him when the nightmares took him. He knew they would. Would Tim want him now that this had happened? Did he think that he would think him less of a man because of it? Did Tim think that he wouldn't want him because of it? Would he hate him for even wanting him that way? I know that Tim's self confidence and esteem is low and this is going to make it worse. I know he is going to think that I won't want him and he doesn't deserve me, because he feels like he is damaged goods but that isn't true. I have to make him understand that I love him no matter what. Did I just say that? Just then Fornell shook his shoulder bringing him back to his sense's.
“What did you want to tell me Jethroe?”
“Let's go down here.” Gibbs said walking past the nurses station he spotted Stephenson. “Doctor will you come with us please. I have some information that might be helpful.”
“Just a minute special agent Gibbs.”
Gibbs and Fornell waited until the doctor was done and he joined them. “Is there someplace private we can go to talk Doc. What I need to tell you both I don't want others to hear.”
“I have a small office just down the hall. Gentlemen if you would be so kind as to follow me.” Stephenson said as he lead them down the hall. Winking at Gibbs when he brushed passed the older man.
They entered the small office and closed the door.
“I want you both to know that there is more going on with McGee than just this incident. When he was 15 he was raped,beaten and then abused by his own father. The man beat him almost to death. Then when he filed charges against his attackers his father went down to the station and had the charges dropped telling them that no faggot was going to drag his good name through the mud when he was out asking for it. He was thrown out of his parents house, disowned and told how worthless, and useless he was and that he would never amount to anything. That what happened to him was his fault and that if he wasn't a queer this wouldn't have happened. His father also told him that real men would have fought and a real man doesn't get raped, unless he wants it and asks for it. This isn't the first time that this has happened to Tim. Vance has a male counselor on his way to talk to him and you as well doctor. I want you both to see him and talk to him. Vance assures me that this young man not only is competent but he himself is a rape survivor. I am not asking you to do this for yourself doctor but for McGee he is going to need someone he can truly trust with him in the beginning and I really think you could use the help. I know how much you already care for Tim, Paul and I think he would prefer you to be rather than me. Right now I am not sure I can keep my emotions in check. He would pick up on that rather quickly and he would blame himself for it. He would think my anger and rage would be directed towards him and think that I thought he was weak, and didn't want him on my team anymore. I just think it would be for the best. Unless he asks me to be there then I will be there to support him and you all the way. When you think he is ready Paul to see the councilor I will let Vance know.” Gibbs concluded. Without another word Gibbs left before either man could stop him.
“Is he always like this agent Fornell?”
“Actually he is worse now,but its only because he truly cares for that young man in there. Its been a long time since that man has cared for someone so much. Not even his ex-wives could touch him where McGee has. After his first wife and child were murdered he shut his heart to every one. That is until McGee came along.
I watched as the two of them fell in love and they didn't realize until now. In fact Gibbs just realized just before we came in here. Or at least that's when he finally admitted to himself that he loved McGee. That man is so full of hurt and pain, not to mention rage, that its a wonder a gentle soul like McGee could get through all that without even realizing it. He has Gibbs heart in his hands and doesn't even know it. Tim is a very special young man to us all but more so to Gibbs. When that young man is around most people wouldn't notice it but Gibbs changes if only for a second and if you look closely you can see the love in his eyes every so often when he looks at that young man. I have known him for 30yrs and ever since Shannon and Kelly I have never seen him like this. You take really good care of them Paul, cause if you don't and anything happens to either one of them the FBI will be crawling all over your ass.”
“ I will take good care of them agent Fornell.” Paul smirked as Tobias turned to walk out the door.
“Doc. Earlier what was that wink all about that you gave Gibbs on the way past him in the hall.”
“Not much really. I had just kissed him and Timothy earlier. I was really flirting with him... I didn't think you noticed.”
“Oh I noticed all right. I think he only has eyes for Tim though.”
“I can see that. Its strange that a man like him who has never been with another man can love one so openly and yet not realize it himself. They are truly remarkable men. Now I have to get back to my patient and then my rounds. I will talk to you later agent Fornell.”
“I look forward to it Paul.”
They went their separate ways. Paul headed to McGee's room to check on him and to make sure Gibbs was alright. Fornell went to check on his people then leave. He wanted to check on how the evidence processing was going he wanted to be able to give Gibbs an update later.
Paul walked quietly into the room and just stood in the shadows watching Gibbs talk to McGee. He couldn't hear what the man was saying but he knew it was one of two things. One he was apologizing which didn't seem to fit the man's character, or two he was encouraging him and letting him know how he felt about him. He was seeing a different side of the man. Soft and gentle, kind and loving. This hard as nails man was so loving with McGee. I envied McGee, for having such a loving caring man as Gibbs to fall in love with him. I wished I could find someone to love me the way Gibbs seems to love McGee. I haven't felt close to a man since the rape. I hadn't even been with a man but seeing these two men like this I know its time to try again and maybe this councilor will help me.
He watched the two men for how long he didn't know. He was lost in his own thoughts and it wasn't until Gibbs shook his shoulder that he realized that he had been caught and brought out of his thoughts. Just looking into those pale blue eyes he could see how much Gibbs loved McGee. It was just so easy to see. Without thinking Paul pulled Gibbs into a hug and before he could stop himself he was sobbing against Gibbs shoulder. He felt the older man tighten his hold on him as he let the tears flow. What he had never told anyone was that when he was raped so was his lover and that his lover had committed suicide two weeks after the incident and he always blamed Paul for the rape. Seeing the look in Gibbs eyes brought back all that pain and heartache. I really love Sam. Even after everything he said and did to me after the rape. His pushing me away and not wanting me to touch him. Him blaming me for the whole mess. After all this time I thought I would be over this and his death but seeing the love Gibbs has for McGee just brought it all back. I pushed all to the back of my mind and now I have to deal with it all over again. I don't even remember holding onto Gibbs or just how long I did but I know it felt good to be there in his arms. Suddenly I realized what I was doing and with whom I was doing it with, I broke the embrace but not before Gibbs soft lips meant mine and moved from mine to my ear where he whispered, “It's going to be alright. No one will hurt you again like that.” Then I was looking into his eyes and seeing him smile. That was worth it. Just seeing him smile instead of the worried angry look he had before.
“Are you alright now?” Gibbs asked his voice betraying his concern.
“Yes I think so. I was just overcome by my emotions.” Paul said. Gibbs got the words but Paul's eyes betrayed what he was feeling. Gibbs didn't want to push the young doctor so he let it go.
“ I will leave you two alone. Paul if you ever want to just talk let me know. I know that sometimes the pain can be overwhelming.” Gibbs said as he quietly left the room, leaving the Paul to do what he needed to do.
The young doctor puzzled and intrigued Gibbs. Much like Tim did. He knew in his gut that Paul was hiding something he just didn't know what. Maybe he should have Abb's run a background check on him. Without thinking about it more he speed dialed Abby.
“Hey Abbs it me. I need you to pull out the stops and run a background check for me. The name is Doctor Paul Stephenson. I need it ASAP.” Gibbs growled.
“Sure Gibbs whats it for?”
“No questions Abby just do it. I need that information like yesterday.”
“Okay Boss I will get it to you as soon as I have it.” Abby said.
Gibbs hung up just as Paul came out of McGee's room.
“How is he Paul?”
“He is going to be fine he just needs a lot of rest.”
“When do you think we will be able to move him?”
“ Just as soon as his ribs and lung heal maybe a week or two at the most. Why are you in such a hurry to get him out of here Gibbs?”
“We want to make sure these animals don't and can't get to him. If they find out he is a federal agent they might try to kill him. We can't take that chance.”
“Do you really think they will? Don't they already know he is a federal agent? After all they took his clothes. I assumed his wallet and badge were with him.”
“His badge and gun were in the car he wrecked and your right they may already know. I got a call this morning telling me where to find him. The only way that person would have known who and where to call was if Tim told them. Glad I got the guards posted when I did.” Gibbs sighed.
“ He is healing faster than I thought he would. That's good. Where are you going to move him to Bethesda?” Paul asked.
“No when we move him it will be to my home. Where I can watch over him and Dr. Mallard will check on him daily. Why do you ask?”
“I thought if you didn't mind I would check on him and keep up to date on how he is doing.”
“I think Tim would like that Paul. I would like to make sure your okay. Your a good man Paul and I know that you will find that someone special just like I have.”
“I thought I had Gibbs. I wanted you to know that when I was raped so was my lover. We had been together since high school and we loved each other very much. After the rape he fell apart. He blamed me, and two weeks later I came home and found him in the bathtub with his wrists cut. He was my first true love and I still miss him to this day. I carry the guilt of that inside me day after day. They say we only get one chance at true love and he was mine. I couldn't handle it if I lost another man I loved and cared about. Besides who wants damaged goods and I am that if nothing else.” Paul admitted as a tear slid down his cheek.
Gibbs grabbed him by the chin, looked him in the eyes, then proceeded to kiss him gently. “That's what Tim thinks. I won't tolerate it from him and I certainly am not going to tolerate it from you. Do you understand me?” Gibbs growled.
“Yes Sir! Agent Gibbs.” Paul said with a smirk on his face.
Gibbs leaned forward and kissed him gently again, wiping the smirk off his face. “Paul you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. I know the loneliness can kill you and the pain and hurt can overcome you, but you have to hold on. It's taken me years to let someone into my heart, and I never in a million years would have that that it would be another man let alone that sweet,kind,caring,man lying in that bed over there with a heart of gold that would never hurt another living soul unless he had to. When he has had to it almost destroyed him. He is the most loving person I know and when he loves its with all his heart and soul. I would give my life for that young man and he has taken bullets for me. I wouldn't hurt him for the world and yet I have and I did it without thinking. I have said some really mean hurtful things to him and he took them without complaining without saying a word. He kept all that pain buried inside him. Look at what it cost him. If anyone is not worth the other its me that's not worth his love.
It almost cost me the man I love and I didn't even know it until now. Seems like I blinded myself to how I felt. Some people saw it before I realized it. I think you saw it as well. That's why you kissed us both isn't it? You saw the love we hid from ourselves. Your a very special man Paul and there is someone out there for you.”
Paul grinned and his eyes lit up as he said, “ I kissed you both because I am highly attracted to you both. I just hope that I do find someone. Since Steve's death I have thrown myself into my work and now that I meant you two I realized I need more in my life.”
The two men stood looking into each others eyes for a long time, until a soft moan escaped from Tim. Both looked to the bed to see McGee thrashing around. Gibbs reached him first and immediately took his hand and brushed the hair back on his forehead. Quieting McGee's moans. After checking McGee over Paul silently left leaving the two men alone and Gibbs holding McGee's hand talking softly to the sleeping young man.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs harsh words hurt Tim and now he isn't sure he will ever wake from this nightmare.