The Confession
Chapter 2
"Just friends? Like with Ziva, when you were under cover?"
Gibbs had asked that question casually, but there was something in his voice that made Tony take notice. It was difficult to determine what it was he'd heard, perhaps no more than the boss wondering who else in the office was fucking whom in the copy room. Maybe everyone in the place had broken the rule at some point. Except for Gibbs. You couldn’t count his affair with Jenny because, after all, that had been the reason for the creation of rule #12. The original sin.
Tony studied Gibbs and was surprised to find that it was his boss who looked away first. What was that about? That had never happened before. "With Ziva? Oh, that. Just a little frottage, some frisky hands," Tony said with a grin. "All smoke and mirrors, done for the sake of the surveillance, Boss."
Gibbs made a noise that sounded like he wasn't so sure. "You got more to tell me?"
"If you don't want to hear this I can shut up." Tony wasn't so sure he wanted to stop at this juncture. If he didn't speak his piece now he might never get it out. He frowned at Gibbs, suddenly suspicious. "Is this your way of collecting evidence against me or something?"
Gibbs sat up straight. "You think I need to take notes, DiNozzo? No, what goes on in the elevator, stays in the elevator."
Tony smiled at Gibbs' variation of the Vegas motto. He stretched his legs out in front of him then crossed his ankles and took a bite of his half of the chocolate bar. "People are motivated to have sex for all sorts of reasons. I do it to feel good, for fun, to connect, or sometimes out of frustration. Just look at what that crazy Chip made me do."
At Gibbs' look of alarm Tony assured him, "No, I did not do it with Chip. Even I'm not that stupid. No, I was so uptight that as soon as I got out of work that night, after you locked him in the holding tank, I went over to Abby's to cry on her shoulder, but she'd gone to a friend's place. When I got to her friend's apartment Abby had already left." Gibbs was obviously wondering where this was going. Tony avoided his gaze and played with the foil wrapper on the chocolate bar. "You have to understand, I was in a pretty strange headspace having been accused of a grisly murder and jailed, and with all that evidence against me looking so damning…well, it was…overwhelming. By the time it was all over I was a little off my game. But I think you know that after listening to me rant while I was behind bars." He was still embarrassed that he'd told Gibbs his dark family secrets that day.
Gibbs grunted and nodded to show he understood.
"So," Tony continued, "Abby's boyfriend asked me in and I…I walked into a really hinky scene. I was sorta coerced but it wasn't like it wasn't consensual or anything. Double negative in there meaning it was consensual even if I really didn't want to do it." He was babbling. Now Gibbs was looking at him with narrowed eyes, most likely afraid of what was going to come out of his agent's mouth next. Tony cringed a little and said in a small voice, "He was a little off the wall and Abby had just given him a gift of a straitjacket and…"
Gibbs grew rigid and burst out with, "Mikel Mawher? You went into that maniac's apartment? Are you crazy, Tony?"
Tony shrank back against the wall and raised his hands in defense. "It's not like we knew what a nut job he was back then, Gibbs!" Truth be told, there were certain signs, even if you discounted the straitjacket and the biology samples in glass jars of formaldehyde on his kitchen shelves where normal people kept cans of beans. To this day Tony still wasn't totally convinced those eyeballs were props, like Mikel said they were.
"What did he do to you, Tony?" Gibbs ground out.
"After a couple of drinks he wanted to try out the new straitjacket on me. It was kinky and sorta fun, being tied up and helpless. At that moment it seemed like the right thing to do." Tony slapped the back of his own head and gave Gibbs a goofy look. "Yeah, I know, stupid." It was obvious that Gibbs was barely containing his anger, or irritation, or both, and Tony knew he had already sunk to a new low in his boss's eyes. "You can think what you like but right then and there, that's what I needed, to give up control. I needed for someone to truss me up and fuck my brains out through my ass, and if Mikey the maniac was the one available and eager to do it, then lucky him. I gotta tell you it did me the world of hurt. I barely made it out of there alive, but it got out all my kinks which was good thing considering the next few months at work had to be some of the most stressful in my life." They were both silent, remembering the terrorist bomb that injured Gibbs and how he'd taken a hike for four months. "You left me holding the bag, Gibbs, right when I needed you the most."
Eventually Tony managed a short laugh. "There's nothing like a confined space to bring out a confession, huh, Boss?"
Gibbs was studying him in a way that reminded Tony of Ducky examining a corpse with a magnifying glass. "You got anything else you need to confess, DiNozzo?"
Did he need to? Not really. He could have lived without telling Gibbs any of this, but then they would have ambled along for another decade without anything ever changing between them. And the time for change was long overdue. "Maybe I just want to get this out, Gibbs. Maybe you should hear it. Know what your lead agent has really been up to." Tony wondered, for the first time since they'd been stuck in the elevator, why Gibbs hadn't known any of this. He'd always seemed to know everything that went on around him. Where was his famous gut?
Reading his mind, Gibbs gave a small shake of his head. "Maybe I was being willfully blind," he said slowly as if the realization that he'd been incredibly dense had just sunk in.
"Maybe I'm just really good at what I do," Tony suggested. "Maybe you never had any reason to look any deeper."
"I should have known."
What could he say? Yes, you should have been paying closer attention, Gibbs. Guess you don't care enough to look at me any more. Tony cleared his throat and continued. "You know about Paula and our on again, off again relationship. I liked her, a lot, but she was sorta pushy in bed." He took a moment to remember her but it still hurt and he didn't want to get all maudlin right now. He'd save it for later on when he was alone. Shaking it off, Tony brought on a smile. "Bet you didn't know that I did the wild thing with someone involved in a case when we got called out to Shenandoah Park. The case with the marine eaten by a bear? Dog tags in bear poop?"
"Oh yeah, the lady ranger with the hairy legs," Gibbs said with a snort.
"Yeah, but I don't mean her. More like the guy we pulled in as a suspect." Tony hinted, "The bear-baiter." Gibbs wasn't catching on so Tony helped him out. "Jason Edom, the big bear of a man who took a dislike to Ziva and her Star of David. The suspect she broke in interrogation." Tony rolled his eyes at the memory. "We got together a couple of times after the case was over. Turns out Edom was a crier! Who would have ever known? Not that I mind seeing the softer side in a big bear of a guy, but Gibbs, he was such a downer. And he expected me to top, too! You can imagine that didn't last long." Tony decided it was time to pick up speed. "Take Agent Slacks, for instance." That got Gibbs to sit up and take notice. "We hated each other's guts but we were able to drop our drawers for a little mutual satisfaction. He was great on a date. Nice dinner, talked movies, went to the ballet. Giselle, at Ducky's suggestion. Turns out FBI guys aren't so bad after all."
Gibbs opened his mouth and closed it again.
Tony asked, "What? You've never been to the ballet? If you do go make sure you take some of those little binoculars. Lots of men in tights with fantastic thighs." He sighed with a smile. "Oh yeah."
"Please. Please tell me you didn't…"
"Didn't what? Are you okay, Gibbs?"
Gibbs swallowed hard and got out, "Not…not Fornell?"
It took Tony a second to figure out what Gibbs was asking. "What? No! No and hell no! Eeew, Gibbs, how could you think--?" Tony gave an exaggerated shudder. He then pictured Fornell in various positions, settling one of them featuring the FBI agent on top of him, raising a whip, and Tony wondered what it would be like to… There was a hard whack to the side of his head and he yelped, "Ow!"
Gibbs settled back against the wall, shaking his head. "Get a grip, DiNozzo."
Tony smoothed his hair and sent a wounded look Gibbs' way. "I was only picturing…"
"Don't!"
"It's not like I have a one-night stand with everyone I come in contact with," he protested. Gibbs didn't believe him, from the look on his face. "Some have lasted longer." Tony thought of Jeanne, and how he hadn't known when to call a halt to their months-long affair, but then he'd been under Jenny's influence and she'd been pulling his strings. "And some I wouldn't go near with a barge pole. I never touched any of the moles, even though your old friend Brent Langer was interesting in a slippery sort of way. Not Agent Lee, either. I always knew there was something off about her." He'd only met Langer once, a year before Lee murdered him down in Archives. They'd thought the worst of Agent Langer for months, and all because of that treasonous bitch. "You remember Detective McCadden, Phil, out of Norfolk? We were gonna hook up but I cancelled our date after he dissed McGeek one time too many." Tony looked up at Gibbs from under his eyelashes. "I draw the line…somewhere."
"Like with Fornell."
"Yeah. I mean, he's got a way about him, as your ex seems to know." Apparently that comment went over the Leroy Jethro Gibbs line. Tony said, "Sorry, Boss."
"Is there anybody you haven't had sex with, DiNozzo? Other than Fornell, I mean."
Tony asked himself, 'Other than you, Boss?' He cleared his throat and said aloud, "Look, I don't jump every warm body. I've sworn off the Israelis ever since Malachi. He wasn't anything to write home about anyway. He was sorta jumpy and he kept crying out for his mother. I wouldn't do Rivkin, I mean even if he was still alive. Not Ari, either, the bastard. Never! Never him." The thought of sex with either of the dead Mossad agents was creepy even though Ari had come across as being very sensual. Nope, not going there. "I'm not interested in most of the people at NCIS, either. Cute guy in the mailroom a few years ago caught my eye, and there was a quick fuck with an intern…his name was…Charlie or Chuck or something. Tried some of the girls at work, but they catch on quick," he said ruefully. It wasn't a good idea to date at the office, even though he had dipped into the secretarial pool a few times. He had lived to regret most of the one-time liaisons. Funny how they saw right through him and Gibbs couldn't. "But I'm not into the directors. Not Morrow even though he's a real nice man and he gave me the eye a couple of times. Not Director Vance," Tony said adamantly.
The boss was staring at him again. "Tom Morrow? He's married with kids, DiNozzo."
"It's not like anything ever came of it, Gibbs. Besides, Vance fucked me over without ever having sex. Can you imagine what he'd be like if we'd actually screwed? So DiNozzo's rule numero cinco is nobody who outranks me." Except that included Gibbs. "Except for field agents," he quickly amended.
Very slowly Gibbs asked, his voice low and dangerous, "Not even Jenny Shepard?"
For a moment Tony considered lying, partly because he was well aware of Gibbs' history with their late director, and that their affair was at the root of the rule that had begun this whole conversation/confession thing. But he'd told himself he'd come clean so here it was. "Jenny? Uh…you know the summer you were in Mexico?"
Seeing Gibbs sitting there all hunched up, covering his face with his hands was disturbing. Tony did not want to witness Gibbs reduced to tears. "It's okay, Gibbs. It was over by the time you came back," Tony soothed. He decided to change the subject as a way of deflecting. "It was only once. Your doctor, Captain Todd Gelfand? He and Jenny were having a thing for a while and we had a threesome one night."
"Oh Jesus, DiNozzo…"
"Jenny didn't like to share," Tony mused. "Besides, they sort of ganged up on me and Jenny tied me to her bed so they could play secret agent. They made me the spy and interrogated me and they were not nice about it, either. Believe me, I scream when hot wax is applied to Little DiNozzo. Hey, Boss, I'm just telling you what happened!"
"You taste any more of my leftovers, DiNozzo?" Gibbs was back in his angry/irritated mode, which was better than seeing him about to cry, at least.
Tony looked away and bit his lip. "Sorta."
There was a deep sigh from Gibbs. "Just get it all out. It's like ripping off a band-aid. But please, please tell me…not Hollis?"
***end chapter 2***
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