Paul was walking to the nurses station when he heard his name mentioned.
“Dr. Stephenson this gentleman would like to have a word with you.”
“I'm Paul Stephenson. What can I do for you?”
“Dr. Stephenson is there a private place we can talk.”
Paul was momentarily lost in the emerald green eyes of the handsome stranger in front of him. Paul was lost in taking in the handsome man's features. His hair is jet black, he has a strong chin with a cleft, when he smiles he has beautiful dimples. Paul's eyes roved over his body he took in the strong chest, I noticed the hair reaching over the top of the t-shirt. The strong arms. “Paul, Paul. Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I'm sorry I was momentarily lost in thought. Yes there is. I have an office just down the hall.” Paul said a smile momentarily touching his lips. He knew the handsome stranger couldn't have helped but notice that I had checked him out.
Jeff followed the handsome young Dr. down the hall to the office, all the while checking his ass out. He had noticed that the Dr. had checked him out as well. I wonder if he liked what he saw I know I sure as hell like what I see. Both front and back.
After Jeff entered the office Paul quickly checked his ass out as well.
“Now sir what can I do for you?”
“Well Dr. Stephenson my name is Jeff Hodges. I'm the rape councilor that Agent Gibbs told you would be coming by to talk to you and Agent McGee. I hope this isn't an inopportune time. I can come back if it is.”
“No Jeff! Is it all right if I call you Jeff?”
“Jeff is fine as long as I can call you Paul.”
“ I would like that Jeff.”
“No that that's settled. I will get down to business. Agent Gibbs told me about your being one of these animals victims. I wanted to know if you would like to talk about it. If it would make you more comfortable I will tell you about my experience first.”
“I think I would like that Jeff. That is if it's not to painful.”
“ It started late one night. I was out walking in the park and at the time I had never been with a man. I was not paying attention to what was going on. When suddenly I was grabbed from behind and drug into a van where I was blindfolded and knocked out. When I woke up I was hung up by my arms my legs were spread I was naked. I was blindfolded still and I heard men all around me. Then they began to touch me all over whispering to me what they were going to do to me. They told me they were going to rape me, fuck me as much as I they wanted to, they were going to use my body for what ever pleasures they wanted and I could scream all I wanted to because no one would ever hear me. They burned me, fucked me, beat and abused me, they pissed on me, they gagged me, they did things to me that I never knew the human body could survive and they didn't plan on me surviving. I cried screamed and the more I did the more they liked it. Before the first man entered me I begged them not to that I was a virgin. They said that they didn't care they wanted some man ass and some fucking cocksucker like me was going to give it to me. When I told them that I wasn't gay they laughed. Just as soon as I said that one of them shoved his cock inside me no lube no warning no nothing I screamed at the violation and they just laughed as the tears fell from my eyes. They used and abused me for a week. I lost my job, my home, my girlfriend because I couldn't stand to be touched, I have nightmares about it to this day, I lost everything because of these guys. When I was found and taken to the hospital they found semen from 50 men inside me. The cops came and took their reports. When the detective came he was very understanding and patient. They finally caught some of the guys but then when it came time for the trial the detective, his name was Dan Simmons, was there and supported me. As I relived that nightmare. We had spent two months working together on this and in the meantime we fell in love. He was the most gentle, caring, kind man I had ever known and when we made love the first time it was unbelievable. When it was over we moved in together and were lovers for five years until he was killed last March by a gunman holding a child hostage. I have never recovered or loved another human being like I did him. He showed me what it meant to be loved unconditionally. Now I just live day to day.” Jeff said as the tears fell from his eyes.
Before Paul realized what he was doing he wrapped Jeff in his arms and pulled him against his chest. Jeff accepted the embrace and wrapped his arms around Paul.
The two men held each other close both silently weeping for the men that they had lost. They had lost themselves in their own thoughts. Suddenly Jeff released the embrace and pulled back looking up into Paul's hazel eyes, he reached up and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks. Jeff knew that Paul was at that moment in time someone very special. Looking down in to Jeff's eyes Paul repeated the motion that Jeff had done. Then he leaned down and gently kissed Jeff's lips soft and gentle. That simple touch sent an electric shock through both men's bodies. Causing both their cock to stiffen noticeably. They reluctantly broke the kiss both looking into each others eyes and for the first time saw a spark of something that had not been there before.
The held each other until Jeff finally asked, “ Well I told you mine do you want to tell me yours Paul?”
“ I think I will. We had a fight me and Mason. We were driving down the highway when our tire blew. We pulled over and a bit later this truck came by and this really handsome man got out and asked us if he could help us. We told him our spare was flat and he asked if we wanted a ride to town he then told us that the garage was closed but there was a diner where we could get some coffee. We stopped and got coffee and the next thing we know we are bound and blindfolded and naked. We were raped, tortured, burned, beaten and threatened for how long I am still not sure. When we were released we couldn't even comfort the other, we couldn't stand to be touched even by each other. After we got out of the hospital Mason could do nothing but blame me. He tore into me every chance he could. His words hurt but him pushing me away was even worse. I loved him so much and I didn't understand why he was hurting me so much. He wouldn't even let me comfort him. Hug him, kiss him, we couldn't even make love, when I would touch him he would scream and curl up in a corner the horror more evident and it broke my heart. Then one day I came home to a quiet house and I found him naked in the bathtub with his wrists slit. He had killed himself because of me. If we hadn't fought we never would have been raped and he would still be in my life. I miss him so much Jeff. Every time I think about him my heart breaks even more than it already is. The tears fall like rain and the pain is more than I can bear. Sometimes at night when I am alone I can almost feel him in the bed next to me. I can smell his cologne, and feel his touch. I want him back and miss him so much at the same time. The guilt is overwhelming.” Paul confessed as his tears started again and Jeff took him in his arms. Holding on to Paul he wrapped his arms around him and stroked his back doing what he could to comfort him while taking comfort from him. When they both were ready they let go. They looked long and hard at each other trying to decide what the next move would be.
Before they had a chance the door opened and Gibbs walked in. Dr. Stephenson was a little surprised to see him there.
“Is there something wrong with Tim, agent Gibbs?”
“No I was just going to let you know I was going to go home and get a shower and some food then I will be back in a couple of hours.”
“Thank you for letting me know Agent Gibbs.”
Gibbs stood there looking at the two young men who didn't realize they were still holding each other. Gibbs raised an eyebrow. Suddenly they looked at each other and dropped their arms. Gibbs laughed at the look on their faces at being caught embracing.
“It's not what you think Gibbs.” Paul started to explain.
“ And just what is it that you think I am thinking about what I saw?” Gibbs smirked.
“ Ah...Ah... its just that Jeff was a...a..?” Paul stammered.
“What Paul is trying to say is that we were just telling each other about what happened to us. We were comforting each other.” Jeff said smiling.
“Oh is that what you call it.” Gibbs smirked as he glanced at both their erections.
They all busted out laughing when they realized he was looking at their erections.
“ Well somebody got a little excited about that comforting?” Gibbs said laughing till tears streamed from his eyes.
After all was said and done Gibbs left, the two men looking at each other. Jeff stands and pulls Paul to him softly kissing his lips. Breaking the gentle kiss he moves his lips to Pauls ear and whispers, “Thank you, Its been a long time since I thought of him and I needed that. I think we both lost good men. But I think we found someone else. Someone to love. We can never replace them and never want to but if your willing I would like to see you outside of our sessions.”
“ I would like that Jeff.”
Gibbs left and went home. When he came back there was another bed in the room right beside Tim's. So he could be near the young man. Be there when the nightmares began and could be there to comfort him.
“I will definitely need to thank Paul for this.” Gibbs said as he laid down on the bed and before his head hit the pillow he was out. Before he slept he took Tim's hand in his and kissed his lips. “Good night my love. Sweet dreams.”
Tim woke screaming, “ Please don't please. Don't do this to me again. Not again. Why me?” Gibbs was right there wrapping his arms around him, gently rubbing his back he whispered, “ Your alright Tim. Your in the hospital they can't hurt you anymore. Just relax. Its going to be alright. I'm here with you. Its me Jethroe. I love you Tim and I want you with me always.” Gibbs new this would be the first of many. He swore to himself then and there that he would be there for Tim no matter what. When he felt Tim was ready he knew he would tell him how he felt. Tim needed to know how he felt and that he wasn't going to go anywhere or abandon him. He needed Tim to know that he was worth something to someone and that he was valuable to the team. He needed him and Tim needed to be needed.
He knew that Tim's self confidence was broken. All the hard work Tim had done to build his confidence had been shattered. It would take a lot of work by everyone. He knew that Tony would have to be careful when it came to picking on McGee. He knew Abby couldn't pry into this and neither could the rest of the team. All that would have to wait. He needed to concentrate on helping get Tim well and getting him out of here. Tim was the most important thing right now and he wanted him home so he could take care of him. Gibbs didn't realize how tired he was, he fell asleep holding Tim in his arms. It wasn't until the morning sunlight streamed thru the blinds that he realized it was morning and that he had slept good in a long time. He woke up to emerald green eyes full of love staring at him. Tim softly kissed him. The kiss as far as they were concerned lasted for an eternity. Both men had their eyes closed and didn't notice Paul come in.
Touching Gibbs shoulder, startling the older man, didn't Gibbs realize that someone else was in the room with them.
“Now that is a beautiful sight to see first thing in the morning.” Paul announced just as Jeff put his arms around him. It was clear to see that the two men had also spent the night together and from the looks of it it was just as good for them as well. They both smiled as they took in the sight of Gibbs holding Tim in his arms and the shared kiss between them. The same look was on their faces that was on Gibbs and McGee's.
“LOL now who is robbing the cradle Gibbs's” Paul said smiling that the two men.
“ I don't now what the hell your talking about?” Gibbs retorted.
“Sure Gibbs just keep telling yourself that. How are you Timothy?” Paul asked. Laughing at the look on Gibbs face. The older man was blushing much like Tim was.
Catching the humor in Paul's face he new that the doctor was kidding him. Then looking at Tim's blushing face he new the doctor had been right on the money. Gibbs stopped and thought about what Paul said. He loved Tim but he was literally robbing the cradle. Paul and Jeff caught the look that crossed Gibbs face. They new what he was thinking.
“Gibbs can I speak to you outside please?” Jeff asked.
“Yes”.
Gibbs followed Jeff out closing the door as they walked out.
“ Now what can I do for you Jeff?”
“ Gibbs. We saw what you were thinking. Your not to old for Tim. He loves you and you love him. Do not sell him or yourself short. Your not to old for him and he loves you no matter what are you going to throw that away? Are you going to throw him away? Are you going to tell him that you can't be with him because of your age? Do you think he really cares about that? If you think that then you need to walk away because your only going to hurt him and destroy him. You can't do that to him. I know you Gibbs you won't and can't hurt him. You love him and you know it. If your age matters so much to him. Then ask him what he wants? If it means that much to you then walk away now and tell him why you are? DAMMIT GIBBS don't you dare hurt that beautiful man any more than he has already been hurt.” Jeff almost screamed at Gibbs, tears flowing down the young mans face.
Gibbs heart broke at the truth of Jeff's words. He knew that doubting himself was doubting McGee. It would kill Tim to know that Gibbs doubted himself just because of his age. In return McGee would blame himself. Tearing himself apart thinking he wasn't good enough for him, that he wasn't a man anymore. He couldn't do that to Tim not after all the young man had been through. He loved him more than life itself. He knew in his heart of hearts that Jeff was right. Age after all was a number, not a matter of the heart.
Gibbs lowered his head in shame, how could he think that Tim didn't want him just because of his age. He saw the love in his eyes how could he be so cold as to doubt him and his love for him. Gibbs shame colored his face and his eyes. Jeff knew that he had gotten through to the older man. Gibbs needed to make his own decision.
Jeff walked down the hall leaving him alone with his thoughts. Knowing that he needed to think about what he had said.
Paul saw the look of horror on Tim's face when Gibbs left with Jeff. He knew what the young man was thinking. “Tim don't worry Gibbs isn't going anyplace he just needs a little time to think. I know your worried about the age difference but he loves you more than you know even more than he knows. Just give him a little time. That man would give his life for you and no not because your one of his team but because he loves you. Don't start doubting that love now. Don't doubt him or yourself, the love that you have kept hidden and in your hearts all these years is stronger than this. My first love was 20yrs older than me. Age is just a number that your heart doesn't care about. Take it from me this is a small hurdle.”
“But I can't help but think that he doesn't want me. Our age difference is so much. I don't think I can take it if he walks out on me not now not after everything I have been through. He's never even been with a man and neither have I. We don't know what two men do together in bed. My whole life I have wanted and waited for someone to love me and someone to love and now I don't know what to do. I never thought it would be another man. After I was raped the first time. I never had thoughts of being with another man, not that I had them before I was raped. My father's reaction to my being raped was horrific. What the hell would he say or do if he found out I was in love with another man. If he finds out he might try to kill me or Jethroe. I can't ask him to put himself in danger for me. Its not fair. To me,to him, to us. My dad is crazy, he can't stand me yet he doesn't want me to be happy either. I can't do this as much as I care and love Jethroe I can't endanger him. I have to stop this now! I can't let someone else get hurt because of me. My family has been hurt enough because of me. Then the kid that was murdered because of me and now Gibbs being put in danger because of me this is just to much. My dad was right he should have killed me then. Nobody would have to suffer because of me. If it hadn't been for me that child would still be alive. My family wouldn't be split apart. Gibbs life wouldn't be endanger.” Tim sobbed.
Paul pulled him into an embrace and let the man cry. His world was coming apart at the seems and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Paul didn't know what else to do, how could he help. Being afraid of making things worse, there wasn't much he could do. I have to tell Jeff and Gibbs about this. I can't let him suffer anymore. He's suffered enough, he is not going to go through this alone. Tim can't live his life in fear. Paul continued to hold Tim close. He didn't notice that Gibbs had entered the room and overheard what Tim had said.
Gibbs was shocked and angry at the McGee's words. He wasn't going to let Tim sacrifice everything just because of one man. Not after all they have been through and will be going through. The hurt and pain in his voice weighed heavy on Gibbs.
A small noise alerted Paul to Gibbs presence in the room. Gibbs moved farther into the room and took McGee from Paul.
“Tim it's going to be all right. I'm not going to let that bastard hurt either one of us. You don't have to worry and as for the child that died, that wasn't your fault as a matter of fact it was your work that caught that animal. Your not being there made us think for ourselves instead of relying on you. Because of your work and you not being there we looked again at what we had and found it. Don't ever think that your not part of the team because your a very special and important part of it. Your loved here Tim and don't ever think that your not. I love you and the whole team loves you. You have a family here Tim, we won't hurt you. Don't leave please. Don't let him force you from another family one that cares and loves you, no matter what.”
Tim took in Gibbs words knowing that they were true. Yet deep down he hated himself for putting the people he loved the most in danger. He needed to know that not only Gibbs but the rest of the team wouldn't hate him. That they wouldn't care about the danger or that it could cost them more than they imagined. McGee knew what could happen and didn't want to put his friends in danger yet he knew that no matter what they would stand behind him. Yet Tim had been betrayed,hurt and thrown out because he wasn't what other people wanted. The only one in his family that cared about him was his sister and he didn't want to lose her, yet he couldn't bear to lose Gibbs either. They both had his heart. I don't know how she is going to take this. What if she turns her back on me the way dad did. How am I going to live without her in my life. Tim's thoughts turned inward and dark. How am I going to get thru this? What if this thing with Gibbs doesn't work out? What will I do then? I will really be all alone then. He says he loves me, but then so did mom and dad and look what happened there. How do I know he wont leave like they did? How do I know he wont get tired of me like his ex-wives and throw me away like a piece of garbage? With all I've been through can I really take that chance? Maybe I really should quit NCIS and take one of those private sector jobs. I'm just so confused and I just want to be happy and to stop hurting like this.
Seems like all my life I have had to deal with pain. Why can't God just let me be happy, with no worries, just take Jethroes love and wrap it around me. Let it heal me and flow through me. Why for once in my life can't I have something i've always wanted and needed. Is it to much to ask for me to have a happy loving relationship, no matter who its with? Why is that so much to ask for? Why am I always the one to suffer? What makes me so bad? Why does God and everyone hate me so much? I'm a good person, at least I think I am. So why can't I be happy and have a loving relationship?
McGee didn't notice that everyone in the room was looking at him, reading his emotions, his questions, his self doubt, all on his face and eyes.
Gibbs just held the young man in his arms seeing the anguish in his eyes and reading it on his face.
“Tim you don't have to worry about me leaving. I am not going anywhere. You don't have to doubt me about this. I know your full of self doubt, loathing, and that your worried about me leaving like my ex-wives. This is different I didn't feel for my ex-wives what I feel for you. I loved them but not in the same way I love you. Your the first person who has gotten to my heart. I love you the way I loved Shannon and Kelly. You opened my heart completely. You gave your love to me without me asking or knowing it and I did the same to you. I have my doubts as well. If your willing to talk and work on this then so am I. We have nothing to lose but ourselves in each other.” Gibbs told the younger man breaking the silence and clearing away some of his doubts. Gibbs tilted Tim's chin up and gently kisses his soft lips, gently biting his bottom lip causing McGee to moan and pull him tighter against him feeling Gibbs raging hardon in his dress slacks.
When they broke the kiss both men looked around and found Paul and Jeff smiling at them both, noticing the sizable erections on both men. Jeff had come in silently when he saw that Gibbs wasn't in the hall. He hoped that the older man had figured out for himself that McGee is the person he wanted in his life. Just looking at the two of them Jeff knew that McGee's recovery was going to be swift. He has a man who loves him unconditionally and that he trusts and loves equally. This is going to be a very interesting recovery process. He knew that the four of them were going to become very close friends. He already knew he loved Paul and he was falling quickly for Gibbs and McGee. He had never known to men so right for each other and yet so opposite. Jeff wrapped Paul in his arms and just watched the two men. “This is something really beautiful. I have only seen this in a few gay couples and a few straight couples and it still amazes me how much love a person is capable of even in the face of so much hurt, pain, and tragedy in their lives. These two men are a credit the mankind.” Jeff thought.
“Hey don't you two guys have something better to do than be pepping tom's on the two of us?” Gibbs said laughing.
“As a matter of fact Jethroe we do. You take care of that young man and I will be back later to check on him.” Paul announced as he steered Jeff towards the door. Jeff leaned over and whispered something in Paul's ear making both men laugh.
“Tim you need to rest. I will be here so lay back and rest. You've been through a lot. You need to get your strength back and to heal so you can come home with me when they get ready to release you. This is not open for debate your staying with me till you are fully recovered and even after if you want. I know I am not a good catch and that your younger than me Tim. That doesn't matter to me. I love you and I can see in your eyes you love me. Lets take this time while your recovering to get to know each other and let things happen naturally. I won't rush you into anything. I expect you to let me know when your ready. I know that its going to take a long time before we can be intimate. I can wait. I have waited this long I can wait a little longer. Now close your eyes and get some rest. I'm going to be here with you.” Gibbs gently laid McGee back down on the bed squeezing his throbbing cock as he did so. Bringing a smile to the young mans face. Kissing his lips once again, he sat down next to him and held his hand while McGee drifted off to sleep.
Even though he didn't want anyone to touch him, Gibbs touching his cock felt good. Gibbs touching him felt right. This was going to be something new and he knew he was going to like it already. He said a silent prayer as his drifted off to sleep, thanking God he had such a loving wonderful man in his life and had such good friends like Paul and Jeff. He would wait to hold judgment on the team until they all found out about what had happened to him and gauged their reactions. He loved them all like the family he never knew he just hoped and prayed they felt the same way. Sleep finally over came him as he took one last look into Jethroes icy blue eyes and felt himself falling into them.
Gibbs sat there for awhile listening to Tim's steady even breathing, thanking whomever had brought this wonderful,loving man into his life. I don't deserve you Tim but I love you more than you can possibly imagine. Gibbs became lost in his own thoughts.
“Gibbs....Gibbs...” Fornell said quietly shaking his old friends shoulder.
“Wh...What? Oh Tobias what is it?”
“ I need to talk to you outside.”
“ Give me a minute will you Tobias.?”
“Sure make it quick.”
Gibbs leaned down and whispered in McGee's ear “ I going to be right outside i'm not leaving you Tim. I will be right back.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs words hurt Tim now he has to deal with the consquences.